The Adventures of Chappy Rukia!
by hunterofcomedy
Summary: AU - In the darkest of nights, she appears! Clad in a violet bunny girl suit and armed with a pure white sword and magical ice powers, she fights the evil doers of the streets of Karakura Town! She is the one, the only, Chappy Rukia! Join her as she battles her arch-nemesis, Mystic Ichigo! -IchiRuki
1. Prologue

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

Summary: AU - In the darkest of nights, she appears! Clad in a violet bunny girl suit and armed with a pure white sword and magical ice powers, she fights the evil doers of the streets of Karakura Town! She is the one, the only, Chappy Rukia! Join her as she battles her arch-nemesis, Mystic Ichigo! -IchiRuki

* * *

Prologue:

_The Karakura Legend:_

_All of Karakura Town knew of their scantily clad protector. They all were aware of her miraculous exploits and selfless acts. Most of all, they were aware of how embarrassing it was to be saved by a short girl with magical powers over ice who dressed like a nightclub dancer. _

_They weren't proud of it but they weren't going to stop it either. I mean, come on! Would you? For one thing, she has magical ice powers that can freeze you solid. Secondly, she did a very good job protecting the city from lowlifes and super villains. Third and most importantly, she's a cute chick in a bunny girl outfit…what's not to like, seriously._

_No one knew exactly who this sexily clad young woman was but her work was evident all over town. Each time a heist happened, you found a group of ski mask wearing thieves frozen in place. Occasionally, you would see her jumping away from the scene in her purple bunny suit. And with each case, her insignia was there…_

_A poorly drawn picture of a bunny's face with the words… _

"_Chappy, Defender of Justice was here!"_

_No, we're not kidding! _

_Though the drawing confused the hell out of anyone who saw it, they also knew it was a sign from their vigilant protector. But just who is this mysterious, scantily clad young superhero? And why does she defend a little city that people otherwise don't ever talk about? We don't know and we don't really concern ourselves with it. As long as she continues to run around in skin tight outfits and freeze bad guys, we really don't care. _

_We're easy to please…_

* * *

To Be Continued…?

Hey there everyone. I am posting this to assure you all that I am, indeed, still here. I wrote this while imagining some of the most cliché and off-the-wall dialogue between Ichigo and Rukia and I figured I'd see what you all think.

I assume that when people read this, they think… "This story better be funny…" And I hope that it is! Either way, should I attempt to write more or should it be left as is?

Let me know and keep on smiling you beautiful readers!


	2. Chappy Begins

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

**Author Note: Many of you have pointed out that this is not the only story with a bunny suit Rukia calling herself Chappy. This is true. Kitsune23star's wonderful doujin has a very similar idea. **

**Honestly, I came up with the idea of Rukia being a superhero long before I saw that doujin but I do admit that I was inspired by the bunny suit idea when I read it. I give full credit to Kitsune23star's doujin for being an inspiration and I am not trying to copy it in the least. **

**I suggest you check it out because it is very well done and quite entertaining.**

* * *

Chappy Begins

Karakura Town…

Despite the name, this humble area was nothing less than a city. A city filled with people, good and honest, simply trying to live their lives. However, with the good…comes the evil as well. The pleasant streets of the peaceful city become hellish pathways when night falls upon the great city. Only evil exists in the foul darkness of the night in this town.

Evil in its purest form…

* * *

-The Chappy Hole-

For generations the Kuchiki Family had a secret lingering under their historic mansion. A large underground area that was previously home to nothing but dirt and dust had been transformed by one dedicated young woman with a penchant for justice and order. Inside this miraculous place, a large amount of rabbits roamed about, oblivious to the work their master carried out while wearing a guise similar in appearance to them.

What? You didn't expect there to be bunnies in the Chappy Hole…That shall not be rephrased…

On this night however, the secret base was eerily silent. A beautiful woman with elegant ivory hair and dressed in a beautiful white kimono stood at the secret entrance that led back to the mansion above. Her mistress was late…far too late.

Just then, from behind the large gate that served as a last line of defense for the Hole, a young girl with raven hair appeared, pushing the door aside and stumbling inward. The elegant woman in white rushed to her Lady's side, shouting, "Lady Rukia! Are you alright?!" The raven haired girl slipped and fell forward but was spared from hitting the hard earth, being caught in the arms of her loyal maid. "Shirayuki…" the injured girl squeezed out as she was lifted by her maid, trying desperately to stay conscious.

"Don't speak, My Lady. I will fetch a doctor—".

"No!" Rukia protested, a pair of bunny ears falling from her head as her retainer carried her. "We can't get anyone else involved…not now." The loyal Shirayuki looked to her mistress with confusion and worry. The injured young girl returned the gaze in kind and finished with…

"It seems our work has not gone unnoticed…"

* * *

A few hours ago…

-Karakura Town Shipping Yard-

A new shipment had just arrived, a foul temptation that few could resist in such a decaying environment.

Drugs…

From Cocaine to Meth to Mouthwash, all forms of illegal substances were being transported to numerous vans lined up along the road. The setup was perfect. Smuggle the goods through a simple and harmless façade that could always lead to violence among children…stuffed animals.

Seriously, have you seen kids fight over those things…? Scary…

Nevertheless, it was a flawless cover…or so the Jaegerjaquez Crime family had thought! Watching from high above, standing firmly on the top of a large crane, was this city's vigilant and scantily clad protector…Chappy!

By day a simple college student by the name of Rukia Kuchiki, but at night a fierce protector of the innocent and the weak. Clad in her violet colored, skin tight bunny suit, complete with floppy rabbit ears that served multiple purposes. Listening devices, binoculars, recording microphones and more were stuffed into those floppy and cuddly ears…

Her should length raven hair hung about her face, a stray band hovering between her deep amethyst eyes, shining brightly with eagerness at stopping such villainy before her. The scantily clad superhero – from here on referred to as Chappy Rukia for simplicity – had an eternal ace up her sleeve as she reached hand out and smiled.

"Dance…" She whispered and instantly, a pure white blade of solid ice formed in her hand. This mysterious young woman had the power to create and control ice at will, a trait shared by all in her bloodline. Chappy Rukia, however, was the very last of her family and knew full well that her powers over ice would die with her…unless she managed to get married but that's a whole other bag of cats…

Either way, with her icy blade in hand she glared down at the drug traders and shouted, "Hey! Stop right there!" Ironically, that's exactly what they did. All of the movers suddenly stopped and looked up in fear as they saw the silhouette of the feared girl in the skanky outfit. One of them pointed up and he began to tremble at the sight.

The thug opened his mouth to shout and Chappy Rukia waited his words, knowing that all of this town feared and respect the great and powerful…

"It's the bunny girl!"

…

…

"What?!" The violet bunny girl shouted from atop her lookout point. "You assholes! I have a name! It's Chappy, Defender of Justice and I'm here to—".

"HEY!"

A new voice shouted from a small window in the apartment building across the street. "Whaddya doin' shoutin' at two inna mornin'?!" the aggravated citizen screamed for being disturbed by the commotion, his big city accent flaring. "Whaddya doin' up there?! And why are ya dressed like a hooker?!"

Chappy Rukia gritted her teeth, anger seeping through. Her ears stood straight up in agitation and she furiously shouted back at her offender, "Sir! I'll have you know that I am Chappy, Defender of Justice and I am trying to perform a drug bust tonight! And your insensitive yelling is not helping!"

…

…

"That doesn't explain why ya dressed like a hooker!"

You know…he has a point…

Meanwhile, nearly falling over in utter shock, Chappy Rukia decided to instead focus her attention on the smugglers, who were already speeding up their operation. The bunny suited girl grinned as she prepared to descend upon her foes.

Some of the thieves were furiously throwing boxes of their products into the trucks while other's loaded their firearms to 'take care of the bunny girl'. Narrowing her eyes at them, Chappy Rukia suddenly jumped off the crane and soared down toward the ground. As she did, the bunny girl shot her blade out in front of her and a wave of ice erupted from the blade, creating an ice slide for her to safely ride down…

Yeah, it's a bit comic bookish…but it works!

The ice slide twisted and turned and eventually came to a halt in front of the first truck loaded with goods. The gun toting thieves sprang into action and rushed toward our bunny suited hero, intending to end her interference in their delivery. Jumping down from the ice path, Chappy Rukia angled her frozen blade at the first truck and smiled as she said, "Tsuginomai – Hakuren!"

Another blast of solid ice erupted from her blade and engulfed not only the trucks but her would-be attackers. In moment, the shipment was completely halted, frozen in place by the stinging cold of the ice that encased them. Chappy Rukia allowed a proud look to grace her lips as she let her sword disappear, confident her job was done.

Slowly approaching the shipment, she grabbed a fluffy rabbit doll and saw the side ripped open. A small bag of white powder stuck out the side of the injured toy and Chappy Rukia angrily pulled the contents out and threw it on the ground in disgust. "How dare they…" She gritted her teeth in anger as she continued, "How dare they use such cute little rabbits as their cover for transport?! They are nothing but pure evil!"

Chappy Rukia hugged the tender rabbit doll and whispered in a girly voice, "How could anyone hurt such a cutzie wootzie little thing like you?" She was so absorbed in her tirade that the bunny clad superhero didn't notice the presence that stood behind her.

"Did I really just hear you call that ugly thing cutzie wootzie?" a distorted voice mockingly asked.

Chappy Rukia jumped in shock and whirled around to face her new foe, icy sword rematerializing in her hand. She pointed it at her offender and an odd silhouette came into view. A tall figure loomed only a few feet away from her, dressed in a long black coat with a hood over its head, hiding the offender's hair from view. Adding to that was the pale white mask that hid the figures face. The mask itself was frightening; it looked like an elongated skull, complete with a set of teeth carved into the lower section, with long red streaks completely its horrifying visage. Most frightening of all was the pair of pale yellow eyes behind the slits in the mask's eye openings.

The scantily clad heroine took a defensive stance, prepared for this strange person's attack…but it never came. The figure only stared at her and said, "Who would have thought that the great Defender of Justice was a little girl in a slutty costume?" Again his voice was distorted, eerily fluctuating and unreadable. However, it was clear that his offender was a man; no woman could be that tall.

Well…that's kind of sexist but if you know any six foot tall women with eerily deep voices…let us know…

Chappy Rukia began to become enraged by his mocking tone and harsh words; it reminded her of all the disrespect she got just for her choice of armor. Sure, it was kind of kinky looking but it covered her vitals with very strong plates that could withstand even gunfire. The only reason she left her arms exposed was to increase maneuverability and the bunny ears were used for reconnaissance with all their gadgets…plus she thought the ears were cute…

Pushing aside his rude comment, she pointed her sword at him and shouted, "I don't recognize you. You must be a new villain come to disrupt the peace in our fair city!" She struck a heroic pose and held her blade with both hands, icy mist radiating off the edge. If she showed that his comment upset her it would not only be un-heroic, it would be embarrassing.

Chappy Rukia had dealt with a number of wannabe supervillains in her time. Most weren't actually supervillains, just mob leaders with big guns or pyromaniacs with flamethrowers attached to their arms. That suited her just fine; she didn't want a real nemesis anyway. Someone that kept coming back after each battle just to repeat the same thing over and over again was kind of dull in her mind.

However, something about this guy was very different…and not just his horrifying fashion sense. He was perfectly calm and collected, despite witnessing her prowess. Most people, good and evil, ran in terrified fear of her, but this man merely continued to stare at her.

Suddenly, the masked man spoke. "I've come to deliver an ultimatum to you." His voice showed no fear, no anger, only the confidence that came with a strong minded individual. "You have one week to—".

"Uh, excuse me!"

The masked man and Chappy Rukia looked up to see the aggravated apartment guy sticking his head out the window again. "I'm sorry to interrupt such a passionate exchange but…I'm tired…I gotta work in the mornin'…could ya take your dramatic scene elsewhere?" The man sounded less aggravated now and more exhausted… and kind of frightened too. Had he been watching the entire time?

Turning back to each other, the bunny girl said, "He did ask nicely…" The masked man gave a deep sigh but pointed up to the top of the crane she had previously been standing on. "I'll meet you up there," he quickly said before disappearing from sight and reappearing atop the crane in seconds. This action left the heroine stunned, how did he cover such a long distance so quickly?

It was obvious that this foe was no ordinary man. However, Chappy Rukia was no ordinary woman either! Her powers were not just over ice, but she could hop great distances because of her connection to the adorable creatures she embodied with her suit.

…

…

Just go with it…

A grin settled on the superheroine's face as she jumped nearly thirty feet into the air with ease. Kicking off the side of the crane's towering studs, she easily covered the remaining distance to the top of the crane and landed near her perspective enemy, blade still drawn. The masked man stood still the entire time, only moving slightly to watch her ascent.

"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted," she could have sworn she saw his eyes glare toward the now silent and dark apartment. "I am here to deliver and ultimatum. You have one week to discontinue your fight against crime. My employer is being generous enough to allow you time to desist instead of the alternative."

Chappy Rukia narrowed her eyes at her new foe and boldly replied, "And that would be?"

Before she could even notice, a long black blade appeared behind her and nestled itself against her throat. Her eyes widened as she realized her opponent was no long in front of her but poised to kill behind her back. His speed was incredible, unlike anything she had ever experience before.

"I could easily end your life without a second thought, Little Rabbit." The masked man's tone was menacing but also…playful at the same time. He was obviously toying with her. "My employer hired my services as incentive for you to back down." Chappy Rukia could have sworn she heard him lick his lips behind his mask. "Besides, I'd hate to spill the blood of such a beautiful young girl like yourself. It's not in my nature…honestly."

The masked man thought he had the upper hand, but he failed to notice the smirk on his target's face. "Sorry," the superheroine replied defiantly, "But I'm not into dark and brooding type…" A blast of ice shot out behind her, knocking the masked man back and leaving a slight cut on Chappy Rukia's neck. She whirled around to see her attacker frozen in a block of solid ice and she grinned as she approached him.

"I prefer my men to be less forceful and more…attractive," she said as she flipped off the frozen figure.

Ouch…for being an ice queen, she sure can burn…

Suddenly, a loud noise broke the heroine's victory celebration. The ice that held her foe began to crack and Chappy Rukia watched in horror as the masked man burst forth from the icy prison, no worse for the ware. The masked man cackled for a moment before gripping his blade tightly and rushing her. The bunny suited girl raised her guard and blocked just in time to thwart his attack.

As their blade locked, the masked figure chuckled and said, "That's really too bad…" He pressed the attack and forced her back, using his black sword to knock her off balance. He suddenly disappeared and Chappy Rukia felt his presence behind her but it was too late. His foot kicked her legs from under her and he knocked her icy sword from her grip before leaping onto her, pressing her into the cold metal of the crane. "Your exactly my type…Little Rabbit…"

Chappy Rukia did _not_ enjoy being in such a suggestive position…then again if she wasn't dressed like a stripper it probably would have taken off some of the tension…maybe…

Either way, she'd had enough. She smirked up at him and replied, "I suppose you think you have me trapped?"

"Considering those are _your _breasts pressing up against my chest…Yeah." The masked man said with entirely too much glee in his voice. Chappy Rukia gave a sharp gasp before blushing in embarrassment and glaring fiercely at her sexually offending offender. She could feel the masked figure smirking behind his mask and all at once the air around her began to freeze.

"Never underestimate…" She whispered as ice began to encase the area around her, "The power of the Defender of Justice!" The masked man's eyes widened and he instantly disappeared before the entire surrounding area was frozen over with icy rage. Snow fell about the superheroine's face as she lifted herself up and glanced around for her opponent.

Chappy Rukia was breathing heavily, trying to regain her composure. Using so much of her power in one evening was beginning to take a toll on her, even she had her limits. From far behind her, she heard a shout, "It seems I didn't take you as seriously as I should have." The distorted voice of the masked man mocked her and she turned to face him once again, but then her body finally reached its limit.

She fell forward and collapsed to her knees, barely able to sit upright. This didn't bode well…for several reasons. Her power was all but spent and there was nothing to stop her attacker from finishing his task. However, the masked figured noticed her fatigue and instead continued with, "But since I enjoyed myself so much tonight that I think we should postpone this little adventure until later. Besides…" he help up a familiar piece of violet material and dangled it in front of him, "I got myself a souvenir from our first date!"

Chappy Rukia's eyes widened as she recognized exactly what he was holding. Glancing down, she noted that her left breast was completely exposed to the night air and she let out an ear piercing girly scream as she frantically covered her breast. The masked figure merely laughed as the superheroine glared dagger up at him. "Perverted asshole! Give that back!" she shouted, expecting him to comply.

The masked figured chuckled and placed the soft material inside his coat before replying, "No…it's a trophy. Next time, I'll tear off the rest of your suit…" His seductive voice sent chills down the injured heroine's spine.

Meanwhile in another dimension…thousands of fanboys were screaming…"Yay"

Forcing his obscure sexual reference aside, the icy wielding heroine screamed at him, "As if I'd let you get even ten feet from my body!"

The masked man tilted his head to the side and shrugged, replying, "Weren't we pressed up against each other a few minutes ago?"

Chappy Rukia saw red as she found the energy to stand, while covering her breast, and retort, "I mean for next time you…you…masked fetish man!" The masked fetish man reared back at being address such but quickly regained his posture and cleared his throat loudly to get her attention.

"I'll have you know that my professional name is…The Mystic!"

Chappy Rukia raised an eyebrow at him and shouted back, "What's up with that stupid name?! Is it because of your freaky mask fetish?!"

Taken aback again, The Mystic angrily retorted, "No, it is not because of my freaky mask fetish!

"Then you admit to having a freaking mask fetish!"

"No! I do not have a freaky mask fetish! And by the way, calling yourself 'Chappy' is even more stupid than my alias! At least mine isn't named after a cartoon rabbit from a sixties kid's show!"

"How dare you insult the great and wonderful Chappy, you freaky mask fetish man!"

"For the last time, my name is The Mystic! Not freaky fetish man you pint sized rabbit wannabe!"

They each took a moment to breath from their tirade, the flurry of insult at last subsiding. Surprisingly, the aggravated apartment man did not reappear…suspicious….you'd figure he'd be all over this shit…Seriously, it's been going on for like three minutes now…

When both the superheroine and the supervillain regained their composure, they glared furiously at each other. The pair looked the other over but neither made a move, one out of exhaustion and the other out of his duty to his employer. Finally, it was Chappy Rukia who spoke. "I can't believe you admitted to having a freaky mask fetish," she quipped with a snide grin on her face.

Behind The Mystic's mask, he was grinning as well and it showed in his retort. "I can't believe how easy it was to get you out of those clothes…" He motioned to her hand that covered her breast and finished, "I got a good look anyway. That'll satisfy for now…"

Chappy Rukia's face flushed fiercely and she gritted her teeth but before she could retort, the masked figure disappeared into the night, leaving only the image of his mask burned into the superheroine's mind. Slowly standing, the superheroine began to jump away from the scene, fearful for her future as a crime fighter.

* * *

Present time…

-Kuchiki Manor-

Shirayuki laid her unconscious mistress in her lavish bed. The faithful maid had undressed the young superheroine and hung up her 'Chappy Suit', as the pair had lovingly began to call the violet armor.

Although incredibly worried about the missing breast piece and the cryptic message her Lady said before she lost consciousness. The white haired woman wanted to inquire further but she knew that Rukia needed her rest. After all, her Lady was at the top of her class at Karakura University and Shirayuki would be damned if she let Rukia slack on her studies.

It was the duty of her faithful maid to make sure that after the superheroine retired from the life of crime, she had a degree to fall back on. Never can be too careful with the messed up economy and the increasing demand for jobs.

Returning to the Chappy Hole, Shirayuki dutifully fed the lonely rabbits before venturing to the case that held her mistress' armor. Whoever tore such a hole in this armor was certainly impressive…it weighed nearly twenty pounds! Nevertheless, the determined maid took the suit down and began to refit the missing breast plate.

Deep in the back of her mind, Shirayuki knew that her mistress would have need of this suit again soon…that and the missing breast piece was _really_ suspicious!

"My Lady is _not a whore_!"

* * *

To Be Continued…

How do you all like the first chapter? Honestly, I'm enjoying the heck out of writing it and I enjoy the unique narrative style I'm using.

However, I would like to know if you think its working. It's something new that I don't think anyone's tried yet so I'm out on a limb here. If it's confusing or not working, let me know. I appreciate feedback from the readers, especially on these topics.

By the way, I'm going to borrow elements from stereotypical superheroes for a number of comedic elements; such as the title of each chapter.

I'll update this story regularly, unless life gets in my way.

Please review and keep on smiling you beautiful readers!


	3. The Legendary Chappy

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

The Legendary Chappy

Even with such a desire for justice and order, our petite heroine needs an education in the important's of math and history and social studies…Thus, she studies business at the illustrious Karakura University. Luckily for her, Rukia has only afternoon classes so that she can accommodate school and crime fighting in a single day.

Being the adopted younger sister of the multimillionaire Byakuya Kuchiki, the young heroine was respected and admired all across campus simply for her relation to her adoptive brother.

However, not everyone treated Rukia like the important big shot her admirers' claimed her to be…

* * *

-Kuchiki Manor-

The drapes were suddenly pushed aside and bright sunlight streamed into the lavish bedroom of one, Rukia Kuchiki. The sound caused the exhausted heroine to briefly open her amethyst eyes before the burning sensation of the sun forced them closed again, pulling the covers over herself with a bunny-like hiss.

Shirayuki stood near the open drapes, sighing at her mistress' behavior. This reaction was not uncommon for the superheroine; she seemed to have a vendetta against the day time that bordered on the stupid. Each morning…actually afternoon because Rukia never rose before one o'clock, the faithful maid in white would awaken her mistress in the most creative of ways…

Verbal torture…

"Lady Rukia, it is time to arise and begin your beautiful day!" Shirayuki proclaimed loudly as she approached the bed, enjoying this part of the day so much it bordered on sadism. Under the sheets, the young heroine grunted and pulled the covers about herself even tighter.

"Rabbits are nocturnal!" Rukia defended, denying her fate.

"No they're not, Lady Rukia."

"They hibernate during winter!"

"No they don't, Lady Rukia. Plus, it's not winter."

"I don't wanna go to class…"

"I don't care, Lady Rukia." Shirayuki abruptly tore the covers off her mistress and flung them to the side, landing in the conveniently placed laundry cart. "As long as I am in charge of maintaining your education, you will attend each and every class."

Lying there, completely nude, Rukia suddenly missed the warm blankets and gave a slight sneeze at the cold air. She glared up at her loyal attendant and scowled, "You could have at least dressed me."

Shirayuki narrowed her eyes dangerously and replied, "Perhaps if you hadn't come home in such an exhausted state, with one of your breasts exposed, you might have been inclined to dress yourself—"

"Oh, so it's my fault that the freaky masked fetish man nearly raped me last night?!" Rukia shouted back in anger, only to realize the full extent of her words. The faithful maid's eyes widened and she instantly closed the distance between herself and her mistress. From out of nowhere, Shirayuki flung a pure white sheet over her charge and wrapped it tightly.

Gazing into her mistress' amethyst eyes, she inquired, "Who has done such a thing to you?! Tell me his name! I shall find and eviscerate him post haste!"

Did you know that the population growth in Japan has gone down by 0.077% in the last year…_This is why_…

Rukia was at a loss for words at the utter rage and fury in her maid's eyes. Shirayuki had effectively raised the young heroine ever since her adoption into the Kuchiki family over 18 years ago, essentially becoming a mother to the young girl. By this time in her life, Rukia should have been more aware of how her loyal maid would react to that statement.

Even if her ice powers were all her own, her martial arts skill were honed under the direct supervision of Shirayuki herself. The white haired maid even spent an entire month on procedures to take when a man attempted to rape her. Strangely, sometimes it seemed like protecting Rukia's innocence was more important than anything else.

No wanting to worry her caretaker, the young heroine smiled warmly and said, "I'm afraid that I was a little careless last night, that's all." Shirayuki narrowed her crystal eyes even more, compelling Rukia to continue. "It seems that a new villain has arrived in our fair city, and he is specifically targeting me."

The loyal maid let out a depressing sigh while hanging her head. "I knew something like this would happen…" Her tone was no longer harsh or cruel, only filled with worry. "When you told me you intended to use your powers for good, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop you…and that it would be dangerous." She gazed back up at her mistress with a gentle smile on her pale lips. "But I promised to support you, no matter your decision."

Rukia smiled at the reassurance, pleased that her surrogate mother was so willing to make any sacrifice to—

"So, tell me who assaulted you so that I may locate and disembowel and choke him with his own entrails for daring to touch you." Shirayuki insisted with a sadistic look behind her eyes.

…

…

Okay, so the bloodlust hasn't passed yet…

However, this 'affectionate' display only encouraged Rukia to press on with her duty, even if the gory details her maid described shocked her. Deciding that it would be good for Shirayuki to contact a certain friend about gathering information on her new nemesis, the young heroine finally recalled the entire story of last night's battle.

"…He called himself – The Mystic. Whatever that means…" Rukia finished as her maid finished helping her dress for the day, choosing a bright red long-sleeved shirt and dark blue jeans. Strangely, Shirayuki suddenly dropped the cute silver scarf that would complete her mistress' outfit, her eyes as wide as saucers at hearing that name. "Shirayuki? What's the matter?" the heroine asked upon seeing her maid's shocked visage.

Shirayuki blinked rapidly and waved a hand apologetically, "Oh, it is nothing, Lady Rukia. The story was just so…vivid, that's all." Despite this reassurance, Rukia was not convinced. The loyal maid never stumbled in her work…ever. She reacted very odd when she discovered the attacker's name. Could it be that…?

"Oh! Look at the time!" Shirayuki shouted, gazing at her watch. "We must hurry, Lady Rukia. If you do not depart immediately, you will miss your first class." Damn convenient cut offs to conversations! Rukia was shuffled out of the room, down two staircases, out into a lavish courtyard and stuffed into an oversized back limo awaiting her arrival.

The heroine and maid sat in silence as the car traveled the long distance into town and up to the gates of the illustrious Karakura University. "Don't forget your lunch, your mace, your taser, your sap gloves, your high pitch dog whistle, your air-horn, and your purse gun." Shirayuki reminded while thrusting all of the objects into Rukia's arms.

…Overkill?

With a great sigh, the heroine replied, "I'm not allowed to have guns on campus." She quickly tossed the firearm back but the white clad maid was prepared for this, tossing a small but deadly looking object.

"At least take the anti-rape condom with the spikes inside—".

"NO!" Rukia retorted, her face turning red from both embarrassment and anger. "I'll be safe on campus. I can take care of myself!" The petite girl threw all of the defensive weapons back but kept the lunch as she exited the car and began to walk away, her face still flushed.

Shirayuki popped her head out of the car and shouted after her mistress, "But my lady! There are 14 dark alleys on this campus! If you wander into one you will be defenseless!"

Rukia whirled around and shouted back, "I'll be sure to avoid them now get back to the house! Wait…you counted the dark alleyways? Never mind, just go!" She groaned before turning back to the school and dashing toward her first class. Reluctantly, the loyal maid rolled up the window and informed the driver to depart but not before smiling smugly to herself.

"Luckily, I anticipated this…"

* * *

As Rukia walked down the campus sidewalk on her way to her class, a number of people called out to her politely…

"Good Morning, Miss Kuchiki."

"You look great today, Miss Kuchiki."

"I'll be your slave for a day if you let me talk to you, Miss Kuchiki."

"I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES!"

She was quite used to the barrage of compliments the students and faculty offered her. This was a common occurrence for the adoptive sister of the multimillionaire Byakuya Kuchiki, whom also graduated with top marks from this University. In truth, it created an unwanted pressure for her, since everyone expected her to be exactly the same.

…Like a mother living out her obsession with being the best by forcing her daughter to do it for her…You know, Freudian shit…

In either case, Rukia knew that she needed to maintain her composure at all time, for that is what is required of a Kuchiki. She was top of her class, second highest ranked in the nation and her beauty put most young women to shame. None of this mattered to the young superheroine however. As long as she was out fighting crime, she needed to maintain anonymous by having perfect alibis and appearing to not to care about the world around.

It was the perfect cover, everyone believed her to be the wonderful, perfect and naïve young college girl she pretended to be. No one would suspect that it was she out there fighting evil villains in her Chappy Suit each night. It was evident in all the compliments the entire campus gave her as she passed them on the way to her class…

"Wonderful weather isn't it, Miss Kuchiki."

"You're certainly looking well today, Miss Kuchiki."

"Yo, midget! Get outta my way!"

…

…

Only one person dared to speak to her like that!

She felt a firm push as she reached the door of her classroom, sending her through the door and onto the floor. The rough and annoying voice broke her concentration as she began to regain her focus. That familiar and frustrating tone that tormented her each day as she attempted to learn. Whirling around, she shouted, "What the hell was that for Ichigo Kurosaki?!"

Standing a foot taller than her, bright orange hair blaring, was none other than her antagonist and most hated fellow student. Ichigo scowled down at her, his perpetual bad attitude overshadowing most of his qualities. Sure, he had good looks, a defined chin and toned muscles alluring any naïve young woman to his vicinity. Despite this, his personality was Grade A asshole! The guy was known for his delinquent activities, from attacking gangsters or anyone else he encountered on his way home to generally dissing anything the young heroine acknowledged as cute.

"You were blocking the door. What else was I suppose to do, midget?" His answer to her question was filled with annoyance and matter-of-fact seriousness. Rukia gritted her teeth and glared fiercely at him, but it only served to make him scowl more. The orange haired asshole walked right past her and didn't bother to help her up.

As the heroine picked herself back up, she pondered what made this guy so…so…asshole-ish! Ichigo was the only person in the entire university that didn't have a fear and respect for her. Ever since she met him at orientation she hated this arrogant and constantly scowling jerk! Rukia still remembered his first words to her after she had explained to her fellow students that she didn't want her brother's status to change their view of her.

It had mostly been an act; she was trying to play up the dizzy, naïve rich girl routine so that no one would suspect her superhero identity. Unfortunately, it worked better than she hoped…

"_A spoiled brat like you doesn't deserve to think so highly yourself. Run on back to your manor will all your money, rich girl." _

Those were his exact words and they could not be forgiven. And to make matters worse, he somehow ended up in each and every one of her classes! This wouldn't have been such an unusual feat except for the fact that it had continued to occur for the last two years! How was it that they shared not only the same major, but the same exact classes as well! Both of them aspired to get degrees in criminal justice…

To add to this misfortune, since they both tended to excel in every class they studies, the only person who was capable of keep up with them…was the other! As such, they were often paired and forced to sit together for study groups and protects. And as much as Rukia hated to admit it, Ichigo was her only equal at this university, despite his lazy and uninterested attitude in absolutely everything.

The only saving grace was that he was on a scholarship so Grades mattered to him so he never failed to do his part when partnered with Rukia. But his attitude ceased to change, even after she graciously offered to teach him a lesson in manners…

…That sounds kind of hot.

However, none of her attempts to make peace with him seemed to satisfy his demeanor, so she opted to declare war instead. Only problem was, they still had to sit next to each other in class!

As Rukia approached her seat next to her antagonist, she briefly pondered if she was cursed. Just last night a perverted masked freak had become her new nemesis and she still had to deal with her daily tormentor in Ichigo. She was even tempted to think that Ichigo was the asshole behind the mask who groped her last night, but the thought was easily dismissed. He was nowhere near as perverted as the perverted masked fetish man.

Ichigo Kurosaki was an asshole to be sure, but never a molester. Rukia had seen it herself when a rebellious student once grabbed her ass and squeezed tight, prompting a shriek. But before she could use the skill her loyal maid had ingrained into her, she heard a loud crack as fist connect with bone. She turned to find that it was Ichigo who had delivered swift justice to the culprit. He shouted at the guy for being a perverted freak and said that the bastard's taste in women was incredibly poor, earning him a furious slap from Rukia.

Rukia couldn't really say she hated him; she respected his talent and drive but hated his attitude toward her and everyone else. Nevertheless, she recognized that he wasn't a horrible human being; he was just fixated on tormenting the heroine out of sheer amusement. Today was no exception.

"You better pull your weight today, Rukia." He said the moment she sat down, "I not gonna risk failing this group test because you want to spend so much time on your nails." The petite heroine glared at him for that comment. It was true that she often did her nails in class, again for the purpose of the façade she maintained, but she knew when to be serious and he knew it. Ichigo was purposefully baiting her.

Deciding it was best not to respond, she instead reached into her bag and pulled out her sketch pad, the only form of entertainment she publicly showed that was a real interest. Completely ignoring the orange haired asshole, she flipped open her pad, took out her colored pencils and crayons and proceeded to draw her favorite thing in the whole world…rabbits!

Beside her, Ichigo groaned and turned away, not pushing the envelope as of yet. All he needed to do was wait for a few minutes and then his torment would continue.

Knowing they had at least twenty minutes before class began; Rukia diligently went to work on her lovely rabbit picture. In all honesty, it was the only thing that could lead back to her being the superheroine Chappy, for her calling sigh was a wonderful picture of a bunny's head with her name beside it.

However, even if she was caught drawing similar images, the petite heroine could simply claim to be a fan of the bunny clad protector. Chappy had a number of followers…mainly ugly, single, middle-aged men with a bunny girl fetish but there were a few others too…at least she hoped.

Putting the finishing touches on her masterpiece, she lifted her head and smiled warmly. It was a perfect, and by that I mean _unique_, drawing of two humanoid rabbits bounding through a field of sunflowers. Rukia signed her name at the bottom corned with pride but heard a familiar scoff. She snapped her head around to see Ichigo sneering at her work, an eyebrow raised.

"What the hell is with you and bunnies? Or is it the Easter Bunny you're so fond of? You got some kind of child-like obsession that never got played out as a kid or—". Before he could finish, a tiny fist rammed into his stomach and he clutched his abdomen in pain. Rukia scoffed in amusement as he struggled to retake air, she enjoyed that very much.

"I thought I told you never to insult the great Easter Bunny. He died for our sins…" She stared off into the distance with a melancholy look on her face, "Rest in peace, Great Teacher…"

"What the hell are you spouting?!" Ichigo shouted, finally able to breathe again, "I've got a real hard time believing Peter Cottontail is Jesus! Are your bunny obsessions taking over your life or are the men in white coat on the way?!"

"Hey!" Rukia retorted in anger, no one messed with her rabbits! "It's perfectly normal for girl to have an interest in cute little rabbits! Rabbits not bunnies! How many times do I have to tell you?!"

Ichigo furiously pointed to her drawing, "For a girl, you don't act very ladylike! And you call that a rabbit?! It looks like a deformed hybrid of a malformed human! And you don't have to yell! Or are you trying to get attention!"

"You're one to talk! Your crazy orange hair stands out more than I ever will! Why don't you just dye it and try fitting in like a normal person?!"

"You mean like you?! Oh yeah, I want be a rabbit obsessed girl who's thinks that vigilante Chappy is our savior!" The two of them had argued several times about Ichigo distrust for the bunny suited heroine, and each time Rukia had to keep her personal feeling to herself, but not anymore.

This little rabbit has fangs!

"She is!" Rukia fervently defended, "She deals with all the criminals and drug dealers and perverts and crazy supervillains in this town!"

Now Ichigo raised an eyebrow and asked, "When did Karakura Town ever have a real supervillain?" The petite heroine opened her mouth to list some but fell silent. Naming any of her past foes would be a dead giveaway and she could not allow that. "That's what I thought," the orange haired asshole retorted with annoyance. "She's just a freak with crazy ice powers. I bet they're fake too. She should be calling herself 'Ice Queen' or 'Frozen Bitch' or 'Popsicle Nipples'…"

Rukia clenched her fist tightly, her knuckles turning white. Ichigo continued to ramble on about how much of a danger her alter-ego was and how she needed to be stopped ASAP. All the while, the petite girl didn't say a words, she only turned away with a disgusted look on her face.

"..And what is with that outfit?" Ichigo continued to spout off, "Seriously, was she raised by a dominatrix or—".

"She's got more balls than you!"

…

…

Is it sad that her statement is arguable…?

Arguable or not, the fury in Rukia's violet eyes was certainly real and Ichigo at last finished his rant. With an audible groan, he turned away, put his elbow on the table and rested his head in his palm. "Whatever…" was all he said but her muttered something under his breath and she could not hear it.

A moment later, class began and the group test was passed out. Rukia took the paper first and answered all of the Even numbered questions before passing it to Ichigo. He, in turn, answered all of the Odd numbered questions and wrote his name beside hers at the top. He walked up to the desk and turned it in before returning to his seat, incredibly bored.

This was how the pair operated. They each did half of the test on their own to prove they could do the entire test alone; it was a matter of pride. Ichigo had his pride of being a man and Rukia had her pride of being Kuchiki, neither accepted handouts from anyone. Having finished the test long before class was finished, the instructor refusing to allow anyone to leave until everyone had finished, the petite heroine pulled out her rectangular red lunch box.

As she did, Ichigo eyed her movements and noted the food container but chose ignored it. Rukia slowly opened her boxed lunch and something slipped out, a small piece of white paper. The young heroine picked it up and unfolded it to reveal a single phrase that caused her to gasp. The note read…

_Lady Rukia, I predicted your reluctance to take a weapon to class. So I attached a miniature stun grenade to underside lid of your lunch, just to be safe. Be careful, a strong shock could set it off the timer. _

_Your Loyal Servant, Shirayuki._

Her gasp attracted Ichigo's attention and he leaned over to read the note inconspicuously. Upon finishing the note he chuckled and chided, "That's on crazy servant you've got there. She can't really be serious—".

Rukia turned to him with nothing but pure panic and fear in her eyes. She fully lifted the lid to reveal a small stun grenade strapped to a timer ticking away on the underside of the lid. The timer only had ten seconds left on it. Without missing a beat, Ichigo abruptly stood and walked to the nearby window and opened it, catching everyone's attention. He whirled back to Rukia and shouted as loud as he could, "Throw the bomb!"

Chaos erupted as students began to scamper around and dive under cover. The heroine could have easily frozen the small device but could not risk being discovered…she would have to rely on Ichigo's quick thinking. She grabbed the lunch box in both hand and threw it with all her strength toward the open window….and it struck Ichigo in the face with a sickening smack.

Rukia's eyes widened and she shouted out, "My bad!"

The orange haired youth reared back and hit his head on the wall behind him but managed to somehow grasp the tiny box. "Next time just shoot me!" Ichigo shouted as he grasp the box tightly in his hand and faced the window. He reared his hand back, intending to throw the device out the window, saving them all from—

Then the world became bright and flashy…

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Hooray for Ichigo making an 'official' appearance! More superhero action in the next chapter, I wanted to show that even superheroine's need an education…even if it's forced. **

**I will attempt to update each Wednesday but don't quote me on that yet. I've been cast in a wonderful play and it's taking up a lot of my time, plus school has begun again and I'll be busier than ever…but I will not lose my drive to keep writing and I hope you all keep reading as well. **

**Thanks for all the support everyone. As always, Review and let me know how I'm doing. **

**Keep on smiling you beautiful readers! :D**


	4. Pursuit of Peace, Justice, & Chappy Way

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

The Pursuit of Peace, Justice, and the Chappy Way

Life is a precious gift that can be taken in an instant. One's life almost always takes precedence over another's…but not when you have dedicated yourself to justice. When one dons a new identity and casts away their fears, they feel compelled to make foolish choices.

Whether it is for vanity or pride or simply for the need to feel needed, a hero will never fail to do all they can to save another's life…even if that life may not be worth saving in the eyes of many…

But is a villain truly unredeemable…even if he does such deeds for the sake of others?

* * *

-Urahara Apartment Complex-

Trudging up the stairs to his apartment, Ichigo's scowl seemed even more fierce than usual as he rubbed his chin tenderly. Not only was _he_ blamed for the rich girl's crazy maid trying to deafen the class, Rukia herself put on a little act that pissed him off even more! That cutzie way of pretending to be a nice model student drove him nuts because he'd seen how violent and aggressive she truly was!

She was like a kitten; seemingly adorable but she still has fangs and claws and the ability to make everyone love her despite the raging bitch that lied beneath. And then she scratches you and you want to throw her against a wall but you can't because of animal rights laws and you don't want end up in jail, avoiding bending over in the shower and constantly watching for prison shanks…all because of a _freaking evil kitty_!

…

…

It happens…sometimes…

Shaking off his inner tirade, Ichigo reached his door but something immediately felt off…

His instincts kicked in and he immediately jumped away from the door as a large explosion shook the building, blasting the door off its hinges. "Uncle!" Ichigo shouted in desperation as he rushed inside the apartment, which was partially on fire. Grabbing one of the seven fire extinguishers – because it's only lucky if you have seven – the orange haired young man rushed to the kitchen and noticed a tall figure on fire.

Ichigo immediately put out his Uncle with the fire extinguisher and blasted the entire apartment with the white foam that few knew how could put out fires. Taking a deep breath and sighing in relief, the young man let the extinguisher drop and he glared at his Uncle. "Dammit, Uncle Zangetsu! I told you to stay away from the kitchen! This is why we're a 'take-out' dinner family!"

The tall uncle whipped the foam off his face to reveal his dark eyes and long wavy brown hair. His black coat was charred but otherwise he seemed to be undamaged…until Ichigo's patience would give out after hearing his explanation.

"I only opened the fridge…" He explained, his deep voice resounding through the room

"Then how did you manage to set the place on fire!" Ichigo interjected, not comprehending.

"I left candles burning in the living room," the orange haired nephew glared at this answer, so Zangetsu continued, "I may have left the oven on though…"

"This is why we can't have nice thing!" Ichigo shouted, throwing up his arms. "You're just lucky I came home when I did! This is worse than the time you nearly blew up the building while trying to boil water!" He plopped down on the singed couch and placed a hand over his face, sighing.

Zangetsu wordlessly took a seat beside him and said, "What happened this time…" The orange haired young man glared at him but the uncle continued, "Normally, finding me on fire doesn't upset you this much. Did something happen at school?"

In some ways, Zangetsu was very perceptive…mostly after he's been cover in flames.

Either way, Ichigo sat up and wearily glanced to his concerned uncle and replied, "The Kuchiki girl was being queen bitch again…"

* * *

Earlier that day…

-Karakura University-

"How could you let such a thing happen?!" Assistant Dean Sasakibe shouted in Dean Yamamoto's office, Rukia and Ichigo the subject of his wrath. After the explosion had died down, and everyone was able to hear again, they were sped off to the see the Dean for their crazy and violent behavior. Both of them wanted to interject but it was very difficult to explain, 'The rich girl's crazy maid devised it to keep her charge safe…plus she's a celibacy-Nazi.'

…With an explanation so flawless, what could do wrong?

"No doubt it was Kurosaki who caused this incident!" Sasakibe continued to shout accusation at the scowling orange haired young man. The moment they closed the door behind them, the tall silver haired Assistant Dean began proclaiming Rukia's innocence and placing all blame on Ichigo's head.

All the while, the aged Dean with the long white, braided beard continued to sit quietly behind his desk, saying nothing. "There no conceivable way for Miss Kuchiki to be involved in such an ignoble affair!" the Assistant Dean continued to insist, "Top marks in all her classes, perfect attendance, not to mention the humble donations made to this school by her family each year…"

This proves that money is the root of all evil…for it spawned education, politics, terrorism, non-brand name soft drinks, condoms, The FCC, and woman's underwear…

Ichigo wasn't really paying attention to the shout-fest any longer, his frustration with the petite Kuchiki threatening to boil over. Each time he tried to explain/expose the rich girl's true behavior; he was always called a liar and punished. Last week, he gave an honest opinion about the petite girl's drawing and she hit him in the face, plus she had the gall to claim that he had insulted her honor as a Kuchiki and turned the entire faculty against him!

Unbeknownst to everyone else, Rukia Kuchiki was a snide and mischievous woman who could use her naïve rich girl act to fool anyone into joining her side; she could charm a cow out of her calf with a single look! And everyone wondered why he continued to treat her with less than adequate respect, not that he didn't have respect for her mind you.

Ichigo easy saw through her routine and was marveled by the intelligent and strong-willed young woman she really was, he just didn't understand why she hid it from everyone. The rich girl pretended to be aloof and goofy but she was far from it, no one that naïve or simple could be as intelligent as she was.

The orange haired young man respected her talents and abilities, he just didn't like her distrustful attitude toward everyone else, clearly visible by the façade she showcased daily. Why couldn't she be more like Cha…

"Are you listening Kurosaki?!"

The sudden shout brought Ichigo back to reality. Sasakibe had apparently continued his tirade and only ceased when he finally noted that the object of his wrath was ignoring him. "If it wasn't for your high grades and positive work ethic, I'd have thrown you out of this school years ago!" That comment lit a fire under Ichigo, he worked very hard to maintain his grades, even with all of the fights he got into because of his loud hair color. He was about to violent retort when Rukia's soft voice broke the tension in the air.

"Oh, please…" She insisted, her tone was soft and girly, obviously practiced and tuned to deception perfection. "Don't blame Ichigo for the actions of my overprotective servants, it was my error for daring to bring a lunch with me today…" She pulled a handkerchief from God only knows where and began to whip the fake tears from her eyes, taking a single moment to wink at Ichigo.

The orange haired young man wanted to insist that she not defend him but Sasakibe abruptly blurted out, "Oh, no Miss Rukia! The fault is certainly not yours!"

And just like that, Rukia knew she had him. "I will graciously accept any punishment you give to me," the rich girl insisted, "Just…leave Ichigo…alone…" she choked out through practiced sobs, making Ichigo clench both his fists in annoyance. Like hell he would let a little girl like her take the blame…well, she _was _to blame but still!

However, the next voice shook the entire room to the core…

"False tears will not shift the blame," Yamamoto proclaimed, opening one eye to them. Rukia instantly lost her façade and genuine fear crept over her, and although his scowl never faltered, Ichigo felt it too. "However, this is not the first time such an incident has occurred…" All of them remembered past 'accidents' caused by Shirayuki's devotion to her mistress.

After Rukia's first day years ago, she was being hit on by a group of delinquents as Shirayuki arrived in a limo. Without a word, the faithful maid departed the vehicle and marched up to them…violence ensued. Most of them will never be able to walk again, while the lucky ones will have mental scaring for the remainder of their lives.

The details of the violence will not be released…due to copyright laws...and fear.

Shirayuki apologized to Dean Yamamoto but insisted that breaking these young men was absolutely necessary. The Kuchiki Family compensated the families of the young men but the damage was irrevocable. Thus, the dutiful maid in the white kimono was banned from stepping even one foot onto the campus…forever. Nevertheless, the dutiful maid was able to cause much discord without actually being present...such as today's events.

Recalling these memories, the old Dean slowly reached for a pen and began to write on a small piece of paper. As he finished, he sealed the paper in a decorative envelope and handed it to Sasakibe. The Assistant Dean gave it to Rukia without a word and allowed the Dean to speak again. "Give this letter to your caretaker, Miss Kuchiki." Yamamoto opened both his eyes now and glanced between them. "This will be the end of further incidents. If such a thing persists, I will be forced to expel you both for negligence toward education."

"Hey!" Ichigo finally retorted, gathering much needed courage, "Why should I be punished for the rich girl's crazy maid planting a bomb in her lunch?!" Rukia glared at him for daring to speak so rudely about her caretaker but he ignored her.

Ichigo was about to yell more when Yamamoto turned his full glare to him and said, "Must we arrange for a meeting between yourself and _your_ guardian?" The old man's tone wasn't nearly as frightening as the threat, and the orange haired young man froze in place.

"I thought not," Yamamoto finished, ending their discussion. Ichigo's father would have been terrifying enough but his current caretaker would effortlessly destroy the reputation Ichigo had spent years building. His caretaker was the reason he could not have nice things!

He tried…but they always caught on fire!

For the first time, Rukia saw the orange haired asshole's scowl break and saw the fear that lay behind it. She allowed a moment of pleasure at seeing him in such discomfort before they were dismissed and Ichigo hastily fled the room. After exiting the room, she found Ichigo glaring at her with utter rage in his eyes.

"And they the hell did you do that, midget?" His tone was quiet, not wanting to cause a scene outside the Dean's office. Rukia paid him no mind and scoff as she walked past him. Ichigo marched after her and continued, "Don't ignore me, snobby rich girl! Why did you do that?!"

Rukia finally had enough and turned back to him, glaring. "A 'thank you' would be nice. I did get you out of trouble back there!"

"But I was the one at fault!" Ichigo protested, shocking her. "The bomb only went off because I pushed you before class." The rich girl tried to hide her shock but her eyes gave her away. "I read the note too," the orange haired delinquent pressed, "I was the one who caused the problem and I don't need a snobby rich girl taking the blame out of pity!"

Her teeth grit tightly and Rukia shouted back, "But it was my fault for not checking sooner! Shirayuki never gives up and I should have known that! I'm lucky she didn't sneak a gun into my lunch!" She took a deep breath and somewhat regained composure. "In any case, I did what I had to—".

"You lied to them…"

Ichigo's words made her eyes widen and her superior air dissipated. "You do this all the time." The orange haired young man's eyes softened a bit. "You act like a dizzy bitch and everyone believes it because you're a Kuchiki and no one's gonna speak up about it. But I'm getting tired of being the only one who sees who you really are..."

Ichigo knew he was being harsh, but this was the only way he could get through to her. "You should just be who you really are…" Rukia gasped and he could tell she was becoming fearful for a deep secret…but then he added, "Beneath all that girly-ness is a total bitch with a height complex and a bunny fetish…_get help_."

The world spun as Ichigo felt himself fly upward and fall flat on his back, his chin stinging with sharp pain. Despite the agony of the fall, he forced himself to look up at the infuriated petite rich girl, who was slowly retracting her fist.

"Get bent, you orange haired gangster wannabe!"

Rukia's face was burning red with anger and Ichigo felt slightly bad about his comment…until the full extent of his pain hit him. Before he could reply or retaliate in the least, she turned on a heel and took off toward the school gates. Slowly standing, the orange haired young man raced after her, intending to shout at her again.

When he reached the gates, Ichigo saw the raven haired girl climb into her long limo and slam the door. He clenched his fists as the long black vehicle drove off toward the outskirts of town, heading for the renowned Kuchiki Manor.

He huffed and muttered, "You don't make my job easy…do you."

* * *

Present time…

-Urahara Apartment Complex-

Zangetsu listened to the entire story, only pausing to call the Chinese place nearby and order some orange chicken…you should try it, it's quite tasty.

Ichigo finished his tale while completing the clean-up of their apartment, with no help from his uncle. Throughout the entire story, the disaster prone uncle kept secretly smiling at his nephew. Most days, Ichigo came home and did nothing but complain about the Kuchiki girl's attitude or her antics in class.

It helped Zangetsu convince himself that his nephew wasn't gay.

Ichigo was already in his twenties but he'd never been on a real date before, let alone seen a picture of a naked woman. For some unexplainable reason, the orange haired nephew was very moral and modest…exactly what kept a man a virgin until his late forties!

On multiple occasions, Zangetsu had offered dating advice and even when to the trouble of hiring a prostitute to hide in Ichigo's bed for his birthday…but Ichigo attacked the hooker, thinking her a thief, and the hooker attacked Zangetsu, stealing more money from him. No one slept well that night. The determined uncle could not fathom why his attempt to deflower his nephew failed…

Settle down yaoi fan girls, we're reading a story…

However, Zangetsu now felt he had a new revenue to pursue his honorable goal of getting his nephew laid. This Rukia Kuchiki dominated much of Ichigo's life, whether he admitted to it or not…

Ichigo glanced to the clock and cursed, "Dammit…I need to get changed." He disappeared into his room, leaving his crazy uncle to his own devices, reluctantly. The orange haired young man approached his wardrobe and slowly opened it, revealing a long, black, hooded coat with a pale white mask decorated with red streaks beside it. He smirked.

Meanwhile, Zangetsu paid for their Chinese but no sooner had the delivery boy gone that he found Ichigo standing before him, his mask already in place. "The Mystic again?" He asked, his deep voice questioning more than just his appearance.

"It pays the bills…" a distorted voice resounded through the area, little trace of Ichigo's real voice remaining.

"Netflix isn't that expansive…" Zangetsu retorted, obviously displeased. Ichigo narrowed his now pale yellow eyes behind the mask, the amber hues of his true eyes masked by the power of his heritage.

"No, but take-out every night is."

"Don't forget the porn channel too…" Zangetsu added, disturbingly serious.

"I'm canceling the cable." The masked man replied, sounding exhausted with this conversation.

The crazy uncle sighed before setting the food down and glancing back at his nephew. "If you want to spend more time with her…you could just ask her out." The accusation was clear but Ichigo did not back down from it.

"Chappy thinks that this crime thing is all fun and games…she needs to be taught a lesson."

The tall, frightening young man – from hereon referred to as Mystic Ichigo – pulled his hood up and clipped it to the edges of his mask, completely obscuring his bright orange hair from vision. Zangetsu knew he could not stop his brash nephew, for he had once worn that mantel himself, allowing Ichigo to succeed him by teaching him the mystical skills of their family.

He had been reluctant to reveal their families hidden history but when Ichigo stumbled upon the coat and mask, the secret was revealed. Unfortunately, the orange haired young man had done little with his gifts aside from offer his services to various contracts in exchange for vast amounts of money…thus their current situation.

"Either way…Be careful, Ichigo."

Ichigo smiled behind the mask, pleased that Zangetsu didn't press the issue. Times were tough for everyone and Ichigo was doing all he could to earn money for his family, both for himself and his father and sisters. They had a comfortable life in the suburbs but they didn't know where the money to pay for their humble life came from…and Ichigo intended to keep it that way. This secret life was difficult enough as it was.

As the young mercenary opened his window and prepared to jump out, Zangetsu called out to him. "Have fun with the bunny girl."

Ichigo sighed and glared back at his uncle, intending to retort but was stopped when his uncle handed him a small rectangular wrapper. A condom. Zangetsu smiled warmly at his nephew and was quite pleased with himself when Ichigo smashed his fist into his uncle's face and sent him flying into the back wall. As he picked himself up, Zangetsu saw his nephew's rage boil.

"I'm not trying to have sex with her!"

"And that's what you're doing wrong…"

Zangetsu found himself slammed into the wall again but this time he caught Ichigo's punch before it connected with his face. He calmly continued, "She's the only girl you spend time with outside of class…I'm kind of banking on this…"

Luckily, the white mask hid the red that overtook Ichigo's face as he head-butted his uncle into the floor. "What the hell is up with you?! You sound like my old man!"

"I am his brother…"

"That's no excuse! You're supposed to be the responsible one!" Ichigo berated as he headed for the window again.

"I am. I'm ensuring you enjoy the boundless pleasure of a woman's _company_ before your death—". Zangetsu didn't have time to finish, as Ichigo threw his lamp at him before diving out the window, unable to continue this embarrassing conversation.

Back inside the apartment, Zangetsu calmly approached the window and closed it slowly. He glanced to the broken lamp and sighed deeply before advancing to the hallway closet. Opening the door, a number of pink aprons appeared before him and the crazy uncle grabbed the one that said, 'Uncle Kickass'. Tying it on firmly, he went to work on cleaning up Ichigo's room.

One last time, Zangetsu glanced out the window and sighed, "With an attitude like that…he's not getting any…"

* * *

-Karakura Rooftops-

Mystic Ichigo forced all of his uncle's crazy rambling out of his mind as glided from rooftop to rooftop, lightly touching down only to jump and glide further. No need for him to go too fast, he knew exactly where he was heading.

The masked man landed on a nearby warehouse in the shopping district. It had a high vantage point and his pale eyes scanned the area for his target. The power of his family's Mystic heritage was clouded in much mystery but all Ichigo knew was that if he focused his energy into raw power and speed, he was unstoppable.

"I just need to get her to back down…" he repeated to himself like a mantra, "She's got six more days to give up this hero business. Whether she likes it or not…"

Mystic Ichigo imagined her face upon hearing such words, how she'd get flustered and angry, or perhaps she'd hide her disdain and merely retort some half-hearted insult. The thought of her flustered or glaring with those big amethyst eyes turned him on…err…enticed him to…err…was interesting.

So what if he enjoyed watching her pout or get angry at him. It wasn't like he fantasized about her angrily demanding his obedience while she tried to overtake him only for him to pin her down and tear off more of her bunny suit – which was an accident mind you – and then declare himself her superior…

…Yeah, none of that's sexual at all…

As for the suit ripping incident, it actually had been accident. His hand slipped and he tugged too hard getting away from her when she tried to freeze him the other night. Yeah, he did keep the torn breast plate but that was simply because he wanted to have a friend analyze the components of the suit to better understand how to tear it off…err…defeat her non-lethally…

Damn, Zangetsu and his insinuations! They drove his mind to unclean thoughts that would jeopardize his mission! Slapping himself across his masked face, Ichigo took several deep breaths and calmed himself; he needed to be prepared for her arrival.

No way would she pass up the chance to stop an arms deal so close to their University.

Then, as if on cue, he noted a petite figure hopping from one rooftop to the next, a flash of purple making it very evident who this person was. Mystic Ichigo could not stop the overjoyed grin that spread across his hidden face as he closed in on his target.

"This time…you're all mine…Little Rabbit."

He jumped off his perch and prepared to descend upon her when he realized he was still holding something in his hand. He held it up to his masked eyes holes and gasped loudly. Mystic Ichigo…was still holding the condom from his uncle!

"Oh, what the fu—".

He never finished, crashing head first into the side of a large smokestack with a sickening smack…

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**I thought it would be fun to explore Ichigo's perception for this chapter. The story isn't just about a bunny suited girl fighting crime while attending class you know…**

**Sorry for not updating on time but things have been hectic around here and I'm just getting caught up with all my work. I will update regularly but it will vary. However, I will be sure to update at least once every two weeks, a little challenge for myself to enjoy! Reviews make me smile, so don't be shy. XD**

**Thanks for the continued support and keep on smiling my beautiful readers! **


	5. The Bunny Knight

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

The Bunny Knight

People always find a reason to avoid taking responsibility. That is the nature of the world we live in. However, when one puts the needs of others before their own, they are not running from responsibility but rising to another.

Chappy Rukia was questioned heavily when she began her fight against crime, both by the authorities who knew her not, and by the ones she trusted with her secret. But a hero will always be needed for this fair city.

The people will lose hope…without their symbol of protection and their defender of justice…but she will not let that happen. For she is the hero Karakura Town deserves but not the one they understand quite yet. So they'll continue to have vivid sexual fantasies about her…because she can take it.

She is a defender…A frigid guardian…A fluffy defender…A Bunny Knight…

* * *

-Kuchiki Manor-

"You can't be putting stun grenades in my lunch!" Rukia shouted at her kimono clad maid upon finding her in the kitchen that evening. Shirayuki didn't even look up from her cooking as she calmly replied…

"My Lady, if you had taken the anti-rape condom with the spikes in the first place—".

"No! Eww! Gross! Why would I even consider wearing such a thing?!" The heroine shouted, her face reddening and burning as the blood rushed to her head. Finally, the faithful maid turned toward her mistress with a confused head tilt.

"I'm afraid I don't understand the problem, My Lady. They're actually quite comfortable once you become accustomed to the spikes."

…

…

And just like, the arousal is gone…never to return…

Her jaw nearly dropping to the floor, Rukia could only struggled to form words as her maid turned back and resumed her cooking duties. At last, the icy heroine was able to shake her head and shout, "You actually wearing one!"

Again, the faithful maid turned back with a confused glance and replied, "I had my purity taken from me in the prime of my life…I vowed that such a thing would never happen again." Rukia grunted and leaned against the wall, exhausted by their exchange. Noticing her mistress' fatigue, Shirayuki smiled and added, "And I also vowed to protect your purity as well, so that you will never suffer the pains I have endured for many years."

Rukia gave a slight chuckle at her words, feeling the warmth and protectiveness of her caretaker amid all the horrifying implications she was making. This beautiful, motherly, psychotic woman was always there for her, even if she stepped out of line every so often/everyday. The young heroine knew that the faithful maid was only thinking of the safety of her mistress and would never back down…no matter how many men's manhoods need be ruined.

"Shirayuki…I really do appreciate all that you do for me, honestly. It's a great comfort to have your support. Thank you…"

Rukia finally replied with a gentle smile of her own, prompting her caretaker to gently place a soft hand on her cheek. Brilliant amethyst eyes met with stunning crystal blues of the other and slowly, the heroine place her own hand top the maid's. Rukia knew she could never stay mad at her caretaker for long. "Does this mean you reconsider the reverse rape device?" Shirayuki spoke softly as she pulled another anti-rape condom from within her kimono.

All at once, the anger returned. With an exasperated groan, Rukia smacked the purity protecting utility away from her and coldly turned away from Shirayuki. "No. Way. In. Hell!" Her fervent protest only served to make the faithful servant grin and pat her Lady's head.

"I said the same when I was young…and look at me now."

…Technically, over half of all adults admit to performing acts they swore never to do…Sad…

Rukia gave another audible groan and produced the letter from Yamamoto and handed it to Shirayuki. "This is from Dean Yamamoto…again!" She thrust the letter into her maid's hands and continued, "Try to actually read it this time…"

Rukia advanced to the large cupboard that reached the floor directly behind her. She tugged on the handle and the small metal scanned her fingertips. "Authorization Acknowledged…" a disembodied, computerized voice responded before the doors to the cupboard unlocked and opened to reveal a staircase leading down.

"I'm going out!" The determined heroine shouted back at her caretaker. "Don't do anything hazardous while I'm gone! Remember, you're the last line of defense so keep the Chappy Hole safe!"

"As you command, My Lady," the faithful maid gave a polite bow before recalling something important. "By the way, our friend is waiting for you below. He has gathered the information you requested." Rukia's stunning amethyst eyes sparkled at this new and she practically leapt down the stairs toward her beloved Hole.

As she left, the cupboard automatically shut itself while Shirayuki glanced at the letter. Opening it promptly, she read the only three lines contained on the paper…

_Desist. Or we _will_ find you._

_Sincerely,_

_Genryusai Yamamoto_

A devilish smirk graced the pale maid's lips as her hand brought the letter over the stove and next to the fiery burner. The note instantly caught ablaze and Shirayuki tossed the burning message into the nearby sink.

"Oh, no!" she falsely proclaimed, "I'm afraid I never received that message." The faithful maid returned to her chopping of vegetables for her Lady's late supper and whispered, "I will simply have to be more discrete with my operations…"

* * *

-The Chappy Hole-

The moment Rukia arrived at the base of the Chappy Hole; she carefully approached the grass spot where the bunnies roamed, carefree as usual. When the fluffy creatures noticed her, they slowly approached and the heroine who embodied their ways began to pet each of them.

"Were you all good today?" she asked, taking care to love all of her fluffy friends.

…Remember, if you're good…Rukia will _pet_ you…

"They seem happy…"

The icy heroine was not startled by the deep voice that interrupted her petting fest. She stood and turned to face a tall, dark skinned man in a lavish business suit. Rukia smiled at her guest and gave a slight bow before replying, "I'm glad you could make it, Chad."

Yasutora 'Chad' Sado gave a simple nod in return, his long, shaggy hair covering his eyes as he did so. "I wanted to give you them in person…" The heroine's face turned grim and she accompanied her friend to the nearby computer system placed at the far end of the Hole. The dark skinned man handed her a folder with a number of documents in it.

"I didn't know The Mystic was so well-known." Rukia commented as she set the heavy file down on her desk. "I'd have let you e-mail them if I had known…

"It's not safe that way…" Again, Chad's resonating vocal pierced the area, ringing nothing but truth.

Chad was the lead designer for the R&D Department at her brother's company, Kuchiki Enterprises. However, upon a fateful visit to the very vacant department, the vigilant guardian of the weak enlisted the silent giant for his skills with development and information gathering. It was he who had designed the Chappy Suit and fortified her various armaments it included.

The risk he was taking was more than substantial, if her brother discovered his activities; being fired would be the least of the developer's problems. Byakuya Kuchiki was kept completely in the dark about his sister's exploits, not having much connection with her whatsoever. Occasionally, he would call and speak with her about how her studies were progressing but other than that, Rukia had no contact with her adoptive older brother.

They had a type of long-distance relationship that was nothing like a long-distance relationship…more like being called by that creepy friend that you don't want to talk to but you have to because they know where you live and _will_ come visit you if you don't pick up…

In any case, she was stumped by the number of cases involving The Mystic over the last few…centuries! "Is this accurate?" The heroine politely asked, unsure if her eyes were deceiving her. Chad simply nodded in response as she continued to peruse the documents. "According to this report…The first known sighting of The Mystic was in...1812!"

"Shocking, I know…" the dark skinned man agreed, adding nothing more.

Rukia was even more confused than before. According to the full documentation, The Mystic was a superhuman with fantastic powers that no one could explain. More to the point, he was always depicted as a young man with some sort of face covering and a hood. What no one understood was why he chose to appear at all…it was seemingly random. And beyond that, how was it that The Mystic stayed so young over the years?

Boy, the freaky masked fetish man gets around…

"Thanks, Chad…This should be enough for right now." Rukia nodded to her companion and he returned the gestured, silently. Despite the risk to his safety, the dark skinned man was determined to do all he could to assist his boss' adopted sister. After all, he shared her penchant for justice.

A determined frown settled on the heroine's face as Rukia stood and approached her newly repaired Chappy Suit. She smiled when she noticed that the missing left breast plate had been replaced, knowing her caretaker was responsible. Before she could reach for the suit, a long muscular hand reached out a new armguard that caught her attention.

"New enhancements…" Chad explained, pointing to her suit to show that her new armor had already been added to her purple body suit. How like Chad to improve her suit after a tough battle…he was a true friend to superheroes everywhere. She let a gleeful smile settle on her lips before she turned to Chad and announced, "I need a minute…"

The dark skinned man understood immediately and he walked over to the area with the bunnies. Surprisingly, his gentle nature pleased them and soon they accepted Chad as one of their own…ironically, until Rukia called out, "I'm ready!"

Turned back to his petite friend, Chad found none other than Chappy Rukia smiling at him. The Chappy Suit fit perfectly around her petite frame and the fluffy, multipurpose ears hung about her head, ready to be used. Her face was uncovered as usual, despite his protests for her to bear some sort of face covering, for she wanted criminals to fear her beautiful face…

Once again…please just go with it…we can't don't get it either…

Even knowing this danger, Chad resolved to keep him opinions to himself as much as possible. It was not his place to question her—

"What do these armguards do?" Chappy Rukia suddenly asked, pressing a small switch that shot out tiny bunny ear shaped shurikens. They flew about and pierced walls and dug into the earth with deadly force. One flew directly below Chad's nether parts and embedded itself in front of a terrified bunny, causing all the furry creatures to flee into their nearby homes. The entire time, the dark skinned man's expression did not falter…though it wanted to.

Perhaps he should question her more than he thought. Slowly, Chad reached into his suit and handed her a paper pamphlet that read…

_INSTRUCTIONS: How to keep from killing yourself and your friends._

"You should read that…" was the giant man's only reply as Chappy Rukia looked away meekly while grabbing it.

"Yeah…I'll get right on that…"

* * *

A few hours later, when Rukia had spent well over an hour practicing with her new bunny shaped shurikens or 'bunnikens' as she lovingly called them, at last she was ready to depart for the evening.

"The next trade will be here…" Chad pointed to a small outlet mall on the map displayed on her Chappy Computer, which was decorated with obscure drawings of human shaped bunnies. The superheroine nodded firmly at the location, recognizing it instantly.

"How dare they attempt to trade weapons so close to the University! This I cannot stand for!" She struck a dynamic pose and froze in place.

"Is there anything evil you can stand for…?" Chad questioned, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Luckily, Chappy Rukia smiled wide and answered, "Chocolate! A superheroine's worst enemy but it tastes so good!" They both knew she was nervous about going out again. After all, they had so little information about The Mystic and his true aims. Nevertheless, Chappy Rukia never runs from a fight that she can freeze solid and flip off, so she decided to risk it for the sake of justice!

"Hold down the fort, Chad!"

The developer nodded and gave a simple, "Hmm" of confirmation as the superheroine rushed off toward the large gates that led outside of the Hole and to the secret tunnels she used to quickly travel around town. These vast underground pathways served to help get around quickly and quietly, so as not to arouse suspicion.

Each tunnel was encoded with a specific picture that served as a code that only Rukia could possible understand…because she drew them herself. The fluffy heroine traveled past the image of a strange bunny next to the skyscraper, this showed that this tunnel would take her downtown to the largest building in the entire city. The pictures doubled as a security measure since no one else could decipher her artwork.

Her drawings are the bane of code-breakers existences…Seriously, the skyscraper looks like a malformed hand…who could interpret that shit?

Anyway, Chappy Rukia extended her hand and called forth her beloved ice sword. "Dance!" she shouted as the blade materialized in her grip. She jumped and extended the blade outward and a blast of ice formed a slide for her to ride down the dimly lit tunnel.

The ice slides were her main form of transportation within the tunnels because she could not only travel very quickly to her destination, but she like to be able to say she had 'cool' ride…Yeah, she's a dork but dressed in a skin tight bunny suit…who cares?

* * *

-Karakura Shopping District-

Arriving at her destination, Chappy Rukia burst forth from a tunnel with one of her 'elegant' drawing upon the seal. Using the momentum of the ice slide, she leapt nearly thirty feet high and onto an adjoining roof. From there, she surveyed her surroundings. Grapping one of her floppy ears, Chappy Rukia held it in front of her right eye.

A tiny lens protruded from the back of the fluffy accessory and began to focus far into the distance. At the same time, the image caught by the lens was directly displayed in the heroine's eyes via a scanning beam. This was one of the many functions her ears served…apart from being adorable that is.

Locking onto the location of the outlet mall, she let the floppy ear go and it sprang back into place…kind of…blame floppy mechanics. Chappy Rukia gazed about but she could not see any trace of the freaky masked fetish man. Breathing a sigh of relief, she said to herself, "No need to be afraid…" She stood up and continued, "I-It's not like I'm really scared of him anyway. So what if he grabbed my boob and pressed his chest to mine…It's not like I wanted him to do that…or to continue eye raping me all the time…" The heroine took a deep breath before letting it all fall out in a deeper sigh, "He's just a guy in mask, I can take him."

She jumped forward and toward the scene of the crime, reaffirming her resolve. "This time, I'm not gonna let him beat me like that…Yeah…this time _I'll_ be the one to fondle him—". She abruptly stopped herself and shook her head as she continued hopping onward. "No! I mean…I don't _want_ to fondle him…it's just payback! That's it! I'm gonna fondle him so hard…he'll never fondle himself again…No, wait _me_…he'll never fondle _me_ again…maybe…"

The superheroine's thoughts became muddled as she tried to explain to herself that this guy was a rapist asshole and she should not follow his example…or at least she thought that's what she was doing…

Suddenly, a loud voice shook the night air and she was instantly brought back to reality…

_Oh, what the fu—_

A loud crash followed the noise and Chappy Rukia landed on a nearby building to better listen for the cause. Turning her head, she saw only a tall smokestack not far from her location and continued to search for the source of the noise. She frantically scanned all directions, fearing a surprise attack but it never came.

Then, she heard a weird screeching noise fill the air. For a moment, she thought it sounded like high pitched cries of agony but the voice was too high for it to be a human. Chappy Rukia quickly realized that it was coming from the direction of the smokestack and made a stunning realization.

"Must have been bird…" She concluded, "A poor little birdy must have been flying at night and hurt itself on the smokestack."

…Yes, because birds always shout obscenities as they fly into towers of black smoking death…logic is lost on superheroes, isn't it?

A sympathetic look spread across her face but was almost instantly taken away with a shrug. "Well, since it wasn't an adorable little bunny, who cares?" The superheroine turned on a heel and eagerly continued hopping toward the scene of the crime. All the while, the strange bird continued to groan and cry out…

Landing gracefully atop the outlet mall, Chappy Rukia glanced down to see several trucks with many men unloading sever large crates. Some of the containers were open and even from that high, the superheroine could see the many varieties of firearms stored in them. Standing tall, she took a deep breath and shouted, "Cease and desist, vile criminals!"

The entourage of mobsters all glanced up at once and froze in terror. "The bunny girl returns!" they began shouting as they all clambered to get weaponry. "Why can't they remember my name?!" Chappy Rukia shouted as she jumped off the ledge and used her ice to slide down to them.

Instead of freezing them solid, this time, she wanted them to pay for insulting the Great and Honorable Chappy! Landing in the midst of their scrambling, a brave soul charged her but she sidestepped and delivered a bone crushing jump kick to his face. Other thugs rushed her as well but she easily countered each one, deflecting pipes with her sword and using hand-to-hand combat to dispatch them.

She pushed one back with her sword before turning and blasting two behind her with an icy burst from her palm, freezing them solid. Quickly flipping them the bird, Chappy Rukia evaded a burly man and sent a smashing kick to his nuts before upper-cutting his chin. Another tried to grab her from behind but the moment he touch her skin, his hand began to become covered in ice and he retracted it with a yell.

"Uh uh uh," she chided with a wink, "No touching…"

She crashed the hilt of her blade into his face and sent him flying from the impact, causing him to crash into a group of thugs trying to flee. Seeing that almost everyone was either unconscious or frozen solid, Chappy Rukia turned to one of the frozen fiends and glared. "It is so hard to remember the feared name of 'Chappy, Defender of Justice'?" she seethed with frustration.

"Maybe you'd be better off calling yourself 'Frigid Hooker' instead…"

Chappy Rukia instantly froze as she recognized the distorted voice behind her. Turning around abruptly, she came face to face with none other than The Mystic. He slowly approached her…limping...oddly enough, but she disregarded this fact and kept her guard up.

"Well, if it isn't the Freaky Masked Fetish Man," She chided with a grin that appeared confident, despite the fear that threatened to overtake her. "To what do I owe the honor of your perverted presence?" she finally asked, her voice not giving way to her emotions.

The Mystic glared at her through the slits in this mask and his gaze burned into her, making her flush. "Just thought we'd enjoy a second 'date'. I had so much fun the first time…" The superheroine's face burned bright red and he obviously noticed, because he chuckled to himself in amusement.

Chappy Rukia took a deep breath and regained her composure, envisioning him trapped in ice as she continued to stab his frozen body helped. "Say what you want," the heroine pointed her frozen blade at her nemesis – who she actually acknowledged as a nemesis now – and continued, "But this time…_you_ won't be the one fondling _me_!"

The Mystic was obviously taken aback by her statement and she thought it was fear that drove his reaction, until he asked in confusion, "Wait…Does that mean…you want to fondle me?" His voice was so disturbingly serious that it threw her off.

Her face flushing again, she shouted back "No! I will not be fondling you!" Again, The Mystic was utterly confused.

"Then, I'm supposed to fondle you…right?" he questioned seriously.

"Again, NO!" Chappy Rukia retorted, "You will not be fondling me and I will not be fondling you! There will be no fondling!" The masked man tilted his head, perplexed and not satisfied.

With a determined tone, The Mystic replied, "Why won't there be any fondling? I think we should negotiate the fondling—".

"We will not negotiate the fondling—".

"Then why did you bring it up?!"

"I didn't! I just meant that you won't be fondling me, ever again!" Chappy Rukia insisted, running out of breath.

The Mystic countered, way too serious about this conversation, "Oh, so you think you know the future of my fondling?!"

"Not the point!" the heroine persisted, "The point is…the fondling must cease. We shouldn't even be talking about this!"

A great sigh left The Mystic as he pressed, "We wouldn't be talking about this if you hadn't of brought up how you want to fondle me!" Now the frustration was getting to both of them, particularly Chappy Rukia

"Arghh, screw it!"

"Wait…How did we go from fondling to screwing?!"

…

…Does anyone else think we should lock them in a closet and see what happens?

"Enough!" The superheroine finally shouted, grasping her blade with both hands and readying herself for combat, "No more talking…" Her menacing gaze added to her stunning and heroic visage and The Mystic let all of the previous confusion drop.

"Fine then, Little Rabbit." He extended his own hand out and as he did, a long and sleek black katana materialized in his grip. A dark aura emanated from the blade and he lifted it up to point at her.

"Let's see if I can get a matching breast plate toni—".

He had no time to finish speaking, for the petite bunny suited girl rushed up to him with incredible speed, swung her sword and aimed directly at his crotch.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**I really appreciate all the wonderful comments you've all been giving me. I find myself very busy these days so I cannot reply to all your wonderful reviews but know that I value each and every one of them. **

**Fear not, there will be more wonderful IchiRuki interactions in the next chapter!**

**I am going to experiment with changing the viewpoint from Rukia to Ichigo in the same chapter next time because they each have wonderful motives and hilarious thoughts that the other cannot know about. I did feel that I needed to clarify that Rukia is not using any sort of face covering in her outfit…this will come back to play later on in the story. **

**Thanks for the gracious support and keep on having fun reading my beautiful readers! Keep on smiling everybody!**


	6. Marvelous Misadventures of Chappy

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

Marvelous Misadventures of Chappy

When one becomes a role model, a hero, a defender of justice, a crossing-guard, or even a simple janitor, one knows the risks they are taking. However, the ones considered the villains are not so different. Behind all the bravado, the costumes and the make-up, is a person who did what they believed needed to be done.

To judge these people as common criminals is beyond ignorant, it is simply narrow-mindedness. Is a superhero to blame for not realizing such things before it's too late? Or do they simply need to be reminded that we are all just people, no matter how diverse. Is a villain not worth saving simply because of choosing their path?

Sometimes, these villains make ruinous choices that affect the flow of events around them…sometimes.

* * *

-Karakura Shopping District-

When a Mother's children are threatened, she gains the power of ten men. When a man's manhood is in danger, he gains the strength of a Mother…

Mystic Ichigo's body reacted just as it should, deflecting the impending doom of the bunny girl's blade away from his manhood. As he did, he let out a wail that bordered on insane and girlish, taking a moment to breathe and regain his composure – somewhat – before fixating his eerie pale yellow eyes on the icy superheroine, a malicious grin settled on her face.

"You bitch! Are you _trying_ to give me a vasectomy?!"

"Actually, I was aiming for a little bit of castration—".

"There is no 'little bit'! It's all or nothing! NOT COOL!"

…Yeah, seriously.

Chappy Rukia jumped back and continued to smirk as she lifted her sword and took her battle stance again. The panic of his distorted voice somehow pleased the icy superheroine. She had thought him to be an unstoppable creature rather than a young man with exotic powers, an idea that had caused her to tremble as the thought of facing him again.

But now things were different, even if she hadn't meant to, she had proved beyond a doubt that this young man felt fear, and anything that feels that icy grip can be defeated!

"It seems you're not as mighty as you would have me believe…Masked Fetish Man."

On the other side, Mystic Ichigo felt nothing but contempt at the moment. His pale yellow irises narrowed and he grit his teeth behind the white mask. Any man would have panicked at having a blade thrust at their crotch, it was a natural reaction…just like crying in a cold shower after watching Twilight.

…At least half of you are agreeing with that statement…the other half are unsubscribing.

Either way, the masked man gripped his black sword in both hands and began to focus his attention on his nemesis. "We'll see about that, Little Rabbit!"

Instantly, he disappeared and all trace of him vanished. If Chappy Rukia had not seen this technique before, she would have panicked but this time she could only smirk. Without turning, she sent a blast of frozen snow all around her and listened for the eventual sound of his groan. The icy heroine heard it beside her and turned to easily parry the masked man's attack.

"You didn't think the same trick would work twice, did you?" Chappy Rukia chided as she pushed him back. Undeterred, Mystic Ichigo pressed the attack but found all his strikes expertly parried. "My ice can't stop you but it slows you down enough for me to deflect all of your attacks," the bunny girl relayed to him, still grinning.

However, the masked man was not as simple as she had thought. Mystic Ichigo smirked behind his mask and even with the face covering, Chappy Rukia could feel the change in his demeanor.

"A piece of advice," the distorted voice of the Mystic calmly replied, "Don't tell your enemy how your attack works. 'Superheroes' die easier that way!" He let out a great distorted shout and the entire area began to shift. Using his mystical powers, the masked man gathered his energy and it swirled around him in an aura of black. The dark energy encased his entire body and covered the length of his sword in that swirling power.

At once, all the ice that Chappy Rukia put out began to dissipate as the unstoppable aura of darkness began flowing out of the powerful young supervillain. As the scantily clad superheroine watched in horror as her powers began to lose their hold, the only words that escaped her lips were…

"Oh fuck…"

That's right, Rukia…you're fucked…not literally…metaphorically…metaphysically…other words that begin with 'meta'. 10 points to anyone who thinks of one.

Without another word, Mystic Ichigo charged the bunny clad superheroine and she barely had the time to block his attack. When she did, the black aura of his sword began to wrap itself around her blade an inch closer to her, as if trying to wrap around her beautiful skin. Instantly noting this, Chappy Rukia sent a blast of pure ice through her frosted weapon and the black aura was encased before it spread too far, shattering instantly.

However, the ice failed to affect the dark energy around the mask man's sword and the ice subsided before ever reaching her opponent.

"It seems that we're at a standstill," Mystic Ichigo proclaimed, keeping his blade locked with hers. Chappy Rukia narrowed her bright amethyst eyes and met his pale yellow irises, this battle was far from over. The masked man had chills running down his spine, not of fear but anticipation. Before him stood this petite young superheroine with enough passion and strength to rival his own, never before had he faced such a delightful foe.

He stared at her determined face and mentally sighed, she wasn't even wearing a face covering…how was it that only he, her classmate and now nemesis, had discovered her 'secret' identity? Absolutely _no one_ had come forward with her identity, not even the many criminals she dispatched. She never killed any of them so it stood to reason that _someone_ would have come forward by now.

Then again, if you really think about it…no one really cares what you do at night as long as you look hot in a bunny girl suit. It kind works…if you abandon logic and embrace perversion as your God.

In the midst of admiring and being confused about her elegant face, a flash behind her caught the masked man's eye. Far in the distance, one of the thugs the icy heroine had dispatched had regained consciousness, but that's not all he regained. In his hands was a long tube-like weapon that Mystic Ichigo instantly recognized as a rocket launcher.

All the while, Chappy Rukia was becoming fed up with his attitude and turned up her ice powers, pushing the Mystic back slightly. Oddly enough, this action seemed to catch her nemesis off guard and she chided, "You obviously underestimate my—".

Before she finished, the masked man abruptly disappeared and she fell forward, catching herself before tumbling onto her face. Chappy Rukia shifted her feet and felt a presence behind her, but this time she was unable to block any form of attack and simply braced for retaliation…but it never came.

Spinning around, the icy superheroine a frightening and confusing sight. On the other side of the shipping area, a battered thug fired had fired a rocket directly where they were standing. Too many conflicts arose in Chappy Rukia's mind, should she attack the Mystic while his back was turned? Should she evade the rocket and hope it was enough to take down her foe? Or should she knock the masked man aside and deal with the thug and the rocket herself while praying her nemesis didn't backstab her?

Apparently, the idea of using her superhuman ice powers never crossed her mind…because that makes perfect sense…thus being the reason it was overlooked.

But before the icy superheroine had time to decide on a course of action, Mystic Ichigo rushed forward and using his dark aura, slashed through the rocket. A large explosion erupted and engulfed the masked man but the slash of black energy continued on and crashed into the thug, incapacitating him. However, the force of the explosion set off a chain reaction of small explosions as the ammo began to ignite.

The building surrounding them shook and parts of walls were blasted apart by the ignition. Chappy Rukia scanned all directions but found no trace of her nemesis, his presence seemingly vanished. High above her, Mystic Ichigo peered down at her, having used his mystical speed to escape unharmed. As he prepared to descend upon the bunny girl in a sneak attack, his attention was drawn to the crumbling brick wall directly behind the young superheroine.

The explosions had weakened the walls and it began to crumble under its own weight. Unfortunately for Chappy Rukia, she was too concerned with searching for the masked man to notice. As the siding began to dislodge itself, Mystic Ichigo found himself moving without thinking.

Chappy Rukia heard the siding crack and turned to see the wall coming down on top of her. Was this how it was to end? The great and heroic Chappy, Defender of Justice…squashed like a drunk man playing in a construction site. Despite her fears, the icy superheroine resolved not to look away from her impending doom...like a boss. That was when she saw it.

A large black figure approached from out of nowhere and she felt herself being tossed through the air toward safety…safety, which meant being thrown about in a place riddled with explosions and falling buildings.

…Luckily, buildings never fall in the same place twice…because that would be stupid.

Chappy Rukia's head was spinning from the impact but she managed to stand and glance back to where she had been standing. Her amethyst eyes widened in shock as the icy superheroine found the spot she had been only moments ago cover in the rubble of the fallen building. Beneath this debris, trapped and unable to move, was The Mystic.

Only now did she realize that the black figure at saved her life was her evil nemesis…wait, could she call him evil right now? Obviously, this masked fetish man had intervened with her untimely demise and rescued her from certain death…but why?

Grunting and groan as he tried to lift the rubble from his body, Mystic Ichigo felt his strength leaving him as he shifted his gaze to see the superheroine he'd all but sacrificed his life to protect. Even in his weakened condition, he could see that a fire was spreading from the explosions and that time was of the essence if Chappy Rukia was to escape.

"What the hell are you doing?!" his distorted voice shouted, bringing the confused superheroine out of her dazed state. "Get the hell out of here!" the Mystic cried out, unable to save himself from the deadly blaze.

Instantly, Chappy Rukia recognized the fiery threat but remained rooted to the ground. She hated this, being saved by her nemesis and told to escape…leaving him to die. Even if he was a criminal – a perverted one no less – the young superheroine knew it was wrong to abandon him.

She only had one rule that she would never break…Chappy Rukia refused to take a life. Departing now would be the same as if she had killed him herself. Gripping her sword tightly, she turned to face the blaze, much to the shock of her nemesis.

"I said 'Go', God-dammit!" he shouted once again, unable to comprehend the idea of her perishing along with him.

"Just shut up, Masked Fetish Man!" Her serious tone startled the trapped villain and he could not help but be drawn to her ever more. "No one will ever accuse a woman of my profession of letting herself owe a debt to a masked pervert that fondled me!"

"Are you still going on about the fondling thing?!" Mystic Ichigo cried out, not understanding why they were having this conversation.

"Just shut up, lay there, _and let me do my thing alright_?!" She stole a glance back at him and whispered to herself, "I got enough pressure at it is…asshole."

Mystic Ichigo felt her confidence and her will to protect even a lowly criminal such as himself. His mind could not wrap around her reasoning, then again, if it where him…he'd have stayed too. However, if it was anyone other than her…he might not have been so generous. And yet…this petite little superheroine would fight to save anyone, regardless of who they were. For the first time in all his life, guilt crept in as his vision darkened.

Without a moment's hesitation, Chappy Rukia lifted her sword and pointed it in the direction of the encroaching fire. "Tsuginomai – Hakuren!" she proclaimed and an intense blast of ice and snow erupted from her frozen blade. It engulfed the fire instantly and the blaze was put out faster than young man who just discovered porn.

…Did anyone else just have a flashback? Never mind…

Ice and snow now covered the previously burning area and Chappy Rukia smiled to herself for not letting the fire spread to the nearby homes. Just like a good Defender of Justice should! Turning back to her nemesis, she found him unmoving. For reasons she could not understand, the superheroine began to panic.

Rushing to her nemesis' side, she frantically shouted, "Masked Fetish Man! Are you alright?!" Again, The Mystic had no response and her fears began to rise. Using her ice powers, she froze only the debris that held down his body and shattered it with precise swipes of her sword. Chappy Rukia grabbed and pulled him away from the rubble and laid him on his back, grabbing his arms and checking for a pulse.

…

…

…Just building tension…

…

…

He had a pulse!

Chappy Rukia breathed a great sigh of relief at this discovery and at last noticed that his own breathing was normal. Sitting down next to his body, the tired superheroine finally allowed her brain to catch up to her action.

She had just saved the man that caused such intense fear in her…completely on instinct. The bunny suited girl didn't want to consider why she had chosen to do so, convincing herself that it was simply her following her duty as a Defender of Justice. Glancing back at the unconscious man, an opportunity dawned on her.

The Mystic was completely defenseless, unable to stop her from removing his mask and uncovering his real identity. This chance would never present itself again, she was sure of it. Slowly, her hands reach out and felt the cool material of his bone white mask. However, before she gripped the edges, she pulled her hands away and groaned, "Arghh, I feel like such a pervert! Taking his mask now would only make me into a criminal…no different from him."

…Actually, she would be different because she wouldn't be exposing his tits, just his face…which is more socially acceptable.

Chappy Rukia stood and glared down at him again. "I won't be like him…even if he humiliated me…made me feel uncontrollable fear…threatened to molest me given the chance…and the fact that he really _fucking_ deserves it!" Her gaze intensified and at last she grunted in frustration and grabbed her blade once more.

"But there's nothing against making him feel my pain!"

Immediately, she went to work, feeling more and more dirty with each passing moment.

* * *

A few minutes later…

-Karakura Shopping District-

His head was aching and pounding, his entire body felt stiff actually. And for some unknown reason…his nipples were very hard and—

"What the hell?!"

Mystic Ichigo leapt to his feet, making his head hurt even more but the coldness of the ground was enough to drive him mad. Wrapping his arms around his body and shivering, the masked man felt the upper half of his body and let out a horrified shriek…

"Where the hell is my shirt?!"

* * *

-The Chappy Hole-

Shirayuki stood by the Chappy Computer, marveling at the magnificent bunny shaped designs her mistress had drawn upon it. The faithful maid was so proud of her young charge for mastering the unique artistic style that she employed herself.

…Who else do you think taught Rukia to draw? Santa Claus? Actually, that would explain a lot…

Chad sat at the computer's chair, gathering more information about Chappy Rukia's mysterious nemesis. The faithful maid set a hot cup of tea down for the tired man and he glanced up to her and said, "Thanks…"

"It is I who should thank you, Yasutora." Shirayuki responded, forever calling him by his family name. "You have always been supportive of My Lady and it is most appreciative…" She paused before whispering, "Especially since you don't seem to have any interest in her personal life…"

"Did you say something?" Chad asked upon hearing the mutters.

"Of course not," the faithful maid replied, "Silly boy, always hearing things…" She smiled ever so sweetly…haunting the dreams of men for decades.

The dark skinned man was completely unfazed, merely shrugging and turning back to his work, but no sooner did he glance back at the screen, that the sound of the tunnel door being opened resounded through the area. Shirayuki immediately headed for the entryway, Chad following close behind.

Shirayuki rounded a corner and her bunny suited mistress came into view, completely unharmed by the looks of it…but what was she holding?

Rukia instantly noted her protector's presence and unsuccessfully hid the material in her hands behind her back. "I-I have returned!" she shouted, trying to sound proud of her exploits. "Evil had been vanquished once again…etc…etc…I'm heading to bed now. Bye!"

The superheroine tried to pass by without incident but the maid in white cut her off by standing in front of her, a deadly glare in her crystal eyes. "Lady Rukia," Shirayuki pointed to the bundle behind her charges back. "What is that?"

"Nothing!" Rukia shouted back, smiling nervously.

"It looks like guy's shirt…"

Chad's deep voice resounded through the area, making the faithful maid narrow her eyes and take an aggressive step toward the young superheroine. Knowing she was caught, the bunny suited girl brought forth the black material she had…liberated from her nemesis.

"Rukia…" Shirayuki's normally pleasant voice had turned even more frigid than the icy powers the young girl possessed. There was no avoiding Shirayuki's question that followed…

"Where did you get that?"

"Wal-Mart?"

Rukia's innocent joke only served to have the maid in white narrow her eyes even more at her charge, taking another step forward and pushing the young girl back. She felt like kid who was just caught masturbating…which reminded her of when Shirayuki had nearly destroyed the entire house after witnessing her mistress partaking in that form of…relief.

In either case, it would be shameful to lie to her mother figures…and possibly life-threatening. With a great sigh and a folding of her arms, Rukia at last replied, "He stole my breast plate first!"

Shirayuki only sighed and let her gaze soften a bit, but gave the young woman a look of pure disappointment. "So, I suppose you think this makes you even now for stealing his shirt?" Her condescending tone made Rukia realize that immaturity of her actions and she lowered her head in shame, until…

"Doesn't it?" Chad chimed in, not realizing the danger he was thrusting himself into. Private conversations between Shirayuki and Rukia were…meant to be kept that way. However, Rukia smiled at her friend coming to her aid, but it didn't last long.

"Yasutora," the faithful maid smiled as she retorted, "I do respect you but please be silent before I do something you will forever regret…"

For the love of God, Chad stay quiet! You must remain a man!

Fortunately, Chad remained silent and his voice of reason survived the deadly maid's wrath…for now! Shirayuki grabbed the shirt from her young charge and continued, "I will burn this…"

"No!" the bunny suited girl suddenly shouted, startling her caretaker greatly. Never had Rukia been so adamant to keep anything that Shirayuki had outlawed. Most of the time, the maid said 'No' and the superheroine replied, '…Okay'. Even Rukia herself was shocked by how much she didn't want the shirt to be destroyed…though she was unsure of why.

"We could use it to find out more about The Mystic…" Chad suggested, bravely breaking the silence. The faithful maid would have glared dagger at him…and maybe more, but his voice of reason shone through but she didn't want to admit it.

Shirayuki knew that her charge was in danger and all available information was crucial…but seeing her mistress come home with her adversary's shirt set an explosive fire in her soul, demanding the clothing be burnt. However, the logic in her brain told her that this was the best way to protect her mistress from future threats to her virginity.

"Yeah!" Rukia finally agreed, unusually chipper about this decision. "We need it for evidence…and nothing more! Certainly not a trophy of any kind! Nope!"

…If her intensions were any clearer, then she would have a sign that would read: **I'm gloating! Deal with it!**

Sighing in defeat, Shirayuki at last relented and handed the material over to Chad. "You may examine it…but not here." Rukia's excitement suddenly fell and it seemed that her caretaker was taking great pleasure in that fact. "Take it to your lab and sent us the result later," Shirayuki continued, "I never want to see that rag again…"

For some reason, Rukia felt a twinge of unfounded anger from her faithful maid…as if she hated not the man who wore the material…but the symbol for which he stood for. Almost as if it reminded her of someone she had tried to forget…but then the superheroine surmised that it must be that time of the month for her faithful maid and left it at that.

Chad gave a respectful bow and allowed Shirayuki to move past him before whispering to Rukia, "I'll give you a few seconds with it…" He carefully handed it back to the ecstatic bunny girl as she took the cloth back and punched at it with enthusiasm, imagining it was the masked fetish man himself.

"I knew I kept you around for a reason," Rukia joked as she tore off a tiny piece of the black material and hid it in her side pocket. "Our little secret?" she mused, already knowing the answer. Chad smiled, a rare thing, and nodded firmly, taking the shirt back and heading back toward the inner workings of The Chappy Hole.

"This'll be my little trophy…" Rukia grinned to herself as she climbed the stairs leading back into the mansion. When she did, the young superheroine found Shirayuki waiting for her, a fiery look in her eyes. Smiling nervously again, and trying her best to hide the black material, Rukia only took a single step before her maid gave her an irrefutable command….

"Strip..."

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**I wrote this entire chapter in one sitting! A new record! I found the time to write extensively and edit all in one go! This will probably never happen again but I will forever remember this wonderful time…**

**Also, have any of you heard of 'Himdaisy Comics'? Himdaisy on deviant art has made wonderful comics of many different series, such as Metal Gear Solid and Persona 4. If anyone is interested, go to YouTube and search for the Persona 4 Himdaisy story. The voice of the narrator is what I always envision while writing this story and it's freaking hilarious! Trust me! ;)**

**Thanks for all the great comments and encouragement, it means so much to a struggling artist such as myself. Keep on smiling you beautiful readers! XD**


	7. Chappy Forever

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

Chappy Forever

When a person loses their purpose for living…what will drive him onward?

Whether you be a hero or a villain, anti-hero or anti-villain, it all comes down to motivation to do what you believe is necessary for your cause. What, then, causes us to lose our faith in ourselves or each other? Can it be restored by a fateful encounter with someone who has a passion rivaling yours in many aspects? Or do we simply need to take a risk to gain what we seek without humiliating ourselves?

Sometimes, the simplest of answers is the correct one but that answer can be hard to pinpoint or define, especially if you are shirtless and in an area frozen over by ice.

This all begs one more important question…

How far must a man fall before crashing into the bottom of the pit he has dug for himself with his own chapped and broken hands that could use a trip to a spa and massive amounts of massage treatment along with a 'happy ending' to finish off his long and miserable day that seemed to last for several years yet only was a total of twenty-four hours…oh dear God it won't stop now, hurry and read the chapter!

* * *

-Karakura Shopping District-

"That cold-blooded bitch!"

Mystic Ichigo clutched his hands across his bare and toned chest, desperately trying to forestall the freezing cold that bit at his nude upper half. He let out a great sneeze and wiped the snot from his nose quickly before something felt out of place. The white mask that hid his face from view had fallen as he sneezed and clattered to the ground, shattering.

Bright amber eyes widened as the young man began to comprehend his misfortune. His mask should not have fallen so easily, especially considering how much care he took to secure it, twenty minutes of his day spent only on clipping the damn thing in place!

"No…" he whispered to himself as he scooped up the remains of his once indestructible mask. The icy atmosphere had made the face covering so brittle that only one logical explanation founded his fears…Chappy had unmasked him.

He was sure of it. There was no other possible explanation for this travesty…other than the falling building knocking the face covering loose but that would be just too eas—he had a building fall on him people, cut him some fucking slack!

In either case, he was certain that Chappy Rukia must have gotten a good look at his face and hastily replaced the mask before removing his shirt…which confused the hell out of him! Why take his shirt when she already knew his identity? That heartless ice queen must be simply prolonging his suffering, taking his shirt to prove she now had the upper hand in their relationship!

Wait! It wasn't a _relationship_, it was simply a relationship…you can tell because the relationship in question is not _italicized_, – and therefore bears no meaning – thus clearing up any idea that Ichigo thinks of their little scuffles as dates and that he finds it easier to talk to the alter-ego of Rukia Kuchiki rather than actually conversing with the rich girl while in class.

Translation: Ichigo's a pussy who doesn't have the courage to ask Rukia out so he fights her in the middle of the night instead…it's like denial only more psychotic…psycho-nial…Yeah, that sounds badass!

"Dammit!" Mystic Ichigo cursed as he rammed his fist into the pavement, infuriated that he let his emotions get the better of him. If he had only let her get crushed by the falling debris…well, we all know he couldn't let _that_ happen.

For reasons he could not specify…Ichigo just had this illogical need to protect everyone, especially the petite bunny suited superheroine. That was the reason he took this job in the first place. When the Jaegerjaquez Crime Family put out a hit on the 'mysterious' Chappy, the orange haired anti-villain immediately took the job, under the conditions that it was to be his task alone.

The reputation of the Mystic was more than enough to convince the crime lords that his desire should be respected, and he proved his talents to them by defeating thirty of their men in less than five seconds. They may not particularly like the masked fetish man, but the mob did fear and respect him enough not to interfere with his mission.

But now it was all for nothing! "Stupid bunny bitch! Why can't you just…" His words trailed off as he realized that a few of the unconscious thugs had begun to regain consciousness. Not wanting an altercation with them, Mystic Ichigo used his incredible speed to disappear from the site and speed off toward his apartment.

As he traveled, the formerly masked man could not help but sigh deeply, "Now I have to get a new mask…Zangetsu's gonna be pissed…"

New Shirt: 1050 yen

Replacement Terrifying Mask: 44,045 yen

Being Left Shirtless and Mask-less by a Bunny Suited Superheroine: Priceless

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else…there's Chappy Rukia…and we mean _everything else_…

* * *

-Urahara Apartment Complex-

Zangetsu was silently resting in the reclining chair that sat before the static filled TV. This was his usual spot to wait for his nephew's return, which he dutifully did each and every evening while reading a cooking magazine, dreaming of the day when he boiled water without explosions following…

As the shaggy haired man sat there, wondering why his nephew was taking so long, he chuckled as he began to recall a certain memory…

Just then, a loud bang was heard from the young man's bedroom and the honorable uncle immediately knew his heir had returned. Zangetsu politely knocked on the door but received no answer…surprisingly.

"Ichigo…is everything alright?" The uncle's deep voice the concern he housed for his nephew. Not a moment later, the door was swung open and a half-naked Ichigo peered out and eyed his uncle, suspiciously.

"E-Everything's fine!" the flustered young man shouted nervously, careful not to open the door too wide. If the former Mystic discovered that the ancestral mask had been shattered because of Ichigo's vanity…his father would be called and the apocalypse would begin!

As much as Zangetsu wanted to question Ichigo's awkward behavior…he assumed that it was merely his nephew's 'private' time on the computer and knew that interrupting a man before he finished his 'business' was more than a dick move…it was cock-blocking…and Zangetsu was no cock-blocker!

The yaoi fan girls are getting harder to control…someone get a picture from Playgirl to stave them off!

Zangetsu merely smiled at his nephew and replied, "Alright, but don't put an eye out or anythi—". The door was immediately slammed in his face and hit the tip of his nose, bruising it slightly. The shaggy haired man simply chuckled at this incident and recalled that fond memory once again…the day Ichigo's Mystic heritage was revealed to him…

* * *

_Three Years Ago…_

_Ichigo had been questioning his uncle and his father about the odd trinkets he'd found while exploring the attic, preparing for his move to Tokyo to attend the University. Both Isshin and Zangetsu were horrified to discover that the only male heir to the family had found the box labeled – _DO NOT TOUCH – THIS IS ANIMAL PORN_…they figured it was the last thing Ichigo would open but didn't count on the lettering fading so that it now read: _TOUCH THIS.

_The young orange haired man did as the box commanded and found many foreign objects within: a mask, a cloak, a long black katana, and a weird cross that caused much misunderstanding. Shortly afterward, the two brothers confessed their families history of being super-powered mythical mercenaries for centuries. _

_Naturally, Ichigo thought they were completely insane until Isshin questioned him on how the crazy father managed to ambush his son each morning without detection…the story seemed less fabricated after that. _

_It was decided that Zangetsu would supervise the young Mystic's training and that he would live with – and take care of – his young nephew. During their first training session, the odd uncle held up a very incriminating looking, bent cross that very much resembled a swastika. _

"_Ichigo…" the former Mystic began, staring at his nephew intensely, "This is the symbol of our power and heritage…" The orange haired young man stared at the bent cross, utterly confused._

"_We're Nazis?"_

"_Yes—NO!" Zangetsu immediately corrected himself but his nephew pressed on._

"_We're Neo-Nazis?" _

"_No!" the uncle fervently denied, "We are neither Neo nor are we Nazis."_

"_Then…we're white supremacists?"_

"_They don't even have those in Japan, Ichigo." _

"_Says the man dressed in all black clothes holding a swastika…"_

…The evidence is just piling up, isn't it?

_Zangetsu face-palmed and turned the bent cross sideways, immediately alleviating his nephew's fears that he was destined to grow a mustache and suppress his own people. Soon after, Ichigo realized that the powers of the Mystic weren't really hereditary, but simply techniques that were passed on from one generation to the next. _

_All people have energy, but most cannot use them. However, this ability was shared with all of the Kurosaki bloodline and they continued to grow stronger with each generation. _

_Over the next three years, Ichigo honed his unique skills and eventually was able to best even his uncle in Mystic Kombat. Zangetsu was proud of the young man and warned him not to misuse his gifts…which was kind of stupid on his part._

…It's like giving a kid a flamethrower and telling him not to harass the neighbors with it…it's bad and you'll go to prison for it.

_Somewhere deep inside, Zangetsu knew the brash young man wouldn't listen but since his own father had given him the same lecture many years ago, he had to at least bore Ichigo with the repetitive mantra, to spread the suffering around. _

_For so long, Mystic Ichigo took only simple jobs that no one noticed. Guarding work sites, rescuing cats from trees, gathering information babysitting…ironically. But soon these jobs attracted the mob's attention and he began taking new jobs…for the black market. All went well for nearly a year…until Chappy began cracking down on crime. _

_It was then that Ichigo knew what it was that his power was truly for…if this sentence has to be finished then you haven't been paying attention to the story! Shame on you!_

* * *

Present Time…

-Kuchiki Manor-

Meanwhile, on the outskirts of town…

Rukia was rather sluggish to get ready for her day. She was utterly exhausted from the ordeal she faced upon following her maid's demands. Shirayuki had confiscated her 'trophy' and forced her to get to bed without dinner…a fate worse than death with the poor economy. But before that, Rukia was forced to watch as her caretaker lit the only proof of her victory over the masked fetish man on fire!

Shirayuki had demanded that her charge explain herself but in the end all Rukia came up with was, "I wanted something to put up in my room and laugh at…it makes me feel superior to the bastard!" Strangely, this statement pleased the normally stalwart maid and she graciously allowed Rukia to have a piece of toast before bed…Shirayuki is made of bitch…

Nonetheless, the tired young woman showered and prepared for her day, eager to put last night's escapade behind her. However, a particular thought continued to invade her mind as she dressed and proceeded downstairs for breakfast: Why hadn't she unmasked the masked fetish man? The young superheroine was adamant on keeping this one piece of knowledge from both Chad and Shirayuki, for they would surely scold and disapprove of her honorable choice.

Despite that, Rukia was convinced she had done the right thing…maybe not the steal of the shirt part but the rest of it was great! Unmasking him may not have stopped the perverted young man; it could have made him even more dangerous, actually. With nothing to hold him back, he could openly attack her in broad daylight. That is, if he ever discovered who she was. But what were the chances of _that _happening…

…

…

Maybe Rukia thinks that her bunny ears serve a similar purpose to Clark Kent's glasses, magically dispelling all suspicion despite clear objections to the contrary…How does that even work?! Head Accessory = Perfect Disguise?…bullshit…

In either case, Rukia decided it was best to simply lay low for the time being and just go to class without incident…

* * *

-Tokyo University-

If it hadn't been for Zangetsu forcing him to attend class today, Ichigo would rather have buried himself under his blankets and tried to forget he even existed. He knew he had to face her though, for there was no avoiding the encounter…no matter how much he begged his new friend God to save him from this affair.

He converted overnight…Religion is terrifying…

The orange haired young man was not a coward nor was he cold-hearted…at least not toward his family. He resolved to turn himself in to Rukia when she confronted him about what she must have seen the other night. He was sure the rabbit obsessed Defender of Justice would torture and toy with his life before at last punishing him for his crimes against 'justice'. It was humiliating but by turning himself in, he would spare his family the shame he would undoubtedly bring to them and keep them from being targeted by haters of The Mystic.

…Yes, The Mystic has haters…how else would he validate his existence on the internet? He has his own hater's page for God's sake! Then again, Chappy has an erotic fantasy page too…you we've been there…recently.

The sickening powers of Rule 34 aside, – all hail he glorious internet – the orange haired young man patiently waited by the petite rich girl to arrive and thoroughly ruin his life forever. The long black limo pulled up and Ichigo waited for the raven haired girl to proudly depart, march up to him and make her demands.

It took a lot longer than he ever expect for her to finally exit the vehicle, holding jumbo can of mace in her hands! Fear gripped him as she began moving toward the direction of their first class, coincidentally directly toward him!

On the other side of matters, Rukia had been delayed departing the lavish limo because Shirayuki demanded her charge take a visible weapon. In the end, it was either the jumbo mace, the anti-rape condom, or a clown doll.

For a moment, Rukia thought the clown doll hid some kind of deadly weapon that might expel her from education permanently…she was wrong. The clown doll was just a clown doll, with demonic eyes and sharpened teeth that would terrify anyone except for Rukia, because once you wear a skin tight bunny suit around town, you have no fear…or dignity…because dignity is lacking when being a superheroine.

Apparently, the faithful maid believed that the youth of today desperately feared clowns…she's not wrong but God save us if we ever admit it. Rukia chose the mace instead of the clown for one simple reason...she refused to be seen with anything but a bunny doll! Somehow managing to stuff the jumbo mace into her purse, the rich girl increased her pace and walked directly past her daily tormentor…completely unaware of his presence.

This was the point when Ichigo should have put together that she didn't actually discover his identity and go on with life as normal…suffice it to say, he did not do that…that would make the chapter boring.

He wanted to call out to her but the large clock on campus suddenly rang and he realized it was time for class already. He sped off to the class he shared with Rukia, fully expecting her to pull some kind of extortion card on him. Surprisingly, when he arrived and took his seat next to her, she was completely silent. Ichigo could not comprehend her strategy now. The superheroine had the perfect chance to expose him, at any time mind you, but all she did was pay attention to the lecture.

How dare her! The bunny obsessed girl was taunting him; it was the only explanation for her silence! Ichigo knew he couldn't call her out on being Chappy with no evidence, especially since half the University wanted to have her babies…which made no sense to him or even her! Nonetheless, he kept his eyes trained on her the entire class and never took his eyes off her.

…Because that won't lead to sexual harassment of any kind…just eye-rape. But remember, it's not eye-rape unless you hold their eye open…or is it the other way around? The internet isn't clear on that one…

Nevertheless, Ichigo resolved not to break eye contact with her until she admitted to her nefarious desire to deface him.

Over the course of the day, Rukia noticed her seated partner acting rather suspicious. Ever since he'd come to class, late in fact, he'd done nothing but stare at her. Normally, Ichigo only stared when they argued and even then he was polite about it…as polite as staring at a pretty girl can be.

She tried to convince herself that he wasn't actually staring at _her_ but through her…and into the wall that sat behind her…because he liked paint…that was situated behind her — Fine, she was creeped out by his perpetual glaring! Rukia stole awkward glances back at him but every time she considered actually questioning him, those burning amber eyes stopped her words and she abruptly turned away, her face flushed.

It was then that a realization struck her…what if the crazy orange haired asshole had developed a crush on her?! I wasn't out of the question, she was the most attractive woman on campus...according to her adoring fans that is. What if his cold indifference was all an act this entire time?! Oh, God! Did he secretly lust after her and hide it with his macho attitude and disrespectful behavior?!

The pressure of this realization began to overwhelm her and she found herself praying for class to end, while continuing to steal glances in the hopes that he'd give up on the staring. He never did and each 'passionate' gaze made her heart flutter.

…If all men had the power of Ichigo's eyes, no man would be single…or American. It's funny because it's true...

All the while, Ichigo kept getting more and more frustrated by the petite girl's lack of addressing their issue. Every time she turned to speak to him, she had the nerve to instantly turn away and whip her hair at him, as if gloating about her secret! He wanted to strangle her because she was just so freaking infuriating but he withheld his anger.

He'd be damned if he let her know she had such power over him! Ichigo remained firm and continued his glaring, confident that it was the only thing that would get her to confront him about their battle last night.

As the Professor finished his lecture, dismissing the class half-heartedly, Rukia immediately grabbed her bag and dashed for the door, unable to withstand Ichigo's gaze any longer. She needed to get away from him, before he said something stupid like, 'Let's go out' or 'I like you hair' or God forbid, 'Nice shoes, wanna fuck?'

The most embarrassing fact of all was…she wouldn't mind any of those questions! Seriously, not one single guy had ever asked her out on a date before, it made being a crime fight easier come to think of it. Anyway, the idea of someone taking interest in her was frightening, even more so because the orange haired asshole with the body of a Greek God she wanted to feel pressed against her petite frame suddenly developed an interest in her.

She should have been mortified but she was flattered instead! Maybe Ichigo was right…maybe she did just want attention…_not like that!_

Seeing her run out, the orange haired young man gritted his teeth, marched after her and shouted, "Hey Midget!" His sudden outburst stopped the quickly advancing Rukia and she turned to see him, surprise evident on her face. She turned back to him, scowling; trying to convince herself she was annoyed with his voice and face…it was a lie.

"What do you want now, Kurosaki?" she asked very nonchalantly, not letting any implications come through, despite her growing nervousness.

"You know exactly what I want!" he shouted, making several people stare at them awkwardly, sexual tension building in the air.

Taking note of this unwanted attention, Rukia glared at him and replied, "Can we take this somewhere less inhabited by normal people?" She had meant it as an insult but it only seemed to make his eyes soften a bit, though she could not fathom why.

Ichigo took her comment as a confirmation that the torture was over and the punishment was about to begin…goodbye manhood…

They disappeared into a secluded area of the building and glared at each other in anticipation, expecting the other to begin the conversation.

After nearly, ten minutes of silence, Rukia at last spoke up, "Go on. Get it out." To Rukia's way of thinking, the sooner the orange haired asshole confessed his undying love to her, the sooner she could turn him down and go back to fucking with him—err, playing with him—err, making life oh so enjoyable hellish.

…It must be that time of the month.

On the other side, although he was perturbed by her flippancy, Ichigo took a cleansing breath before staring directly into her beautiful amethyst eyes. He was going to miss seeing the way they sparkled as he threatened her…

"Alright," he pushed out, steeling himself for her wrath, "Do your worst…" The orange haired man closed his eyes, let go of his anger and awaited his unmanning, praying she made it quick. But after several moments of flinching and twitching, he realized nothing was happening. That is until her palm connected with his face.

"What the hell kind of confession was that?!"

Ichigo's eyes snapped open and he found a very flushed but very pissed Rukia gritting her teeth at him. She looked like a little rabbit about to take off a knight's head…It was then that he considered her words and all his anger returned. "What the hell is that supposed to mean you bunny obsessed midget?!" He glared down at her and continued, "I'm trying to do the right thing here—".

"Well, you're doing it wrong!" Rukia fervently shouted pushing herself onto her toes to make herself taller. Her face was burning and she knew the redness was no doubt taking over but she shouted anyway, "This isn't how you're supposed to do it! God, you suck at this!"

"It's my first time!" Ichigo proclaimed, before being rudely cut off.

"At least you could put more heart into it!" she balled her fists so tight from embarrassment that her knuckles began to whiten. "You're supposed to be all fidgety or nervous or God forbid confident when you make that kind of proposal! Why do you fail?!"

…Yeah, what she said.

"Why would I be confident?!" Ichigo suddenly retorted, finally able to speak. He forced himself to calm down and burning amber met shimmering amethyst once again. "It's all up to you anyway. You have all the power here, I'm completely at your mercy…no matter how freaking unfair that is—".

"How is that unfair?!"

"How is it _not_ unfair?! The entire situation is utterly your fault and you should take responsibility—".

"I'm not taking responsibility for your hormones!"

"…Wait, what?" Ichigo's eyes widened as her words began to sink in, confusing the hell out of him. "What the hell does any of this have to do with hormones?" For some reason, Rukia's face turned a bright red and she obviously seemed very flustered by this conversation.

"W-Well, you should know!" the bunny obsessed girl shouted in response, forcing her blush to recede. "This all started with you and your perverted staring! It's so obvious what you want it hurts!"

Ichigo opened his mouth to protest but quickly shut it…something didn't add up here…because right now, 2 x 2 = fuck if I know!

Gathering up his brittle consciousness, Ichigo swallowed nervously and bravely asked, "What did_ you_ think I meant?"

Finally, Rukia began to feel the normal feeling of a boy's nervous confession and she folded her arms to appear more in control of her fluctuating emotions. "You obviously keep staring at me because…because you…" she trailed off and he didn't hear the end of her sentence.

Now his curiosity was taking over and he desperately wanted to know if they were talking about the same thing, – which he hoped she wasn't – so he pressed on, "What?! What's so obvious you crazy bunny midget?!" he shouted desperately.

His comment triggered her hidden rage and she began to grow tired of the run around, "Oh, never mind you perverted orange haired asshole who fails at talking to girls!" She turned to leave but his hand grasped her shoulder and she turned to see his fiery passion bright in his eyes.

"I can talk to girls just fine you rich bitch."

"Oh, really. Is that so?"

"Yes, that is so!"

"Then admit that you have huge crush on me and want to take me out for an expensive dinner date."

"No I—YES!"

"…What?"

"What?!"

They stared at each other with wide eyes for a moment. Rukia had simply meant the proposal as a joke, something to throw him off and give her a chance to escape…she never expected he'd actually agree! What had she done…aside from causing fans all over the world to squeal with unparalleled joy?

…If you listen really carefully, you can hear your inner fanboy/fangirl creaming their drawers…clean that up...

Steadying herself, she finally asked, "What did you say?" trying to confirm if her ears had deceived her.

"Nothing! Certainly not asking you out on a date…because I hate you!" Ichigo quickly defended, growing more anxious by the moment.

"Well, that's fine because I hate you too!"

"Good! We're both in agreement about—Would you like to get coffee sometime?"

…Did we just skip again a few chapters…? No, no, we're right on schedule…Wow, that's kind of a blindside isn't it?

Rukia stared at him awkwardly, her mouth agape, unable to form sentences. Did he really just ask her…out on a date? Was the really happening? Was the apocalypse upon us? Would Shirayuki allow the young man to keep his manhood after asking such a question?

Ichigo was nothing short of panicking by this point. In his quick attempt to cover up his mistake about his secret identity, Ichigo had unwittingly revealing something far more devastating…his hormonal interest in the petite raven haired girl. What the hell was he doing?! Why was he suddenly asking her out like this?! This was what his nighttime antics were for, spending quality time with the sexy bunny girl without arousing suspicion…now what the hell would he do at night?

…He would do her—Whoa, keep it in your pants Ichigo! We save that for Chapter 12...why are we now eager for Chapter 12…?

His mind swirled with both great realization and relief but as he considered the full extent of both her words and the proposal. On the one hand, this meant she really wasn't aware of his identity and merely misinterpreted his 'observant' staring…but now he was asking her to spend quality time with _him_ and not _The Mystic_…

…Now things began to get hard…in more ways than one…pork sausage, am I right?

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**And thus this awkward chapter comes to an end. I had a difficult time with this one so be honest and tell me what you all think. Don't sugar coat it, let me know how to make this story even funnier than it is! Remember, the power lies within you!**

**Don't ask me about Chapter 12…all will be revealed in time. **

**Thanks for all the support and keep on smiling my beautiful readers!**


	8. The Amazing Bunny Girl

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

**A/N: A big thank you to kitsune23star for drawing the wonderful art that now accompanies this fantastic story. Check out her profile on deviant art for more amazing artwork!**

* * *

The Amazing Bunny Girl

The chance for new beginnings is only possible through the efforts of the past, whether we know it or not. Each new generation is responsible for their own choices. Whether it is donning a skimpy, skintight purple suit of sexiness or a simple hooded cloak and mask, we must all bear the weight of our decisions.

However, once that decision is made and an answer received, you can no longer turn away from the purpose you have defined for yourself. Even if you are backed into a corner without carrots, or pressed against a wall by fear of rejection, all that really needs to be remembered is…

With great acceptance comes great responsibility…that and _someone_ has to buy the condoms…

* * *

-Karakura University-

Ichigo and Rukia stared at each other, unable to form cognitive thoughts as they both floundered for understanding and words.

You know, if you were to take a goldfish and a marlin and throw them on the ground in front of these two…you'd have the same situation, only with dying fish…creepy imagery…

Nevertheless, words failed both of them and the long silence that perpetuated made the couple increasingly more apprehensive. Ichigo was overcome with feelings of insecurity and possible rejection while Rukia was merely stunned by her hated classmate's awkward yet enticing offer. After nearly 96 seconds of unfettered silence, the orange haired instigator opened his mouth and sounds flowed in an unusual wave.

"So, uh…yeah…um…a…Yup!"

…Such eloquence…

Panic had become Ichigo's companion as he stared down the beautiful midget of a superheroine, praying for the universe to take pity on him. This whole affair wouldn't have been as difficult if said beautiful girl wasn't pointing her shimmering amethyst eyes directly into his burning ambers! The roles had been reversed! Now she was raping _him _with _her _eyes! Why did he feel like melting away under her gaze?!

Seeing his face begin to redden and fearing he would pass out at any second, Rukia mentally slapped herself and forced her practice Kuchiki manners to resurface. Despite her racing heart, the superheroine turned her shock into a nonchalant frown and asked, "_You're_ asking _me_, the one person you despise and ridicule more than anyone else on the entire campus—".

"The entire world actually…" Ichigo instantly responded, his brain forcing him to correct her, despite his feelings to the contrary.

"_The entire world_ then," Rukia forced out through gritted teeth before glaring at him furiously, "You're asking the girl you hate, whom also hates you, out for a cup of coffee?"

"Yes."

"As in formally…date-like?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I have _no _idea."

…There are several reasons actually: _**So**_phisticated Conversation, Decip_**he**_ring Likes and Dislikes, Learning the Can-_**can **_Dance, Digging Up Dinosaur _**Bone**_s, Discussion of _**Her**_itage…to name a few. There's a hidden meaning in this list, if you look closely you can decipher it…but no time for that! Back to the awkwardness!

Frankly, Rukia was stunned. She lowered her head and pondered her situation. Ichigo never acted like this…ever! Beyond the cruel insults and shouting matches they hosted on a daily basis, the petite heroine never really thought much of him. Sure, he had the body of Greek God but being attracted to him beyond physically was a thought that never crossed her mind. Not once did she think herself compatible with the orange haired asshole.

He was loud and boisterous, she was quiet and reserved. He was obnoxious and bunny hating, she was sweet and loved rabbits enough to save them over him any day. He despised Chappy…she was Chappy. He was passionate about his studies…but so was she. He strived for excellence and justice, just like her. He was her only intellectual equal, no one else came close. He would help her out – begrudgingly – if some pervert tried to attack her, she never thought about that before. He insisted that she be herself in front of everyone, to prove she was a bitch but he still supported her true nature.

And now he was asking her out…if the realization that hit her was a metal pole, she would have a concussion.

Ichigo's fear of rejection continued to bubble up inside him as the icy superheroine contemplated his offer. All he really wanted was to spend time with her…without her knowing it…just watching her and seeing everything she did and awing about how beautiful she looked.

…If he wasn't her arch-nemesis he'd be a stalker, wouldn't he? Or is he using the nemesis bit to stalk her openly? Oh my God_ that's_ how it works! No wonder he's single…

Rukia's perpetual sigh snapped him back to reality and he felt his face growing even hotter from embarrassment. The petite raven haired girl turned back to him but before she could open her mouth, he abruptly opened his.

"So…Coffee. You. Me. Fun. Yes?"

His disjointed words caused Rukia to rear back in surprise, an obvious rejection to his 'eloquent' proposal. "I. Go. Bye."

He quickly sputtered and spun around to dash off and hid in a dark corner forever but before he made it even one step, a small but firm hand grasp his palm. Frozen in place, Ichigo could only force his eyes to turn back and see the scowling object of his affection glaring at him. At the same time, her hand felt so warm…

"Hold up," she demanded and he obeyed, not moving for fear of her ripping his arm off. Rukia tugged him back and forced him to face her, still grasping his hand. Her glare softened slightly and she took a deep breath before saying, "Why the hell not?"

"Excuse me?" Ichigo asked in utter disbelief. His voice was low and he practically begged her, "Could you repeat that please?"

"I said, 'Why the hell not?'. Or are your ears—".

"That's a 'Yes', right?!" Without thinking, he released her soothing hand and gripped her shoulders, not believing he'd actually heard that. The raven haired superheroine stared wide-eyed at him, trying to regain her sense of normalcy. Why we he so overly excited…why was she overly excited for that matter?

"Uh…Yeah. That is a 'Yes'," She felt the pressure of his grip tighten and his nails dug into her tender shoulders. "Can you please let go of me now?" Ichigo instantly retracted his arms but the moment he did, Rukia felt the warmth leave as well and for unknown reasons, she wanted it back.

When the icy superheroine's favorable answer reached him, Ichigo felt that time was frozen in his blood, and the vaults of the heaven's moved closer in to listen to them, and the stars began to dance, and unbridled joy infested his heart with warmth, and Rukia took a cautious step back at the overly happy grin on his face that was reminiscent of a pedophile.

...Seriously Ichigo, you should have that looked at…

But the orange haired youth couldn't care less, for his cloud nine was higher than a drug addict.

"So, when do we do this?" Rukia's question made Ichigo's eerie grin vanish and his usual scowl made a frightening comeback, which the superheroine found surprisingly welcome.

"How about tomorrow?" the orange haired man suggested without much thought, "We can meet at…uh…" His lack of forethought caught up to him and he realized he didn't actually go anywhere beyond stalk—err…following of Chappy Rukia. That meant…he had absolutely no idea where coffee was sold! Hell, he barely knew where the grocery store was and he lived next to it!

Thankfully, Rukia chimed in and saved him from embarrassment. "How about we meet at the Cake Shop across from the University?"

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "There's a Cake Shop near the University?"

Rukia gave him an incredulous look, "What? You've never seen it before?" The orange haired man shook his head and shrugged. The petite young woman grinned and said, "Do you _have_ a life?" Instantly, the air between them became breathable again and their usual tones began to return.

"Well, excuse me for having a real person job that I go to each day to pay bills!" Ichigo retorted, the excitement ceasing to fade.

"Ha! A real person job! What do you do? Hang sheet-rock? Oh wait, I forgot. That's for _real men_." Rukia said with a malicious grin that hid her amusement. Ichigo scowled deeper and took a brave step toward her, glaring down into her smirking visage.

"It's better than you, retreating to a limo each day and pampering yourself with God-awful clothes and ugly stuffed animals. Not to mention the uninterruptable drawings you use to torture your victims and drive away boyfriends—". Ichigo was forced to jump back and evade a kick aimed for his privates.

"My drawings are wonderful! You're such an asshole! Why did you ask me out anyway?"

"Because if I don't then you'll never get a date!"

"Are you insinuating that I'm incapable of finding myself a date?"

"With a psychotic bodyguard/maid with an affinity for castration…Yeah, you're gonna have issues."

Rukia folded her arms and furiously glared at her offender/date and replied, "How dare you insult my closest friend/servant! And I do not have issues! You have issues! You can be a real dipshit sometimes, you know that?! You're insensitive and asshole-ish and what time are we meeting tomorrow?"

"I'll be there at 2PM. You can show up late, as usual. It's all your good for, Midget." Ichigo calmly replied, turning and beginning to walk away.

"Well fine! I'll make you pay for the whole thing, considering you're the one doing the asking!"

"Fine by me!" the orange haired man shouted back, "I wouldn't let you pay anyway! I don't take money from pamper rich bitches like you!"

Rukia huffed and turned the opposite way, "I'll dress nice so return the favor!" She stomped her feet as she marched away, heading for the limo that awaited her.

"I'll wear whatever I want and still look great! I don't need you telling me that!" Ichigo shouted in the distance.

…Did…did they just agree to a date in the middle of an argument? Is that even possible? They even manage to work in what kind of clothing to wear for the event…More importantly, did you feel the sexual tension there?! You could cut it with your fucking hand it's so thick!

As they headed in opposite directions, Ichigo's scowl was tilted upright just a bit and the icy gaze of Rukia softened ever so slightly.

* * *

-Kuchiki Manor-

Shirayuki's day was proceeding rather excellently. After persuading her charge to take the jumbo mace can, some of her fears had been laid to rest concerning Rukia's safety. This led to a most relaxing day of cooking, cleaning, a bit of pampering, and finally perfecting her ninjitsu stealth training to better follow her mistress if the unforgiveable ever occurred – A date.

Then again, the maid in white knew of Rukia's unfettered hatred for anything that did not involved justice or her nightly routine. Men had never been a priority for the bunny suited superheroine, mostly due to Shirayuki instilling fear, and exaggerated horror stories, about men in her since infanthood. Just like Shirayuki's mother had done when she was young and impressionable.

…Thus proving that parents are the reason behind kooties, thinking boys/girls are 'eww', and a defined hatred for the opposite sex based on sexist statistics…Seriously, it's like parents don't want us to have sex and procreate…maybe?

Still, Shirayuki had once been abstinent herself, many years ago. She knew all too well the temptations of flesh, an insatiable hunger for release that not even the Buddha could resist…and God help us he tried! But the loyal maid was more than prepared for anything that any potential advancement that men would make on the impressionable Rukia, she had been preparing for it for all of Rukia's life. With a closet filled with bear traps, and euthanizing needles, what could go wrong?

Just then, Shirayuki's exceptional hearing picked up the sound of the front door groaning and she tucked her shuriken into her sleeve before heading for her mistress' location – the faithful maid never left home without her sharp throwing objects. She gracefully rounded a corner and stood at the top of the large staircase that led down to the front entrance. Below her, Rukia took set her book bag down and began to advance toward the stairs. With a gracious bow, Shirayuki said, "Welcome home, Lady Rukia."

"Thank you, Shirayuki. What's for dinner tonight?" the petite young woman asked as she passed her protector on the stairs.

Suddenly, the loyal maid gripped her arm and held her in place. Shocked, Rukia was frozen in place and stared at her servant, bewildered. With her eyes wide, Shirayuki lifted her mistress' hand to her nostrils and inhaled deeply. She let out a horrific gasp and nearly fell over, managing to catch herself on the stair rail. Rukia moved to help her up but found Shirayuki's other hand grasping her shoulder, forcing their eyes to meet.

"You smell of testosterone!"

Shirayuki's odd proclamation startled and terrified Rukia all at once. The loyal maid was tightly holding the hand that the superheroine had used to stop Ichigo from departing earlier that day. Somehow, the faithful maid was able to detect the presence of males on Rukia's hand with only a slight sniff.

…Wait…WHAT?! How is this even possible?!

Before Rukia could form a proper, Shirayuki stood up to her full height and glared down at her charge. "Who is it that has touched you and who you have touched?" Her menacing tone and icy crystal eyes would have left a lesser person relieving their bowls but all Rukia produced was a single bead of sweat on her brow.

"What are you talking about Shirayuki? I haven't touched anyone." Rukia hoped that her eyes did not give way to her fear, knowing that her maid would implement drastic/depraved measures to ensure her safety. Not to mention the News tomorrow morning would involve the corpse of her orange haired classmate if she slipped up now.

Shirayuki narrowed her eyes and scowled. "Do not lie to me, My Lady. I can smell the presence of men on your hand." For a moment, Rukia thought she could pass it off as a simple chance encounter with Ichigo in class but, "If it was an accident it would not have such a strong odor…it is as if he grasped you as well!"

…Shit! Now we're all kinds of fucked! But not in the way we want!

Rukia forced her nerves to calm themselves, as long as she ensured her protector that it was not in a sexual way, she prayed it would be enough stave off the relentless protectiveness of her servant. She put on a gentle smile and gently placed her hand atop Shirayuki's.

"I had something to discuss with my classmate this afternoon. I simply grabbed onto his hand to stop him from—".

"He confessed his love and requested a date from you, didn't he?!" Shirayuki shouted, her eyes growing frantic. This panicked gaze completely threw off Rukia's energy and drive; she had never seen her protector so frightened in all her life. Shirayuki had always been strong and defiant but now it was as if she was reliving a horrific event from her past.

It was this pained look that caused Rukia to realized that lying to her mother figure would not only be devastating, it could destroy the trust they had built over their long years together. Taking a deep breath, the icy superheroine smiled once again and replied, "Well, he asked me out on a date at least."

At that moment, something inside Shirayuki shattered and she slumped against the railing, the only thing holding her upright. She lowered her head and whispered, "I knew this day would come…"

The faithful maid readjusted herself and snapped her head up, a fiery passion burning in her crystal eyes. "I require his name, address, social security number, a layout of his dwelling, his daily schedule, and a clear vantage point of his room."

Rukia raised a suspicious eyebrow. "Why?"

"To effectively plan the most effective method of terminating this interloper's perverse existence."

...I would advise to locking your doors at night but with this crazy bitch there is no such thing as doors…

Rukia narrowed her eyes at her faithful maid and said, "It's just a simple date. I don't plan on getting close to him."

"That's how it begins but sooner or later it could blossom into sex or worse – Marriage!" Shirayuki's earnest attempts had no effect on the increasingly agitated superheroine. "At least tell me you know of his constitution," she begged her charge, praying for a favorable answer.

"Constitution? You mean like his personal traits or family history?" a puzzled Rukia asked, "Would you be more comfortable with it if you knew he was pursuing the same career as I am?"

Shirayuki gave her mistress an unusual and suspicious look but it only served to make the conversation more awkward. "I'm asking if he's a eunuch. I will allow it if he's a eunuch—".

"He's not a eunuch, as far as I know."

"Then he must _die_…"

The raven haired young woman gave a great sigh and pushed away from her devious servant. "Shirayuki…Just stop it." Rukia fixated her gaze on the maid and took a step away from her, heading back down the stairs, toward the Chappy Hole.

Shirayuki's breath caught in her throat at the seriousness of her charge and asked, "Have I done something to displease you, Lady Rukia?" Her question was honest and heartfelt, oblivious to how maniacal her suggests were. "You know that I would do absolutely anything to please you…don't you?"

Rukia abruptly stomped her foot as she spun back around and shouted, "If that is so, why don't you approve of my wish to try going out for once?!" Her tone surprised even her but she would not back down.

Shirayuki was taken completely aback by this outburst. "You mean you actually _desire_ to accompany this young man on a formal outing," she pressed, completely shocked. "Why would you even consider such a thing?!"

Rukia's rage boiled and she shouted without thinking, "Because it's the first time anyone outside my family has shown an interest in _me_! Not Chappy, not the Kuchiki Heir, but me as a person! It's flattering and I want to at least give it a try."

Shirayuki clenched her fists and replied, "Are you insinuating that I do not show interest in you as a person?"

"Considering how you frantically deny me any freedom aside from school and crime fighting – Yeah!"

"That is no way to talk to your protector, My Lady." Shirayuki descended the stairs and walked up to Rukia, glaring all the way. "I will hear no more of this foolish talk about putting your virtue in danger for a simple date. You will not—".

"No. I will not let you take this away from me Shirayuki. Not this time."

The overly protective maid was unable to retort as the air around them began to drop in temperature. The room began to become frigid and icy; the houseplants on the nearby table began to wither from the sheer cold and their breaths became visible as the air itself began to freeze. Shirayuki gasped as nearly the entire room began to be cover in ice and snow, and at the epicenter was Rukia, her amethyst eyes shimmering with frosted power.

Rukia lowered her head and furrowed her brows, angered by the fact that her emotions caused her to momentarily lose control over her powers. "This is my reality," she pointed to the frozen area that surrounded them. She lifted her head and stared directly into her protector's crystal eyes, unwavering determination powering her gaze. "I bear the burden of this overwhelming power that we both know is unstable at times. Is it so wrong that I want to just forget about my power for a while…and be normal?"

Shirayuki stood before her, a blank expression covering her face. With a graceful and elegant step, she moved to her mistress and embraced her in a warm and motherly hug. "Of course not." She hugged Rukia even tighter and the icy grip on the room began to dissipate. "Not so long ago…I was the same way," Shirayuki continued, stroking her charge's hair. "But I worry. I don't want you to turn out like me. Broken, unwanted and unloved."

Rukia rapped her arms around her surrogate mother and replied, "You are none of those things! You are strong and beautiful and…the only person I have ever looked up to…"

The icy atmosphere had almost completely disappeared and now the two women held each other in a soft blanket of snow. However, neither of these chilling women felt the bitter cold that encased them, only the loving warmth that radiated from their hearts. The frost around them slowly began to melt and they each took a step back, still holding onto each other's arms.

"You win, Rukia." Shirayuki announced with a warm smile. "I will allow you to go on your formal outing. But you must at least give me his name and exactly where you will be going."

Rukia's eyes lit up and a bright smile cascaded over her lips. "I think I can manage that," she retorted, still beaming. For the first time in years, the superheroine felt as if she had control over her crazy, justice filled life and was pleased that her mother figure approved as well. That is, until Shirayuki pulled long rod from her robe and handed it to her charge.

"But just in case, take this electrified stun rod. They say it can kill a blue whale with a single strike!"

…

…

…Okay, really? REALLY?! Why must you ruin the warm and tender moments, Shirayuki?! WHY?! We did good for a while there, not interrupting the tender moment even though there were tons of places for witty commentary! – "I'd do anything to please you" – There was a yuri joke waiting to explode for that one but noooo, it had to be cut for the _freaking 'tender moment'_ to be ruined by the mistress of castration! Shirayuki is _made of bitch_!

…

…

…It's all better now….kinda…

This time, however, Rukia merely smiled sweetly at her servant's valiant efforts and accepted the rod with a malicious grin. "Just this once, I'll accept your offer." With that, the renewed heroine nodded and turned toward the secret entrance to her underground lair and advanced toward it with a pleasant smile.

Shirayuki smiled proudly at Rukia as the superheroine departed for the Chappy Hole and whispered to herself, "I have trained you well…" She glanced around the now flooded corridor where the ice had melted and gave a playful sigh.

"At least she didn't freeze the entire mansion. We certainly didn't need a repeat of last month's period fiasco…"

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**This one turned out rather fun and exciting! I was away for a while because of work and a play and I probably won't be able to update for another week or so but I hope this will hold you off until that time. On an unrelated note, if you can decipher the hidden message...10 points!**

**I really wanted a nice scene between Rukia and Shirayuki and I like how it all turned out, despite her untimely interruption of the beautifully tender moment! And don't think Ichigo's getting off easy either, if you know what I mean! ;)**

**Reviews make me a happy writer and give good insight so drop me one to improve the story even more! Thanks again for the continued support and keep on smiling you beautiful readers!**


	9. Cash - Money For Pictures of Chappy

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

**Author Note: A big thank you to – Hekka – for giving me the great idea used in this chapter.**

* * *

Cash/Money for Pictures of Chappy

One who dedicates them self to justice is not always considered a hero, at least not in the eyes of the public. It is rare when the masses side with the man behind the mask who takes the law into his own hands…even if that man is a woman in a purple bunny suit.

However, one's good deeds do not go unnoticed, even in the hypocritical world we live in. It may only be one person, but they know that the choice the vigilante made was the right one. Sometimes, a superhero needs the support of the masses, even if they consist of middle aged men with rather…unique tastes.

* * *

-Hyorinmaru Press-

"What the hell is this?!"

Toshiro Hitsugaya, a short man with slicked back white hair, shouted at his most reliable and successful photographer, Kon. The young photographer stood in Toshiro's office, his fluffy and curly hair nearly forming a lion's main around his head while his black button eyes stared at his boss, confused.

"I thought it was a great shot, Mr. Hitsugaya!" Kon adamantly expressed handing him even more photos. Toshiro took each one and looked them over carefully, growing more and more agitated with each new image. The latest issue of "Hyorinmaru Press" sat in front of him, Chappy taking the spotlight on the front page once again.

Toshiro threw the images in his hands away and furiously grabbed the paper and shoved it in Kon's face. The headline read: 'Who is this scantily clad superhero?' while featuring a wonderful image of Chappy's bunny suited butt and most of her legs. "I do not pay you to bring me smut!" Toshiro shouted, jabbing his finger into the paper. "We are a professional newspaper, not a dirty magazine!"

…If this is what their Newspaper's like, imagine their porn…

Chief Editor, Rangiku Matsumoto, brushed back her long blonde hair as she stood by her boss' side and smirked at the image on the front page. "I don't know boss, it seems pretty fetching if you ask me."

"No one asked you!" The Newspaper owner shouted, not bothering to look back at her. He shook Kon slightly and gritted his teeth at him, continuing, "Every time you bring me new photos of Chappy, you claim you are getting closer to discovering her identity but all I see are T&A images! It's disgraceful!"

Kon simply smiled and replied, "But I take other great photos too." He pulled out more pictures from his pocket to reveal images of Chappy battling drug dealers and thugs. They really were quite impressive, despite the fact that each picture was taken from the perfect angle of either the superheroine's breasts or thighs or buttocks. The closest any of them got to her face was the top of her head but mostly the bunny ears. Kon chuckled as he handed them off to his boss.

Toshiro did not find these images to be a complete waste of time but the ratio of tit to action was a bit too staggering for his liking. He sighed deeply and continued to sift through the photos. "We are not a tabloid," he said as picked out a few photos and tossed the rest in the paper shredder, causing Kon to panic and rummage through the bin. "This is all that is required," Toshiro announced, picking out a magnificent picture of Chappy from behind, her white sword at her side.

Unbeknownst to anyone, he slipped another picture into his suit pocket before any realized it.

Rangiku raised an eyebrow at the picture her boss had selected and said, "Boss, you do realize that people will masturbate this…right?"

Toshiro snapped his attention back to the Chief Editor and replied, "What?!"

The blonde woman pointed to the bunny tail on the suit and ran her finger along up the image, "It's a fetish, boss!"

"Why?!" Toshiro pressed.

"Because The Internet…" she answered blatantly. Toshiro groaned and massaged his temples gently, trying to suppress his anger and find his happy place.

Meanwhile, Kon continued to panic. "How could you do that boss?!" Kon shouted as he tried to piece the photos back together. "I needed the rest of these for my private collection! How could you treat my precious Chappy like that?!"

Toshiro finally lifted his head. "I do not care for your perverted collection. I only care about the success of my business." He answered coldly, handing the remaining picture to Rangiku. "Be sure to include the findings of the police's discoveries in the article. No more finger pointing."

The blonde woman scowled and replied, "But the readers like the 'Which celebrity is Chappy game?'. It helped sell papers!"

"No, it didn't."

"It lightened the mood of the article."

"We are trying to report the truth, not spread propaganda."

"It filled in the space since all we have is the picture and nothing productive to write."

"…Make the picture larger this time."

"But then I'll have to actually spend time writing the article!"

"You don't even write the articles."

"But I'll have to _read_ it for editing!"

"You don't read them anyway."

"Yes, I do!"

"No, you don't."

"No, I don't…but I could!"

Her complaints fell on deaf ears as Toshiro sat back down in his chair while Kon sobbed at his loss. "How will I explain this to the other club members? I can't be called the President of the Chappy Fan Club if I don't have all her pictures!" Kon shouted/cried as he picked himself up and shouted to the ceiling, "How will she know of my devotion if I don't plaster my apartment walls with her semi-nude visage?!"

…The same way she doesn't know of any other man's devotion…_Shirayuki_.

"Enough!" Toshiro shouted, "I will hear no more of this whimpering! From now on, I will only take photos with this level of decency!" He pointed to the only remaining picture, "Bring me more of these or I will be forced to—".

"Little Shiro!" The entire room stood still as Toshiro's secretary, Momo Hinamori, burst into the room. "You won't believe what's happened!" She bent over and took heavy breaths, obviously exhausted. Toshiro frowned at her calling him by her childhood nickname but that is to be expected when you hire your fiancé as your secretary. Finally catching her breath, Momo smiled wide and shouted, "We've completely sold out for today!"

The energy in the room fell then rose to extreme levels. "Sold out?" Toshiro asked suspiciously. "How can that be possible?! There's no way we could have sold over twenty million copies before Noon!" It was true that the paper had been doing extremely well as of late, and mostly because of the Chappy reports that always made the headlines.

Toshiro glared at Kon who was absolutely ecstatic about the development. Only six months ago Hyorinmaru Press had printed an ad saying, 'Cash/Money for pictures of Chappy', and the next day, Kon came in with an entire album full of pictures. Literally, the album was labeled 'My Precious' and everything! Ever since then, the passionate photographer had been bringing in photos of the mysterious superheroine each day and no one knew how he was doing it…aside from the fact that he bragged about his telescopic camera that he had stationed on the roof of his house.

Toshiro dropped that idea for now and turned back to his secretary/fiancé. "Momo, do we have any leads on why people were so frantic to buy a paper today?" If only they could find out what made the readers so excited then maybe they could produce more—

Momo lifted the paper in her hands and pointed to the headline, "I think it's the slutty picture on the front."

…And she'd be right…I repeat, this qualifies as _NEWS_!

"Well," Rangiku said with a sly smirk, "It seems that the readers have spoken boss."

"I suppose I'll just continue as I have been, Mr. Hitsugaya." Kon said as he grinned, knowing his job and extracurricular activities still coincided. His boss didn't need to know about the extensive amount of photos he had neglected to share anyway; oh no, those were his happy time collection!

Toshiro grew red in the face and clenched his fists, "Why is it that this entire city is more concerned with fanservice than with actual news?!"

"Because fanservice sells more papers?" Momo answered, honestly trying to help.

A loud smack rang out as Toshiro's head connected with his desk. Heaving a big sigh, the Newspaper owner finally conceded. "I have lost all faith in mankind…" he mumbled into his desk before lifting his face. He felt a soft hand on his shoulder and saw Momo smiling brightly down at him. He gave her a tiny smile in return before frowning at both Rangiku and Kon.

"That's all for today. Get back to work you two." Toshiro demanded, Kon immediately gathering his items and leaving in a hurry.

Rangiku did not move, however, aside from groaning and pouting, "Already? Don't we get a lunch break, boss?"

"Perhaps if you spent your day actually working instead of polishing your nails then I'd be more inclined, but as things stand, you are being unproductive." Toshiro replied, narrowing his eyes at her. "I don't know why I keep you employed. Honestly, I don't."

"Because I'm pretty." Rangiku immediately answered, immeasurably proud of herself. This time, both Toshiro and Momo sighed at their coworker's display. She was nothing less than herself…all the time…and that's enough as it is.

"No," Toshiro answered brutally, glaring at her. "The sad fact is: I have to spend the money that I make."

"What does that mean?" Rangiku asked.

Momo giggled a bit before answering, "He employs you because you're my friend."

Toshiro nodded, "That's the size of it."

Rangiku took a step back before gasping loudly, pretending to be hurt by this obvious truth. "That doesn't seem fair to the other employees," she insisted as she turned and left the room in a huff. A deep sigh escaped the Newspaper owner.

"That's because it's not…" He answered quietly. Momo gave him a quick peck on the cheek before exiting his office as well, leaving Toshiro alone. He reached for his phone and pulled out the picture of Chappy that he had hidden during their discussion.

The image was of Chappy, the bottom half of her face visible, as she battled a strange figure in a black cloak and white mask. The masked man was only barely visible but it was enough to catch Toshiro's attention. Putting that aside for now, he glanced at Chappy's half revealed face and dialed a number.

The receiver of the call picked up almost instantly, Toshiro began speaking…

"We have a development…Yes, I am taking care not to let her face be revealed. I hope you realize that deceiving my employees is not something I usually condone…As long as you understand…No, I'm still unsure of how Kon's acquiring these pictures. Although, I have my suspicions…Did you ever consider he might simply be a stalker?...No, I can't fire him for that…I'm aware my paper makes her look like a harlot…I can't control what she wears…Perhaps if she wore a face covering this would not be an issue? Or something other than an outfit ordered from Playboy?...I will keep you informed…Good day."

He ended the call and glanced to the picture once again, this time focusing on the masked man Chappy was battling. Kon was probably so excited about Chappy that he didn't notice the masked man at all. He had to have been focusing entirely on the bunny suited girl for him not to notice or bring up the masked man to his boss.

…Super focused stalking powers…go?

Sighing, he lifted his phone and dial another number. As the line rang, Toshiro muttered, "Dammit, Kurosaki. Even now you cause trouble for me."

* * *

-Urahara Apartments-

As Ichigo climbed the stairs of to his apartment, one could easily see the orange haired young man was a bit different. He was moving at a nice, easy pace. His steps had a bit of a spring in them. And his trademark scowl was oddly missing, replaced with a blank expression. However, a blank expression was the closest Ichigo came to a smile that was not forced or evil.

Then again, a pretty girl just agreed to go out on a date with him…he should be leaping over buildings. It was a monumental accomplishment for him. Not only did he talk to Rukia without completely insulting her, kinda, but he even managed to turn his fears of being discovered into an opportunity to spend more time with her.

…Fellow stalkers would be proud.

"Oh, you're looking pleased today, Ichigo. What's the occasion?" A voice called out and stopped him.

Ichigo glanced over to see his landlord, Kisuke Urahara leaning against the nearby wall. Actually, if he hadn't been focused completely on Rukia, then he would certainly have noticed Kisuke's presence. Not many men could wear a striped hat, a dark green robe/coat and wooden sandals without being mistaken for a male prostitute, but somehow he pulled it off. The only thing that convinced Ichigo his landlord wasn't a hooker was the man's wife, Yoruichi, whom was almost always away on long business trips.

Ichigo's scowl returned as he answered, "It's nothing really. How have you been, Kisuke?"

The landlord grinned wide and whipped out a soft rabbit plushie from his sleeve. "Since Yoruichi's been working so hard to support us, I decided to start a business of my own." He extended the stuffed bunny out to Ichigo who apprehensively took it. "I introduce to you, Charpy…It's like Chappy but without all the nasty copyright infringements…and it's a bunny."

Ichigo's eyes narrowed and the plushie rabbit was thrown back in his landlord's face. "What wrong with everyone? Everyone's going crazy for that Chappy chick. You can't just make a toy modeled after her!" Kisuke caressed his plushie bunny before returning it to his sleeve and glaring at Ichigo.

"I'll have you know that I spent all night pouring my heart and soul into making these delightful little bunnies. They come in various styles such as; teacher, student, master, slave, hero, anti-hero…and they are all made with 100% love and the sweat of children!" Kisuke proudly announced, striking a pose, only to be punched by his tenant.

Ichigo grabbed him by the collar and shouted, "Don't tell me you're forcing Ururu and Jinta to make your freaky dolls?! How could you do that to your own children?! You're even more depraved than I thought!" Just as he thought about bashing the bastard's head in, the door to Kisuke's workshop opened and a girl with dark hair and pigtails poked her head out.

"Daddy, is everything alright?" she quietly asked, frightened of the image before her. Kisuke broke out of Ichigo grasp and laughed heartily before patting her on the head affectionately.

"Ichigo and I were only playing, Ururu. Nothing to worry about, I assure you."

The orange haired tenant marveled at how Kisuke could turn from being a completely freaky conman into a loving and doting father in two seconds flat. This made Ichigo relax a bit, remembering his landlord's frightening sense of humor and his relentless pursuit of awkward comedy. That is until Ururu asked, "Daddy, when can I eat dinner today?"

Kisuke smiled and answered, "As soon as you finish your quota and no sooner."

…Subtle as a lawn mower, isn't he?

"Kisuke!"

A new voice shook the area and from behind Ichigo a flash caught his attention. Instantly, a woman with long dark hair in a pony tail, Yoruichi Urahara, was in front of him, holding her husband by the throat. "What did I say about side projects?" the dark haired woman seethed before turning her head toward Ichigo. "Hi, Ichigo. How are things?"

"N-Not bad." Ichigo nervously answered, pleased that she was gone most of the year on business. Must have been one of those rare vacation times…

"Glad to hear it." The intimidating woman gave a catlike smile as she turned back to her husband, tightening her grip on his neck. "Answer me, Kisuke. What about side projects?"

"Only if I bring them up after sex?" Kisuke chided before receiving a punch to the gut.

"That's correct," Yoruichi replied, "Now, if you want to make your stupid little rabbits then do them yourself!" Yoruichi kneed her husband in the groin before taking her daughter's hand and leading her inside. "Mommy will get dinner started right now, sweetie."

"What about Daddy?"

"Let him suffer."

The door was slammed behind them and Ichigo was relieved for both himself and the kids. Kisuke barely managed to climb to his feet before Ichigo sneered at him, "Serves you right, you bastard! You're lucky I don't call the cops and have you arrested!"

Kisuke regained his balance and composure enough to reply, "A piece of advice, my young friend. Be careful who you marry…because bitches be crazy. I hope you find yourself a less frightening woman—".

"I heard that Kisuke!" Yoruichi's voice shouted from his door, sending a chill down both the men's spines. With a deep sigh, the landlord completely composed himself and turned back to his tenant.

"Bitches be crazy..." he whispered with a happy grin.

Ichigo huffed and turned to leave, "Don't worry, I'll be careful not to piss her off—". He stopped the moment he realized he had alluded to something but it was too late, Kisuke's eyes snapped to his tenant and a toothy grin spread over his features.

"Piss who off, exactly?" the landlord asked, stoping Ichigo in his tracks. "You've got a date, don't you? You sly dog." Kisuke's flippant tone cut off Ichigo before he could respond and continued, "In that case, why not buy her one of my complimentary stuffed rabbit dolls! Only 1000 yen! A discount for me favorite tenant! Guaranteed to get you some tomorrow night! Condoms will cost extra though…"

The surprised Ichigo didn't know where to start with all this commotion. He had known that his landlord was an odd sort, always sneaking around and conning people into his weird schemes. Wait…was he selling bunny dolls now? Just when Chappy was getting to be popular among creepy unmarried men? This man has no shame…

Shaking his head, Ichigo retorted, "It's not a date! We're just hanging out!" He instantly realized his mistake and clammed up but the damage was done, judging by the creepy grin on Urahara's face. Once Urahara learned of any bit of info…the world was soon to follow.

"Oh, so that's why you're looking so chipper today—".

"I am not looking chipper!" Ichigo instantly defended, "I look the same as always!"

"No, you don't." Kisuke answered with a grin. "First of all, that spring in your step is completely out of character. Secondly, this is the first time I've ever seen you without a frown…ever. And finally, you're holding your book bag in the opposite hand than you usually use." The landlord nodded at his own observations with pride.

"How does the bag thing signify anything?!" Ichigo asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, I just needed a third thing to point out. It's bad not to observe things in threes. You'll get kidney stones."

…Is it weird that he's actually right about this one?

Either way, Ichigo groaned and turned to head up the stairs to his apartment. "It's none of your business anyway!" He sped off up the stairs with Urahara enthusiastically waving goodbye to him.

"Have fun. Get laid. Don't get her pregnant." Kisuke sighed affectionately and turned back to his workshop. "They grow up so fast…Glad to know he isn't gay. Now I don't have to work on my sex ed. bunny to move things along."

* * *

When Ichigo finally got back to his apartment, he found an additional pair of shoes at the door. He sighed as he recognized them. Then a strange smell invaded his nostril and he dashed for the kitchen. He burst into the cooking area, fire extinguisher in hand and shouted, "Uryu! Tell me it's you cooking!"

Across the room, a dark haired young man with glasses was standing over the stove preparing noodles. "Do you really believe I would let your Uncle anywhere near the kitchen?" Uryu Ishida condescendingly replied, allowing Ichigo to take a sigh of relief before setting down the red can of fire prevention.

"No, but he sneaks in here sometimes…the bastard," the orange haired young man said as he glanced around for his uncle. "Where is he anyway?"

"Don't know," Uryu answered, finishing the dish. "The place was empty when I got here." He put the noodles onto plates and passed on over to Ichigo before sitting down at the table.

"How did you get in?" Ichigo questioned as he sampled the excellently prepared noodles.

Uryu gave his old friend a glare. "You gave me a spare key in case of emergencies. How else would I get into your apartment on the third floor? I can't leap over tall building like you can, you know."

Ichigo didn't appreciate the sarcasm but kept quiet while he ate the meal his childhood friend had made for them. Uryu came about once a month to check in on his oldest friend, since he knew that neither Ichigo nor his uncle could cook without causing an international incident. Even though he had stressed that they needed to learn the basic lessons of life, cooking mainly, he still came by to ensure they didn't starve.

"So, what brings you here?" Ichigo absentmindedly asked.

Uryu sighed and pointed to a package that he had brought with him. "Your Uncle called and told me you had a 'wardrobe malfunction', so I brought a replacement. Can't have The Mystic going around topless now can we? Or are you trying to match your current foe in sex appeal?" He grinned at his anti-hero friend as the shock settled in. Uryu had been a part of Ichigo inner circle of friends for over eighteen years and also had secrets within his own family.

Uryu came from a family line similar to the Kurosaki's, in that the Ishida's also knew of the energy that all living beings had. However, the potency of his family line had deteriorated over time and now they simply led normal lives. As much as continuing the tradition of becoming doctors can be considered normal. Uryu had graduated a few years ahead of Ichigo and was already an accomplished doctor, a handy person to have as an ally as an anti-hero for hire.

Like it or not, Ichigo knew he couldn't keep anything from Uryu for long…especially when he started his little affair with the city's Defender of Justice. However, rather than scold him as he had expected, Uryu actually encouraged his friend to pursue this challenge against the super-powered bunny girl. The doctor also thought it would be a nice way for Ichigo to get involved with women.

…Yes, because online dating is so impersonal…might as well stalk the only superheroine in town…much more subtle…

"Dammit!" Ichigo swore, realizing that Zangetsu must have seen his tattered coat and shattered mask. No doubt he was in for an earful when his uncle returned, breaking the ancestral mask is kind of a 'no-no' in the mercenary business. "My Uncle needs to mind his own business!" Ichigo sneered as he approached the package.

He opened the box pulled out the coat without looking at it and flung it over himself, pulling it tight. At that moment, everything felt off and the sight of glitter flashed before his eyes and he froze.

"I made a few modifications to your coat while I was working on it." Uryu explained as his friend lifted the new coat from the box, horrified. "I used the same base but put lovely frills at the ends of sleeves and along the collar of the neck. Pink color, of course." Ichigo's mouth dropped open as he discovered the pink attachment.

"Then," Uryu continued, "I fixed the tattered ends of the coat by sewing them all together. They looked raged otherwise. I also shrunk the leather so that it would be skin tight, just like a certain superheroine you've been competing with. And finally, I took the liberty of changing the overall color of the coat itself. You enjoy orange, don't you?"

Ichigo abruptly turned and saw his image in the mirror. The skin tight, leather, orange trench coat with pink frills on the sleeves stared back at him and a frighteningly girly scream escaped his throat.

"You've made me into a whore!" Ichigo shouted.

"I've made you fashionably accessible—".

"It's so tight! I can't even get it off!"

"Then you better get used to it—".

"My arms are going numb! Cut me loose!"

"Oh, don't be such a baby. Besides, now you and Chappy could match—".

"HELP ME!"

Ichigo struggled to rip off the coat but was unable to pry himself free from the tightness as it began to cut off blood circulation. After watching him squirm a bit more, the young doctor cut the seams and Ichigo was free of the gimp coat. Feeling began to return to his limbs and he glared at his friend with rage. "Not funny, Uryu. Not funny at all! Where's my real coat?!" the orange haired youth demanded, summoning his black sword for emphasis.

Uryu was not fazed by his friend's anger and simply pointed to his room saying, "Try your closet, idiot."

Marching into his room, Ichigo found his closet open and his Mystic outfit completely restored. "And why didn't you tell me about this in the first place?" the mystical youth seethed as Uryu continued to smirk.

Uryu pushed up his glasses with his middle finger, purposefully, and replied, "As I said, I wanted an outfit to match Chappy's. One that was the perfect combination of style, eloquence, sex appeal, and a quality that is unexplainable in any other phrasing except – 'pointless'." He pushed up his glasses again, this time in annoyance. "Her outfit is completely lacking in refinement and I wish I had the opportunity to remodel it. But since I lack such access, I decided to try it out on you instead."

Ichigo scowled, "This is why you have no friends—".

"Aren't you my friend?" Uryu retorted.

"As I said, 'you have no friends'."

"And I suppose Rukia Kuchiki, the Ice Queen of the University, the alter-ego of Chappy, the girl you've been obsessing over for the last few months, just walked up to you and said, 'Let's do lunch'."

"Coffee actually."

Uryu suddenly froze and stared at his friend. "Come again."

Ichigo puffed out his chest and replied, "That's right. Phase 1 is complete. Tomorrow, I'll be heading out on a date with none other than Rukia Kuchiki herself." Pride swelled in the mystical youth as he informed his friend of the first date he'd ever been on in his life. And the last if Rukia's psychotic maid caught wind of it.

However, not even that could take the wind out of his sails now. Right now, his uncle wasn't around and that meant he could talk about his date without the harassment he usually suffered. Besides, if Zangetsu ever found out about tomorrows outing, then he could be certain that a mysterious figure would pursue him throughout the entire date.

Just as Ichigo was about to rub this dating a real girl fact in Uryu face, the doctor gave him a very concerned look.

"You asked _her_? She didn't ask _you_?" His friend's question confused him but Ichigo nodded in response. "And she knows this is a date? Not a study group for homework or anything but a real date with a member of the opposite sex?" Again Ichigo nodded, trying to comprehend what Uryu was getting at. "And you are completely okay with this?" Ichigo gave a final, stern nod.

With a great sigh, Uryu finally laid into him and said, "You do realize that this is the very girl that you have been contractually obligated…by the Jaegerjaquez Mafia Family…to hunt down and kill for a profit…right?"

All color drained from his face and his mouth fell open as an audible gasp sounded throughout the room as Ichigo finally realized the daunting truth that had evaded him until now.

"FUUUUUUUU—".

"There ya go…"

…

…

…A little slow on the uptake…isn't he?

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Hey there everyone! Sorry this is so late but now that I'm finished with my play, I finally have time to write again! XD**

**This chapter was particularly fun to write and I'm working to perfect my writing even more. I will do my best to have an update once a week but my work schedule will determine that. Also, thank you all for the favs/alerts/reviews/views that you have been giving me, for they spurn me onward toward the climax of the story!**

**Keep on smiling you beautiful readers and drop me a review to let me know how I'm doing! **


	10. Super Chappy

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

Super Chappy

There are no rules in love, war, chess, and crime fighting. Sometimes, it is best not to concern oneself with the difficulties of one's profession or their overall status in life…particularly when you have a hot date with the very person you despise yet find alluring all at the same time. Even a hero needs time for rest and relaxation, to remind themselves of just who they really are and what they fight for.

A pleasant atmosphere and a comfortable meeting area can open up wonderful possibilities. However, a social outing sometimes concerns not only those attending the outings but also the ones that care for them the most. After all, is it not better to be safe than sorry?

Then again, when your secret observers happen to be an overprotective maid and a clever uncle…chaos ensues.

* * *

-Urahara Apartments-

"-UUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

Uryu finally glances away from his watch and says, "Five minutes…Impressive." The doctor grinned at his oldest friend as the panic set in and Ichigo began pacing back and forth frantically. "I don't see why didn't figure it out sooner. It was very apparent," Uryu reminded him.

"How can you be so calm about this?!" Ichigo shouted while hyperventilating.

"Breathe, Ichigo. Breathe." The doctor hands his friend a paper sack. "Use this." After a few moments of forced breathing, Ichigo calmed himself and the doctor continued, "I am calm because, in my profession, I am required to keep a cool head…Besides, I wasn't the one who fucked up and became an assassin who has to kill the girl I have the hots for—".

"I do _not_ have the hots for Rukia!"

"Then why'd you ask her out?"

"To spend more time with her!"

Uryu raised an eyebrow and asked, "Then why didn't you just ask her to hang out after class or something?" Ichigo's eyes widened and his jaw dropped at the realization his friend had given him. Meanwhile, Uryu merely scowled and said, "My God, you _are_ that dumb…"

…Yes, taunt the man with power, you've only got a high paying job to lose…

"W-Well, it's not like I didn't think of that!" Ichigo retorted, struggling to regain composure. "I just figured that since she never hung out with anyone else, and the fact that she hates me, that she'd never go for the whole 'let's hang out' thing."

Unfortunately, it was true. Every day, Rukia would zip into school in her limo, fight with him during class, then retreat back to her mansion outside of town to prepare for crime fighting. It was like clockwork that bordered on obsession…mainly because it was. Uryu and Ichigo both knew that the Defender of Justice was scarce outside of midnight escapades.

With that in mind, the doctor finally had to ask, "So why did you ask her out anyway?"

Now it was Ichigo's turn to raise an eyebrow. "What the hell does that mean?" he inquired, glaring.

Uryu shrugged, realizing he had implied more than he had intended. "The reason you got involved with her as The Mystic was to force her to stop being a superheroine, right? Doesn't getting involved with her personally make the situation even more dangerous?"

For the first time since he got his date, Ichigo's scowl returned and took over his features. "I've still got five more days to get her back down from the crime fighting hooker business. After that, I'll be forced to carry out my contract…" His voice trailed off and he fell silent. Only five more days to convince Rukia to stop opposing the Jaegerjaquez Crime Family and have a normal life. A normal life without crazy ice power would be good for her…or so he wanted to believe.

It wasn't true, and he completely understood why. Ichigo had intended just to talk with her as The Mystic that first night they fought…but then he noticed something extraordinary. She was having fun, truly and completely enjoying battling the forces of 'evil'. As herself, Rukia was never that passionate in class or even when she was vigorously fighting with him. But as Chappy, she seemed truly happy when she was in her skin tight bunny suit and raining frozen justice down on the limp bodies of her foes while she laughs at them.

…That sounds a bit R-rated doesn't it…and kinda sexist…Can we put that in there…?

…

…We can? Alright, cool. We got it…the system works…

"You plan to try and convince her as yourself, rather than The Mystic? Is that it?" Uryu asked and Ichigo nodded solemnly, earning a sigh from the doctor. "It might have been faster to persuade her as The Mystic, to gain her trust as a fellow super-powered being…At least it would have, if you hadn't ripped her breast plate off during your first meeting."

"That was an accident!" Ichigo defended, "And I haven't fondled her since."

"With your hands…"

"What is that supposed to me?!"

"It's fairly obvious…You've thought about it. That's why you tenderly snuggle with the breast plate each night pretending it's her."

"Yes—NO! Okay, a little but it wouldn't happen if she didn't dress like the girls from my wet dreams!"

"She _is_ the girl in your wet dreams—".

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do. Rukia is the only girl you've ever shown an interest in…ever! Honestly, it has me very relived you're finally attracted to a woman." Uryu firmly responded.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I kinda thought you'd be after me—".

"Why the hell would I be after you?!"

"I'm a tailor?" Uryu held up the remains of the skin tight coat and raised both eyebrows.

Ichigo narrowed his eyes and replied, "Is that your roundabout way of saying you thought I was gay?"

"Yes…" a deep voice said behind Ichigo, causing a girly screech from the anti-hero to follow. Behind him, Zangetsu glared down at him with a stoic visage. "Why did you think I encouraged you get freaky with this Chappy girl whenever you went to see her?" the uncle continued, "I wanted proof of your straightness."

"And all this time I thought you were just a perverted old man!" Ichigo retorted, standing between the two of them as if in an inquisition.

"I am not my brother," Zangetsu proudly declared, "But I share his desire for you to get some. Seriously, you need it. And this date with Miss Rukia seems to be the perfect opportunity to get into her pan—". He never finished his sentence as Ichigo used his mystic powers to get behind his uncle and kick him in the back.

"You heard all that?" Ichigo demanded while Zangetsu picked himself up with Uryu's help.

"Indeed, I did. I'm proud that you were able to actually speak with Miss Rukia, instead of simply complaining about her 'bitching'. Progress has been made." The uncle said, brushing off his long coat. "Still, I am surprised. I figured it would have taken you much longer to ask her out. Seeing how most of the time you tend to pussy out—".

"Shut up!" Ichigo retorted, "What's it matter if I asked her out? She said 'yes' and that's all that matters!"

"I agree," Zangetsu said with a nod. "As long as you charm her out of her panties I will not be displeased—". A fist made contact with the older man's face and he topped to the ground with a thud. "I certainly hope Miss Rukia likes it rough…" he whispered into the floor as Ichigo flipped him over and grabbed his collar.

"I'm not trying to sleep with her!" Ichigo shouted as he shook his uncle furiously.

"You should be—".

"I just want to talk to her like normal person!" He released his uncle and let him drop to the floor once again. "It's hard to talk to a pretty girl who has the power to freeze me solid and render me speechless with a single glance—I mean, a single punch! Because she hits me…a lot! Do you know what I had go through just to get her to agree to a date?! All the abuse I've suffered until this point!"

"I never figured you for the submissive type but then…Rukia would make a good Dom…" Uryu added with a sly grin.

"God, it's nothing like that! Why the hell is everyone so fixated on this?!" Ichigo seethed as he turned his back to them.

"Because it's the first girl you've ever asked out…and you want to do her…" Uryu offered.

"And because that would be awesome…" Zangetsu concluded.

…

…And because the readers demand Chapter 12!

…

"Enough!" Ichigo shouted, "I'm going out!" He made for his room and pulled up his hood, but a strong hand stopped him. He glanced back to see Zangetsu holding something wrapped in cloth.

"A gift."

Zangetsu handed the wrapped object to his nephew and stepped back. Ichigo raised an eyebrow at the gift and slowly began to unravel it. After the cloth was cleared, the anti-hero stared at a near perfect replica of the mask he'd broken the other night. The only clear difference between them was that the red streaks ran down parallel instead of on the side. Ichigo's eyes widened and he stared at his mentor/uncle.

"How did—?"

"I found the shattered piece of the original in your trash bin. Not the best for hiding place for the shattered remains of your pride." He smiled at his nephew and said, "Be careful with this one. It's ancient."

Ichigo look at it a moment longer and asked, "Where did you get this?" Zangetsu dropped his smile and his eyes turned away to avoid his nephew's glare. "You got this from my Dad, didn't you…?"

"Overnight delivery…I figured you'd need it as soon as possible."

With a groan, Ichigo placed the mask on and fitted it perfectly with his hood. "Does this mean my old man was The Mystic as one time?" he asked, his voice distorting and coving her true tones once again.

Zangetsu nodded, "We took turns. We had two masks but only one coat…I won the initial coin toss. And now you bear both of them…"

Behind the mask, Ichigo smiled and felt proud. Even if his old man was a crazy, perverted freak, Ichigo would never deny the strength that his old man possessed, even at his age. Then again, Zangetsu was just as spry as he always was, taking punches like they were nothing. Ichigo tried to image them in their youth but stopped when the image of his Dad fighting his mother while she was dressed in a bunny girl suit forced its way into his mind! And then ripping off her breast plate off…!

…Ahhh! Just what you want to think about when you're off to see your rival/date, your parents getting freaky—it burns us! It burns us! Back vile images!

Forcing himself to focus on less mind-fucking thoughts, Ichigo said a simple, "Thank you," to his uncle before opening the window and positioning himself to jump. In an odd sort of way, he knew that his family and friends supported him, and that gave him the courage to go through with the date.

He just prayed he wouldn't run into Chappy tonight…

"Have fun on your date tomorrow, Ichigo. I have some errands to run so I'll be gone when you get up but feel free to help yourself to my secret stash." Ichigo grimaced as he recalled his uncle's massive cabinet with every type of cologne, breath freshener, and strawberry flavored condoms he constantly forced on his nephew. The young man would rather die than deal with all that crap, all he needed was his natural good looks and a hot shower…maybe a comb.

"I honestly hope it goes well." The uncle smiled gently at his nephew, radiating a soothing warmth between them. The anti-hero turned back and gave a thumbs up before jumping out the window and gliding into the night.

The moment he was gone, Uryu approached Zangetsu and said, "You're going to follow him, aren't you?"

"I can't leave this up to fate; it tends to screw us over…"

* * *

The Next Morning…

-Urahara Apartments-

For once, fortune was on Ichigo's side. He hadn't seen a trace of Chappy the entire night but in the end, he was not surprise. No drug deals, or arms shipments were scheduled for that night and it seemed that his new friend – God - didn't allow bank robbers to operate either. In the back of his mind, he was disappointed he could not pay her back for stealing his shirt but he had other things to deal with.

"Dammit…Stay down."

Combing his hair for the tenth time didn't stop the spiky orange locks from blasting outward like a deranged porcupine. Ichigo had fussed over his appearance for nearly an hour before noticing it was time. Using both hands, he held down his hair firmly and slowly let go…only for it to explode out again.

"Fuck it…" He groaned as he grabbed his coat and headed off toward the cake shop near campus. "Why did it have to be there?" he said as he locked the apartment, not seeing the pair of dark eyes watching him from afar.

* * *

-Kuchiki Manor-

Rukia smiled at herself as Shirayuki helped wrap a yellow scarf around her neck. It went well with her bright red, long-sleeved shirt and dark blue skirt. She hadn't applied much make-up, no more than usual and her faithful maid had combed her hair perfectly, as she did every morning. Rukia glanced at her image in her mirror and felt great…mostly.

"If only we weren't going there…" she mutter to herself.

"Did you say something, Lady Rukia?" Shirayuki asked as they approached the front door. Snapping back to reality, the young superheroine shook her head but said nothing.

It was her first real date. She had completed her patrol extra early last night, gone to bed long before her usual time but then laid awake for hours out of anticipation. However, after waking up and washing and dressing…the full ramifications of her choice entered her mind. This was a date; a formal outing with a young man, time to spend alone with a disturbingly hot guy…why was it that she only realized that now?!

…Ironically, it took her longer than Ichigo to realize the obvious…Seriously, it's a match made in fucking heaven…with an M-rating…oh yeah, it's going down…

Nervousness hadn't set in until only a moment ago and the butterflies in her stomach began warring. Rukia tried her best to stifle her nerves with excitement, because it was in there somewhere, but all she managed was an expressionless visage.

However, Shirayuki instantly noticed her charge losing faith and said, "It isn't too late to back down, My Lady. I can be called upon to deal with the boy instead—".

"T-That's not necessary." Rukia forced out, imagining her maid using her advanced techniques to ruin Ichigo's life…and then kill him. She took a deep breath and pushed her fears away as they reached the front door. "You had them bring the car around?" she asked as Shirayuki opened the door.

"Of course. Your driver will drop you off at the University and pick you back up there at precisely 5 PM, unless you call." The maid's eyes flashed as she continued, "And remember that if you are in need of my services, simply dial 666 on your phone and I will arrive in moments…" Her determination made Rukia raise an eyebrow and glare at her.

"Tell me, how are you to get to me within moments…all the way from the mansion?" Rukia's tone was icy and hard. "You promised to remain here and not interfere…or will you go back on your oath to serve me in any way I see fit."

…HOT! That needed to said…the urge was too great to hold in…it's better now.

The faithful maid was not deterred by this question and bowed deeply in response. "It was a figure of speech, Lady Rukia. I promised you that I would remain here and remain I shall." Shirayuki lifted her head and smiled. "Have I ever been dishonest toward you?"

"Yes…"

"Lately?"

"Need I bring up the stun bomb lunch?"

"Are you still bitter about that, My Lady?"

"Are you still bitter toward all men because you lost your purity?"

…Ouch…Low blow…

Shirayuki tried to smile sweetly but the corners of her mouth twitched, causing the superheroine to grin. "That's what I thought." Rukia declared her victory as she pulled out the stun rod her maid had given to her. "As promised, I'm taking this and I will use it if need be. So please…behave for a while."

The maid in white smiled genuinely as she bowed to her mistress and replied, "If that is your wish, I will comply." Arms suddenly wrapped around Shirayuki and she returned the embrace, letting the door shut.

"Thank you for understanding…" Rukia whispered as she tightened her grip on her mother figure.

"You are most welcome, Lady Rukia." The women stayed like this for a second longer before they broke apart and Shirayuki opened the door once again. "Have fun…I mean it." The bright and warm smile on her maid's face was all the encouragement Rukia needed to skip out the door and into the waiting limousine. Shirayuki watched as the black vehicle left the gates and headed for the city.

"My Lady is so beautiful and caring and strong…" the maid mused as she closed the door and began making for the stair. "And so incredibly naïve!"

Shirayuki pulled up her kimono and sped up the stairs to her room. Flinging the doors open, she quickly untied her sash and threw off her servant clothes. On the bed sat all she would need for her mission. She pulled on her baggy jeans, which she bought solely for this mission, and tugged her black long-sleeved shirt over her head, tucking it in. She balled up her long white hair and tied it in a bun behind her head, fitting a red beret over it.

Next, she rolled up the sleeves of her shirt and tied a leather case onto her arms, each holding several kunai that hung loosely enough to be used quickly. Shirayuki pulled the sleeves over her arms and flung them out to the sides, a kunai blade slipping into each hand.

"Perfect…" she whispered as she reset the weaponry. She clenched her fist and thrust it into the air and proclaimed, "Even at the risk of angering My Lady, I will not allow her to see a man without my expert supervision. My pride as a man hater/destroyer demands that I act, and swiftly! The time for judgment has come!" All at once, she giggled and retracted her arm. "How many years has it been since I said that?"

The maid glanced into the mirror and nodded approvingly at her appearance before slipping on a pair of red sunglasses.

"Alright…Let's do this shit."

* * *

-Outside Tokyo University-

From far across the street, Ichigo could be seen patiently awaiting the arrival of his date, scowling all the while, never knowing he was being watched.

Zangetsu had said 'errands'. He meant, time to properly disguise himself and plot out all the best hiding spots to observe his nephew on his first date. He did feel kind of bad about sneaking around like this but it was in his nature. After all, he had made the habit of following others on dates since he was young. Even when Isshin was dating Masaki, the protective older brother was nearby, grinning happily as love blossomed between lovers.

…Wow, he takes the level of creeper to 'awesome' and 'call the police' effortlessly…How is this man not in jail?…Oh, right…He's _Zangetsu_! His cooking is a like a nuclear bomb…how is this man not dead?...

Anyway, the plan was flawless. He had mapped out all the best hiding spots three miles out from the cake shop and hit supplies in each of them. The supplies consisted of; condoms for his nephew, in a variety of sized and flavors, followed by construction signs to block their path and direct the couple to the nearest love hotel, three in this area alone, and finally a first aid kit…because it's always useful, regardless.

Zangetsu also had the perfect disguise. The crazy uncle had slicked his hair back to flow down his back and a bright orange beanie atop his head. He also included a pair of dark sunglasses to hide his face. He wore his traditional long black coat, even though it was risky since Ichigo could easily identify it, but added an accessory to ensure his incognito status. Pulled over the coat was a tight fitting, hot pink shirt with the words 'Nice Vibe' printed on the front.

He had found the shirt buried deep within his closet from his youthful days and thought it would make him look more hip and trendy. Sure, the tightness was cutting off blood circulation for his arms and they swung awkwardly as he walked but for the purpose or remaining anonymous, it had to be done! Admittedly, he did kind of regretted not going with the chef hat and 'Uncle Kickass' apron, which was his first choice. But that would have been much more subtle.

…Because a pink shirt over a black coat is so freaking sly…He _should_ be in jail…

Just then, the secondary target arrived. A long black limo stopped next to Ichigo and out stepped a petite, raven haired girl that Zangetsu guessed was his nephew's obsession—err—fuck bud—uh—love interest! He watched as Ichigo's scowl faded when she walked up to him and knew his nephew was smiling on the inside. Just as Zangetsu had done whenever he met up with his own love interest so many years ago. Odd how Ichigo inherited his scowl from his uncle…but that was beside the point! Zangetsu watched as they set out for their date and began to follow. "Let the games begin…" he whispered to himself as he moved out from the alley he had been hiding in.

He nonchalantly advanced down the street after the couple, never noticing the shorter woman in a red beret walking beside him…

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**I know I'm later than I wanted to be but I fell very ill last week and fell behind all over. To make up for it, I posted two chapters this week! The date has begun and the pursuers are on the trail…anyone excited yet?**

**Thanks for all the support and the reviews, they brighten my day so thank each and every one of you for being so awesome and supporting my work. It means a lot. **

**Keep on smiling you beautiful readers!**


	11. I'm Running Out Of Superhero Cliches

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

I'm Running Out Of Superhero Clichés

We must treasure our youth while we have it, for before you know it, time has moved on without you. Not spending time with loved ones, or those who could have been loved ones, is a regret that plagues all superheroes. Time is precious and fleeting, and every moment could be the last you ever know. Should a hero place duty and honor over finding love and happiness?

No, that would be dumb…

So, when is it too late to rekindle past friendships, rivalries, and loves? Generally, it's after you reach the age of sixty but it depends on the culture. Now, imagine what would happen when two old flames reunite after years apart and both have completely different feelings about the other but still possess ideals of longing.

It's not called the Apocalypse for nothing!

* * *

-Outside Tokyo University-

Rukia stepped out of the limo and glanced toward Ichigo.

His blank expression bore into her and it made her even more apprehensive about this date. At least he wasn't staring at her like he'd done before…which was oddly disappointing. She mentally slapped herself for thinking that as she shut the door and the limo departed. Rukia glared at him as she approached, the least he could do was smile and say 'Hi' or something.

"Hey," Ichigo said when she got close, startling her. "How ya doing, Midget?"

Without thinking, she stomped her foot onto his. He cried out and she grinned in response. Now things felt normal. "I'm sorry; I can't hear you over the sound of your bitching. Would you mind repeating yourself?" her sickly sweet voice obviously dug into him because he instantly stopped his complaining and glared down at her.

"I said, 'How ya doing, _Midget_?'." Ichigo jumped back just in time to avoid another stomp and smirked. "You seem to be a bit slow this morning. Were you up all night dreaming about our date?"

Rukia huffed and frowned at him, "I would barely call this a date. It's more a battle of endurance."

…That comes later Rukia…Ha…Comes…

"Whatever," Ichigo said as he turned around and made his way toward the cake shop. "You coming or what? The…uh…cake, isn't going to eat itself." He didn't wait for her at all, instead turning his back and leaving without her.

Rukia raised an eyebrow at his wording but shrugged ran to catch up to him, walking by his side. "Some date you are," she complained loud enough for him to hear, "Leaving a defenseless girl behind like that…"

"You're hardly defenseless…" Ichigo retorted automatically. Rukia's eyes snapped to him and for an instant, she felt something more than annoyance in his words. She couldn't tell what it was, but it put her on edge. It was probably just nerves…no need to be suspicious of the orange haired asshole. After all, he wasn't the type to run around at night with a mask and cloak…was he?

Meanwhile, Ichigo was kicking himself for letting that line slip. He took a quick peek at his date and saw she was deep in thought about something. Crap, was she on to him? Now he needed to think of something clever before things got out of hand…Dammit brain, why do you fail at times like this?!

"So, I guess I'm supposed to…compliment your clothes or something?" he spouted, trying to hid his growing fear. It seemed to work because Rukia snapped out of her thought-trance and had to take a moment to register his words before sending an icy glare his way. Now, Ichigo smirked at her and continued, "Or do I get to skip that crap because it's a battle of endurance rather than a date?"

"Asshole. Can't you even attempt to be nice?"

"Yes, but then I'd lose the battle of endurance."

"A change of pace will be good for you. Might even kill you if I'm lucky."

"Do you kill all your dates like this or am I just that special?" Suddenly, Rukia hand flew to her mouth and she burst out laughing. It took Ichigo a moment to realize why. "Not 'that' kind of special, you bratty rich girl!" He shouted while she continued to laugh.

"I don't even…have to…insult you!" Rukia choked out between hearty chuckles. "You do it for me!" She was so engrossed with her howling that she completely forgot about his awkward comment, lucky for him.

Dodged a bullet on that one. Mission accomplished…kinda.

The raven haired rich girl continued to giggle as they neared the cake shop and Ichigo found himself unable to tear his eyes or ears away. He'd never heard her honestly laugh before, the cackling as Chappy and arrogant chuckling during class was nothing compared to this. Tears glinted in the corner of her eyes she was laughing so hard. How adorable…

Ichigo would have kicked himself again but realized something…like her laugh wasn't a bad thing. It proved to him that his choice to convince her to give up being a superhero was the right one. He didn't remember when it started but soon after he discovered that his classmate was the infamous Chappy, Ichigo had become fixated on her. She seemed so fake in class and too cliché when posing as Chappy. Was it a crime to want to see her for who she was?

…What's wrong with the skin tight bunny girl side of her? It's practically the best part…

Before they knew it, the cake shop was in front of them and Ichigo pretended not to have been staring at her for the last minute or so. He reached pulled the door open and held it for her, causing her to raise an eyebrow.

"Now you want to play the nice guy…is this that 'special' side of you coming out to play?" Rukia chided, making him scowl.

He quickly recovered and smirked as he gestured her inside. "My mother taught me to always hold the door for a girl. Even if they happen to be Queen Bitch with Daddy Issues." Pain shot through his side as Rukia rammed her elbow into him as she passed by. Ichigo inadvertently let the door go and it swung and hit her in the back of the head, making her topple over.

…Because nothing says, 'I love you' like ramming a door into the back of your date's head…so fucking beautiful!

Ichigo immediately pulled the door open and found his date face down on the floor, groaning. "My bad?" he offered as he tried to help her up. The instant he touched her, Rukia grabbed him and yanked herself up while throwing him to the ground.

"'My bad?' Is that all you have to say to me after nearly taking my head off?!" She shouted while glaring down at him, drawing attention from the other patrons. "Apologize properly!" she demanded, crossing her arms and turning her back to him.

Ichigo picked himself up and groaned before muttering, "I'm sorry." His sudden apology kind of threw her off but in the end, Rukia decided not to make a big deal of it. She huffed and turned back to him and was completely caught off guard. He…genuinely looked apologetic. He was frowning but there was no hint of annoyance or irritation.

Now Rukia felt bad about the whole deal. Being a superheroine, that fall was literally nothing compared to her usual injuries so she wasn't hurt in the least, but Ichigo wouldn't know about that and was actually concerned…or so it seemed at least. The situation just became incredibly awkward.

On the other side, Ichigo felt that he'd ruined the mood entirely. His little jab at her bitchiness was suppose to lighten the mood but instead he'd really pissed her off. Great, the first date he gets with a pretty girl and he physically and verbally abused her…prison here he comes. He was genuinely surprised she hadn't punched him and stormed off by now. It was her typical behavior and it was like clockwork…so why was she still here?

Suddenly, Rukia sighed and said, "It's fine…Let's just get a table." She walked passed him and made her way to a booth near a window. Ichigo clenched his fists and steeled himself. He moved to the booth and sat across from Rukia, both of them avoiding eye contact. They looked like a young divorced couple settling out of court…commonplace in cake shops.

There had to be something to save this train wreck of a date they were on…but how?

* * *

Meanwhile…

Zangetsu watched carefully as Ichigo and his date began conversing as they approached the cake shop. He was prepared in case they realized they were being followed, a half folded newspaper in his hands with eye holes poked out was ready to be utilized at any moment. With that in place, he was free to devote all his focus to the couple across the street. At one point, he saw Ichigo get flustered and spout something that made Rukia burst into laughter.

"That's the Kurosaki charm…" he whispered to himself as he continued to observe them. Making woman laugh was a talent in their family…one he'd never been good at. Perhaps it was his overbearing stature or his fierce aura he put off just by being a badass…or it could be his constant monotone voice.

…Yeah, for _some_ reason, women don't respond well to monotone jokes and sarcasm…at least not in Japan or certain parts of Russia…

The sudden sound of door slamming into someone brought the crazy uncle out of his thoughts and re-focused his attention. A quick glance told Zangetsu all he needed to know about the situation. His nephew was in a panic and rushing inside the door to a downed Rukia when his gaze returned to them. Perhaps the charm of the Kurosaki didn't pass to Ichigo either…

Zangetsu was determined to find out how Ichigo would undoubtedly turn this situation around and charm Miss Rukia out of her skirt. To that end, he began to increase his walking pace, heading directly for the cake shop.

All the while, he never noticed the constant presence by his side…

* * *

Meanwhile…again…

Shirayuki's fists were clenched so hard she could feel her own pulse. How could Lady Rukia stand to be in the presence of that foul mouthed, loud haired, arrogant young man for more than a millisecond?! Granted, even from this distance, the maid could see his physical appearance was stunning but that did not excuse his behavior! It didn't even seem like Rukia was having a good time.

And then, her mistress openly laughed at her 'date' and the faithful maid believed it was time for Rukia to verbally execute him and call her in to eviscerate the foolish man. However…it didn't happen. In fact, nothing seemed to happening actually. They argued but kept on walking…at least the beast of a man had the basic knowledge to open the door for a lady…why was he letting it go?

The moment the sound of Rukia's head connecting with the door reached her ears, Shirayuki inconspicuously slipped two kunai into her hands and increased her pace toward the cake shop, he eyes burning with rage. As she got closer she whispered to herself…

"My blades will bathe in your blood tonight for what you have done!"

…But Shirayuki, you'll get red on your…everything! Okay, that boy's screwed…

As Shirayuki reached the entrance to the cake shop, she noted a figure next to her open the door. "Why, thank you." She said out of manners and politeness before entering without paying the individual much attention.

* * *

-The Cake Shop-

The waitress came to Ichigo and Rukia's table and they each ordered just a coffee. Oddly, neither of them ordered any cake or even inquired about the unlimited buffet that was only a few feet away. Both of them, fidgeted with their drink and said nothing, the silence digging into them.

Ichigo felt to embarrassed and upset with himself to even attempt to joke with her. This was not what he envisioned happening on their date…granted he had no idea what _would_ happen but an awkward door slamming and self-loathing was not part of it! It was more embarrassing than the time his father found his hentai manga under his bed and read it aloud to the entire family.

…WTF! And he claims _Rukia_ has Daddy Issues?

Rukia fiddled with her mug and contemplated just calling this whole thing off. It was her fault anyway. If she had just not overreacted to the whole door incident then they could be, potentially, having a fun time…maybe. Everything was all screwed up now and there was nothing she could do to fix it! Apologizing for being angry wouldn't make sense since she had played it up to be such a huge deal.

She just wanted to go back to the way things always were…fighting and shouting at each other was much easier than trying to have fun in a formal setting. "Why is this so hard?" she whispered to herself and lowered her head.

"Tell me about it…" Ichigo concurred sighing deeply. Slowly, Rukia raised her head up, discovering he had actually heard her complaint and responded. "I mean, I have no freaking clue what to do now. I think you're Daddy Issues are rubbing off on me…"

The moment those words reached her ears, Rukia reared her head back and raised an eyebrow. "_My_ Daddy Issues? What the hell kind of crap is that? I don't have Daddy Issues you…you…Momma's Boy!" Her voice ended up being a lot louder than she intended but for some reason it didn't bother her, mainly because Ichigo finally turned back to look her in the eye.

"At least, I don't have Daddy Issues, rich girl." He shot back, glaring.

"I do _not_ have Daddy Issues! I am perfect just the way I am!" She huffed and crossed her arms.

"Oh, please! You have the _Daddiest_ of Issues!"

"What does that even mean?"

"It means your Daddy Issues have Daddy Issues!"

"What does 'Daddy Issues' mean?! You're not making sense!"

"I means…you have…Daddy…Issues…I'm not quite clear on it either but I know you have them!" Ichigo finished as Rukia took a big sip of her coffee and prepared her comeback.

"Well, if I have such 'Issues' then why the hell did you want to hang out in the first place?" It was subtle but each of them felt a hint of playfulness in the other and welcomed it with open arms.

Ichigo took a gulp of his now lukewarm coffee and smirked at his date. "Because you're the only person who can compete with my intelligence…if only barely."

…This from the man who doesn't know the meaning of Daddy Issues…does that have an actually meaning or is it something poor people invented to describe rich bitches?

"Compete with _your_ intelligence? Oh please, it's like outsmarting a goldfish at a festival, easy once you know the trick." She grinned and winked at him, only realized the wink occurred after it had happened. Ichigo noticed but pretended not to, not wanting to give in to her ploy.

"And you're so complicated then? I can practically predict your next comeback based on what you've been spouting so far. You're not hard to figure out." His smirked widened and Rukia glared at him with icy intensity but there was no real anger behind it. Seeing this, Ichigo continued, "I mean, really. A cake shop? Who else but a girly girl like you would suggest such an abominable place."

He finished off his coffee and set it back down to see a completely shocked Rukia staring at him. "Uh, Rukia…you alright." He waved his hand in front of her face and she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

She closed it and opened it several times, almost as if imitating a fish, before she was finally able to say, "You don't like cake shops?" It was a blunt question but it managed to stun Ichigo for a moment.

"…Yes." He answered with a confused look. "I was kind of dreading coming here actually." This is where he knew things were gonna get messy. "I actually hate cake. I'm more of pie kind of guy and cake just freaks me out for some reason…" Ichigo's words faded out as he noticed Rukia leaning toward him with a strange sparkle in her eyes. At first, he believed she was about to jump over the table and viciously attack him, like her maid would be doing if she was here, but then she surprised him with…

"I hate cake too!"

Ichigo's jaw fell open but Rukia ignored him and continued. "Truthfully, I have no idea why I said we should come here. I just kind said the first thing that popped into my head…it was kind of weird actually." She chuckled nervously and finished off her coffee as well. "I-I mean, it's not like I absolutely hate cake completely, I'm not some kind of pie freak."

"You got something against pies?"

Ichigo's tone surprised her. It wasn't angry or irritated, not in the least. It sounded genuinely curious, like he actually wanted to know more about her. It felt…nice. "No, I not against them, really. I just don't really like many of the flavors is all."

"Is the flavors thing the problem with you not liking cake?" the orange haired young man spontaneously asked, forgetting he was talking to his nemesis/classmate and focusing completely on just talking with the pretty girl he knew she was.

Rukia processed his question intently before replying, "I don't know…It's mainly the frosting. I just can't stand that stuff—".

"Because it cuts your throat on the way down, right?!"

"Yeah! What's up with that? I mean, the spongy part of cake is fine but that frosting is like swallowing nails."

"And yet everyone loves it! Oh, thank God I'm not alone in my pursuit of cake hating!" Ichigo insisted, making them share a short laugh before smiling gently.

…You saw it here folks…These two people, who hate each other, have been brought together…united by their hatred…of cake…That. Just. Happened. Thank you cake, you give us a convenient scapegoat.

"So…what else do you hate?" Ichigo asked with a slight grin, Rukia returning the look in kind.

* * *

Meanwhile…

Zangetsu stared at the scene before him with a wide smile. When he had approached the cake shop, having taken a moment to hold the door for another patron, he instantly noticed his targets at the booth and sat down at a table far enough away but still adjacent to get a better look. The scene was pretty rocky at first, and kinda made him wish he'd just stay home.

Hell, he even considered showing himself to break the dramatic tension between those two. Tension was good but only if it was sexual tension. All other tension would not help Zangetsu in his quest to make Ichigo a man.

Then, all of a sudden, it happened. It began with yelling but soon turned into a heated debate over something that he could not make out…perhaps _that _was it! Maybe they were discussing making out! Zangetsu prayed to every God in existence that this was the topic at hand but then the word 'cake' came flying out of Rukia's mouth…perhaps 'sharing cake' is a new term for swapping spit. Young folks today and their crazy slang…

It was then that he heard a gasp and turned to see that he was not alone at the table he had sat in.

* * *

Meanwhi—oh, fuck it…

Shirayuki instantly found the perfect table to complete her objective. It had the best view of both Lady Rukia and her date, offering the most opportune position to strike the bastard down when he tried something…because she knew he would eventually!

For a time, they shared no words…then the shouting began and Shirayuki's hope rose for a violent conclusion…but were quickly dashed when she saw Rukia declare he hatred of cake. Although a well-known fact to the faithful maid, it was apparently knew to this Ichigo person, and it made him retort something that pleased Rukia greatly.

Then the most shocking event of all…Both of them shared a laugh and smiled at each other! A bond was beginning to form! Shirayuki saw the festering bits of affection growing deep inside them and knew it needed to be stopped. For the sake of her mistress' purity, that man needed to be put down like a small dog!

Blood would rain down from the sky, the boy would never again be able to destroy the purity of a young maiden and…who the hell was sitting across from her at her table? And why were they staring at _her_ mistress and the soon to be disemboweled date?

Then, all at once, she took in her company's image and gasped loudly, drawing his attention. There was no doubt about it…this was the man she had been seeking for over a decade!

* * *

"_You_!" Shirayuki hissed as she let her kunai blade slipped into her hands, gripping them fiercely.

Zangetsu turned around and glanced in all direction before turning back to his company. "Me?" he asked while pointing at himself, uncertain. His innocent tone was so alluring to the maid but she ignored it and glared harder.

"Yes, _you_!"

"What about me?"

"It's…_you_!"

"Well, what about you?"

Shirayuki's anger suddenly faded and she became confused. "What? This isn't about me."

Zangetsu raised an eyebrow and tilted his head, trying to remember who she reminded him of. "Are you sure? You seem pretty involved to me." He slowly took off his sunglasses and gazed at her intently. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

Shirayuki's eyes widened before her face twisted with unparalleled rage. "You don't remember me?" she seethed, readying her kunai to end this man. "The woman whose life you destroy? The woman you 'conquered'!" Zangetsu narrowed his eyes, clearly understanding her now.

"Oh, I see." He said as she took off her own sunglasses and put them into her pocket. "I didn't recognize you. After all, I never did see you in street clothes very much…well, mostly I saw you without clothes but—".

Shirayuki slammed her fist down on the table, making a few people stare at the commotion. Luckily, her kunai was hidden in her sleeve so none one felt the need to panic and call national security. "Do _not_ speak to me as if we are allies." The maid threatened as she narrowed her eyes at her nemesis. "You are my most hated enemy. And today, you will pay for your crimes…"

The moment Zangetsu heard her proclamation all he could do was smile and say, "That's the way I remember you…It has been quite some time since we last fought, hasn't it…Chappy."

…Now that's a mind-fuck…

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Cliffhanger? After all that? Don't fear, I will be writing more now that my health has improved and I'll get the next chapter out as soon as I can. As always, review and help give me inspiration for the story. **

**Thanks for all the support and keep on smiling you beautiful readers!**


	12. The Infamous Chapter 12

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

The Infamous Chapter 12

The past is inescapable. It shapes every living being on this planet, and any other planets we have yet to conquer. The weight of our choices holds us down and sometimes prevents us from moving forward and continuing our lives. There are times when we wish to forget or hide from our past in order to protect our families, friends, neighbors, lovers, and dangly parts…

Strangely, the past does, in fact, repeat itself from time to time.

For over ten years ago, the city of Karakura was watched over by a brave young woman in a white bunny suit. Ice flowed from her fingertips and her piercing crystal eyes petrified any who looked upon them.

At the same time, a young man in a black coat with a knack for misfortune appeared and together, these titans battled for control of this great city…until they mysteriously disappeared, never to be seen or heard from again.

And you thought the election was the only close race…

* * *

-Cake Shop-

"I must admit, seeing you without your usual costume is…disappointing." Zangetsu calmly said, sipping his coffee.

"Do not change the subject, fiend! I will have justice for what you've done to me!" Shirayuki hissed as she glared at her opponent.

"Ten years apart and this is how you greet your old nemesis, Chappy?" the crazy uncle mused.

"Do not call me by that name. It is no longer mine to bear." Shirayuki demanded as her body tensed while her opponent sipped his latte.

Zangetsu sighed as he set his empty coffee cup down and glanced toward his nephew and his date. Ichigo and Rukia seemed to be have a delightful conversation about their hatred of cake and cake-like items, which brought a smile to the Uncle's face. Shirayuki followed his gaze saw the spectacle, only it filled her with rage instead. How dare this boy provide her mistress with joyful interaction?! It would surely lead to…the walk of shame!

"I will deal with you in a moment," the faithful maid announced to her foe as her eyes locked onto the back of Ichigo's head, "But first, that boy must be dealt with. His presence is a hindrance to My Lady." She made a move to stand but felt a hard point press against her abdomen, causing her to gasp. Shirayuki didn't have to look under the table to know that Zangetsu's weapon was now poised to penetrate her.

The faithful maid redirected her fierce gaze to her old foe as he returned the look in kind. "That boy is my nephew and protégé." Holding the hilt of his blade under the table, Zangetsu gently poked at his former interest and glared. "I will not allow you to ruin his chances for whoopee because of your hatred for me."

…You can tell how serious he is because of his outdated sexual references…Seriously dude, buy a book…

Shirayuki's eyes widened at this news but quickly narrowed as she calmly moved back into a comfortable seating position. "I see," she shot a glance at the cheerful couple, "You are the source of all my misery then. You are responsible for him being here—".

"Technically, the fault would lie with my brother and his wife. He's theirs after all."

"But you taught him everything that you know—".

"I tried. He doesn't listen. If he did, he would not be a virgin right now."

"Then you admit it. I am positive that it was you who sent him after My Lady—".

"Give the boy some credit; he did that all on his own."

"Then he must die…"

"Must I penetrate you?" Zangetsu said, inching the blade in tenderly, causing Shirayuki to silently gasp at the sharp pain before glaring at him. Then, he quickly retracted his blade and glanced around at the various awkward glances the other patrons were giving them. Fortunately, neither Ichigo nor Rukia were paying any attention, too caught up in their conversation.

Shirayuki also noted the odd looks and she slid her kunai back into her sleeves. She reached for her raspberry lemonade and brought the straw to her lips before saying, "Perhaps we should take this outside. I prefer not to have my identity discovered by a certain individual." She gulped down the remainder of her drink and shot one more look at her mistress, pleased that she had not been discovered.

Zangetsu nodded before replacing his sunglasses and adjusting his orange beanie. "I concur. The wrath of the young ones is more fearsome than a superheroine on her period." Although the faithful maid wanted to question his very offensive metaphor, she knew he was 200% right - from both personal and private experience.

She signaled the hesitant waiter and he approached with two checks. Shirayuki reached for her purse but Zangetsu gave the waiter his credit card and said, "Please, allow me."

"Oh, I can pay for myself." The faithful maid insisted but Uncle Kickass raised his hand and sent the waiter away. "You didn't have to do that…"

"It would be ungentlemanly of me not to." Zangetsu answered as the waiter returned and he signed the slip of paper.

Shirayuki considered for a moment before nodding in understanding. "Well, thank you kindly."

"My pleasure."

They both stood, trying to act inconspicuous as the approached the door. Unfortunately, a white haired woman in a red beret and a man with a hot pink shirt over his black coat would be nearly impossible to miss…under normal circumstances. Ichigo and Rukia laughed heartily about the redundancy of glassware as the odd pair slunk toward the door. Reaching the door, Zangetsu pushed and held it open for Shirayuki.

"Such a gentleman." She said as she exited, the crazy uncle close behind. The moment the door closed, both of their faces hardened and their bodies tensed as an aura of fearsome power enveloped them both. "Shall we meet on the roof?" Shirayuki suggested, wanting to take their inevitable battle elsewhere. Her response was a deep voice whispering in her ear…

"I will meet you there."

The faithful maid whirled around to see that Mystic Zangetsu had already disappeared. "I hate it when he does that…but God it is _so_ hot…" Shirayuki confessed as she shot her gaze up to the roof. "Time for vengeance!" she shouted as she leapt up and kicked off the side of the building, soaring up and onto the roof of the cake shop.

Landing gracefully, she saw her opponent in all his mix matched glory.

* * *

-Back Inside the Cake Shop-

Rukia banged her fist on the table from the laughing fit she was sharing with Ichigo. "I…I can't…I can't…breathe!" She nearly doubled over and Ichigo let his head rest on the table while he struggled for air as well. After a moment, they both managed to pull some oxygen into their lungs and settle down.

"How crazy is it that both of us hate cats and dogs because we were attacked by them as children?" Rukia continued, stifling another fit.

"I know!" Ichigo agreed, forcing himself to calm down. "Now I get why you draw those bunnies all the time. Being attacked by a rabid dog after a trying to rescue a cat from a tree would turn anyone into a bunny obsessed weirdo!"

Rukia smirked at his insult and replied, "At least I wasn't chased around the block by a group of stray dogs only to land in a trash can with a pissed off pussycat!"

… Truthfully, we need to be grateful to the bitches and the pussies (dogs and cats)…for they made this moment possible…

As they chuckled at each other's memories, the superheroine recalled something important. "How did you know I like bunnies so much?"

Ichigo panicked for a moment before his mind clicked into action. "I always see you drawing them in class and since you seem to be a big Chappy fan, I figured it was kind of obvious…" He acted nonchalant but inside he prayed she didn't look too much into it.

Her answer put him at ease, "I guess that does make sense." Rukia smiled at his observation. He may not look it, but he was very observant and smart. And while it was kind of creepy to think that he watched her in class all the time, it was also very flattering that someone took the time to notice her devotion to the fluffy creatures.

Ichigo let out a silent sigh of relief, thankful that in his gleeful conversation he hadn't revealed himself. Thinking about revealing himself suddenly brought his mind back to reality. He was on a date with Chappy Rukia, his nemesis/love interest…and his uncle was nowhere to be found? He glanced around the cake shop briefly but did not see anyone suspicious, a lot of people were nervous for some reason but that's about all that was out of the ordinary.

"Yo, Ichigo." Rukia's tone brought him back to his date instantly. "I'm over here. Or is my company not good enough anymore?" Her sly tone undermined her annoyance and Ichigo chuckled as he turned back to her.

"Actually, I'm kind of on the lookout for someone." Rukia raised an eyebrow at him so he elaborated. "I live with my uncle and he can't seem to stay out of my business." He glanced back over the shop and Rukia glanced around with him, now wary of the presence of her caretaker as well.

"But it seems like he really did have some errands to run today after all." Ichigo concluded as they both turned, noting the light smile on Rukia's face. "What?" he questioned and she smiled up at him.

"Your thing with your uncle kinda reminded me of my maid, Shirayuki." She took another quick look and sighed happily when she didn't find her maid anywhere. "Honestly, I kind of figured she'd go against her word and follow me…but I guess she really meant well after all." She took a sip of her coffee as they both chuckled at their slight paranoia. "Lucky your uncle was telling the truth, huh?" Rukia chided with a smile.

"I'm glad your 'loyal' maid hasn't come out the woodwork to assassinate me yet." Ichigo joked and half-smiled at her.

"I guess they can be mature, can't they?"

"At their age, I would certainly think so."

* * *

-Roof-

"I suppose we should undress." Shirayuki offered.

"Agreed." Zangetsu replied.

…The notion has passed. Proceed…please…

Shirayuki tossed her beret off and let her long white hair flow down her back like falling snowflakes. Meanwhile, Zangetsu slipped off his beanie and with a simple flexing of his muscles, the pink shirt tore at the seams and floated off his chest onto the ground in tattered pieces.

…That was disappointing…

The faithful maid took a deep breath before extending her arms out and slipping a kunai into each hand. She took a defensive stance and narrowed her eye at her foe. She flicked her kunai between her hands so quickly that a normal opponent would never be able to see her moves. At last, the time had come to reclaim her honor…

The crazy uncle reached his hand out and closed his eyes. Instantly, he snapped them open and a large, broad, meat-cleaver of a sword materialized in his hand. It was bound in long bandages and slowly unraveled as he extended it out, pointing it at his old nemesis. With his free hand, he removed his sunglasses and placed them in his pocket, not wanting them to be destroyed in the coming battle.

For nearly five minutes, they both simply stared at each other, sizing them up as they had done so many years ago. Zangetsu stared directly into her eyes, the crystal hues still hypnotizing him as they used to. Shirayuki's gaze shifted, examining every single inch of his body, feeling a strange heat rising. She shook her head to remove such thoughts and returned his gaze with a deadly glare.

"Before we begin," Zangetsu called out, startling her. "I must know…what exactly is it that you wish to reap revenge for?" It was no ploy or deception, for the former Mystic never dared to utilize such treachery. But it hurt all the same…

His words tore into Shirayuki's ears and burned into her chest. "You…lecherous…_monster_…How could you do such a thing to me and then forget your own sin?!" She gripped her kunai tightly and dashed at her nemesis.

Zangetsu quickly lifted her blade and parried her first blow but it knocked him back. While he was staggered, Shirayuki jumped high above him and threw her small blades at his chest and neck. However, the kunai only clattered into the cement as Zangetsu appeared beside her in the air.

Predicting his movement, the former Chappy spun her body and kicked directly at his head but felt nothing but air. Suddenly, metal crashed into her back and she was sent flying down toward the roof of the cake shop. Before she made contact with the roof, Shirayuki flipped and gracefully landed on her feet before using the momentum to hop further back and slide two more kunai from her sleeves.

She gripped them tightly and glanced all around but could not see her opponent anywhere.

"You still haven't answered me…" A deep voice behind her bellowed. "What was it that I did to you?"

Shirayuki twisted her body and slammed both blades toward the voice and made contact with his large blade once again. They held each other in gridlock and Shirayuki slowly began pushing Zangetsu back, one step at a time. She pressed him to the edge of the building and finally, the black cloaked man pushed back, holding himself barely away from the drop-off.

"You…You know what you did?!" Shirayuki growled as she tried to force him over. "You…_You left me!_"

"Chasing me away with an assault rifle does not count as me leaving you," Zangetsu quickly countered, "Although it was more personal than breaking up over the phone," he mused before mysteriously disappearing.

Shirayuki fell forward and lost her balance with his sudden retreat and fell toward the edge. Just before she toppled over the side, Zangetsu's strong hand gripped her arm and gently tossed her back and away from the edge. Unprepared for this, her feet skid on the ground and she tripped, collapsing to her knees.

Zangetsu slowly walked back toward her, as she glared up at him fiercely. She gritted her teeth and sneered at him, "You stole what cannot be replaced!"

"Your dignity?"

"Worse!" She leapt to her feet and slashed at him only for it to be deflected.

"Your pride?"

"Even more so than that!" Shirayuki shouted as she managed to grip his arm and disarm him, his large blade clattering to the cement. She tackled him to the ground and straddled him before raising her arms and thrusting them down at his face. Zangetsu's hands shot up and he caught her arms, holding them firmly.

"Your heart?" he asked with a melancholy gaze.

Shirayuki struggled against his grip and whispered in anger, "No…that you crushed underfoot while taking what was most precious to me!" She tore her hands away and thrust them down at him but Zangetsu lifted his leg and kneed her in the back, causing her to fall forward and roll off him.

Shirayuki jumped up and saw that her foe had regained his weapon and was poised to defend himself yet again. "I hate you. It was because of you that I lost all that made my life worth living. I despise your very being—_God, I want you inside me!_"

"What?!"

"What?"

…Damn…That was a quick and unexpected turnabout…not that anyone's complaining…

Shock spread over Zangetsu's face as her words completely registered but it quickly turned into a knowing smirk. "You're doing it again." At first, Shirayuki narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously but soon her brows raised and her mouth dropped open in horror.

"I am not doing _it_ again! I've been good for over ten years. I am not the uncivilized young girl I once was—_I am so hot for you right now._"

"There it is again."

"No! You're hearing things. It's your perverted, lustful, beastly man-whore of a mind that's imaging these things." Shirayuki proclaimed, resuming her battle stance. Zangetsu raised a suspicious eyebrow at her and grinned.

"Is that so?"

"Yes, I want to fuck." She gasped and flung her hand over her mouth. "It's happening again!"

"Heard that one didn't you?"

"How long have I been doing that?!"

"Do you mean today or in the last ten years? Because you know we've been separated-"

"Today!"

"Five minutes."

Shirayuki's eyes became as big as saucers as she gripped her head in frustration. "This is all your doing! The moment you come back I lose control and falter! Ten years without a single Freudian Slip and in ten minutes you force them out of me again! Must you torment me?!"

Zangetsu's only response was a light chuckle before smiling and saying, "Just like old times, Yuki."

* * *

_Ten Years Prior…_

_A young Zangetsu sat at his seat in Physics Class, his face clean-shaven and his hair only reaching the nape of his neck. He wore the hot pink _Nice Vibe_ shirt his brother had bought him the other day, purely out of his need to please his sibling. Life had been interesting for him lately, his nightly escapades with Chappy – Bringer of Justice, kept him busy all through his college career. _

_Ever since running into her while out for a nightly flight over the town, the beautiful and powerful wielder of ice was the only thing that occupied his mind. More than that, he quickly realized he'd be seeing more of her than he first intended. That happens when your nemesis decides not to wear a mask and play superheroine. _

"_Lost in thought again, Zangetsu?" a soft voice said, bringing him back to reality. "Or is your mind simply blank and vacant at all times and I've stumbled upon your true self?" _

_At that moment, Shirayuki, better known to him as Chappy – The Bunny Girl Ice Queen, stood beside him and took her seat. Dressed in her usual white long-sleeved shirt and navy blue skirt, the University Princess, as her fans called her, held a knowing smirk on her smug face. Her shoulder length, snow white hair hung about her face and she tucked on strand behind an ear to better look at him. _

"_Actually," Zangetsu replied, "I was pondering if you would live up to your part of our project. I can't very well fail this course because of your perfectionist habits." _

_Shirayuki huffed at him but still smirked. "At least I know what it takes to be perfect, unlike my unworthy class partner." She said as she pulled out her notes to share with him about their project. "That is why I have completed most of the assignment already. Can't have you dragging me down."_

"_Well, aren't we just Queen Bitch today?" Zangetsu retorted as he turned away from her. _

"_I take that as compliment. At least I am the Queen of the Bitches and not simply an ordinary one." _

_Zangetsu hid his smile from her. He loved to antagonize her, just to hear her witty remarks. He didn't care that it was at his expense. It was even more fun when it was her alter-ego Chappy making fun of him, since she had no reason to hold back her insults. Nothing could throw this talented woman off, it's what kept him coming back each and every night to battle her and her mysterious ice powers. _

_To prove it to himself, Zangetsu frowned and glared at her before saying, "Well then, would Queen Bitch like to accompany me on a date to the movies this weekend? Holding hands and whatnot?"_

_Without looking his way, she replied, "Only if you fuck me afterward…"_

_Zangetsu's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "Excuse me?"_

_Shirayuki turned to him and raised an eyebrow, "What?"_

"_Uh…What was your answer exactly?" he questioned nervously, sure he had misheard her. _

_The University Princess reared her head back in surprise and replied, "I don't recall deigning your request with a reply..."_

_Now Zangetsu was sure he'd only been hearing thing. He sighed in relief and relative disappointment. His mind must be cracking under the stress of college and now he was hearing his own fantasies from his beautiful classmate. Until she abruptly continued…_

"_Oh, the things I'd let you do to my body…"_

_Zangetsu nearly fell out of his chair as his body jumped with shock. "Okay, what?" He nearly shouted as he confronted the confused and disturbed young woman, his face heating up._

"_Why are you flustered all of a sudden?" Shirayuki asked, her pale face turning slightly crimson inadvertently. _

"_I don't know, maybe it's all the vague sexual references you keep whispering!" _

"_What?! How dare you make such an accusation! I am pure and honest. I would never dirty myself with such unclean notions." She huffed and turned her back to him but continued, "At least not out loud…"_

"_But you _are_ speaking them out loud!" Zangetsu said in a loud whisper, trying to deflect the growing attention they were receiving. Shirayuki froze and slowly turned back to her classmate with a horrified look on her face. _

"_I-I'm not speaking anything aloud…am I?" Before he could produce a response, the University Princess smiled and whispered, "You're so cute when you worry about me—Oh My God!"_

"_You heard that?!" Zangetsu questioned._

"_Yes! How is this happening?!" _

"_It's a Freudian Slip. Your expressing your inner thoughts without knowing it."_

"_How are you so calm about this?!"_

"_I'm not the one revealing my sexual fantasies to my classmate."_

…And even if he did, would you really be complaining?...

_Shirayuki immediately stood up and gathered her books, saying, "I need to get out of here, before I say anything about Chappy…" She bolted from the classroom but her words impacted her classmate._

_Zangetsu heard her alter-ego slip and knew that if she didn't become aware of her habit, she might reveal her identity to the wrong person…and he'd never be able to do battle with her again! He rushed out the door after her and spotted her quickly. "Wait! Shirayuki!" _

_She didn't listen, instead intending to flee to a hole and bury herself in it until this all blew over. Suddenly, his strong had caught her arm and stopped her. "Let me go, Zangetsu! I need to get out of here!"_

"_Then I'm coming with you." _

_Shirayuki snapped open her eyes and she stared at her classmate, confused. "Why? This has nothing to do with you—"._

"_I can help you," he offered, trying to reassure her. "The best thing for you right now is to talk to someone. Let out all your feelings that you keep tucked away. Stop holding in your thoughts and just say them." He let go of her arm and she no longer felt the need to flee as he finished, "It's not like you have anyone else to talk to right now anyway, right?" _

_Shirayuki hung her head and said nothing. It was true, she had no family or friends…aside from Zangetsu but he was more of a rival and closet love interest than anything else. "That means nothing," she tried to justify as she turned from him. "We barely know each other…"_

"_We can change that…" _

_Shirayuki slowly lifted her head and glanced back to see him extending his hand out to her, a gentle smile on his face. All her fears melted away and she found herself less afraid of what might slip out next._

_Very slowly, she took his hand…_

* * *

Present time…

"I trusted you…" Shirayuki seethed, "But then you turned out to by my greatest enemy and took away my purpose!"

"How did I manage that?" Zangetsu earnestly asked, "One moment you were throwing yourself at me, the next you were throwing knives and bookcases…it was confusing and painful."

Shirayuki took a deep breath and forced herself to calm down, her rage would lead to her defeat and she knew it. "If I hadn't of fallen for your deception that day, I would not be the worthless pathetic woman I am now."

"You are not pathetic," Zangetsu insisted, lowering her defense. "I have seen your full strength first hand, and you are more than powerful enough to defeat me." Then, he realized something that had been off with her ever since their reunion…beside the bloodlust she had developed.

"Why do you not use your ice powers against me? You could have overwhelmed my easily if you did so…"

The question caused Shirayuki head to sink and her eye became downcast. "In my bloodline…our powers over ice and snow are inadvertently linked to our bodies and minds. When we lose our purity…our virginity…" She lifted her head and glared at him with utter hate in her eyes. "We lose our powers as well…"

Zangetsu silently gasped at her words and was unprepared when she dashed forward and slashed at his chest. Though he managed to block her attack, he fell onto his backside and found Shirayuki standing over him with tears brimming in her eyes.

"You stole my dream from me…My time as Chappy ended and I will never have it back." She blinked away the moisture in her eyes and raised her kunai once again. "And for that…I will take your manhood as my trophy!"

…Wow…cock-block to the max right there…

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Yeah…so…um…there was no lemon but please don't be angry. There is a reason for it. The story is not at the place I thought it would be by Chapter 12 and random lemon here would have been awkward for everyone. **

**Rest assured, the lemon is coming but it needs to make the story continue and not disrupt the flow of it. I need more time to make it the best freaking lemony goodness that you read in a while so please bear with me on this one. That and I wanted to delve into the history of the former Chappy and Mystic. **

**For those of you who are interested…I have a shameless IchiRuki one-shot in my profile if that helps any…anger, you might be feeling. I implore you not to flame me for not having the lemon because technically, I asked you not to ask about it when it first came up and it was because I figured this might happen. **

**Either way, thanks again for checking out my story and leave a review if you have the time (they make me smile). Have a wonderful day, my beautiful readers!**


	13. Chappy Returns

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

**Author Note: I know I've been gone for a while and that's my bad. I've been working and taking care of finals for the last two week and haven't had a day off yet. I wrote this during my off time but it took a while. I'll try to get back on a schedule soon but it could be a while. **

**Don't worry, I'm not abandoning this story! Not now, not ever!**

* * *

Chappy Returns

Honestly, does anyone actually read all these profound intros? No one ever mentions them and they never seem to get recognized for their utter brilliance. Are you all just kinda skipping this part and moving on to the action of the story inste—You've already skipped haven't you?! There was a punny – funny pun – joke planned for this chapter's intro but I feel that it's lost its edge, since _no one notices it_.

A lot of time, effort, sweat, blood, and tears go into each intro but if the readers are just skipping it then why do we have one! Seriously, the punny joke for this intro was great! Check it; it was going to end with:

"If Chappy were catwoman…would she still be a rabbit?"

That's pure fucking gold! Sure, it's ridiculous and throws you off but four solid hours of complicated thinking and that's all the intro amounted to! We've got nothing else…read the story already…screw this, I'm gonna go narrate for Starbucks!

* * *

-Kuchiki Manor-

How had the day turned out so great?

One moment Rukia was awkwardly trying to find a way out of her date with Ichigo and the next they were chatting about childhood memories and their favorite fruits. Ironically, they both agreed on pomegranates. Mainly because of the fact that Ichigo hated strawberries, due to the resemblance to his name, and Rukia thought that apples were overrated.

…Surprising?

Ichigo had played the gentleman card and paid for their coffee but Rukia tipped the waiter. They had class the next day and decided to go out somewhere they both actually like after class. Honestly, Rukia was amazed that they had become friends so quickly. This wasn't some cheap romance novel where two people meet who have argumentative tendencies suddenly realize they have a lot in common and over the course of a few dates fall in hopeless love with each other.

...Because that would be dumb…that would be super dumb…

In any case, Rukia lay on her oversized, bunny themed bed and smiled to herself. She thought of how fun it was to actually converse with someone who wasn't her maid. Sure, she had some friends in other classes, one friend actually, but she was a girl and the airheaded type. It was stimulating to have a conversation about laws and the justice system without feeling cliché or weird.

Besides that, Ichigo genuinely seemed interested in her. Not her name or her title or the fact that her brother had enough power and influence to buy the moon. Ichigo said he wanted to hang out with her again and really show her a fun time. She had played it off as him being a pervert but deep down, she knew he just enjoyed spending time with her.

Rukia agreed to meet with him after they finished class and they went their separate ways. It was a good thing too. Apparently right after they left, the roof of the café cracked and caved in. No one was hurt, but just thinking about that kind of tragedy made her want to throw caution to the wind and use her ice powers to save the day.

Rukia giggled when she thought of how Ichigo would take it if he knew she was Chappy, the Defender of Justice. He'd probably freak out and try to disprove how much shit he talked about the scantily clad superheroine. Not that she'd ever tell him. Strangely, she didn't feel guilty about hiding her identity from her date. She had read manga about girls who felt crushed by keeping the secret from their significant other but Rukia wasn't a typical magical girl.

"I guess it's time to head out," Rukia said as she sat up and headed for the Chappy Hole.

Suddenly, the door to her room burst open and Shirayuki stood there, panting. "My Lady!" she screamed as she rushed forward and wrapped her hands around Rukia. "You are unharmed! I was so concerned!"

She gripped Rukia by the face and forced her head to look up at her. "For the love of all that is holy, tell me your purity is untouched."

Rukia raised an eyebrow and said, "Yes…I'm still pure but what are you—". She coughed as her faithful maid squeezed her tightly in a bear hug.

"I taught you well! You used the stun rod, didn't you? That's my Lady Rukia!"

Rukia squirmed out of Shirayuki's grasp and finally breathed. After a few breaths she replied, "What are you talking about? Why would I ruin my date by tasing Ichigo?" The maid shirked back and her eyes widened.

"I assumed that you were forced to subdue him and retreat to the safety of the mansion. Considering you disappeared before I could find you."

Rukia narrowed her eyes at Shirayuki. "Didn't you get the text I sent you, telling you I was walking home? And why exactly were you trying to find me anyway? Did you follow me today? When I specifically requested that you _stay home_?"

"I was not following you." Shirayuki lied through her teeth, "I went to pick you up at the appropriate time but found the building in shambles and you missing. It was only natural for me to think that your attack sent the boy flying into the ceiling and thus destroying the building."

Something seemed fishy but Rukia gave her maid the benefit of the doubt and let the issue drop. "I didn't use the stun rod. All we did was have a nice, relaxing chat while drinking coffee. I don't know how the roof fell in but we separated long before that happened."

Shirayuki backed off when the room collapsing was mentioned and she finally seemed to relax. "So, you had a good time then?" She asked, forcing a smile.

Rukia could tell she was perturbed by the idea but she wasn't going to lie. "As a matter of face, Yes, I did. Actually, I'm meeting Ichigo again tomorrow to—".

"He must be unmanned!" Shirayuki shouted, two kunai appearing in her hands. She rushed out of the bedroom and headed for the stairs when a blast of cold struck her from behind. She fell forward and skidded onto the floor, which was not covered in ice. The faithful maid looked back to see Rukia glaring down at her, everything behind her completely frozen.

Her violet eyes were deadly cold and she leaned down to Shirayuki. "You will not touch him." Shirayuki had never heard so much care and conviction in Rukia's voice before. "I had fun today. I enjoy hanging out with him and I'm not going to let you stop me from spending more time with him."

"Lady Rukia, you do not understand!" Shirayuki pleaded, "That young man, he's—".

"He's what?!" Rukia shouted, "He's my friend, Shirayuki. He likes me, he talks to me, and he treats me like I'm normal. And you want to put a stop to that? Do you want me to end up all alone?"

Shirayuki gasped, not believing what she was hearing. It was the second time that day someone had told that to her and it infuriated her. "Of course I don't want that!" Shirayuki shouted, jumping to her feet and glaring at her mistress. "I'm only looking out for you. I don't want you to get hurt. It's my duty to keep you safe."

"Then let me prove it to you!" Rukia proposed, "Let me prove that Ichigo isn't the type of asshole you think he is! If he tries anything funny, I promise you, I'll freeze him solid and throw him into a lake!"

"Only if you throw in his uncle too!"

"What does his uncle have to do with this?"

"Their entire family line must be purged!"

"Fine! But if I win, you have to apologize to Ichigo and promise never to castrate him." Rukia concluded, gritting her teeth at her maid.

Shirayuki raised an eyebrow, "Don't you think that's a bit greedy?"

…Get a restraining order on her, for God's sake!...

"No! Now promise. Promise me you'll stay out of this until I decide what's best for me." The petite superheroine thrust her hand out and waited for Shirayuki to take it. The faithful maid had every intention of pretending to go along with this madness and intervene when necessary but something stopped her.

Rukia had a look of determination in her eyes, just like she had when she first told Shirayuki she wanted to become a superheroine. Shirayuki had already gone back on her word once, and it shouldn't bother her to do so again…but Rukia looked so adorable when she was mad!

Giving in, Shirayuki took a deep cleansing breath and shook Rukia's hand.

"You have four days. Prove to me he's trustworthy by then…and I will leave him be."

Rukia nodded firmly, confident in her challenge. She looked at the clock and decided not to go out as Chappy after all; it had been a long day. "So, what's for dinner?" Rukia asked, smiling. It had been quite a while since she had stayed in to eat, a fact that made Shirayuki smile as well.

"I figured stew. Since most of the house is frozen we need to warm things up." She gestured to the melting ice that covered over everything that was behind Rukia. The superheroine rubbed her head and smiled nervously. Shirayuki led her down to the kitchen to help prepare dinner, trying to understand why she hadn't told Rukia about her date's secret yet.

* * *

-Earlier That Day-

"Your manhood is mine!" Shirayuki shouted. She slammed her kunai down at Zangetsu but he disappeared again and she hit the roof with such force that it cracked. "Uh oh," she whispered as the ceiling began to give way. She leapt away just in time to watch the building begin to collapse.

Not that she cared, she was close to avenging herself and nothing would stop her. She whirled around and saw Zangetsu nearby, one hand raised. "Aren't we forgetting something?" he asked.

…Yeah, the plot's kinda getting lost here…

Suddenly, Shirayuki recalled what building she had just destroyed. "Lady Rukia!" she screamed as she jumped down in front of the cake shop. All the residents were running out frantically but she pushed through them and got inside. There she saw that the table her lady had previously been at was empty.

"Where is she?!" Shirayuki panicked as the roof collapsed and she barely made it out before she was crushed. Already picking herself up, she began to glance around until she came face to face with Zangetsu again. "I will deal with you another time." She threatened, "For now, I must find My Lady!"

"A word of advice!" Zangetsu called out to her, making her stop. "You should not get involved in your Lady's affairs. It will surly lead to unpleasant situations and odd explanations. If you don't want her to end up alone, let her have some freedom."

…Isn't that the pot calling the kettle the whore?...

Before she could shout back at him, Zangetsu had disappeared, leaving her unsatisfied. "The next time I see that man I will take his…" She shook her head. "I don't have time for such fantasies! I must find My Lady!"

* * *

-Urahara Apartments-

Zangetsu stood outside Ichigo's room. He had thought about telling Ichigo about the source of Rukia's power. Virginity was a powerful motivator and now it seemed, the source of icy death. However, it also brought embarrassment for men to still have for so long. So, the only real question was:

Should he encourage Ichigo to lose his and cost Rukia her powers or let his nephew be mocked for the rest of his life for being a virgin?

Because if things didn't go well with Rukia, he was pretty sure that Ichigo was going to die unfucked. And while he didn't want that, he also didn't want Ichigo to unknowingly destroy a young woman's life by taking away her gift. He sighed deeply and slowly pushed the door open and the sight inside amazed him.

Ichigo sat at his desk, his headphones blaring as he did homework, a bright smile on his face.

Zangetsu had known Ichigo all his life and yet not once had he seen the boy smile, at least not since his mother's untimely passing. Was this the effect that Rukia Kuchiki had on him? Could he really tell his nephew not to pursue the only girl that had ever made him smile? Did he have the right to say anything at all? What would Ichigo think if he knew his uncle had ruined a woman just by having sex?

…Why is he asking so many questions instead of advancing the scene?...Speed it up, Zangetsu...

With a deep sigh, Zangetsu pushed the door completely open and waved at his nephew. Ichigo instantly lost his smile and said, "What's up?"

"Just wondering how your date went. Good?" the crazy uncle asked.

To his surprise, Ichigo let a tiny smirk tug at his lips as he answered, "Great, actually. We realized our hatred for cake—".

"Because the frosting cuts your throat, right?"

"Yeah! And we spent a bit of time talking. In fact, we made plans to meet up tomorrow too." Ichigo's smirk spread into a genuine smile as he finished and Zangetsu suddenly lost his nerve to say what needed to be said. He would not be on Ichigo's shit list like Isshin.

"Ichigo," he said with a stern look, "This is the same girl you go and flirt with each night?"

"I already told you, it's not—".

"Ichigo just listen," Zangetsu commanded. "I just want ask you…how much does this girl mean to you?"

Taken by surprise, Ichigo looked down before lifting his head and smiling again. "A lot."

Zangetsu's eyes widened and he really felt proud of his nephew for coming so far. It may not have seemed like much, but coming from a guy who constantly said that nothing meant much to him, it was saying, literally, 'a lot'.

…Bad joke is bad…not quite 'Twilight' bad, but still bad…

"Then I won't stop you," Zangetsu replied, confusing his nephew. "But I do request that you use this." He tossed the orange haired young man a basket sealed in plastic. Inside, there were many boxes of flavor condoms, lubricant, a dildo, a 'cookbook' and a bag of aphrodisiac jelly beans with a label that read:

_Because Why The Fuck Not?_

Zangetsu barely had time to close the door before the basket crashed into the wall next to where his face had been.

* * *

-Karakura University-

As it turned out, Ichigo and Rukia's shared class was cancelled. They were notified via e-mail but only Ichigo got it.

Rukia stood outside their classroom, hoping and praying that the bastard would show up. She felt stupid for not checking that morning but for some reason she was rushed to get to class and prove Ichigo wasn't the narcissistic asshole that he really was. Yeah, Rukia knew that Shirayuki had a valid point in that they both thought he was a jerk but there had to be better sides to him…didn't there? The fun and carefree guy he was on their date had to be buried deep inside somewhere, all she needed to do was bring it out in front of Shirayuki and all her problems would be solved.

Now all she needed was a plan to actually get the ball rolling.

"Rukia!" a feminine voice called out to her. The raven haired girl turned to see tits coming right at her face smothering her in a bear hug. "I haven't seen you in so long! How are you?" a bubbly voice asked.

Rukia pulled herself free and gasped for air, "Orihime! When did you get back?

…We're not going to address the tit smothering? Okay, fine…fine…we prefer small breasts anyway…

* * *

Meanwhile…

Ichigo stepped out of Uryu's car. Since he'd missed his bus, and didn't want to keep Rukia waiting forever, he'd begged his friend to drive him to campus. He would have just called her but he didn't actually have her number, that certainly needed to change. He heard Uryu groan as he got out as well.

"Thanks again for the ride but you don't need to come with me." Ichigo insisted, trying to drop a few hints, all of which Uryu chose to ignore.

"Figured I'd meet the bunny girl while she isn't in character." He chided as he locked his car. "I have to take a full hour for lunch anyway."

"Do you even have a life outside work?"

"Not all of us can run around in cloaks scaring small children. That's why the world needs smart people, like me."

"At least my love life is better than yours."

"One date isn't exactly a love life. Besides, how would you know? Unlike you, I like to keep things to myself." Uryu defended as they rounded the corner into the hallway with Ichigo's class.

"Isn't that the reason why you're single? And gay?" Ichigo chided.

"Say what you want, Ichigo. At least I'm not still holding my V-card." Uryu slapped Ichigo on the back and smirked. Just then, Rukia came into view and Uryu instantly felt a strange sensation as he got a good look at the girl standing next to her.

"Uh, Uryu…You okay, buddy?" Ichigo asked as his friend walked forward in a daze.

* * *

Meanwhile…

"I got back just now! I knew you had class today so I came to see you!" Orihime, a young woman with long auburn hair and breasts the size of Montana replied.

Rukia smiled at her only female friend. "How was Italy? The exchange program was supposed to be worth the price, right?"

Orihime began adamantly recalling her trip overseas and how all the people were very nice there and treated her like she was royalty. Rukia really had to try hard not to point out that her bust size made men drool and was saved when Orihime suddenly asked, "So, are you seeing anyone?"

"W-What brought that on?" the raven haired girl stuttered as she felt her face heat up. Orihime slightly gasped before bursting with joy and bear hugging her friend again.

"You finally asked Ichigo out, didn't you?! I told you he was interested. Why else would he constantly sit by you in class? The seats aren't assigned, you know." The auburn haired girl smiled wide and Rukia squeezed free again but was too embarrassed to say anything. For being such an airhead, Orihime was surprisingly adept at figuring out someone's love life.

"I-It's not like that! We're just hanging out together. We've only done it once." Rukia insisted. Orihime's eyes widened and superheroine realized her poor word choice. "I mean a date! We only went out on a date once! Wait! I mean—".

"You're in the dating phase! Nice work, Rukia!" Orihime was nearly bursting with joy as she continued, "You work so fast! I'm so jealous!"

Rukia raised an eyebrow and asked, "Why are you jealous? You've got much bigger…uh…assets…than I ever will."

Orihime smiled sweetly and replied, "But what I want isn't some physical connection. I want something that make me feel like I'm soaring through the clouds. A guy who will look past my breasts and love me for who I am. A man who will love me and care for me the instant we meet. A man who loves my cooking!"

Rukia cringed as she remembered the eel bowl with chocolate sauce and blueberries she had been forced to sample, just to prevent Orihime from crying. If any man could truly love her cooking, he'd be a saint. Maybe even a savior.

…Let's not drag Jesus into this…we wouldn't want his second coming ruined by poor culinary skills…

"So, was it love at first sight?" Orihime asked with sparkles in her eyes. Rukia sighed and tapped her friend on the forehead.

"We met over a year ago, remember? You were there! I called him a narcissistic, asshole, playboy, pop-star wannabe, thug, bitch-ass, giant!" Rukia was surprised she remembered all that she'd called him, but then again, he certainly left an impression on her.

"Yeah, but didn't you love him right from the start and only just admitted it recently?" Orihime insisted, bouncing a bit.

With a deep sigh, Rukia placed a hand on her hip and said, "Look Orihime, people don't just meet and magically fall in love at first sight. It's just not how reality works!" Suddenly, a young man walked up to them with Ichigo following behind him.

"Took you long enough, fall in a manhole on the way here?" Rukia said to Ichigo, who smirked at her attitude.

"Yeah well, this wouldn't be a problem if you had…checked your…" Ichigo trailed off as he glanced at his friend and Rukia followed his gaze. Her eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when she saw Orihime staring at Ichigo's friend, her eyes shimmering.

"Hi," she said to Uryu.

"Hi," Uryu quickly replied. "I know this is sudden, but you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Would you like to get coffee with me?"

"I only drink tea, is that okay?"

"I hate coffee anyway."

"You're so considerate."

"I'm Uryu Ishida."

"Orihime Inoue."

"I love your name."

"I love yours too."

"Shall we?"

"Let's."

Uryu held out his arm and Orihime latched onto it with a loving smile. "I have to go now, Rukia. See you later." She said without taking her eyes off her date.

"I'm taking the car, Ichigo. Good luck with…whatever you're doing here." Uryu said as he led Orihime toward his vehicle, smiling like an overly happy madman.

Rukia and Ichigo stared at their friends in utter disbelief. Finally, when the love birds were out of sight, they turned to each other and shook their heads. "What just happened?" Ichigo asked and Rukia turned back to direction their friends had departed.

"I don't know…but I think we're in a manga!" She shouted, still utterly confused.

...

...

…This better not be a manga…there's no sexy pictures in this thing…t-that's what a manga is, right?...Right?!...

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Hey, everybody! This chapter was one I had planned for a while, as was the last one. Now that they are out there, I can finally get back to complete IchiRuki in the next chapter. Things really start heating up for Chappy and the Mystic. **

**I do wish I had more time to write but that's how the world works right now. When my classes finally end, I will have more time and hopefully finish this story before too long. I am building to the climax and I hope you all stick with it and enjoy the rest of the story. **

**Thank you to everyone who favorite and followed all my stories and me as a writer. The support means a lot and it shows that I'm doing something right! :) Please leave a review, to brighten my day and encourage me to get more written! Thank you all and keep on smiling my beautiful readers!**


	14. The Bunny Knight Rises

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

The Bunny Knight Rises

…

…

…

…We really wanted to write a funny intro subtly hinting at the release of a certain Batman film, but the intro writer is currently narrating the mood for the Starbuck's next door. We hope to have him back as early as the next chapter.

We are in negotiations to get him back; your reviews will help with this process. In the meanwhile, our most talented writers have been called in to give you all an uplifting intro for this chapter. This is what they put together…

So, uh…

IchiRuki Forever…

Don't hang us, we have children…

* * *

-Karakura City – Downtown-

How could a potentially amazing day have turned into utter shit?!

Chappy Rukia barely dodged The Mystic's sword as it swung at her side. She retaliated by blasting ice at him but he disappeared. She landed on a rooftop, her violet bunny suit shimmering in the moonlight. She glanced around until she felt a presence behind her. A grin spread across her face as she bent her knees and slashed at The Mystic's feet.

He jumped back but Chappy Rukia lunged at him and shouted, "Hakuren!" A blast of ice flew toward him and she saw his eyes widen in surprise. Again he disappeared but the superheroine knew this trick by now. She turned and swung her sword outward and chanted, "Tsukishiro!"

The Mystic appeared exactly where she planned him to and a pillar of ice engulfed him.

Chappy Rukia smirked at her nemesis' failure and said, "This is what you get for making my evening even worse."

* * *

-Earlier That Day-

Rukia and Ichigo went to the sandwich shop on the University campus and were having quite a fun time. They discussed upcoming work for their Criminal Justice courses but the conversation soon devolved into casual talk.

"So, besides the psychotic maid, any other family?" Ichigo asked.

Rukia shrugged, "My brother, Byakuya Kuchiki, is the head of Kuchiki Corp. and did you just call my surrogate mother psychotic?"

…If the demented shoe fits…

Ichigo gave her a sideways glance and said, "Considering that she puts bombs in your lunch and demands you carry jumbo mace, yeah, she's a bit bat-shit out of it." Rukia glared at him but couldn't really think of a proper defense, so she went on the offensive.

"And I'm to believe that your family is perfectly well-mannered and normal."

"My sisters are. Honestly, they're the only ones that keep our family sane."

"You have sisters?"

"Younger twin sisters."

"So if they're the normal ones, that means that your father must be as inept as you."

Ichigo narrowed his eyes and said, "Don't compare me to my mentally dysfunctional, goat-faced old man. And don't even get me started on my Uncle!"

"But why? You seem so much alike…"

"You've never even met my father or my uncle!"

"Don't need to. I can already tell that you must be like the bastard child of both them," She grinned and he sighed.

"That is creepy imagery that I _do not _want in my mind! Let's just stop talking about our insane families. Alright?"

"Why stop now? We're having so much fun." Rukia chided as she finished her lunch. "I was just about to ask if your mother is locked up in nuthouse for giving birth to…Ichigo?" She noticed that he became eerily quiet and was staring down at the table. "Uh, was it something I—".

"She's dead. My mom's dead," He whispered, not looking up. Rukia's harshness suddenly softened and she frowned. As he looked up, she recognized the sadness in his eyes. It was something she never figured they'd have in common.

"I'm sorry," she offered but Ichigo didn't look at her. "My sister passed away a long time ago too. She was the closest thing I had to mother, besides Shirayuki that is."

"Yeah…?" Ichigo said, sadly smiling at her. "We have way too much in common," he joked, trying to lighten the mood. It worked because Rukia chuckled and returned the smile.

"Yeah. We have crazy families, are pursing Criminal Justice, hate cake—".

"Have an obsession with Chappy," Ichigo added. Both of their eyes suddenly widened.

"What did you say?" She asked calmly, holding in her apprehension.

"Nothing!" Ichigo abruptly shouted. "I-I said nothing and then…I stopped talking…Forever!"

Rukia narrowed her eyes at him and asked, "How can you say nothing and _then_ stop talking?"

"With the power of poetic language?"

…Ah yes, Poetic Language - where nothing means 'something' and 'something' means 'Fuck Off'…

Rukia raised an eyebrow at him and asked, "You said we both like Chappy. I heard you. Now admit it!"

"I won't, because I said nothing."

"You have an obsession with Chappy – Defender of Justice—".

"Why would I idolize a crazy girl who wears skin tight outfits that ride up her—NEVERMIND!"

"Aha! You are obsessed with her! Just like me!"

"Prove it!"

"Can do!"

Rukia dug into her pocket and pulled out a small tape recorded that was still recording. Ichigo's jaw dropped as she stopped it and began to rewind. "You keep a tape recorder with all the time?! And always have it recording?!" He shouted in disbelief.

"Y-Yeah. How else am I supposed to expose perverted deviants like yourself?" In truth, she only starting bringing it along because she wanted audio evidence of Ichigo being sweet to help persuade Shirayuki. But this was an emergency! If Ichigo truly was a Chappy fanboy, closet fanboy at that, then it would make convincing the faithful maid to spare his loins even easier.

She played back the tape and amplified the sound to dangerous levels.

"—AN OBSESSION WITH CHAPPY!" blared out of small speakers and the entire room turned to them. Rukia quickly hid the recorder and awkwardly pointed to Ichigo, who banged his head against that table. A few people shook their heads while others gave thumbs up and pervy smiles.

"Do you realize what you've done?!" Ichigo nearly screamed.

Rukia nodded excitedly and said, "Forced you to accept your affectation for the city's greatest defender!"

"Noooo!" Again, Ichigo slammed his face into the table, taking a moment to repeat the action several times. "My obsession with Chappy isn't exactly the positive kind," he groaned into the table.

Rukia narrowed her eyes. "Don't tell me your one of those perverted, adult fantasy kind of guys. Always seeing a proud superheroine as a sex symbol."

…Name two things that men don't see as a sex symbol and—never mind, it can't be done...

She heard him sigh as he lifted his head and returned her glare.

"I mean that I think she's a menace."

Rukia gasped at the anger in his voice. Even if he was indirectly talking about her, it still shocked her to see him so upset about her actions. "And why do you think that?" she knew she sounded defensive but she didn't care.

"What kind of superhero goes around dressed like a playboy bunny?" Ichigo proposed. Rukia was about to comment on the effectiveness of the armor but knew it would give too much away.

"Also, she destroys huge areas that the city has to rebuild using money taxed from the poorest of people. I mean, whole blocks get demolished and who has to pay for it? People like you and me." Ichigo knew this was a low blow and that she didn't actually do as much damage as that.

However, he would do anything to avoid fulfilling his contract and psychological warfare was the quickest method. Even if a part of him was calling himself a backstabbing, treacherous asshole.

…Which we completely condone and agree to…

Rukia sat in quiet contemplation. She never realized that she could be destroying so much of other people's property. She had always thought that the ice would melt and water damage would be the harshest of her crimes. However, she thought back to her battle with The Mystic and remembered the building that collapsed as a result of the battle.

Ichigo could see her worry building and he decided to deliver the final blow.

"And the fact that she hides from the law and goes outside the system just to feel like a hero really disgusts me."

When she heard that, Rukia tensed and gripped her shirt tightly. Is that what everyone thought of her? That she was just a simple thrill-seeker trying to play hero and destroying the city for it. If she had heard this from any other person, she might have brushed it off. But, the fact that it was someone she respected for his passion about Criminal Justice, it really hurt.

A dull pain welled up inside her and she took a deep breath to compose herself. She looked at his relaxed and composed face and could see he meant every word. At the very least, she had hoped that Ichigo might understand but it seemed that she was wrong.

Rukia straightened up and resumed her confident visage. "Well, at the very least, _I _don't think she's doing it for thrills." Ichigo raised an eyebrow so she continued, "I think she genuinely wants to help people. There's nothing wrong with that."

"You're right. There's nothing wrong with wanting to help people," Ichigo agreed. "But going around dressed like a hooker isn't exactly the best way to help people. In fact, it makes thing worse—".

Rukia slammed her fist down and shouted, "You have no right to badmouth her! She's just trying to help! I'm sure that she isn't trying to make things worse!"

"This is why I didn't want to talk about it," Ichigo said as he sighed. "Listen, I don't have anything against her personally. I just think that she needs to quite this whole superhero thing and find something better to do."

His words echoed in Rukia's ears continuously. What could be better than fighting crime and freezing bad guys? She wanted to deny Ichigo's point but couldn't find the words. She had nothing to defend herself with. If only she could tell him that her role as Chappy was just a way to use her powers for good, but with him voicing his disapproval like this…

"I need to go."

Rukia stood up and grabbed her purse. "Rukia, wait!" Ichigo pleaded, "I'm sorry! I just—".

"It's fine," she replied harshly, "It's almost time to get home anyway. See ya." She dropped a few bills on the table and left in a hurry. Ichigo quickly gathered his coat and chased after her but by the time he got out the door she was gone.

"DAMMIT!" He shouted as he indented his fist into a brick wall. "Why the hell did I say all that?! Why am I denouncing the things that I think make her so amazing?! I'm such a fucking coward!"

He began walking steadily toward his apartment, his eyes burning. "I can't do this anymore…"

* * *

-Downtown-

Chappy Rukia bounded from building to building, her violet bunny suit shining in the moonlight. She immediately left the manor after returning from her date, a little time as a superheroine would help clear her thoughts. She had heard that there was supposed to be a new shipment of drugs at the docks again. However, her mind wandered. What Ichigo had said to her really took the spring out of her step.

Was she really a menace? She thought that people loved and respected her, revered her as a symbol of greatness to aspire to. She never meant to hurt anyone or do anything unlawful, aside from the whole vigilante thing. Could it be that Ichigo's opinion was more accurate than she initially wanted to believe?

"No, don't think like that!" Chappy Rukia whispered, shaking her head. "I'm the Defender of Justice! The light in the darkness! The terror that hops in the night! Justice will guide me to victory!"

She landed on top of a familiar crane near the docks and saw the Jaegerjaquez Crime Family unloading their contraband. She smirked and shouted, "Hold it right there!"

The thugs looked up and she prepared for them to run in terror but they surprised her by immediately firing upon her. She gasped and jumped to the side, creating an ice slide to travel down and shield herself with. The superheroine crashed her ice into them and sent many of them flying.

"The least you could do is address me!" she complained as they charged her. She lifted her blade and was about to unleash a large blast of ice when Ichigo's words rang in her mind.

"_She destroys huge areas that the city has to rebuild using money taxed from the poorest of people."_

Her body tensed and she found herself unable to attack, fearing she'd do just as Ichigo had said. One of the thugs took the opportunity and swung at her with a pipe. Chappy Rukia's instincts kicked in and she dodged, just barely. Instead of putting her ice into a blast, the superheroine charged it into her white blade and swung. A blade of ice shot out and blasted her attackers back.

Chappy Rukia grinned, "This I can work with!" She leapt forward, swung her blade to produce an ice slash and shouted, "JUSTICE!" It felt great to shout that once again and it helped put Ichigo's harsh words out of her mind.

"Justice!" she cried as she attacked again, blasting more thugs. "Justice! Justice! Justice!"

Chappy Rukia continued to shout her favorite word as she leapt around using her new ice slash, destroying the trucks carrying the drugs as well as stopping the thugs from retreating.

The ice quickly decimated her foes and they fell one after another. Just when it seemed like she was finished, out of the corner of her eye she noticed one of the thugs on the rooftop, a rocket launcher in hand. Without thinking she slashed at him and the crescent blade of ice. Panicking, the thug shot the rocket at the ice and the resulting explosion blasted a gaping hole in the building the thug was on.

Chappy Rukia's eyes widened in horror as parts of the building began to collapse. "How could I let this happen?!" she shouted as she jumped up to the crumbling building. The pressure of the blast was causing the roof to collapse and the superheroine knew only one way to save the day. She jumped inside the falling building and swung her blade outward.

"Tsukishiro!"

A ring of white appeared at her feet and she jumped away before a pillar of ice extended to the top of the building, holding the roof up. She breathed a sigh of relief before someone appeared across the room.

"Hey!" Chappy Rukia turned to see a very frustrated apartment tenant. "It's you again! The hooker dressin', bunny girl, ice queen! What are ya doing freezin' my house at two in the mornin'!"

…Oh look, the guy from chapter one is back…and he's still pissed…it's like you never left us…

"I-I, I was just trying to—".

"Get outta here ya crazy ice hooker! I got enough trouble without you freezin' my living room." He grunts and turns away. "First the buildin' shakes and then a hole's blasted in my wall, and now I got an ice sculpture where my TV should be!"

Chappy Rukia's eyes widened and she whispered, "I-I'm sorry."

She bowed before slowly backing out of the hole and jumping down the street. For the first time since becoming a superheroine, she looked around to see the damage of her battle. Bullet holes, crushed vehicles, and a nearly destroyed building. All caused by her.

"Is…is this what happens every night?" she muttered.

"Afraid so…" a distorted voice called out.

Chappy Rukia whirled around to see The Mystic standing a few feet from her, sporting an identical shirt to the one she'd taken and a new mask with different red streaks on it. The superheroine lifted her blade to defend herself but The Mystic held up his hand to stop her.

"I'm not here to fight."

"Says the guy who tries to get me naked every time we meet—".

"Okay, I can explain that—!"

"I know I'm dangerously alluring but keep your hands off, Perverted Nemesis!"

"Oh yeah! Well, it'd be easier if you didn't dress in a way that shows off your 'assets' so much! Frigid Hooker!"

For some reason, arguing with The Mystic put Chappy Rukia's mind at ease. It was like she could forget the damage she'd done and be the badass superheroine again, since a bad guy was clearly present and here to do evil. And for no apparent reason, it reminded her of Ichigo.

The masked nemesis sighed and cleared his throat. "Anyway, I'm not here to fight you."

Chappy Rukia put a hand on her hip and groaned, disappointed. "Then what are you here for? Can't you see I'm busy?" She pointed to the unconscious thugs and he followed her gaze. He also glanced around at the wreckage before turning back to her.

"I'm here to tell you to spot playing hero!" He used his sword to point at the destruction. "Look what you caused tonight! If you had simply minded your own business, none of this would have happened."

"How dare you!" Chappy Rukia flared, "I'm the Defender of Justice! My job is to stop criminals like you from ruining people lives! Are you saying I should have just let these thugs peddle their drugs around town?!"

"Yes."

Although she half-expected it, his answer surprised her. Behind his mask, his pale yellow eyes stared directly at her.

"It's not your responsibility to stop these guys. Karakura has a drug rehab place, these guys help keep it going."

"Oh please, don't try to con me into thinking that these mobsters are somehow helping the city."

"Fine I won't, but hear me out on this." He stabbed his sword into the ground and raised his hands. Chappy Rukia's eyes widened as she lowered her sword, prepared to listen if he was willing to lower his guard.

"This whole superhero thing needs to stop before it gets out of hand. All I'm saying is…sooner or later, you're going to make a mistake and people close to you are going to get hurt—".

The moment those words left his mouth, she smirked. "I think you vastly underestimate me. My enemies aren't even close to discovering my true identi—".

"You're Rukia Kuchiki, the younger sister of Byakuya Kuchiki who head Kuchiki Corp."

"N-No I'm not!"

"Yes, you are."

"How did you know?!"

"You just told me."

Chappy Rukia gasped and lifted her blade. "That's not the point! How did you discover my—".

"You don't wear a mask!" The Mystic blatantly shouted. "It wasn't exactly that hard to figure out who you were! I mean, how many other petite, raven haired girls with violet eyes are there in town?!"

"Three." She quickly answered.

"Seriously? I did not see that coming…But who else would have the money and connections to get a battle ready armor bunny suit! Not only that, and I really feel the need to stress this again – You don't wear a mask! That and your outfit draws way too much attention for people not to recognize you!"

…He's right. It's like holding up a sign that says, "TADA – I HAS TITS"…

Chappy Rukia nodded to herself and grinned. "I get it now." She pointed her blade at him. "You're afraid of me, aren't you? You went to all the trouble of finding out who I am to try to blackmail me into submission."

The Mystic face-palmed and groaned. "No, that is not the point! Why don't you wear a head covering?!" Chappy Rukia fingered her bunny ears and smirked. "That doesn't count!" he retorted. "Why don't you cover yourself up?!"

The superheroine huffed and struck a heroic pose. "It's simple! I want the criminals of Karakura Town to fear the face of Chappy – Defender of Justice!"

The Mystic gave her a sideways glance and replied, "Yeah, because being able to freeze people to death is pussy power—Wear a mask!"

His words fell on deaf ears, bunny and human alike, as Chappy Rukia struck another pose. "I see what you're doing. You're trying to convince me to give up without a fight! I know that my methods can be harsh but I won't let a criminal like you lecture me on what's best for the city. How many buildings have you destroyed in your time as my nemesis, huh?"

"Uh…" was all The Mystic could reply.

Chappy Rukia finally pushed off her negative thoughts and focused on her opponent. She could contemplate her actions later, but right now, not even Ichigo's sound logic would sway her from her heroic desires. She took up an offensive position and shouted, "I won't be deceived anymore! I won't fall for such an old trick!"

The superheroine shot toward him and The Mystic barely had time to grab his black sword and repel her attack.

Chappy Rukia barely dodged The Mystic's sword as it swung at her side. She retaliated by blasting ice at him but he disappeared. She landed on a rooftop, her violet bunny suit shimmering in the moonlight. She glanced around until she felt a presence behind her. A grin spread across her face as she bent her knees and slashed at The Mystic's feet.

He jumped back but Chappy Rukia lunged at him and shouted, "Hakuren!" A blast of ice flew toward him and she saw his eyes widen in surprise. Again he disappeared but the superheroine knew this trick by now. She turned and swung her sword outward and chanted, "Tsukishiro!"

The Mystic appeared exactly where she planned him to and a pillar of ice engulfed him.

Chappy Rukia smirked at her nemesis' failure and said, "This is what you get for making my evening even worse." She sighed and turned away from him. "He'll thaw in a few hours, the police can take it from here—".

Suddenly, the ice behind her began to crack and the superheroine whirled around to see a black aura emanating from inside the pillar.

"Getsuga…Tenshou!"

A huge black blade of pure energy shot toward her. Chappy Rukia's eyes widened and she jumped aside, letting the attack crush the building directly behind her. She spun around to see the local orphanage collapse on itself, leaving only the door still standing. She gritted her teeth and glared up at The Mystic, who was standing on top of the cut open ice pillar.

The superheroine was about to curse him when he beat her to the punch.

"Holy Crap! That is _not_ what I meant to do! I just wanted to get out of the ice! Not destroy an orphanage! Now I'm going to hell for sure!"

The superheroine looked at him like a bunny in headlights, unable to form words. Why was he showing such remorse for his actions? Wasn't that supposed to be her right now? And why did his annoying attitude seem so familiar? She looked back to the orphanage, specifically the only remaining door, and saw something odd.

A note was miraculously spared and hanging on the door. While The Mystic was panicking and shouting about continuity errors, she walked over and read the notice. It read:

_To Whom It May Concern:_

_We are taking the children to Disney World and will not be returning until tomorrow. Please take care not to destroy their home while we are away. _

_With Love,_

_The Orphanage Managers_

…

…

…Okay, even _we're _having a hard time believing this coincidence. Seriously, they go to the happiest place on earth, only to come back and find themselves homeless…again. This is hard to digest…

"Is that what I think it is?!" Chappy Rukia felt the note being ripped out of her hand as The Mystic scanned it and laughed in relief. "Thank God…I'm not an orphanage killer." The superheroine took a defensive stance but the masked man held up his hand again.

"Seriously! I'm not here to fight you!" he pleaded, "I just want to talk."

"Says the guy who just burned down an orphanage—".

"Again, it was an accident!"

"Just like you accidentally ripped off my breast plate?"

"Oh will you get over that! It's not like I cuddle with it every night!" A deadly silence fell between them. "I need to stop doing that…"

"Agreed!" Chappy Rukia said as she punched his masked face, sending him flying back. "Take that you Perverted Nemesis!" Her foe skid back but forced himself to a stop, growling in pain. Seeing him so flustered make her smirk. "What kind of villain actually feel relieved that they didn't destroy an orphanage? Isn't that the highlight of a criminal's career?"

"I'll have you know that I'm no mere criminal!" the masked man finally shouted, "I was hired for a specific purpose, and destruction of property wasn't it!"

"Oh really? Then what is your 'specific purpose' then? Stripping me naked and hanging me from a street light? Because that seems like the most likely—".

"I was hired to kill you!"

All the humor faded instantly. "What?" she asked hesitantly. The Mystic relaxed and lowered his sword.

"The Jaegerjaquez' wanted you out of the picture. You've been destroying too many of their shipments. They put the word out for a hit on you…I was the one who took it."

For some reason, this news shocked the superheroine. She had never had a nemesis before but she had always figured it was a give and take kind of deal, battling without killing each other to 'fight another day'. But more than that, even with all his threats and power, she never actually felt him to be malevolent toward her or anyone else.

"I'll ask you one more time," he interrupted her thoughts and her gaze shot back to him. "Give up being a superhero. I convinced my employer to give me some time to persuade you to back down but…" He hesitated before pointing his blade at her. "I'm running out of time. Please, I don't want to hurt, Rukia."

Chappy Rukia snapped out of her confusion when she heard her name. The air around her began to freeze and she prepared to launch an attack. "And what makes you think you can kill me? I'm not afraid of someone who hides behind a mask." She saw him twitch as he gasped, must have struck a nerve.

"And who gave you permission to call me by my real name, ya masked freak?" she demanded.

"At least I have enough sense to wear a mask!"

"And why is that, huh? You're just a coward who can't face reality so you hide behind that façade!"

The Mystic clenched his fist before it flew up to his face. He pulled the skull mask forward and it unclipped from his hood. The hood fell back to reveal bright orange hair that Rukia recognized in an instant. He pulled the mask completely off and stared at her with his amber eyes.

Shock overcame the superheroine as her nemesis was revealed.

"This is why I hide behind a mask!" Ichigo proclaimed.

…And now that logic is void…good going dipshit…

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Finals are over and I got to post a chapter. Hurray! I had to do some reworking with my writing process but the story is flowing again and it's only going to get better from here on out!**

**So, now that everything is out in the open, where will Rukia and Ichigo's relationship go now? Downhill is the most obvious but you'll just have to read to see what happens next. More superhero references ahoy!**

**Sorry for the wait again but I gave you a longer chapter this time so I hope it suffices. I will also be writing a Christmas one-shot that will be M-rated for your pleasure. It won't be Christmas themed but I figured it was the best time to get this one-shot out. **

**Reviews make me smile and encourage me to write faster so please leave one and have a great day my beautiful readers! Keep on smiling! XD**


	15. The Bane of Chappy

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

The Bane of Chappy

The mystery has come to light but is the reckoning at hand for the stalwart heroine? Connects between people always connect them. Is a bond false if forged for hidden purposes or is the bond itself greater still?

Two unlikely, and we mean very unlikely, heroes stand at a turning point in their destiny's. One feels compassion, the other an obligation, but both are weighed down by the burden they bear. Only time will tell if these two strong individuals can survive the trial that awaits them.

…

That's right! I'm back bitches! Fresh coffee in my hand and reviews at my back, I provide the quickest of analogies and the ripest of rhymes. Reviews and double pay helped inform my decision.

Enjoy the chapter folks!

* * *

-Karakura – Downtown-

"I-Ichigo?"

Chappy Rukia's voice was shaky and the hurt on her face was overwhelming. However, Ichigo tucked his mask inside his coat, not intending to hide any longer. He wasn't sure why he chose to reveal himself but he knew it was the right thing to do. If he was going to have any chance of convincing her to back down, then his alter-ego needed to be discarded.

"Hi," he answered with a nervous smile.

"You…you're the…" she trailed off, still in shock. She gritted her teeth and glared at him. "It's been you all along?! Since the very beginning?!"

He nodded and she screamed in frustration. "You BASTARD!"

Ichigo winced at her anger but didn't look away. "Listen Rukia, I have a good reason for—". Before he could finish, she leapt at him, slashing where he stood a moment ago. "Wait! Rukia! I can explain!" he pleaded but she continued to attack.

"Shut up! You've been playing me this whole time!" He deflected her attack but she kept on retaliating. "It was all an act, wasn't it?! Pretending to be interested in me, going out with me, hell, even our arguments got more intense after you discovered who I was! It was all so that you could bring me down without a fight!"

Rukia gathered her ice and slashed at him, sending a crescent blade of cold death his way. Ichigo used both hands and barely was able to cut the ice in two. The moment he did so, Rukia's blade was already inches from his face. Just before contact, he disappeared and the superheroine looked around franticly.

She felt him appear behind her and she spun around and charged again. "Stop Rukia! Just let me explain—!"

His words fell on deaf ears as she swung her blade outward and shouted, "Tsukishiro!" At his feet, the white circle of cold appeared and Ichigo barely escaped the icy embrace. "Hakuren!" he heard her shout and he instantly teleported high above her, just avoiding the blast of ice and snow beneath him.

In an instant, Rukia was at his level and she slashed downward. Though he managed to block the attack, it sent Ichigo flying down into the pavement with a sickening crack. A moment later, ice rained down upon him but Ichigo managed to swing his sword with blinding speed and deflected the onslaught. Picking himself up, the mystical man staggered to his feet as Rukia landed a few feet from him, her knuckles whiter than her blade.

For the first time since she began attacking, Ichigo finally saw her eyes. Only pain and anger reflected back at him. Frozen tears stained her cheeks as she marched toward him. "I trusted you…I put my faith in you...I thought you were different…"

"I am!" he insisted but she scoffed and rushed him again.

She knocked his sword from his hand. Before he could retrieve it, the tip of Rukia's sword pierced his side. He cried out in pain as she gripped his hair and pulled him toward herself.

"Was it the money? Did you take the job for petty cash, Ichigo? I thought you were a better man than that!" She jerked her blade out of his body, blood splattering onto the ground. "But it turns out you're no better than any other lowly criminal!"

Ichigo's vision blurred and he coughed up blood. "That's not—", he tried to say before he fell to his knees. "I didn't do it for money!"

"So, you just wanted to make me suffer, is that it?! Or do you just get your kicks by getting close to someone before you kill them?!"

"No! I'm trying to tell you that I don't want to—". He was silenced by Rukia's fist connecting with his face, sending him into the ground again.

"Shirayuki was right all along…I can't believe I ever trusted you!" Rukia raised her blade but turned it backward. "I won't lower myself to your level, even after all this! I'm not going to become a murderer like you…but I will make you pay for what you've done."

"Please…just listen to me! I only took the job so that I could—", Ichigo pleaded one last time.

"Enough! As the Defender of Justice, I can't…_I won't_ allow you hurt anyone else ever again!" She shouted as she swung her blade at his collarbone, intending to do permanent damage to his arm so he could never wield a sword again.

Ichigo saw her blade come down and his body reacted. He grasped his nearby sword as she attacked, turned it to the blunt side and countered. However, he underestimated how much power he put behind the deflection. Her peerless blade snapped in half, shocking both of them. But his arm followed through with the strike, the blunt side of his sword crashing into her side and sending her body flying through a brick wall.

Rukia felt pain all over her body and the world began to darken. She heard Ichigo shout something but he seemed so far away. She felt so foolish, losing herself in anger and attempting to critically injure someone. Even if he was a backstabbing, murderous bastard…how was she any better if she gave in to the same brutal desires? Is this how a Defender of Justice should be acting?

"I suppose…I deserve this…" she whispered as she succumbed to the pain.

Meanwhile, Ichigo's senses kicked into overdrive the moment his attack connected. He saw Rukia's armor bend inward at the sheer force of his attack and he knew the damage was severe. His amber eyes shot to the hole her body had made when she impacted.

"RUKIA!"

He forced his body to run to her, blood oozing out and staining the ground. The moment he laid eyes on her, tears began falling. Rukia's body was twisted and contorted, her back clearly out of alignment, with cuts and bruises all over her face and chest. She looked more like a mangled corpse than a superheroine.

…Jesus Christ! Game Over, man! Game Over! Ichigo, you idiot! You killed our heroine! Now we're all out of work! How does that make you feel, huh?! You just had to go over there and whip your sword into her and break her back and—oh my god, we can work with this…

"DAMMIT!" Ichigo shouted as he slammed his blade into the ground, the black blade disappearing as he went to her side. "Wake up, Rukia! You need to stay with me!" he didn't want to move her, considering her condition but then the blare of siren's echoed in the distance.

"Not now!" he screamed as he replaced his mask. He knew he couldn't leave her there but if he moved her now it could do revocable damage. As the sirens grew louder, Ichigo finally decided that it was time to make a choice.

As gently as he could, he scooped her up in his arms. With each minute movement, Rukia screamed in agony as Ichigo walked out of the building and toward a nearby manhole. It was marked by one of Chappy's symbols so he knew that following it would lead back to her base. As much as it terrified him to think about, there was only one person he could turn to if he wanted to save Rukia.

As he ducked inside with the critically injured superheroine, a man in a striped suit stood nearby grinning.

* * *

-Charlie's – The Mexican Restaurant What Has Italian-

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez – Current head of the Jaegerjaquez Mafia Family – sat at the round table in the back of the restaurant. Surrounded by men dressed in identical black striped suits and matching fedoras, Grimmjow was the only one to stick out in his blue business suit and white tie. He ran a hand through his blue locks as he finished his linguini.

"Boss!" Everyone turned to see one of the lackeys run up to the table with a phone. "It's Di Roy! He went to check on the shipment and—". A bullet tore through the man's chest and he fell to the ground, the phone flung from his hand and landed on the table.

Grimmjow holstered his golden pistol as the other restaurant patrons stared at him with fear. "Self-defense, he came at me with a knife." Grimmjow announced to the restaurant goers as one of his men planted a sword on the body. "A very big knife by the looks of it. You all saw it. I think he had the wrong guy anyway. I'm no 'Boss' or anything like that, that would just be silly. I'm just a humble Mexican restaurant owner with a flair for Italiano. I've never seen this guy before in my life."

He snapped his fingers and a large, fat cook appeared and dragged the body into the back. "Just go about your meals and forget this ever happened." Everyone continued to stare, unmoving. "I said; eat your damn food already!"

At once, the hustle and bustle of the restaurant returned and everyone resumed eating. Only then did Grimmjow pick up the phone and say, "What's up?"

He listened as the voice over the phone excitedly relayed the events that transpired downtown. A grin spread across his face as he shut the phone and said to his companions.

"It seems like our mystery Hitman finally got off his ass and did his job." He snapped his fingers and a bottle of red wine was placed before him. "I admit, I had my doubts but it seems the guy's more thorough than we first thought. He even carried the body away to dispose of it himself. A class act, this Mystic character."

He gave a hearty laugh and everyone joined in but Grimmjow quickly raised his hand and glared, stopping them. "Put the word out. Chappy's been iced and it's all thanks to our good friend, The Mystic." The wine was poured and he gulped it down. "From now on, this guy will be known as – The Bane of Chappy!"

…We are literally throwing the references at you! If you can't guess it by now, then all I have to say is – BATMAN!...

* * *

-Kuchiki Manor-

Shirayuki poured the cucumber gravy over the dumplings, finishing her mistress' meal. She had slaved away for hours to make Rukia's favorite dinner, complete with carrot cake for dessert. She had been feeling guilty about her argument with her mistress. Although she was only looking out for Rukia's well-being, when she really looked at it, the maid had been rather suffocating lately.

The maid placed the meal on the kitchen table and glanced at the clock. "She should be home any—".

As if on cue, a loud banging came from the Chappy Hole and Shirayuki sighed as she opened the secret entrance. Descending into the hole, the faithful maid called out, "Having difficulty with the lock again, Lady Rukia? I was sure to reinforce them after the incident with—".

Shirayuki stopped dead when she realized that the door that led to the secret tunnels was burst open and Ichigo stood panting just inside the hole. In his arms, Rukia's mangled form was clearly visible.

Ichigo's masked face shot up to Shirayuki and he shouted, "Help!"

Before he could blink, Shirayuki was at his side, shouting, "My Lady!"

She attempted to grab Rukia from him but Ichigo pulled back causing Rukia to howl in pain as her body was harshly handled. "Call a doctor! Now!" Ichigo shouted as he pushed past the frantic servant. Luckily a metal table was nearby and he set her down as gently as he could.

Meanwhile, Shirayuki pulled out her cell and began shouting at whoever was on the other line. Ichigo paid her little attention, focusing complete on the injured superheroine. Rukia whimpered and her face twisted in pain with each breath. Ichigo removed his mask again and tucked it away, his hood falling back.

Suddenly, two hands threw him backward and he landed on his back. Shirayuki planted her foot on his chest and snarled, "You did this! Lady Rukia is suffering because of you!"

A kunai slipped from her sleeve and she threw it at his face. However, Ichigo grabbed it before it made contact and shouted, "Now's not the time for this!"

His sword appeared in his hand and he swung at her, forcing her to let him up. He stood and disappeared from her sight, reappearing next to Rukia. His sword disappeared and he grasped the bunny girl's hand. To Shirayuki's surprise, Rukia instantly grasped his hand as she hissed in pain.

"What do you think—", the maid began before Ichigo shot her a glare so terrifying it stopped her advance.

"You can punish me all you want later. Until then, just get her some help!" He turned back to Rukia and gritted his teeth. "It's all my fault. And there's nothing I can do for her now! What good is my power if I let this happen to her?!"

Shirayuki stared from a far, unsure of what to do. Well, actually she knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to rip his manhood from his cojones. Slit his throat. Tear out his heart. Pluck his nose hairs with a chainsaw. Slash his Achilles Tendons. Puncture his arteries with a spoon. Cut out his ingrown toenails but take the whole toe. Tie his naked body to a tree in a snow storm. Connect his nipples to a car battery and rev the engine.

…The list could go on but it stops becoming torture and starts to be more Freudian…She really needs to fix that…

Instead of doing…any of that…Shirayuki decided to contain her rage. The moment Lady Rukia's life was out of danger, bloody justice would be upheld! Fortunately, the secret entrance opened and a new face rushed down the stairs. A woman with black hair tied in a braid under her chin rushed to Rukia's side, smacking Ichigo in the face and sending him flying.

"Dr. Unohana! Thank you for arriving so quickly. Lady Rukia is—", the faithful maid shouted but the healer held up a hand and silenced her.

"Fear not. I know what we must do." Unohana quickly examined her patient and turned back to Shirayuki. "It is fortunate that I was in my car when you called. And that I was on the outskirts of town for that matter. But we must act quickly. I require a durable rope."

"At once!" Shirayuki replied, pulling long durable rope she planned to hang Ichigo with later form her robes.

Unohana proceeded to rip the Chappy Suit off, with surprising ease. She tossed the bent armor aside, leaving Rukia in only her white undergarments. With the armor discarded, one could easily see the vertebrae that protruded out from the superheroine's back. Unohana gladly took the rope from Shirayuki before grabbing a staggered Ichigo.

"Hurry young man. You must tie this to the ceiling."

Ichigo looked up to the incredibly tall ceiling and raised an eyebrow. "And exactly how is this supposed to—". He was suddenly cut off by Unohana's beautiful yet deadly smile that scared war veteran into becoming vegetarians.

"Do you want to save her life or not?" Unohana questioned, threateningly. She thrust the rope into his hand and fear guided Ichigo's movement as he jumped up and secured the rope. Hanging it down, Unohana approached Rukia and said, "I will require help to get her up."

Shirayuki was at her side instantly and they gently lifted the agonized Rukia up. The superheroine continued to scream in torment and her faithful maid had to grit her bite her lips to keep from losing her focus. Together, Unohana and Shirayuki slung Rukia in the rope, mindful of the protrusion of bone sticking out of Rukia's back.

The doctor glanced to Ichigo and said, "You must hoist her up, Mr. Mystic. And be sure to be gentle."

"H-How did—?" Ichigo stuttered, stunned that a complete stranger knew who he was. Once again, Unohana's death smile graced her lips and she pointed to the rope.

"I don't have time for you to ask silly questions. I must perform surgery on Miss Chappy as soon as possible."

Although Unohana's perception was staggering, Ichigo honestly didn't care how she knew so much about them, at least for now. He glanced to Rukia's pain stricken face and grimaced. Time was off the essence. He took the rope in his hands and slowly began lifting her up.

Rukia screamed when the rope tightened and Shirayuki wrapped her arms around her mistress' head. "Be strong, Lady Rukia!"

The petite girl continued to shriek as Ichigo hoisted her up to a standing position, her feet barely touching the ground. After tying the line, Ichigo turned back to see Unohana standing behind Rukia, gently touching the vertebrae that protruded outward. She turned to Shirayuki and said, "This procedure will be difficult but I am confident in my ability to perform it."

Shirayuki cradled Rukia's head and replied, "Please, do what you must to save her. I trust your judgment."

…You _really_ shouldn't…

Unohana nodded firmly and turned back to Ichigo. "I will begin the procedure now," she clenched her fist. "Do not disturb me or I might cause irrevocable damage to her spine. Promise me."

Instantly, Ichigo nodded and steeled himself. He had no idea what she intended but if it saved Rukia then he'd gladly—Unohana reared her fist back and crashed it directly into the protruding bone. Rukia screamed in utter agony as the vertebrae was forced back into alignment. Shirayuki let the poor girl continue to shriek and cry in her arms, tears sliding down the maid's face as well.

That scream made Ichigo panic and he shouted, "What the hell do you think you're doing?! Are you trying to kill her?!" He moved to stop her but Unohana shot a glare back at him, stopping him instantly. She then smiled gently and made another fist.

"Don't worry," she reassured him as she punched Rukia's back again, causing another scream, "This heals people."

"How is attacking her injuries supposed to heal her?!" Ichigo protested, forcing himself to keep his promise.

"Trust me," Unohana said, grabbing Rukia's back and with both hands and twisting it back into alignment with a sickening crack. "I'm a doctor."

Ichigo was about to shout again when he noticed that Rukia wasn't making any noise. Fear overtook him and he rushed to her side. He found Shirayuki gently cradling her mistress' head. Amazingly, all pain seemed to have vanished and Rukia smiled softly as Shirayuki hummed a peaceful tune.

Ichigo slowly turned back to Unohana and said, "How…did…?"

The doctor smiled and replied, "It's not my first rodeo, young man. I've discovered many ways to heal the human body with hands alone. I once brought a man back from the dead just by massaging his forearms."

…First off, are you a witch?...Oh come one, we're all thinking it…Secondly, it probably wasn't his forearm…it was probably his fore—something else…

Although her explanation didn't satisfy him, Ichigo let it drop when he turned back to see Rukia's peaceful smile. All the tension he had been hold suddenly fell away and sank into a nearby chair staring at her. Unohana slowly approached him and tapped his side, making him grunt in pain.

"You were injured as well I see," she said as blood oozed from his wound. "I will attend to you in a moment. I need to grab new bandages from my car." She shot a glance back to Shirayuki and said, "We will need you in perfect heal if she is to torture you for this atrocity."

Ichigo's gaze shot up to her but she was already on her way out, humming to herself. Shirayuki slowly released her mistress and turned back to Ichigo, her crystal eyes hardening. She reached into the sleeve of her kimono and pulled out a large butcher knife, the juices from the fresh cut meat and veggies for dinner dripping off it.

…Shirayuki, why would you put such a long, hard, oozing shaft into your sleeve—oh that's why…

The maid slowly approached Ichigo, her intent clear. "Now that Lady Rukia's life is no longer in danger," she lifted the butcher knife high, "It is time for your punishment."

Surprisingly, Ichigo didn't move, he only looked up at Shirayuki with a scowl. "Go ahead. I deserve it." He spread his legs and awaited judgment.

Shirayuki suddenly stopped and raised an eyebrow. She looked back to Rukia then to Ichigo's crotch, then to the butcher knife and finally back to Ichigo before saying, "Tell me, do you know that feeling when you want something so badly, then it's presented to you on a silver platter and you suddenly don't want it anymore?"

"You're having this feeling?"

"Oh, no! I'm gonna cut your balls off." Shirayuki reassured him, "But not now." She lowered the blade and tucked it back into her sleeve.

Ichigo scowled harder and asked, "Why the sudden change? I thought you'd be thrilled with this."

Shirayuki grinned and walked back to her mistress. "I am," she gently ran her hand's through Rukia's hair, smiling sweetly. "When My Lady is strong enough, I will tie you down and then…I shall teach Lady Rukia the art of the castration." She smirked and shifted her gaze back to Ichigo. "Won't that be fun?"

Ichigo took a deep breath and sighed deeply before saying, "Fine. Whatever."

…Oh God, he's gone to the bad place…The appropriate response is – Help me Jesus! I pray to you so save me!...That's how religion works, right?...

His response also shocked Shirayuki, quite a bit. "Excuse me? Could you repeat that please?"

"I said, 'Fine. Whatever.' Weren't you listening?"

"Oh, I was. I'm just in shock." She pulled out the butcher knife again and pointed to it. "You do realize that Rukia is going to use this," she points to his private area, "To cut off that!"

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I deserve it so…" he shrugged in confusion, "What's the problem?"

"The problem is…" Shirayuki fumbled for words, "You're _okay_ with this?!"

"Pretty much, yeah."

The faithful maid's mouth hung open and she tilted her head. "I am _so _turned off right now," she said as she put the butcher knife down. "I mean, you're not supposed to be okay with this! You're a man. You're not supposed to have feelings, only urges of sexual nature and satanic thoughts! You're supposed to be fleeing in terror so I can drag you back. Or attempting to bargain for your life. Or even slit your own throat to get out of it. You're not supposed to agree to this! It takes all the fun out of it—".

"Like I care," Ichigo cut her off, turning to frown at Rukia. "I'll take whatever punishment Rukia decides for me. That's my choice. If she wants to cut off the Little Mystic then I'll open my legs for her. If she wants to tar and feather me before using me as a piñata, I'll buy the feathers. If she wants to beat me with her bare hands until her knuckles are bloody…I guess I'll just sit here and wait for it."

He lowered his head and Shirayuki's eyes widened when she saw tears leaking from his eyes. "I'll do anything! Anything to make up for what I've done! I don't deserve forgiveness and I won't take it either way!"

He stood up and walked over to Rukia. Very slowly, he reached out and stroked her hair just once, before letting his arm fall to his side. "As long as she recovers…as long as she's safe, then nothing else matters to me anymore!" He sank to his knees and wept. "I'll gladly take any punish, as long as she's okay…"

Shirayuki's lip began to quiver uncontrollably. "Why?" she asked softly, "Why do you care so much for her?"

Ichigo wiped his eyes and looked up the faithful maid before answering -"Because I love her."

Shirayuki gasped loudly and her hand flew to her mouth. "Wh-Wh-Wh-What d-did you s-say?"

Clenching his fist and standing, Ichigo glared at her and repeated, "I love her. More than anything else in the world!"

"Th-That word, you used that…uh…word, that…uh…beings with 'L' and implies feelings and…other things…that word…l-l-l-l-l—"

"Love?"

"Yes! That w-word! And…and you crying and so sincere…you said you l-l-l-love…her and it…it…" Tears began pouring down Shirayuki's face and Ichigo saw the hard shell around the maid begin to crack.

"It…It can't…" Shirayuki said as she furiously wiped her eyes and fled toward the stairs. "It can't be! I can't handle this kind of pressure! You're not human! You're a man that knows love! The apocalypse is nigh! My life is a lie!"

Ichigo looked on, stunned as she left him alone with the recovering Rukia. "Does this mean I win?" he whispered to himself.

From far off Shirayuki shouted to the heavens, "I may never castrate a man again!"

Ichigo nodded to himself, "Yay me…Thank you, me."

…Wow. Did…did Ichigo just break Shirayuki? It seems he did… he broke her with the power of being okay with self-mutilation—I mean, love!…It's not _really_ love but that's okay…did not see this coming…suppose it works though…

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Merry Holidays to everyone! It's been a while but this chapter was surprisingly hard to write. I knew exactly how it needed to go so it was fun to shape but a pain to edit and make better. We're moving on to the most exciting portion yet and it'll be a dozy!**

**Also, I wrote a one-shot with a lemon for everyone, since some people were impatient for some IchiRuki luven! It's called "Strangers in a Cell" and I suggest checking it out if you have the time. **

**Leave a review, because they make me smile as I have to work on Christmas. Give me something to look forward to when I check my mail on my break. Have a fun holiday and don't forget to keep on smiling! :)**


	16. Chappy Beyond

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

Chappy Beyond

There comes a time when all heroes must make a choice; to hold their position dear to them, or to hand it off to another. Whether they do so willingly or not, what remains is the shattered pride of the former hero to tend to. Nothing lasts forever, not even Twinkies. For all great things eventually end.

However, will that end bring about a new legend in its place? Will tales of new heroes be sung by the mouths of fat children everywhere? Have the Twinkies truly vanished from our lives or will they rise again in the form of other snack foods—wait, this _isn't_ the panel about saving the Twinkies?

Oh, shit. I'm in the wrong room. What's _this_ panel about?

What the hell is a Chappy? Can you eat it?

Oh, it's a girl…in a bunny suit…I guess you can "eat" it…

* * *

-The Chappy Hole-

It had been nearly twenty-four hours since Unohana had tended to both Rukia and Ichigo's injuries. Apart from returning briefly to dress Rukia in comfortable sweat pants and a tank top, Shirayuki didn't dare to enter the Hole, not while the inhuman boy watched over her mistress. It was too difficult to face him. Everyone once in a while, she poked her head in but when Ichigo so much as glanced at her, she fled back into the manor, screaming bloody murder.

…We're not sure if we're supposed to miss the psychotic, brutal, maid of bitch…but we don't…in fact, we're sleeping sounder than ever…

Ichigo had been stitched up and bandaged, the sword wound not very deep. It seemed that even in her distraught state, Rukia had enough control over herself not to inflict permanent damage. None of his vitals were even close to the area she stabbed and the wound wasn't deep enough to cause more than mild annoyance.

This information made Ichigo hate himself even more. He knew that his instincts to live were very potent, it was the same for everyone in his family, but he never imagined he'd actually be able to hurt Rukia just to protect himself. It disgusted him.

He sat by Rukia's side the entire time she was unconscious, never leaving and always watching. Each time that she stirred, he got his hopes that only to be disheartened when she didn't open her eyes.

He had begun to wonder if he'd done permanent damage to her, despite Unohana's diagnosis that she would awaken soon.

Suddenly, he heard a loud groan from Rukia and saw her eyes flutter. Ichigo leaned forward in his chair and smiled wide as she began to look around, groggy.

The first thing Rukia noticed as her eyes adjusted was that Ichigo was only a few feet from her. The second was that her body was held upright only by the rope looped through her arms. Her head was pounded and she wanted the throbbing to cease but her anger returned as the memories of last night flooded her.

"Rukia! You're awake! How do you feel?" Ichigo asked, abruptly standing.

"Angry," she said as glared at him and frowned.

"That's expected," he replied, nervously scratching his head. Rukia closed her eyes to block out the pain and took slow, shallow breaths.

"Where…am I? And why am I…in a noose?" she asked, not opening her eyes.

"Home. I brought you back here. As for the rope, you're doctor came and fixed you up."

Rukia opened one eye, skeptically. "Unohana was here? When?"

"She left only a few minutes ago, after letting us know you just needed plenty of rest…and to be sure not to move you until your back had completely reset itself."

The superheroine listened to each word intensely, the pain helping her to keep from shouting and cursing at him. She opened her other eye and noticed her new attire and glared at him again. "For your sake, I hope it was Shirayuki that dressed me."

…Odd how she questions getting new clothes but not being in a noose…does superhero know this healing method?...

"O-Of course! I made sure to turn the other way and everything!" Ichigo insisted. He was just glad that Rukia didn't know about how Shirayuki cried like a bitch when he asked if he could help, only to quickly finishing dressing her mistress before fleeing in terror.

"Anyway, we need to talk." Ichigo was practically pleading, hoping she'd agree.

Rukia glared at him. "There's nothing to talk about. You tried to kill me," she seethed. Ichigo flinched at her words, doing his best to hold himself together. Rukia scoffed and slightly adjusted herself, despite the pain. She turned her head back toward the manor and shouted, "Shirayuki!"

Within moments, the maid in white rushed down the steps and was at her mistress side. "Lady Rukia! You've awakened!" she gently wrapped her arms around Rukia's head. "Don't scare me like that again…"

Rukia took a moment to lean into the embrace, a smiling softly. Then, she narrowed her eyes at Ichigo and said, "Shirayuki, you have my permission to do anything you deem necessary to Ichigo for—".

She was suddenly stopped as she glanced up to see Shirayuki looking at Ichigo, terrified. "S-Shirayuki…What's wrong?" The servant said nothing, never looking away from the orange haired young man.

"Hi," Ichigo said with a slight wave. The maid took a step back as he continued, "You should do as she says…I deserve it. I'm ready" He closed his eyes and waited.

Rukia raised an eyebrow at Ichigo's submission but was distracted when Shirayuki abruptly pointed at him and shouted, "How can a man of such devotion exist?! Even in the face of My Lady, you stand firm!"

Ichigo groaned and shouted, "Just do it already! I'm serious! If this is what Rukia wants," he held out his hand and materialized his sword, "then I'll give it to her!" He held out the weapon to her and repeated, "I said I'd take responsibility. So just get it over with!"

"I-Ichigo? What are you—?" Rukia stuttered in confusion. Surprisingly, she was concerned that Shirayuki might actually fulfill her desires. It was confusing enough that he was still alive when she woke up but now that Ichigo was offering himself up to Shirayuki…and why was Shirayuki trembling?

"I-I-I-I can't do it!" the faithful maid shouted. Rukia's eyes bulged as Shirayuki turned to her and bowed, "I'm so sorry that I have failed you, Lady Rukia…But I am not fit for such a task! I'm a failure as a Defender of Woman's Self-Defense! I lack the strength to combat his affections!"

Shirayuki ran back to the manor, fresh tears falling. Rukia gasped and her mouth hung open as she turned back to Ichigo and shouted, "What did you do to her?!"

"I told her I'd take responsibility."

"What does that mean?!"

"I told her whatever punishment you wanted, I'd gladly take it. Hell, I told her I'd open my legs for you."

Rukia opened her mouth to speak but stopped, pondering. "…Did you word it like that?" she asked.

"Pretty much…"

"And you meant—".

"Snip-Snip," he affirmed with a double nod, pointing to his crotch.

Rukia glanced back to the manor entrance and her eyes softened, "Poor Shirayuki. She never stood a chance." She sighed in defeat before glaring back at Ichigo. "Do you realize what you've done?"

"Ensured that men everywhere have a chance for children?"

"That, and you've successfully _enabled_ her," Rukia took a moment but it didn't seem to sink in. "You can't enable someone like Shirayuki! By saying that it's okay to be blood-thirsty and ruthless, you've made her believe she's been doing something wrong…which is partially true, but that's beside the point! You've destroy the only part of her that was unique and wonderful!"

…Yeah, because being a raving bitch is so common…you can barely walk down the street without one threatening to castrate you…Again, this outcome is not disappointing…

Ichigo flinched as the superheroine sighed once gain. "Then again," Rukia surmised, "I'm confused about _how_ you did it. You must have said something pretty shocking to make her change this fast."

She glanced back at him and asked, "What _exactly _did you say to her?"

"Nothing! I said nothing about how much I love you—".

"What?!"

"What?"

They stared at each other in utter silence. After a few moments, Rukia's face flushed and she opened and closed her mouth several times. Finally, she shook her head and said, "You-You said that you l-l-l-l-love…and you were talking about…and Shirayuki broken because you…" She turned her head away, slowly breathed and trying to remain calm.

Ichigo gulped and took a big breath. "Just forget it!" he shouted, getting Rukia's attention. "It's not like its important or anything!"

The superheroine suddenly regained her composer and said, "Was it a lie then?! Did you just say that…that…_word_ just to avoid Shirayuki's judgment?!" She almost sounded disappointed…

From atop the stairway, Shirayuki poked her head in, a blissfully hopeful smile on her face.

"No! I meant every word!" Ichigo replied.

Shirayuki's bliss crumbled and she resumed crying her eyes out, ducking back into the manor.

Rukia felt happy when he reassure her but then she remembered that she was supposed to be angry with him and narrowed her eyes threateningly. "Then why did you say it's not important?! It-It seems very important!" Rukia questioned.

"Because it doesn't fix what I've done to you!" Ichigo groaned and slumped back into the chair. "It doesn't matter how much I care about you…not anymore. There's no excuse for what I've done. I don't want or deserve your forgiveness."

For a while, Rukia just stared at him. She was still skeptical of his...confession, after all it was kind of rushed. She decided to push the thought away for now, it made her head hurt even more to think about heavy stuff like that right now. More than anything though, it surprised her how willing she was to listen to him, considering all that had happened. However, thinking back to last night's events, she couldn't help but feel guilty for her own actions. When Ichigo revealed himself to her, she'd completely lost control. She didn't want to listen to anything he said, she wanted to hurt him, the way he'd hurt her...only worse.

It wasn't until he forcefully, and brutally, stopped her that she had realized; by freaking out the way she did, she had become exactly what Ichigo had warned her she was becoming. Destructive, negligent, power-hungry. In that one moment, she had become exactly what she swore to fight against. Yes, it had been for a good reason but did that excuse it?

As she contemplated that, Ichigo finally looked up and said, "All I'm asking is that you listen to me for bit. I want you to know that truth…the truth about why I took the job from the Jaegerjaquez."

Rukia stared into his amber eyes and saw nothing but contempt toward himself. Even if she didn't want to admit that he was hurting too, she knew it regardless.

"It's not like I'm going anywhere," Rukia replied, gesturing to the ropes, "Although, I am kind of tied up." She laughed a bit at her own joke and Ichigo chuckled with her. For a moment, they both smiled but it quickly faded as Ichigo's face hardened.

"I became a mercenary about three years ago, right after graduating high school." He pulled out his mask as he talked. "My family has been able to use these Mystic powers for generations. I thought it was my ticket to really helping people…but I was wrong. My power was too strong, much stronger than anyone else in my family."

He gripped the mask tightly and scowled. "I ended up destroying more than I actually saved, and a lot of people got hurt because I couldn't control myself. In the end, I started taking on shady jobs to earn a living. College ain't exactly cheap. Not all of us have rich brothers" He smirked and she rolled her eyes as he quietly slipped the mask back inside his coat.

"So you started working for the mob then?" Rukia asked.

"Not immediately. For a while I was just selling my services to the highest bidder—".

"Oh, so you were a whore then?"

"Yes—NO!" Ichigo protested, "At least, I don't run around in slutty outfits going - 'Look at me, look at me, I obviously can't get a date so I have to dress like a hooker to feel better about myself.'!"

Rukia glared at him. "You realize that if I could walk I'd strangle you with your own entrails."

…Shirayuki has trained her well…the fear for our gonads has returned…

"Nice of you to rub it in," Ichigo whispered to himself before continuing, "We got a bit off topic so I digress. I pretty much worked for anyone who could meet my price. But even then, I never took jobs that mean innocent people would get hurt. I had to keep my pride somehow."

Rukia nodded and pondered his story. "Alright, I can see needing the money but why get involved with organized crime? Weren't there any orphanages to blow up?" She grinned at him. For a second, she had forgotten that he was her arch-nemesis who was dedicated to stopping her pursuit of justice. It was like talking to the real Ichigo again.

She never realized how much she could miss never talking to him like this again.

However, Ichigo gritted his teeth and turned away. Rukia frowned as he continued. "It's not like I wanted to work for them," he explained, "Once they contact you, you're pretty much screwed. They don't know my real name but it wouldn't be too hard for them to find out. It's even harder when you're known for being able to blow up building with a single sword strike…"

The superheroine lowered her gaze and sighed. "Couldn't you have just refused them? Moved away from here and gotten away?"

"They have a Mexican restaurant that only serves Italian. They are that unstable. How am I supposed to protect my family from guys like that?"

"The same way you sent me flying through a brick wall?"

"Could you stop bringing that up?!" Ichigo shouted, "I know I can't fix what I've done but do you have to remind me of it every few seconds?!" He gasped at his own outburst. "Sorry, that was uncalled for. You have every right to be pissed."

"Yeah, I do." She replied, catching his attention. "But then again, you're not finished yet, are you?" Ichigo looked at her, confused. She sighed and continued, "You still haven't told me why you took the hit in the first place."

Truthfully, that was the most prominent question on her mind.

Ichigo groaned but said, "Right. The hit." He readjusted himself in his chair. "I should start by telling you that I was on lookout for those guys during one of your first attacks on them. I was up high and spotted you in an instant. Your outfit doesn't exactly blend in to the scenery—".

"Get the freaking point—".

"I recognized you from class," he affirmed, "You were already pretty famous on campus so it was surprising to see you hopping around the rooftops. I couldn't help but just watch as you unleashed justice on everyone. It was one of the coolest things I'd ever seen in my life."

Rukia felt her face flush at his complement and she coughed loudly. "W-Well, that's to be expected! I am the great Defender of Justice after all!"

"Who goes around without a mask so even a child could find out who she was—".

"I told you! They will fear the face of Chappy! It's a psychological tactic I was using as a symbol to spread my influence!" Rukia defended, "Besides, you're the first one to discover who I was. You said it yourself that you thought I was cool. That's the impact I wanted to have on those who would support justice. It worked!"

"For a while! Now your popular mainly because Hyorinmaru Press has gotten into the habit of showing your 'assets' rather than trying to find out who you are! Seriously, how do they get those?!" Ichigo insisted, "But again, and I feel I need to stress this, _you should wear a mask_!"

"So I can be some masked fetish man like you and scare small children before blowing up their orphanage?" She said with a sly grin.

"Will you get off that?! One time that happened and it was an accident! I told you that!" he scoffed as he continued, "Anyway, after that, the Jaegerjaquez started getting pissed about your interference…so they put out a hit on you. And just to let you know, it wasn't exactly easy to convince them that the guy hired to watch the area, who failed the first time you showed up, was capable of taking down a real superheroine."

Rukia raised an eyebrow and questioned, "So, you had to prove yourself to them…just to get the job? And you took it because…?"

She waited for his answer but he hesitated. Ichigo turned his face away and scratched his head nervously, fighting the blush that overtook his cheeks.

"I didn't want you to get hurt. Even if no one else stood chance against you, I knew some powerful freaks might try to come after you." He clenched his fists. "I couldn't let that happen to you. You were my idol…after all."

Rukia's eyes widened, "I was…your idol? Really?"

"Yeah, you still are actually. You're all I ever wanted to be…superhero wise that is." He smiled nervously and looked back to her, trying to look cool but failing epically. Even so, Rukia couldn't help but smile gently at his confession.

She didn't know why, but having him tell her that made her forget all the pain he'd put her through until this point. Ichigo was always so strong and smart, independent and unbreakable. To think that he looked up to her in the slightest, was one of the highest compliments she'd ever received.

Rukia chuckled at bit at the irony and a sharp pain stung her for a moment. She grunted and Ichigo reached hand out to her but stopped, reluctantly pulling back. The pain brought her anger but, dulled as it was now. She glared at him and he turned away.

"I'm still mad, you know." She said to him with a frown. "But at least I'm starting to understand why you chose the path that you did."

In an instant, Ichigo threw the chair aside and bowed to her. "What I did isn't something that can be forgiven! I've explained why but that doesn't change all I've done." He lifted his head and locked eyes with her.

"I should have told you much sooner about who was. I shouldn't have countered your attack so fiercely, whipping my sword into you so hard, sending you crashing through a thick wall and tearing you apart on the inside. And then, after all that, I broke your maid—Actually, I'm not upset about that at all but still—"

"Kinda rubbing salt in the wound now, Ichigo." Rukia said with an irritated smirk.

…Seriously, an apology must have gotten lost and died somewhere in that sentence…

"Listen!" Ichigo protested, "The point is that nothing I can do will earn forgiveness for what I've done. I don't deserve it anyway. All I want to do now is take responsibility." He materialized his sword and set it in front of her. "My life is in your hands. Do whatever you want to me. I'll gladly take any punishment, suffer any torment, and persist through any torture if it means making this up to you."

He bowed a final time and pleaded, "Anything! I'll do absolutely anything to make this up to you! Name it! I'll do it in a heartbeat."

Rukia glared fiercely at him for a moment but began to think. "Hmm," she mused to herself as she lifted her head and caught sight of something. A malicious grin spread across her face.

"I think I have an idea…"

* * *

-Karakura – Shipping Yard-

Without the hindrance of Chappy, the delivery was going rather smoothly. The drugs and firearms were almost completely loaded into the trucks and everyone was breathing easier tonight. With no sign of the icy bunny girl since last night's battle, the Jaegerjaquez thugs were more than confident they could pull off this job.

"Last one!"

One of the workers shouted, opening the last crate full of contraband. The group began to pull out the new guns that were being shipped when suddenly, a shadow passed over head. One thug looked up and saw the full moon shining down at him. He shrugged and went back to work.

Suddenly, a hand from behind him grabbed him and threw him back into some of the armed guards standing watch. Everyone jumped to see what happened but found nothing but their own men, lying in a heap.

Another shadow flew overhead and everyone looked up but saw nothing. A scream came from around a corner and the thugs began to notice that less and less of their men were present. Another one of the thugs pulled out his radio but a foot planted on his back sent him crashing to the ground, unconscious.

The men began to shout in panic as it became apparent that only a handful of them were still up and about. Just then, a huge shadow fix itself above them, overshadowing them. The group looked up and began to shout in terror:

"Oh my God! She's back from the grave! The bunny girl's returned from the world beyond!"

"Look at her muscles! She must be working out because they're practically bulging!"

"And she taller now! What demonic power has death granted her?!"

"Not only that…her legs are covered in hair! She transforming into a real, gigantic, demonic rabbit creature! Run for your lives!"

As they continued to shout in fear and panic, the figure of justice stood high atop the large metal crates, scowling.

The purple bunny suit was a bit snug, the bunny ears barely flopped at all, and the Rukia style wig on Chappy Ichigo's head made him feel all the more ridiculous.

He had wanted to take them all out but the earpiece he was wearing shouted at him, "Stop being so secretive! You need to take a more dynamic approach or they'll never believe it's me! And turn the camera on!"

Rukia's voice echoed through his ears and he gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to argue. He flicked one of the bunny ears and it clicked, the lens focusing on the criminals.

"I can see now. Great work…Chappy!" He heard her snicker as he held her peerless white sword in his hands, lifting it high enough for the thugs to recognize it. They began to trip over themselves as they tried to feel the new and improved…Chappy.

"Now all you have to do is shout my trademark line and descend upon them with the fury of icy Justice!" Rukia commanded.

Ichigo gritted his teeth and seethed, "I. Don't. Wanna…"

A quick pause before Rukia's voice replied in his ear, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear you over the sound of _my spine popping back into place_."

Ichigo took a deep breath and forced it out through his teeth. He swung the white blade and ice flew out of it, completely terrifying the thugs, convincing them that the real Chappy had indeed come back for their souls. With his voice as high as possible, Chappy Ichigo cried out:

"_Chappy – Defender of Justice is here!_"

...And we thought Robin was gay…

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Happy New Year, my beautiful readers! This is my gift to you all for giving such great reviews. Keep it up, it really puts me in the mood to write and that helps me get through chapters faster! I hope you all have a very happy 2013 year and lets all look forward to more Bleach in the coming year!**

**Also, I have my first ever poll on my profile page. Please cast a vote concerning my one-shot "Strangers in a Cell". It will affect how I proceed with my one-shot from now on so if you have a moment, please take a look. **

**Have a great New Year, leave a review when you can, and be sure that you all keep on smiling! :)**


	17. Chappy Fake

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

Chappy Fake

Is a fake truly a fake if he puts his all into it? If he embodies all that the person her replaces is, can we really say that he is not the true hero? Then again, wearing a suit made for woman doesn't make you a woman. It makes you a transvestite, one with excellent taste, but a cross dresser nonetheless.

Why is it then, that women can get away with cosplaying as men but when men do it its obscene? Isn't it time to let go of our premeditated ideas and simply accept them? Can we not forgive that full grown man who voluntarily dressed up as a girl half his size and went out to fight evil in her skin tight suit?

Sure, but we're still gonna laugh and point at him. We never said we weren't shallow, now did we?

* * *

-Karakura – Downtown-

"Justice!"

Chappy Ichigo shouted as he swung the white blade, a crescent of ice firing toward his foes. The gangsters' panicked screams filled the night as the bunny…man…descended upon them. Most of the thugs were too preoccupied with insisting Chappy was a ghost to actually be a threat.

However, a few of them grabbed their assault rifles and bravely declared, "It's a zombie! Kill it!"

"No man! She's way to pasty to be a zombie! She's obviously a vampire, come for bloody revenge!"

"Nuh-uh, she is way too tall to be vampire! She's gotta be one of those…oh crap, what are they called again? Ya know, that thing you become one after you die—".

"A corpse?"

"No, it's like corpse but you can, like, move through walls and shit. Ah, what is it?…A ghost! That's it! She's a ghost! Kill the ghost bitch!"

…I could point out the fact that since a ghost is already dead, you can't kill it. But that would distract from Ichigo in a Chappy suit, which is infinitely more worthy of "WTF!"...

Chappy Ichigo saw them and readied his new blade to perform one of Rukia's signature attacks when said girl's voice rang in his ear. "_You've done well! Now, show them the power of_—".

"The Avalanche of Death!"

"_NO_!"

Ichigo stopped suddenly, gritting his teeth. The volume was set too high, his ears were nearly bleeding! Suddenly, the gangsters fired on him and he had to jump up high to evade, landing on a large crate.

He hid from view and shouted, "What do you mean, no?! I though you wanted me to using the ice sword to take them down!"

"_Don't go giving my signature attacks weird names! If you intend to use them, then use them properly! And you will shout their names with pride as the icy hold of justice takes them!"_

"But it'll attract attention! Besides, I don't want to be seen shouting anything while dressed like this!"

"_They why are you shouting now?!_"

"I'm not shouting, I'm elevating my voice!"

"_Oh, yeah! Well…is that a rocket launcher?_"

Ichigo looked up to see the gangsters had climbed up a crane and were aiming an RPG at him. "Crap!" He jumped at the perfect moment and the rocket whizzed past him. He was lucky that Rukia had been watching the live feed from the camera in the ears. The explosion sent him flying but he quickly recovered and turned to them.

"I'm ending this now!" He thrust the white blade out, secretly hitting the button on the hilt. The air around the blade began to freeze and Ichigo held it up at eye level.

Just as he prepared to thrust it outward, Rukia shouted, "_Say it! Say the name! Do it now! Hakuren! Ha-ku-ren! Ha-ku-ren! Ha-ku-ren!"_ She continued to chant the name in his ear and he finally groaned loudly and upped the pitch of his voice.

"Hakuren!"

As he thrust the blade forward, he turned a small switch on the blade and pressed a tiny button. The freezing air blasted out of the end of the blade, instead of the sides. The air quickly froze and a huge avalanche of icy shot toward the thugs. The gangsters jumped and evaded as best they could but many of them were caught in the attack. The single move left most of the area covered in ice and the remaining thugs, that weren't frozen, fled.

Ichigo sighed and then cringed. Very carefully he pulled on the skin tight leggings and readjusted himself. However the second he moved, the suit tighten in other places and he wiggled around, trying not to feel dirty.

"You're stupid suit's riding up my—".

"_Asshole! Don't you dare complain after what you told me earlier!_"

Ichigo sighed and looked up at the moon. "How did it come to this?"

* * *

A Few Hours Earlier…

-The Chappy Hole-

Rukia hung in her noose with a headset in place, a monitor sitting in front of her. "Good, everything looks like its set."

The monitor displayed her in the noose, the camera sitting on the table next to her. She looked herself over and sighed but said nothing. She looked like one of those handicap people trying to learn to walk again. Rukia knew that she would need time to heal. According to Unohana it would take at least three weeks, and that didn't include the physical rehabilitation.

Three weeks without class or Chappy time…well, at least she had a replacement.

"I look ridiculous," Ichigo said emerging from the changing area in the Chappy suit, "I feel ridiculous!"

"Go with the feeling," Rukia said, holding in laughter. "Anyway, how does it feel?"

"I still don't know why you have a spare Chappy suit, especially since its way oversized for you!" Ichigo twisted and tried to get adjusted but something always felt tight or kinky. If Rukia could have shrugged, she would have.

"I accidentally used the wrong measurements when making that one. I really should have double checked my math. But it all worked out for the best, considering the alternative. Oh and don't forget the ears!" Rukia nodded to herself, pleased.

Meanwhile, Ichigo grumbled as he returned to the back, still trying to get the suit to stop tearing out his leg hairs with each step. When Rukia was alone, footsteps sounded from the entrance. Shirayuki brought a tray of dumplings and rice for Rukia, no sense in wasting dinner.

"Lady Rukia, I thought you might be hungry." The maid in white smiled brightly.

Rukia smiled in return and replied, "Are you feeling better Shirayuki? I know you had quite a shock."

Shirayuki chuckled and set the tray up in front of Rukia. "I may have overreacted a bit, but I assure you that I will be fine. I just needed a little time…and a few tranquilizers…"

"A few what?!"

"Nothing, Lady Rukia. Nothing at all. Say 'ahh'," the faithful maid scooped up some food and Rukia obeyed. The meal was gently fed to her and Rukia smiled in delight at how great her maid's cooking was, not to mention that it was her favorite. Shirayuki softly fed her mistress and smiled the entire time.

"If you need anything more, don't hesitate to ask." The faithful maid said, cleaning up afterward.

Rukia gave her a soft smile. "Thank you for everything, Shirayuki. But are you really okay? I know that having Ichigo here has been kind of—".

Shirayuki interrupted with a grandiose laugh, "There is no need to fear, My Lady! I may have been overtaken by his sincerity once but I will not fall for his devotion again!"

She continued to laugh haughtily until Ichigo voice rang out.

"Rukia! There four or five sets of ears! Which one should I—?" The moment he came back, Shirayuki turned to glare at him but was frozen at the sight. The inhuman man was wearing her Lady's Chappy Suit, which was rather tight on him. Her mouth hung open and she struggled to form words.

Ichigo raised an eyebrow, took the pair of bunny ears he had with him and placed it on his head, completing the ensemble. He struck a heroic pose and with little enthusiasm said, "For…Justice?"

A deadly silence hung between them as Shirayuki locked eyes with the man who knew love. And then, Shirayuki unleashed the most high pitch scream anyone ever heard and dashed back to the upstairs, her voice echoing for several minutes.

Ichigo blinked several times, before shrugging and going back to adjusting the suit. Rukia gritted her teeth and glared at him. "Ichigo, why do you feel the need to that?"

…Because Karma's a bigger bitch than Shirayuki?…

"How do you wear this every day? I swear, it's cutting off circulation to my legs." He answered, not really paying attention.

Rukia groaned and said, "You get used to it—".

"I don't want to get used to it."

"The city needs Chappy, Ichigo."

"Yeah, God knows the newpaper'll be out of business in a less than week without your ass on it."

Rukia opened her mouth but stopped for a second. "What do you mean by 'my ass is on the paper'?"

Ichigo looked back to her, confused. "Don't you read the paper?"

"Just the comics."

"That explains a lot."

"And what does that mean?"

"Nothing, but you seriously don't know about Hyorinmaru Press printing articles with pictures of nothing but your legs or ass everyday for the last few months?"

Rukia's eyes instantly widened, "No! How did I not notice this?!"

"The same way you thought wearing a mask was unimportant?" Ichigo offered. She narrowed her eyes at him. "Just saying…"

Rukia sighed. "I'll just have to deal with that later, considering I'm in _no condition_ to be doing much of anything at this point."

Ichigo took the hint. "Alright, fine. But there's one thing you didn't kink about." He points to his hair, "How exactly do you expect to people to believe it's you when—?"

"Bottom drawer," Rukia cut him off, tilting her head toward a nearby cabinet. Ichigo raised an eyebrow but went and opened the drawer. Inside, he found several wigs fashioned exactly like Rukia's hair style. His face began to twitch.

"And why do you have these?" He asked.

"Well you see, Shirayuki thought—".

"On second thought I don't want to know…"

Rukia huffed and hissed in pain. She forgot not to move around so much. Ichigo's eyes shot to her but he quickly looked away. Taking a deep breath, a trembling hand picked up the wig and placed it on his head. He adjusted the wig and placed the ears on top. Standing up straight, he fully turned back to her.

"How does it look?"

Rukia looked at him blankly for a moment and then her face began to scrunch. At first, Ichigo though she was upset but then he noticed her suppressing a smile. It didn't last long and soon she was grinning from ear to ear. She burst into laughter and Ichigo groaned and stomped his foot.

"Y-You're perfect!" Rukia choked out through fits of laughter, "Oh, oh, oh, it hurts to laugh…" she said, trying to force herself to stop.

"Are you done?" Ichigo said with glare that hid his concern.

"Not yet," she let out another huge laugh and tears formed in the corner of her eyes. She cringed in pain but laughed a bit more. Ichigo tapped his foot impatiently, forcing himself not to move. This was the first time since the incident that Rukia had genuinely laughed. Even if it hurt, Ichigo wasn't about to stop her.

Rukia took a deep breath and said, "I'm better now. Whew! But seriously, this disguise is genius. No one will be able to tell us apart."

…Except for the psychotic fanboys. And if they can't, then Ichigo is about to enter a world that no man should ever have to enter…a fanboy's fantasyland!...

"You seriously think that no one will be able to tell the difference?" Ichigo groaned as he scowled. "I mean, our height difference alone will give it away. And in case you didn't notice, I don't have ice powers! How can I pretend to be you without ice powers?!"

Shameful as it was, it had taken Ichigo this long to point out the tiny detail. He should have done it long before putting on the outfit but he figured that a little humiliation would help Rukia to forgive him. Unfortunately, the devilish smirk on her face suggested otherwise.

Rukia tilted her head toward the table. "There's a latch on the floor under that table. Open it."

He did as he was told and crawled under. He pulled a small latched and part of the floor opened. Inside was a long black case and he cautiously pulled it out.

"Open the case," Rukia said

Ichigo crawled out before setting it on the table and clicking the locks open. He lifted the lid to reveal Rukia's beautiful white sword. His eyes bulged and he shouted, "How is this here? It disappeared when you lost consciousness!"

"It's something I've been working on for a long time now," Rukia answered solely. "It's a fully functional replica of my sword. It uses Kuchiki Inc. refrigeration technology to freeze the air around the blade and propel it in any direction the wielder chooses."

"Kuchiki Inc? Your family's company? Didn't know they specialized in house-wares."

"Kuchiki Inc. is a manufacturing and processing company. It belongs to my brother actually. I'm not sure what my place will be there after I graduate. If I have a place at all." Rukia lowered her head a bit, making Ichigo regret mentioning it.

He gently took the blade and felt how easy it was to wield. He swung it around and his finger tapped the nearly invisible white button on the hilt. Ice instantly coated the blade and it flew outward with a simple swing.

"Whoa, kind of sensitive. But it'll get the job done." He tested how hard to press the button to get the correct level of ice to appear. "It's impressive, to say the least. But why do you have something like this? I mean, you already have powers. Why would you need this?"

Rukia's gaze turned back to the entrance to the manor, frowning. "I had a friend of mine make it. I planned to give it to Shirayuki."

Ichigo's eyes widened, thinking of the level of damage the maid could cause with such a weapon.

Oblivious to his fright, Rukia smiled sadly and said, "You may not know this, but Shirayuki used to be Chappy."

"Somehow, I'm not surprised." Ichigo retorted.

"How so?" she replied, menacingly.

"Where else would you get your talents from? You probably inherited her drawing talent too."

"So you noticed," Rukia smirked, "Shirayuki is the one who helped me develop my talent for crime fighting and art. She must have been amazing in her prime." She smiled softly. "She thinks I don't know, but it's kind of obvious. She taught me to control my powers and assisted me in my martial arts training. Sometimes, I catch her looking at the Chappy suit, as if she wants to put it on herself and fight crime again."

"Does that mean she has ice powers too? I've never seen her use them. You'd think she'd have frozen me solid after I brought you home. Or did something happen?" Ichigo speculated.

Rukia's smile disappeared. "Somehow, Shirayuki lost the ability to wield ice. I don't know how but it's obvious that she feels broken without her power." She turns to Ichigo with a determined glance. "That's why I had that sword made, to give her the chance to be Chappy again. She may seem devoid of emotion and evil but in reality, all of her ruthless actions and violent methods of protection are all connected to her deep pain. Deep down, all she really wants is to fight for justice again."

Ichigo glanced at the sword, scowling. "And here I thought she was just a psychotic maid with too much time on her hands and a fetish for amputation."

"Oh no, that is definitely part of it. And I'm not denying that she enjoys a good castration."

"How is a castration ever good?!"

"It has its moments. Like when you do it to the guy who broke your back," she said with a fake smile. Ichigo scowled and put the blade back in its case.

"Are we still on that subject?!"

"Silly Ichigo, don't you realize it yet?" Rukia smirked at him devilishly, "Since you decided to take responsibility, it is my duty to make your life hell. _F__or the rest of your life_. Your life belongs to me now, and you're gonna do exactly as I tell you or I'll find a way to reinvigorate Shirayuki."

"Did you forget? I broke her with my manly feelings. I'm practically invincible!" Ichigo retorted, with a cocky grin.

"Oh, is that a fact?" Rukia said, "Tell me, do you really think that Shirayuki wouldn't tie you down and ensure that little Ichigo finds a new home in the trash if you were to say…rape me?"

"What kind of twisted scenario was that?! I'd never do something like that!" Ichigo said, taken aback.

"Shirayuki doesn't know that."

Ichigo's eyes widen, "You wouldn't dare?"

Her grin widened and she shouted, "_Oh, Shirayuki! Ichigo's trying to touch my vagi—_".

Ichigo's hand flew over her mouth and he looked to the stairway. He heard furious footsteps coming closer. "Alright, I get it! I'll do whatever you say! You're the boss!"

"Call me Lady Chappy and say you're my inferior apprentice," she insisted.

"What?! Hell no!"

"_No, Ichigo! I'm not ready for that yet! Don't force me!_" Rukia shouted again, smirking.

The footsteps increased in volume and it sounded as if a stampede was approaching. Ichigo gave a girlish yelp before bowing to Rukia. "Please Lady Chappy! Spare your inferior apprentice!" he choked out through his teeth.

Rukia grinned as Shirayuki entered the Chappy Hole, a large cleaver in both hands. From the top of the stairs she yelled, "I-Is everything alright down there? I thought I heard sounds of forced—".

She saw Ichigo prostrating himself before the strung up Rukia and she gasped. Shirayuki pointed a shaky cleaver at them and shouted, "And now he offers himself to her like a bitch! The lengths of his devotion are maddening!" She screamed again and tore off back into the manor.

Rukia cringed a bit and said, "I may have inadvertently caused more damage."

"Can I get up now?" Ichigo asked.

"As me properly and maybe I'll let you."

"…Lady Chappy, may your inferior apprentice stand up?"

Rukia chuckled and grinned, "You may."

…Wow, Ichigo has become the bitch of their relationship. So, in a way…nothing's really changed. Sad…

Ichigo grumbled as he stood, glaring at her. "This is blackmail, you know."

Rukia continued to grin and said, "And I'm gonna take full advantage of it. Now get ready to go."

"Go?! Where?!" Ichigo panicked and looked himself over again. "You mean I actually have to go out in public like this! I thought you were just dressing me up to humiliate me!"

"Do I seem that twisted and psychotic to you?" she said with a raised eyebrow

"Have you been paying attention for the last five minutes?! You're forcing me to fight crime in drag!"

"At least you're not hanging from the ceiling, unable to move." Ichigo fell silent. "That's what I thought. Anyway, the sword you have is a prototype. I need actual combat data," she looked over to the monitor, "And it just so happens that my contact found out about a shipment coming in tonight." Her face hardened and she looked back to him.

"Tonight, Chappy returns from the grave to spread Justice once again!"

Chappy Ichigo face-palmed.

* * *

Present Time

-Karakura – Downtown-

"_Good work. I collected some good data._" Rukia's voice sounded in Ichigo's ear.

"Are we done here? I want to get out of this suit as soon as possible." Ichigo said, trying to fix his wedgie.

Rukia chuckled and replied, "_But it looks so good on you. If you behave, I just might be convinced to let you keep it after I get better._"

"Not gonna happen," Ichigo said looking around. "Please tell me this is all for tonight. My legs can't take another hair pull."

Rukia groaned and replied, "_I was going to have you do a sweep of the city, but I'll be merciful. I'm not a tyrant, you know._"

"Says the girl using the threat of imminent castration to get what she wants."

"_What was_ that?"

"Nothing, just complimenting the moon." He turned the camera up the sky and he heard Rukia sigh.

"_I wish I could see it myself…Anyway, come on back. We're done for tonight._"

"Thank God," he whispered.

Although, he did feel a bit of depression at mentioning the moon. For whatever reason, Rukia loved to gaze up at it. He'd seen her watching it as Chappy many times, and the beautiful smile on her face was embedded into his mind. None of these thoughts helped him with his guilt over his actions.

Shaking his head, he jumped up and intended to kick off the side of a wall for more height when Rukia's voice came back.

"_Oh! I nearly forgot! You need to draw my sign! And it better not suck!_"

"Wha—!"

Ichigo slammed headfirst into the wall with a sickening crack. His body slowly slid down until he fell.

Unbeknownst to the both of them, a hidden camera continued to click away during the entire event.

* * *

-The Dark Room-

Kon grinned to himself as he developed the latest set of Chappy photos. Placing several hidden cameras all over town had been genius. Any time one of them spotted a purple bunny suited figure, they automatically followed it and snapped pictures at the legs, midsection and backside. As his pride swelled, he lifted out one of the photos and hung it.

"After getting injured so heavily, I'm glad to see she's back so soon." Kon said to himself, glancing at the pictures of the other night.

He gritted his teeth as he saw the image of masked figured attack his beloved Chappy. A few dart stuck out of one of the masked man's photos, while a heart was drawn around the picture of Chappy's chest. He reached out and took the photo of the masked man carrying Chappy away in his arms. His hand suddenly crushed the photo.

"I'll find you, you bastard. And when I do, I'll prove that Chappy's _my_ main obsession!" he shouted as he turned back to the developing photos, "But for now, I'll just get some new images out of the way!" He laughed perversely as the hanging image came into view.

He began to make out legs and he clapped his hands happily. "Oooh! Another leg shot! If it's a good one, I just might have to add it to my bathroom wall!"

…Ahh! Ahh! The image alone is enough to burn my retinas! AHH! We've just crossed a line that might get our story banned! Ironically, the castration part gets through undetected…

As the photo came into clear view, Kon's eyes slowly widened and his mouth hung open with a horrific gasp.

"No! I can't be!...She forgot to shave her legs?!"

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Yeah, I know I'm a bit late but I have a reason. My niece was born recently and I've been very busy besides that. Thank you for your patience during the long wait, I promise the next chapter won't take as long. **

**But wow, some crazy events for this one. And it's all leading up to another big reveal in the next chapter. However, school starts up again next week so I'll have less time to write. I've also been cast in a play (again), so that'll limit my time as well. But fear not! I'll make sure to work on this whenever I have time so stick around to see what happens!**

**Please leave a review, they do help shape the story and they brighten my day. Thanks and keep on smiling my beautiful readers!**


	18. Chappy: Legend of the Lost Hero

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

Chappy: Legend of the Lost Hero

From the ashes of olden times, heroes are born. For every hero that perishes in the line of duty, two more rise to take his place. It's like a phoenix except without the whole spontaneous combustion bullshit. And instead of one bird coming out of the ashes it's two. Who, in turn, become heroes of their own and inspire other would-be heroes in the future.

You know, scratch the whole phoenix thing, the superhero continuation line is more like putting two rabbits in a cage, waiting five minutes and having to buy three more cages because they've multiplied so fast...or was this whole speech supposed to be about passing on the figurative Olympic torch? I forget…

Actually, can I have a do over? This is a really crappy into. No, you cannot post this as next—

And now on to the story…

* * *

The Chappy Hole

Having followed the confusing pathways, with equally confusing drawings as guides, Ichigo finally managed to make it back to the hole.

"Rukia, open the outer door." Ichigo said as he readjusted the suit again.

"_Roger!_" Rukia shouted in his ear, a bit too happy.

Ichigo groaned but said nothing as the metal door that led back into the secret base under the manor slowly opened. However, sparks suddenly flew out from the electric circuits and the lights dimmed. Ichigo took a defensive stance and shouted, "What happened? Its gone dark and the doors only barely opened."

He heard Rukia grumble and hit numerous switches. "_No good. The power's out. The backup generator should kick in soon._"

"So I am stuck here without a light until then?" Ichigo complained.

"_Tap the left bunny ear at the tip. There should be a flashlight there,_" the superheroine advised. He did as commanded but instead of light, confetti burst out. "_Or was it the right ear?_" Rukia pondered as Ichigo furiously tapped the other ear to hear a blast of an air-horn.

"_Oh, right! I got rid of the flashlight in favor of the air-horn!_"

"How does an air-horn help you fight crime?!" Ichigo shouted.

"_It doesn't. I just really wanted an air-horn._"

…We should be used to this kind of thing by now, but we're not. Opting instead to bash our heads against the wall until blood flow ceases…typical Monday…

Ichigo sighed as he felt his way to the door. It was opened just enough to slip through, with a little effort. He aligned himself properly and thrust forward, breaking through the last defense of the Chappy Hole. Bursting through the entrance, Ichigo moaned in relief at being back inside. Relief washed over him and he removed the bunny ears.

"Rukia, how long is that generator going to take?"

"It should have kicked on by now."

Ichigo jumped as he realized that Rukia's voice wasn't in his ear, but only a few feet from him. He sighed and waited for his eyes to adjust. She was still in the noose, hanging almost lifelessly. Some people may have seen her as a broken puppet, hanging by its strings. However, all Ichigo saw was the brave superheroine whose eyes shone even in the darkness of the holes.

With a groan, Ichigo moved over to her. "Are there any other lights down here?" he asked, trying not to startle her.

Rukia tilted her head and replied, "I do have some Chappy brand candles."

"I'm good with the dark."

"Well, I'm not. Now, feel for the desk to my right, bottom drawer. There should be matches too," Rukia retorted.

Ichigo sighed but went after them. He easily found them and lit a few. The dim light illuminated them, reflecting the weariness they both felt. "I'm gonna change," he informed her, gathering his clothes and peeling off the Chappy Suit. Rukia gazed toward the entrance to the manor.

"Shirayuki should have noticed the blackout by now," Rukia surmised, "It could be that the backup generator isn't enough to power the Chappy Hole."

"How much electricity does it take to run this place?" Ichigo asked, pulling his street clothes.

"Hmm, about 110 voltages."

"What?! That's enough electricity to power most of Tokyo!"

"That's nothing. My brother's company alone uses up to 200 voltages. Come to think of it, it could be that the backup generator can't produce enough energy for the Chappy Hole. The manor probably has power though." She pondered as Ichigo face-palmed.

"And how much does it cost to maintain that much energy?" he asked.

"Surprisingly, it only costs about 40 million yen—".

"40 Million!"

"And that's just in one week. Since my brother owns the power company, it's easy for them to turn a blind eye to all the extra power the manor generates, which is great since I don't know how I'd explain all that extra power to my brother if he ever asked." Rukia smiled sadly, her face downcast.

It was not the first time Ichigo had seen her like this. Ever time her brother came up, she seemed to get melancholy. Not that they were in the most pleasant of circumstances anyway, but still. Ichigo set the candles around them, giving them enough light. He pulled up a chair and glanced to the manor entrance.

"Is there any way to contact the psycho maid?" he asked.

Rukia shook her head, "Afraid not. The two way radio you were using was one that she planted on me years ago. I had it reconfigured so I could talk to you but I never figured we'd get a blackout."

Ichigo grumbled and leaned back in his chair. "Don't worry," Rukia assured him, "I'm sure that Shirayuki will find a way to contact us soon."

* * *

Meanwhile…

In the Kuchiki Manor

The gigantic metal door that led to the Chappy Hole did not intimidate Shirayuki, particularly as she placed an explosive charge on the entrance. Slapping the charge in place, she activated the detonator and nodded firmly.

"This should be sufficient."

She rushed back behind the barricade made out of sandbags and the kitchen counter and put her bright yellow worker's safety helmet on. She held up the detonator and ducked before hitting the switch. An explosion shook the manor and dust flew up instantly. Shirayuki waved the dust away before glancing over the barricade.

A blackened mark replaced the explosive charge's place but otherwise, the door was unharmed. "I knew we shouldn't have used titanium plating for the door. Or at the very least we should have installed pole to slide down instead," the maid grumbled as she examined the door again. "I don't have time for this. Lady Rukia could be in life threatening danger."

She glanced to a nearby monitor with a still image on it. It showed Ichigo squeezing through the opened door but was frozen otherwise.

"Who knows what kind of deeds that boy may attempt in my absence! I don't care how much he feels for Lady Rukia, leaving them alone in a dark cave is recipe for cherry popping!" Shirayuki reaffirmed as she made her way to the demolitions room.

"I'll need to use my rainy-day C-4."

* * *

Back in…

The Chappy Hole

The Hole rumbled a bit but otherwise was unshaken. Ichigo stared at the entrance before looking back to Rukia with a glare.

"See," Rukia said, "Shirayuki's trying to get out. I knew she'd come through for us. All we need to do now is wait."

"Either that or she's trying to bury us," Ichigo quipped.

Rukia chuckled and looked upward. "No need to worry, the Hole is reinforced with titanium to withstand the greatest of earthquakes. A little explosion from the Manor wouldn't even dent the door—"

She suddenly stopped, her eyes widening. "Oh my god. That means that – we're trapped in here, in an enclosed space, together, and it's mostly dark, and I think the walls are soundproof, plus the power is out so the cameras are out and I can't really move…did I mention this is the first time I've been in a dark room with a boy—?"

"You're making this worse!"

"Well, for you at least. I'll be completely fine come to think of it. Shirayuki will believe anything I tell her—".

"And now I'm considering suicide. Maybe we should talk about other stuff to lighten the mood?!" Ichigo suggested nervously, cutting her off.

Rukia gave him an awkward look but nodded. "Okay, like what?"

…You're both college students who study Criminal Justice, it can't be that hard to find a topic!...

"You know, we could talk about normal stuff so we could totally forget how awkward you just made the situation," Ichigo sneered.

"I didn't think it was very awkward," she answered.

"That's because you have all the power in this situation."

"Fine. Um, how do you like the Chappy Hole?"

Ichigo glanced around at the limited space and replied, "A bit of tight fit."

"That's pretty vague, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I guess it is. I, uh, like being in your Hole?"

Rukia's eyes widened and she turned away. Ichigo's mouth hung open and he sputtered, "Wait! No! That's not what I—".

"It's comfy, isn't it?" Rukia said with a devilish grin.

Ichigo's face hardens. "I refuse to answer that question, on the basis that I might lose my manhood."

"Aww, you're no fun."

"You just want to see me get hurt, don't you?"

"Maybe…" she said with smirk.

"Are you sure that's a 'maybe'? Are you sure it's not a 'YES'?" he insisted.

"Well, you did put me in a noose—".

"Are we still on that?!"

"I'm still in 'that'!"

"Oh touché, you frigid bitch!"

Strangely, both of them were smiling at each other. They had forgotten how much bickering could resolve their tension.

"I'm sure Shirayuki will break through soon." Rukia reassured him as another explosion rumbled the area. "And by soon I mean tomorrow."

Ichigo sighed but said nothing. Instead, he glanced around the Chappy Hole and noted all the extraordinary items. The case that held her Chappy Suit was surrounded by tools and accessories for the bunny ears. He even noticed the flashlight attachment that Rukia so brilliantly decided to replace.

He smiled as he looked at her large computer monitor. He could just imagine her toiling away trying to solve crimes or pinpoint mob hideouts. Files lay scattered all around the keyboard, some he'd peeked at earlier, which turned out to be investigation materials about The Mystic. Strangely, Ichigo felt flattered that his idol had been his nemesis, at least for a time.

Suddenly, he began to wonder. "Hey Rukia," he asked cautiously, "What exactly made you want to be a superhero?" Shock overtook Rukia and words failed her. Ichigo grimaced and said, "I mean, I know your passionate about justice and all that but…Never mind. You don't have to talk about it. I'll be quiet—".

"No, its fine," Rukia finally replied with a smile, "It's just – when you're born with ice powers, the superhero life chooses you."

"Actually, you _do _choose. Because you could have easily chosen the ice vendor life." Ichigo insisted, making her frown. "I'm proof that powers don't make the hero," he concluded.

"Well, not all of us are indecisive, overpowered assholes with a hero complex!" she sneered before abruptly turning away. "Besides, no one's ever asked me that before. Not even Shirayuki."

The faithful maid never questioned Rukia's passion for justice, pledging to aid her in all her endeavors. The unconditional support was great but when no one seems to care about _why_ you decided to risk your life for others, you sometimes forget the reason you started it all in the first place. After so long of keeping it inside, Rukia felt ready to tell someone the truth.

"I didn't mean to pry. I was just curious. You don't have to answer if you don't want to—". Ichigo said, trying to be considerate.

"Actually, I'd be happy to tell you. It'll be long story," Rukia said, a child-like smile on her face. Ichigo returned the look as the Chappy Hole rumbled a bit.

"We're stuck in your Hole. We have plenty of time," he joked. Rukia chuckled and nodded before taking a deep breath, the memories flooding back in.

"His name was Kaien, and he was the greatest superhero I've ever seen."

* * *

_12 Years Ago…_

_Outside the Kuchiki Manor_

_Rukia waited patiently for the mail to be delivered. Even though she was a young girl, she was still rather short. Her yellow sundress flapped in the wind as she watched the road. She glanced at her watch and smiled brightly. Looking up, she saw a figure approaching in a blue uniform. _

"_He's always right on time." Rukia giggled as the man approached. She waved excitedly and shouted, "Mr. Kaien!" _

"_Hello Little Rukia!" Kaien replied with a smile. "Nice weather today, isn't it?" _

_Kaien Shiba stood nearly six feet tall, his spiky jet black hair rustled in the wind. He'd been delivering mail on foot for years, walking all the way out to the Kuchiki Manor each and every day just to give Rukia her mail. Even days when she had no mail, he would come and say hello before departing for the rest of his rounds. _

_He always enjoyed seeing Little Rukia, since she was homeschooled and had no friends. He knew how lonely it could get living in a huge mansion. His family had been quite well-off and he'd made few friends growing up as well. Rukia reminded him so much of himself at that age. Besides, this little girl's smile was one of the few things keeping him going. After the passing of his wife, Miyako, only a few months ago, he found solace in making the people he delivered to smile. Especially Rukia. _

_And today, he did have mail for her. He pulled out a few letters addressed to her caretaker, Shirayuki, and handed them to her. "Have you been a good girl?" he asked as she took the letters. Rukia smiled wide as she took the letters. _

"_Uh-huh! I always behave and do whatever Shirayuki tells me," she said with pride. "And I always drink my milk! Just like—"._

_A sudden crash startled them both. At the end of the walkway, five thuggish looking men approached them. _

"_It's her! The Kuchiki Brat!" _

"_She's worth a fortune! Her brother'll pay handsomely to have her back!" _

_They snickered and quickly approached her. Rukia gasped and turned to see that Kaien had mysteriously disappeared. Despite being alone, she hardened her face and glared at them. "I'm not afraid of you!" she shouted, pointing. "Justice is on my side! I'll call our friendly neighborhood superhero to come and—"._

_She was suddenly slapped across the face and fell. The thugs laughed as the stood over her. "No one's coming to save you, ya little brat!" _

"_Y-Your wrong!" Rukia insisted, "If I call for help, I know he'll come and—". _

_One of the thugs grabbed her by the collar and lifted her up. "Oh yeah? You really think anyone gonna save you all the way out here?"_

"_Yeah! Just give it a try and see what happens!" another jeered. _

_They all burst into laughter as tears stained Rukia's cheeks. She tilted her head back and shouted, "Help me! Defender of Justice!" _

_Behind a large rosebush, Kaien watched the scene. He nodded firmly and whispered, "Hold on, Little Rukia!" _

_He pressed one of the buttons on his uniform and the blue began to become bleached white. The color spread to the cuffs of his shirt, which transformed into metal carrying case-like wristbands on both hands. The white spread up to his collar and a long cape unraveled from the back of his shirt, a white bottle imprinted on the back. Finally, he pulled his mailman hat off and turned it inside out, readjusting and reshaping it. _

_Meanwhile, Rukia's scream was only met with brief silence until the thugs resumed laughing in earnest. But just then, a dashing voice filled the area._

"_Not so fast, Evildoers!" _

_A collective gasp followed as the thugs turned to see Kaien, dressed all in white with his hands clenched in fists. A convenient wind blew toward him and his cape fluttered behind him epically. The lead thug released Rukia and she smiled brightly at her savior. The evildoers trembled in fear as Kaien struck a dramatic pose and prepared for battle. _

_The thugs began shouting in fear:_

"_No!"_

"_It can't be! He's supposed to be an urban legend!"_

"_I wonder if his outfit is dry clean only." _

"_Dude, we are so boned!"_

_Kaien grinned and stuck another, more dramatic. Rukia's eyes lit up and she cheered as her favorite superhero/vigilante bravely approached the criminals. In his heroic voice, Kaien shouted, "Yes, it is I! And I am here to put a stop to your vile kidnapping! Step away from the young lady or face the Justice of: _The Milk Man!_" _

_Kaien adjusted his Milk Man hat, raised his fists and narrowed his eyes. The lead thug shook his head and shouted, "It's only one guy! We can take him!" Just as he finished that sentence, Kaien appeared in front of him and slammed his fist into his face. _

"_Milk Man Justice Punch!" the superhero shouted as the thug flew several feet back._

_The only intelligent thug in the group scoffs and said, "Let's all rush him, he said. There's only one of him, he said. We really need to pick our battles better."_

_All the other thugs gasped but didn't have time to react ask Kaien stood directly in front of them pushing his chest outward. "You need more calcium in your diet! This should do the trick! Taste my Milk Cannon!" _

…Please dear God, don't let it come out of his pe—…

_The nipples on his suit suddenly extended out and elongated into small cannons as he placed his hands on his hips. A huge spray of milk suddenly burst forth from his chestacles, aimed directly at the would-be kidnappers. _

_The only intelligent thug sighed and said, "And this sums up our experience. Well, at least the milk didn't come out his—", he wasn't able to finish as the spray of milk sent him and one dumb one flying, leaving only two left. Angered, one of them drew a knife and charged from behind. _

"_Look out, Milk Man!" Rukia shouted. _

_Kaien turned but realized he didn't have time to move. Suddenly, the thug slipped and fell flat on his face, knocking him unconscious. Kaien was shocked to see Rukia pointing her hand at the thugs feet, ice flowing out of her palm. The area around the fallen thug was covered in frost and the superhero couldn't help but stare at her._

"_Rukia. How in the world—?"_

_A loud bang and a flash of burning pain tore through Kaien's chest. As if in slow motion, The Milk Man fell to his knees, clutching his chest. Blood oozed out from between his Milk Cannons and he turned to see the final thug, a gun shaking in his hand. _

"_Milk Man!" Rukia shouted in horror as he hero slowly fell to the ground. _

_The thug trembled and said, "Oh God…What have I done?!"_

_Rukia glared up at him with tears streaming. "You shot The Milk Man!" she shouted, collapsing next to her savior's body. _

_As she sneered, the area around her body began to drop in temperature. The air itself began to freeze and a chill ran down the thug's spine as her eyes glowed with power. Suddenly, a warm hand grasped her own and Rukia turned to see The Milk Man smiling at her. _

"_It's okay, Rukia. Don't cry." As he spoke, his hat fell from his head and Rukia recognized her savior. _

"_Mr. Kaien! You were The Milk Man all along?" she said. _

_Kaien nodded and noticed that the ice had begun to dissipate. He grunted in pain but he managed to turn toward the thug. The thug continued to tremble and shakingly point the gun at him and Rukia. Through great pain, Kaien lifted his hand out toward the thug and said, "Calm down, son. Just put the gun down." _

_The thug shook his head and began to weep, "B-B-But I…I'm just so scared!" _

…I don't blame him. Nipple cannons aside, this is a life scarring event…I mean, look at where we've gotten! This is a Bleach parody and now we have this crazy shit! Seriously! How did we did we get to this point?!...Oh fuck it, enjoy your nipple cannons, we know you are!...

_Kaien smiled warmly at the young man and said, "It's okay, son. We all make mistakes." The thug slowly began to stop shaking. "I think you know what to do, don't you?" the dying superhero said kindly. With the last of his strength, Kaien pointed off the direction of Karakura Police Station. _

_The gun fell from the thug's hands and he nodded firmly through his tears. "You're right! This is my fault and I need to be held accountable for it! I'm gonna turn myself in!" He turned to run toward the station to do just that he heard: _

"_Wait!" _

_The thug turned around and saw something long and white being tossed to him. He easily caught it and found a tall milk bottle in his hands. His eyes widening, the thug gave The Milk Man one final glance. _

"_Always remember…to drink your milk." Kaien said, giving him the thumbs up. _

_The thug furiously wiped away his tears and saluted the fallen hero. "Yes, sir!" _

_And with that, the thug ran off to deliver justice upon himself. As the reeducated young man grew smaller in the distance, Kaien fell back and coughed up blood._

"_No! You can't die, Mr. Kaien!" Rukia shouted, grasping his hand. "You're the only one who can keep Karakura Town safe! Without you, all hope is lost!" She continued to sob over him when she felt his hand pat her on the head. _

"_No, I have found another." _

"_But who?" she chocked through tears. _

_Kaien pointed at her and tapped her chest. "You have the heart of a superheroine, Rukia. You're kind and fair, loyal and brave, plus the fact that you already have ice powers really works to your advantage." He coughed more blood but continued to smile at her. "I pass on my legacy to you now. I can die with dignity knowing that you will one day take my place."_

…Isn't that a bit much to force on a little kid? I mean, where was Shirayuki during this exchange? Oh right, fighting off Mystic Zangetsu most likely…

"_B-But…But I—", Rukia tried to protest but Kaien's fading eyes made it impossible for her to refuse. Her frown transformed into a confident smile and she nodded. "I'll do my best, Milk Man." _

"_Good," Kaien said as his life faded, "I leave my superhero heart…with you." _

_That day, everyone was sure to drink their milk._

* * *

Present time…

The Chappy Hole

Rukia fought back the tears as she finished, a melancholy smile on her face. Ichigo sat in front of her, awed by the tale.

"Oh God – the superhero life really did choose you, didn't it?" he said, finally understanding.

Rukia nodded and blinked away any forming tears. "And I've never regretted a single moment of it." She glanced to her suit and smiled warmly. "Each time I put that suit on and freeze bad guys, I feel that I'm really accomplishing something. Kaien showed me that being a superhero isn't about power or greatness, it's about the sacrifice you make so that other people can be happy."

The way Rukia smiled took away all the reservations Ichigo had about being her replacement. She wasn't fighting crime for thrills or money or even the glory, which she got in abundance because of the media anyway. Rukia Kuchiki fought crime because she knew that it was her place in the world, and it crushed Ichigo even more to know that he had nearly taken that away from her.

"Well, it's your turn."

Ichigo shook his head and stared awkwardly at her. "What?"

A devilish smile formed on Rukia's lips as she repeated, "I shared my inspiration. It's only fair that you tell me about yours. I know I inspired you after you became a criminal but someone must have got you wanting to be superhero. We all have our first. Come on, spill it." She settled in to her ropes as best she could, eagerly waiting for his answer.

His cheeks flushed and Ichigo turned away. "Ah, well. Mine really isn't all that impressive."

"Try me," she insisted.

Ichigo sighed deeply and whispered, "…Zorro."

Rukia raised an eyebrow, "That swordsman from that one manga?"

"Actually, I was talking about the Mexican vigilante with the black mask and black horse. You know, the one who put 'Z's everywhere to show everyone that he'd saved the day."

…My God - that _actually_ makes complete sense…This realization could destroy the very fabric of our story…

Rukia's mouth dropped open and she asked, "You mean like the black and white, really old TV show?"

"…Yeah. I grew up with that stuff."

A brief moment of silence followed before Rukia burst into uncontrollable laughter.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**I know, I haven't updated in so long! I've been busy with classes, a play, and my senior project so things have been crazy. I finally found the time to get this out and I'm glad you're all still loving it. **

**Thanks to everyone who favorited and liked this and all my other stories. Getting a message about a new subscriber or favorite of something I wrote is wonderful and keeps me going. So thank you all very much. Oh, and Happy V-Day!**

**Leave a review and tell me how I'm doing. Or just let me know if you enjoyed the chapter. Either way, leave me a message and have a great day my beautiful readers!**


	19. Rise of Karakura King

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

Rise of the Karakura King

Some of us are able to put away the burdens we bear and live in peace. Few of these people are able to do so willingly. Other's are able to throw away their burden as if it were the unconscious body of a hooker that OD'ed while you were "coincidentally" driving past a hospital and the only rational thing to do was push her out and speed away…Not that I would know anything about that. The point is: some people toss off their burdens easier than others. But does it ever really stop? Ever? Really?

The answer is:

"No, we keep getting dragged back to this shit"

* * *

-Kuchiki Manor-

Hours of explosions and no remaining options left, Shirayuki glared intently at the door separating her from her mistress.

"You are indeed a formidable opponent," Shirayuki said, glaring at the entrance to the Chappy Hole, which still refused to open after the power surge. "But I refuse to give up! I will not stand by while Lady Rukia remains trapped in—".

Suddenly, a small lever on the wall caught her attention and she laughed nervously. "Oh, right. The, uh, emergency override lever built for just these situations. I seem to have overlooked it."

...You enjoyed trying to explode the house, didn't you?...

Shirayuki pulled the lever and the doors unhinged and slipped open slightly. Grabbing a pry bar, because she would have one of those, the faithful maid was finally able to slide the doors apart and sighed happily at her accomplishment. Just as she set the bar down, she heard a sound that made her blood run cold.

"No! Ichigo, that's not fair! I can't move!"

Shirayuki's head shot up, recognizing Rukia's frantic voice.

"Hey, I may never get another chance like this. I gotta take advantage of it. That's what makes it all the better." Ichigo voice rang out, filling the maid's ears. Suddenly, Rukia's voice came back stronger.

"Uhg! Don't move like that! You're going too fast!"

"Not my fault you can't keep up with my movements."

"But you can move and I can't! How can you do this to me?!"

"Don't worry. It'll all be over soon."

Shirayuki gasped but immediately grit her teeth and narrowed her eyes before reaching for her equipment. She had been prepared for this outcome, and would not be stopped this time! Regardless of the rude boy's feelings, the faithful maid was determined to stop him from defiling her mistress, even at the cost of _his_ life.

Leaping down the stairway and into the Chappy Hole, Shirayuki turned and faced her destiny. Bearing pure white ribbon as a headband, two AKS-74U assault rifles in each hand, a sniper rifle and rocket launcher on her back, and last but not least, a hunting knife clenched in her teeth; the faith maid shouted:

"Desist or face the wrath of my people—".

Ichigo and Rukia turned to face Shirayuki, a chess board on a table separating them. Ichigo was standing up with a black bishop in his hand just about to place it and Rukia wasn't quite able to reach her white pieces. The maid's jaw dropped, the knife clattering to the floor, as the pair looked at her skeptically.

…To be fair, we all thought it was exactly what it sounded like…but that shit would get us banned…

"H-Hi, Shirayuki. Uh, something wrong?" Rukia asked nervously, not remembering all those firearms being in her home previously. Ichigo apprehensively sat back down and eyed her carefully, ready to flee if need be.

Shirayuki thrust her AK's behind her back nonchalantly and laughed nervously. "N-Nothing. I just managed to – to get the door open and I, uh, heard some…strange voice patterns," the maid explained. Rukia nodded in understand, as if urging her to continue.

"W-Well," Shirayuki shakily continued, "You were playing chess!" She paused for a moment, "It's a game. With black pieces and, um, white pieces! And so you two were—", the faithful maid suddenly burst into tears and collapsed to her knees.

"I thought he was raping you Lady Rukia!"

Suddenly, Ichigo grinned wide and said, "Oh, but I was."

Rukia's head snapped to him with a fierce glare and Shirayuki's whole body snapped up, ready to attack. However, Ichigo merely turned to the board and gestured to it.

"I was raping her at chess," he said with false innocence, "Some good – _clean_ – fun."

Gritting her teeth, Rukia was about to reprimand him when the clattering of weapons reached her ears. Shirayuki's firearms seemed to cascade off her as she grabbed her face and shouted, "Why does this keep happening to me?! I am not fit to walk the path of the man-hater!" She sobbed as she tore off back up the stairs and into the manor.

"Ichigo! Why did you do that?! You know how sensitive she is about that!" Rukia yelled, reaching out and trying to strangle him from afar with her mind. With a completely straight face, Ichigo lifted the bishop piece in his hand and placed it strategically near her white king piece.

"Checkmate."

* * *

-Hyorinmaru Press-

"This just doesn't make any sense," Kon mused as he waited in the elevator, "Toned muscles, a broader chest, and unshaven legs. I mean what is going on here?"

The elevator beeped and Kon stepped out onto the top floor and continued to examine the pictures of "Chappy" from last night. He examined each one carefully and found something odd in almost all of them. Sure, he'd gotten images of Chappy's resounded defeat at the hands of, as he dubbed him – Pedo Mask Man, but that didn't explain why she was so changed. He neared Toshiro's office and frantically began flipping though the photos.

"Everything's just…wrong!" the photographer insisted, "If only I had more clues as to her sudden change in appearance. Then maybe I could—".

Suddenly, he stopped. His eyes widened and his mouth gaped open as he gasped loudly. The picture in his hand explained everything. The image of "Chappy's" nether region had a new and frightening element. A huge bulge down below.

From across the street, a homeless man begging for change heard what sounded like small dog being neutered. Homeless guy looked around and discovered the noise came from the top of Hyorinmaru Press and continued to plague his ears for almost seven whole minutes.

Back in the building, Kon's high pitch scream had people fleeing in terror, hiding under desks, holding up signs that said "I don't want to die a virgin", and trying to leap out the window only to smack their faces on it and hit the floor in utter failure. But none of that matter to Kon as his mind began to process the many explanations for this travesty.

… Against our better judgment, we're sympathizing with the creepy photographer. While we should condemn Kon for his over the top freak-out, we pretty much had the same reaction when we found out that Poison from the original Final Fight had a little "secret" of "her" own…it can never be unseen!...

Kon refused to believe that Chappy had a sex change overnight, because that was physically impossible, he hoped. The other possibility was evil clone gone wrong, but that didn't explain the whole "being a man" thing. Another honorable mention could have been that it was a crazed fan trying to imitate her but since the imposter had her sword—

"That's it!" Kon suddenly shouted, immediately after his high pitch scream.

Just then, Toshiro Hitsugaya burst through his door, glared at Kon and seethed, "Excuse me. But some of us are trying to run a business and I will not tolerate the torturing of small children in my building!"

"Actually, that was just Kon's screaming." Momo chimed in, peeking out from under her desk, hard hat on top. Toshiro nodded to her thankfully before fixing his cold eyes on his employee.

"And what, if I may ask, is so terrifying that you had to scream and make Rangiku pretend to faint just to get out of work?"

"I'm not pretending! I'm seriously freaked the fuck out! Please help me." Rangiku protested, eyes closed and lying on the floor.

Thinking quickly, Kon shoved the photos in his pockets and replied, "I was…upset with my own stupidity!"

"Not that it wasn't time for you to realize that, but why now?" Toshiro pressured, his eyes brow raised.

"W-Well, you see. I kind of picked up the wrong, uh, photos for you and realized I can't meet today's deadline." Kon said with a bow, "I'll have them to you, with extras, by tomorrow. Promise!"

Toshiro glared at his employee but sighed, almost happily. *Insert 'Ode to Joy' music here* Turning to Momo he asked, "So, do we have anything else for the front page?"

…You mean other than: 'Homeless Man hears neutered dragon roar from top of Hyorinmaru Press. Ghostbusters notified until we realized that the movie was outdated and so is this reference'…

Everyone in the room noticed that his voice was less frigid than usual, even chipper in a way. Momo smiled, removed a file and showed it to him. The image was a birthday party for the Mayor's daughter, Nel. She was riding a pony and carrying a toy lance, pretending to attack a small boy with an eye-patch and very definable teeth.

"I'm thinking: 'Mayor's Daughter turns 5. Fun is had by all!'. What do you think Little Shiro?" Momo asked excitedly.

Rather than reprimanding her for using his pet name outside his office, Toshiro actually smiled and said, "As long as 'Chappy' isn't in the title, you can name it whatever you want. Rangiku and write the article."

"Not fair! I need medical attention or at least a week of sick pay!" She complained from the floor.

"Do it or I'm firing you."

"You wouldn't do that," Rangiku said skeptically.

Toshiro smiled and replied, "Rangiku, I happen to be in a very good mood. In fact, I dare say I might be happy."

Rangiku bolts up from the floor. "Oh God, you would fire me!"

"Yes, I'd take great pleasure in doing so. Now please work before I feel the need to demote you." Toshiro said as he and Momo went back into this office, hand-in-hand.

Distracted by this, Kon quickly made his escape. Taking the stairs, he rushed down and out of the building. This matter would require his full attention if he wanted to discover what had befallen his missing idol! He flagged a taxi and headed back to his tiny apartment.

"I will find you, Chappy! And your little impersonator too! The time has come!" he whispered manically, making the cabby awkwardly stare at him and put his window up to separate them.

* * *

-The Chappy Hole-

Hanging out all day normally isn't so bad when you're not literally hanging. And not being able to move, scratch an itch or go to class in favor of doing absolutely nothing all day sucked too.

Mainly, as Rukia hung in her noose, she wished more than anything that she could just turn the channel. Shirayuki was kind enough to wheel a TV down to her, but unfortunately forgot the remote. It was that weird channel that only plays music with odd lines bending and twisting to the sound of the beats. It wouldn't have been so bad if they didn't keep packing in bad J-Pop with the, oh so terrifying – Justin Beiber.

…The scary thing is that this isn't a joke, he's actually very popular in Japan. We thought Japan was one place his evil could not reach but apparently we underestimated the practitioners of brutal rituals and J-Pop producers...

"I hate pop music," Rukia murmured as she hung.

"Hey," came a familiar voice, Rukia snapping her head to meet it. Ichigo quickly descended the stairs, backpack in hand and made his way to her, only for her to turn away angrily. "Oh come on, Rukia. You can't tell me you're still made about the whole chess thing."

"I can and I am. Make yourself useful and turn this damn thing off."

Ichigo noticed the TV, shrugged and did as he was told. "You sure you're not just pissed because I have two working legs and you don't?" he quipped, setting his backpack down.

"You sure that if I call 'rape' you won't be viciously neutered? Not to mention that my legs aren't the issue," she said as she lifted one leg and even kicked it a bit. "Once I'm out of the noose, I'm putting you in one."

"Tough talk from someone who's relying on her _classmate_ to get her work for her." Ichigo said with a smirk as he pulled out her homework.

"I don't see what you being my personal slave has to do with me breaking your kneecaps once I'm fully healed."

Ichigo grinned and replied, "Don't even joke about that. I like my kneecaps. Their practically family. Been with me all my life. I dare say I was born with them."

"And I care the same way about my spine!" Rukia retorted, flashing a smirk. "But you know, Shirayuki's been with me my whole life. In a way, she's kinda like you kneecaps."

"No, she is nothing like my kneecaps!"

"You're right, Shirayuki's actually useful. Particularly because after you broke her, she's still incredibly useful. Unlike your kneecaps after I break them." Rukia said, smiling brightly.

Noticing it, Ichigo gave a slight smirk and pulled a table over for her, setting her work down. If she was acting like this, then she's not at made as he thought.

They had already worked out a deal for Rukia's classes, since she'd be missing plenty of them. Ichigo went with a note for all of her instructors, requesting their cooperation while she recovered. Of course, they thought she was mending because of a car crash, which Rukia considered to be mostly accurate because hitting a brick wall at top speed was incredibly similar. Shirayuki would have done all this herself, but since she's been banned from setting foot on campus, prompting the school to hire guards at the gate, she was forced to ask help from the bastard who knew love.

"Just some reading for today. No tests for a few weeks so hopefully you'll be up and around by then." He informed her, pointing out the reading.

She didn't reply, only nodded and began reading. It always marveled him how motivated Rukia became once it came to justice, even just reading a book on it. For all the odd habits she had, mainly the rabbit obsession, it always made him smile to see her so passionate about doing what she could. Her story about the Milk Man really made her more understandable – well, kinda.

Justice was something she lived for, a purpose he'd nearly taken away. Being her personal slave for a few weeks was getting off easy as far as Ichigo was concerned. But that didn't make him any more excited when Rukia glanced at him with a devilish smirk.

Closing the book, Rukia signaled over to her headset and said, "Suit up. Time to go to work." Ichigo groaned and she narrowed her eyes. "None of that now," she ordered, "Tonight's the night you send those bastards a message."

"And what would that be?" Ichigo pondered, opening the case to his torture/suit.

Rukia's grin widened and she chuckled as she looked over the notes that Shirayuki had prepared for her.

"I think it's time to teach you – The Chappy Sign!"

…Why do I have a sinking feeling that this chapter will give me nightmares that will never cease?...

* * *

-The Dark Room (Kon's Apartment)-

"I knew it! She's been captured!" Kon shouted as he glanced over the pictures of Chappy's defeat a few nights ago. He saw the images of Pedo Mask Man bashing her into a wall before picking her up and quickly departing with her. Kon gripped the photos tightly, wishing he'd have done more.

His stubborn nature told him not to let Toshiro know about Chappy's defeat, since his boss would jump on the opportunity to be rid of that story. Instead, he released some stock footage of the superheroine's butt and thighs to tide the fans over. That had been his fatal mistake, believing she would return the next day without complications.

"I should have taken a more active role!" Kon shouted, tossing the pictures away.

He leaned on his desk and looked at a set of particular photos pinned on the wall. One was of Chappy, her face completely in view, her violet eyes sparkling with joy as she had just defeated her enemies. The other was "Other Chappy", his face revealing his masculine features and amber eyes.

He scanned between them rapidly quickly before shouting, "Almost a complete replica, but something's different here too." Kon narrowed his eyes at Other Chappy and slammed his fist down. "The eyes are different!"

…Seriously dude, either get laid or get some glasses…

Pointing at the picture he shouted, "Whoever you are, you will rue the day you interfered with my obsessively possessive love interest in Chappy!"

Storming to the corner of his Dark Room, Kon tapped a part of the wall and it slid open to reveal a tall metal cage. Hesitantly, the photographer reach out and unlocked the padlock, then he undid the chain, and punched in a complicated code before finally having a cornea scan to unlock the doors.

What he had inside demanded the tightest of security.

Slowly, he opened both doors and affirmed his resolve. Reaching in, Kon pulled out a large and fluffy suit. He tugged at the zipper in the back as he disrobed and pulled the suit on over him. However, it got caught on his arms and he struggled to pull them through the holes.

"Dammit! Always happens," he mused to himself as he finished tugged the outfit over his shoulders. Once in place, he reached back into the case and pulled out an overly amusing lion headpiece for his suit.

"I never thought I'd have to wear this again," he said as plopped the lion headpiece on and glanced at himself in the mirror. "Mainly because I look retarded!" He strikes a generic catlike pose and with little enthusiasm shouts:

"Raurrr"

He stood in front of the mirror, decked out in a fluffy but formidable battle suit shaped like an anthropomorphic lion with a bright red cape attached to the back. When he spoke, the mouth of the lion headpiece moved to match his voice, which naturally sounded higher pitched while in the suit.

Sighing deeply, Kon exited the Dark Room and made his way to the window. Overlooking the city, he twisted the cuffs on his wrists and extended his hand out. With two fingers he pressed on a small button hidden in the glove of the lion suit. Abruptly, a shot of white shot out of his wrist cuffs and clung to a nearby pole.

Upon closer inspection, the white substance connecting these two was in fact – stuffing twisted into long cords.

…If you've been following along from the beginning, this twist shouldn't be completely unexpected. If you're just joining us for this chapter…what the fuck are you doing here?! Go back to the start you free-boating fangirls!...

Kon nodded firmly and said, "Good thing the stuffing is strong enough to hold my weight." He stood on the edge of his window and grabbed the stuffing with both hands. "Tonight, I rise again!"

And with that, he leapt out into the night. Swinging from pole to pole utilizing his 'stuffing shooters'.

* * *

-Karakura Shipping Yard-

A huge blast of ice ripped through the area as Chappy Ichigo defeated the last of the thugs.

"Alright, done." Ichigo grumbled as he landed near a shipment of firearms. "So, do I freeze the guns or—?"

"_No, the authorities should clear that up when they find them later._" Rukia informed him, sounding eerily joyous."_You have a much more important task to complete!_"

"No."

All happiness drained from her voice. "_What do you mean, 'No'?_" she protested.

"I mean, I'm not gonna draw a freaking Chappy drawing!" Ichigo shouted into the radio.

Suddenly, the radio shouted back, "_It's a radio! I can hear you just fine so stop yelling! And you _will_ be drawing my symbol tonight!_"

"No. Way. In. Hell."

"_You. Broke. My. Back._"

"By accident!" Ichigo complained, stomping his foot. "Beside, that trick's not gonna work tonight. I may feel bad enough to wear a freaking bunny suit but not enough to draw a child's crayon drawing the size of my body!"

"_Don't be such a baby and draw my sign!_"

"Never. I may not have my dignity but I still have my pride as a man to defend! And nothing you say or do will change my mind!"

…Funny, you'd think he'd have no pride left to lose after the whole master-slave thing but apparently it's wedged between his wedgie…or something…

Over the radio, Rukia sighed deeply and said, "_Listen Ichigo, the city needs to know I'm not dead._"

Ichigo stiffened and clenched his fists, "And my embarrassing appearance and icy swordplay against the scum of Karakura's underbelly isn't enough of a message?"

"_It's not for the criminals. It's for the people._"

This caught Ichigo's attention and he remained silent as she continued.

"_The people of this town need to know that they're still being kept safe from evil. I was barely gone a day and already most people think I'm dead._" A ruffling of paper was heard over the radio. "_Did you know that for the first time in months, Chappy was in the headlines?_"

Unfortunately, he had noticed. Everyone seemed to be down a bit today. It wasn't until he saw someone throwing away a copy of the newspaper that it really hit him. People thrived on Chappy just being there. Rukia worked hard every night to bring hope and security to everyone who lived I this city. Sure, no one understood her drawings but what they did understand was that it was from her. It made them feel safe.

"_I'm not asking you to like doing all this, Ichigo. I know it's hard on you and that it's not fair but what alternative do I have?_" Her voice suddenly softened as she whispered, "_I need you, Ichigo. Please, help me keep my home safe._"

After a long moment of silence, Ichigo gripped the white blade firmly and asked, "I only promise to try."

"_I knew you come around!_" Rukia said, obviously smug.

A second later, the sound of a high-five rang over the radio and Ichigo felt duped. However, hearing the sound of her joyous voice made it feel worth it, at least enough to get this freaking drawing finished up. No matter how much she could annoy him, Rukia had the power to bring a smile to his lips and that was worth far more than a little embarrassment—

"Halt right there, Impostor!"

Time seemed to freeze as Ichigo turned upward to see a strange, lion-like creature with a red cape standing atop a crane, bearing down at him. The camera on his bunny ear adjusted and Rukia also got a clear glimpse of whatever it was. Both of them were at a loss for words as the lion creature leapt down, swinging on what appeared to be cotton and landed a few feet from Chappy Ichigo.

"Who or what the hell are you?!" Chappy Ichigo shouted, readying the icy blade.

The lion creature chuckled menacingly and placed his hands on his hips. He swung his arms around and struck a very awkward battle pose before shouting:

"I am Karakura King! Defender of our great city when Chappy is away!" He twisted and struck another pose before finishing, "You will surrender Chappy to me so that I am be her knight in shining armor, or you will face my wrath!"

Ichigo gave him a sideway's glance and asked, "Why do you exist?"

…That's a good question. Why _does _he exist? Why do _we_ exist? In what form of consciousness does this entire civilization manifest? You know, we might have an answer for that but we haven't sleep since yesterday…Goodnight…

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**I know I've taken a while to get this out but I'm a busy guy these days. Anyway, another chapter for you all to enjoy and mull over. Next time we've got the climactic battle between Chappy Ichigo and Karakura King, as well as some witty dialogue and a possible musical number. **

**Other than that, check out the other story I just started entitled, "Long Way Home: A Desperate Tale of Survival". It's a darker and grittier story that will balance me out. I tend to be in different moods when I write so wanted options for when I felt like writing a comedy or a more serious story, so this was my solution. Plus, I focus better when I have more than one story to work on. **

**Please leave a review to bring a smile and my face and a skip in my step! Thanks again for all the past reviews, keep 'em coming! Take care my beautiful readers!**


	20. Chappy: Under the Lion Mask

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity! Also, I don't own but I love them.

* * *

Chappy: Under the Lion Mask

Some people are just born evil. They grow up in the most caring and loving environments but still yearn to cause pain and torment to others. Some for the thrill of it, others for a sick and twisted pleasure. Regardless of the case, the evil that lies within the hearts of mankind cannot be overlooked, underestimated, or brushed aside.

I really wish we could classify Karakura King as one of those people but actually, he's just a pervert with too much time on his hands. If only there was a way for him to unleash his pent up "frustration" without the need to dress like a pedophile and add a crazy, but much needed, element to our story.

Oh wait, that is why the internet was invented!

Beside, true evil is dentists.

(The Internet – Supplying porn, side-boob pictures, spam-ware, and the occasional pyramid scheme to your daily life. A message from your local internet stalker.)

There, we did your shameless plug. Now you owe us!

* * *

-The Chappy Hole-

"It finally happens and I'm laid up in a noose!"

Rukia shouted as she stared at the monitor with a mixture of awe, frustration and anticipation. Through the BunnyCam on Chappy Ichigo's ear, she could see the foe that had evaded her for so long. This Karakura King was the stereotypical supervillain she had waited for but never got to fight herself. Every night she would dream of fighting battles with epic proportions but always fell short when she awoke to realize she was one of few graced with superpowers.

Every adversary she had fought in the past had either been a fake, not really a supervillain, or –Ichigo's case – became a valuable person in her life. She thought back to how great it was to fight her orange haired imposter and now he was the one having all the fun!

"This is unacceptable! I will not stand for it!"

"_Stand for what? What are you rambling about now?_" Ichigo responded, confused and perplexed by the turn of events.

Rukia grit her teeth and grabbed her headset before reaching for the off switch. "I'm leaving this to you, Ichigo. Don't disappoint me. And don't kill him either! I'm signing off."

"_Wait, what?! No, no! Don't leave me alone with him!_"

Too late. Rukia turned off the monitor and the headset, tossing it aside. She grabbed the ropes of her noose and pulled herself up a bit. Pain shot through her entire body and she grunted as she fell back into place. Gritting her teeth tighter, she pulled again tried to untangle herself from her situation but the pain made her loose her strength and she fell back again.

Panting and groaning, she reared her head back and shouted, "Shirayuki! Come here please!" Strangely, no one arrived. Rukia grunted and shouted again, "Shirayuki! Your Mistress needs you, so please assist her!"

And once again, the usually faithful maid did not arrive.

…All we can say is that if Rukia called herself our mistress and demanded that we come – we'd need a sponge…maybe two?…

When only silence greeted her request, Rukia knew there was only one explanation: Shirayuki was hiding in shame for not being a proper Man-hater. This meant that there was a single course of action to resolve this matter.

She lowered her head and softly whispered, "Help. Rapist."

"Nobody touches my mistress!"

A blast of white burst forth into the Chappy Hole. Rukia lifted her head to see Shirayuki, dressed in full, white samurai battle armor with a freshly sharpened katana at the ready and a Yari spear on her back. A white headband that read "Purge" in kanji, was wrapped tightly on her forehead.

…If we asked why Shirayuki has a full set of battle ready armor and medieval weapons, then we'd be the ones to look stupid. Instead, it shall be asked if this crazy woman has an implant in her brain that tells her when Rukia says the word "rape"…

Frantically looking around, the faithful battle maid shouted, "Show yourself disgusting perverted fiend! No one shall touch Lady Rukia as long as I draw breath!" Shirayuki brandished the sword eloquently and spun around, unable to find the perpetrator.

"He's not here, Shirayuki." Rukia said, pulling up a picture of Karakura King on the monitor. "Ichigo's holding him off at the moment."

"Oh…I see. How exactly is the giant stuffed Lion a disgusting man-creature bent on perversion and unlawful acts?" Shirayuki questioned, puzzled by the strange beast. "At best, he appears to be more of a pedophile."

"Shirayuki," Rukia said with a strange look, "How tall am I?"

"Tall enough to destroy the lives of any man you encounter."

"I'm not looking for you to cheer me up. Answer the question."

Confused, the faithful maid answered, "You are exactly 144 cm tall or roughly 4 foot and 8 ½ inches. At least according to your most recent medical examination."

Rukia narrowed her eyes and frowned, "Then, would you say that I'm about the size of a growing child?"

"…Yes, in some respects I suppose you could say that you are the size of a young, supple chil—Oh God! The bastard's a Pedo-Lion that confuses you for a child! This is why you call him a rapist! "Shirayuki finally realized, gripping her blade tightly. "I see now! I will go and assist "Chappy" in his slow and painful evisceration!"

As the maid turned toward the exit, Rukia shouted, "No! Ichigo can handle this on his own. You will remain here with me."

The faithful maid glanced at the screen before sadly turning to her mistress. "Was I summoned for nothing?" she asked, the sadness in her eyes nearly unbearable. Rukia suddenly felt very guilty for using the most reliable method of summoning her caretaker but knew she would be forgiven after an explanation.

"I would never do that to you. In fact, you're the only one who can help me right now."

Shedding the armor from her body and appearing in her signature white kimono, Shirayuki bowed and questioned, "Better than castration?"

Rukia steeled herself and glared at the image of Karakura King. She grabbed the ropes and shook them angrily.

"Get me the hell out of this thing!"

* * *

-Karakura Shipping Yard-

The two oddly dressed vigilantes glared at each other fiercely. High atop a crane, Karakura King bore down on his target while Chappy Ichigo continued to be confused and pissed about having to deal with the situation. No matter how hard he thought, the bunny suited man just couldn't understand what the freak could possibly want?

Rukia said herself that she didn't have another nemesis besides himself, so what was this rejected Disneyland Mascot's angle on all this? Just as he was about to pose the question, Karakura King reared his head back and let out a very odd noise.

"Rawrr…" resounded very softly in the area, as if little effort was put into making the noise.

"What the hell was that?" Ichigo asked, confused.

"My battle cry," the Lion answered.

"Why does it sound so depressed?"

"Because I look retarded."

"I'm not gonna argue that. But then why don't you take it off?"

"Because then, I would be naked."

…For the love of God, please keep the suit on!...

Ichigo gave his new enemy a sideways glance before saying, "But didn't you choose to wear it in the first place? Couldn't you have just as easily chosen a less - "I'm stalking your ten year old" -kind of outfit?"

Karakura King's silence indicated that he was more than embarrassed and unset, as did his next words.

"Die, imposter!"

"At least I'm not a pedophile!"

"Oh, now it's on!"

Karakura King jumped down and tried to land on Chappy Ichigo, who was barely able to evade. Swinging the white blade, the bunny suited man send a flurry of ice and snow at his new foe. However, the Lion jumped and bounced off a building, coming down at Ichigo again. This time, Chappy Ichigo parried the attack but only barely and it threw him off guard.

Seizing the initiative, Karakura King landed a punch on the bunny suited man's face. The force was enough to stagger Ichigo and the Lion followed up with a spinning kick to the stomach and finally a drop kick to the chest. Chappy Ichigo flipped backwards but caught himself before landing and pointing the white blade at his enemy.

High pitching his voice, Ichigo shouted, "Tsuginomai – Hakuren!"

The blast of ice and snow descended upon Karakura King but was a moment too slow. Using his stuffing shooters, the Lion was able to latch onto a tall ledge and pull himself to safety just in time. Giant lion eyes stared down at the Chappy Imposter, enjoying the feeling of actually winning a fight. However, he noticed the false superhero fondling the lovely bunny ears and his vision saw red.

"No one fondles those beauties but Chappy!" he menacingly whispered as he prepared to attack.

Meanwhile, Chappy Ichigo was fiddling with his ears and shouting, "Dammit! Don't cut me off like this! Dammit Rukia, I don't know how to deal with Pedophile Lion nut jobs!" He kept shouting and trying to use his will to force the radio back on.

…You deal with them the same way to deal with real pedophiles, by 'accidentally' firing your gun at them…or sending them to prison to face the karma of being the prison bitch…

While he was distracted, Karakura King leapt off his perch and extended his arm, stuffing flying out and securing to a wall. Swinging on the stuffing rope, the Lion's feet collided with Chappy Ichigo's chest, knocking the air out of him and sending him flying into a brick wall. As the wall collapsed, Karakura King landed on a nearby ledge and laughed.

"HA! Feel the pain you caused to my precious Chappy! How does it feel to be the one thrown through a brick wall?!" he laughed again, almost manically.

Suddenly, the debris was sent flying and a very pissed Chappy Ichigo slowly walked out of the rubble. The Chappy suit was torn and the black wig on his head had vanished, revealing his orange hair. Blood dripped off his head and his hair obstructed his eyes from view.

Karakura King gasped and pointed at him accusingly. "I knew I was right! You've stolen the real Chappy and are using her for your own perverted games! I won't forgive you!"

Ichigo glared at him, "I'm going to start beating you with my sword now. I'm not sure when I'll stop…"

Nervously, Karakura King leapt at his foe but was suddenly met with a flying kick to the face…or lion head apparently…either way it sent the Pedo-Lion flying into a wall. Glancing up, Karakura King saw the Chappy Imposter slowly walking toward him. The orange haired man's eyes glowed with rage and power.

Gripping Rukia's white blade tightly, he pointed it at Karakura King and shouted, "I don't know what your deal is and now I don't care!" His other hand shot out and his own black blade appeared in his hand. "But you've got no right call me perverted you freaky Lion Pedo-Man!"

"Pedo-Man? Is that what I look like to the kids?" Karakura King asked.

"You approach_ kids_ in your costume?!"

"Of course, don't you?"

Swinging the black sword, a blast of energy shot out of it.

…That would be a "No"…

Karakura King only barely dodged it, rolling aside. Turning back to his foe, the Pedo-Lion saw a white edge in his face and gasped. Looking up, Ichigo stared down at him and smirked before a blast of ice crashed into the Pedo-Lion and smashed him back into the wall, a thick layer of ice keeping him still.

Karakura King struggled to free himself but found it futile. Not only that, Chappy Ichigo appeared in front of him, still smirking. Under the Lion mask, Kon gritted his teeth and shouted, "You're the masked man that attack Chappy, aren't you?! Are you going to do away with my now that I've discovered you perverse secret?!"

"No," Chappy Ichigo said, raising his black sword, "I'm just getting even. Getsuga Tenshou."

A blast of black energy smashed into Karakura King, shattering the ice and blasting him through the wall. Pieces of his suit lay everywhere and for a moment Ichigo wondered if he had overdone it. However, an audibly groan rang out and rubble was pushed aside as Pedo-Lion emerged from the wreckage.

Ichigo prepared to attack again when his eyes suddenly widened and he screamed frantically, "What the hell are you wearing?!"

Karakura King stood up fully, his suit completely in taters aside from his beat up lion head but underneath was a fur man-kini with a lion head as a cod piece.

…We_ really_ don't wanna bring this up…but didn't he say he was naked undernea—

"Didn't you say you were naked underneath?" Ichigo asked, terrified.

…We don't wanna know anymore! We wanna purge the idea from our minds!…

Groaning, Karakura King readied himself for battle again and said, "I told you that if I removed the suit, _then_ I would be naked."

Ichigo's jaw nearly dropped in utter shock. "So that means that—".

"This is part of my suit. Yeah."

"Oh…OH!" Ichigo shouted and averted his eyes. "For the love of all that's Holy, put something else on!"

"I don't have anything else!"

"Then you should have brought a spare outfit or something!"

"Do you really think I have a spare suit like that lying around the house?! I have several actually but that's not the point!"

…Okay, too much information! Yours is a sad existence, isn't it?...

Shaking his head, Ichigo pointed his blade at Karakura King and said, "Never mind that now. I want to know why you attacked me. And what's this about kidnapping Chappy?"

The Pedo-Lion pointed at him accusingly and replied, "Through my extensive network of cameras, I witness you defeat and carry off our beloved Superheroine the other night! And now you appear in her clothes pretending to be her! Obviously your trying to ruin her reputation by slandering her good name."

Karakura King checked his stuffing shooters to find them completely busted. He tore them off and held up his fist, ready to continue. "Even though I don't know your game. I'm still dedicated to stopping you from destroying the Defender of Justice's reputation. Justice will be served!"

For a moment, neither of them spoke. Then Ichigo suddenly shouted, "That's why you attacked me?! Because you think I took her hostage?! I'd never do that!"

"Says the Pedo Mask Man!"

"Hey! I'm not the one in the Pedo-suit so don't go judging me!"

"Says the guy in the skin tight bunny suit!"

"That is beside the – Dammit, you have a point! But never mind that, the whole Chappy getting injured thing was an accident. I never meant for her to get hurt like that."

Karakura King huffed and said, "A likely excuse. And I suppose you offered to dress up like her in order to repay her."

"It was more of coercion with the threat of castration but that's the gist of it," Ichigo insisted, "I'm just trying to repay her for the trouble I caused."

"Do you have any proof that you didn't kidnap Chappy for perverse reasons? And don't try to trick me. I'm smart," the Pedo-Lion insisted.

…Are you sure? Are you _sure _that's the right word? Are you sure you're not – stupid – just because they both start with "S" doesn't mean they have the same meaning!...

Ichigo though for a moment before remembering something important. Sighing deeply, he pulled out a small recording device he managed to salvage from the bunny ears he'd been wearing. He rewound the tape and played it for Karakura King. The playback resounded loudly:

"_This is unacceptable! I will not stand for it!" _

"_Stand for what? What are you rambling about now?"_

"_I'm leaving this to you, Ichigo. Don't disappoint me. And don't kill him either! I'm signing off." _

"_Wait, what?! No, no! Don't leave me alone with him!" _

Under the Lion head mask, Kon's eyes widened when he recognized the voice of his beloved idol. Unbeknownst to Ichigo, tears began running down Kon's face as he fumbled for words, "So…your really not here to…destroy her reputation?"

With both hands, Ichigo pointed to his bunny suit and replied, "I am wearing…a thong! I could accomplish the _same feats_ in a pair of pants!"

Tilting his head to the side, Kon asked, "Why are you doing this then?"

"That's a very good question. One I keep asking myself every day!" Ichigo said, hanging his head in shame. Sighing, he continued "But really, it's because I never meant to hurt her. And I'm taking my punishment for it. Every. Single. Day."

…Well, as they say: Life's a bitch and then you die…or life's a bitch and then you get coerced by said bitch into becoming a bunny suited superhero. Life's fucked up like that…

"Wow," Kon replied, amazed and slightly jealous. "You've got it even worse than I do."

"Yeah, compared to you, I'm fucking Gandhi."

Kon chuckled and finally let himself relax. "I guess I really messed up this time. But I hope you understand why—".

A fist suddenly rammed into the lion head's face and he flew backwards. Ichigo stood over him, a triumphant look on his face. "Understanding doesn't mean I forgive you! This all could have been avoided if you had – oh, I don't know – _talked to be first_!"

"Hey! I was apologizing!" Kon grumbled as he picked himself up. "But I guess I deserved that. So, is Chappy…alright?"

Chappy Ichigo nodded firmly, smiling. "She got pretty beat up and can't do her work right now," he answered, "So, until she recovers fully. I'm taking over…whether I want to or not."

Relief washed over Kon and he shouted happily, "Thank God! Now I can keep my job and take as many pictures of her as I want!"

Ichigo's eyes widened and he grabbed Kon the remnants of his suit, shouting, "What'd you say?!"

Karakura King waved his arms and insisted, "Nothing! I didn't mention at all how I hang pictures of Chappy's luscious body in my bathroom for my viewing pleasure!...I really should learn to shut up…"

"Yes, you should!"

…Poor stupid Kon. You have unleashed overprotective super-powered anti-hero rage. Rest in pieces…

After several minutes of ruthless bludgeoning, Ichigo finally released Karakura King before beginning to walk away. Just before he got out of earshot, the bunny suited man turned back and whispered, "I never thought she could inspire people as much as she does."

He grinned at the image of Karakura Kings battered and bloody body and smiled to himself. "Even if some crazy stuff comes out of it. It must be nice to know that there are people who willing to do anything for you." Ichigo mused as he turned and entered the tunnel leading back to the Chappy Hole.

As he ran down the tunnel back to the manor he said, "But if that freak get within five feet of her ever again I'll have to unleash Rukia's psychotic maid on him!"

Unbeknownst to him, Karakura King slowly dragged himself away from the scene and toward the tunnel.

* * *

-The Chappy Hole-

Since the doors to the Chappy Hole hadn't been fixed yet, Ichigo was forced to squeeze himself back through the large doors leading to the tunnels. As usual, his torso got stuck, with it being so broad, and he twisted to get himself inside safely.

"It's always so tight here!" he groaned as he thrust himself forward and into the Hole. He rounded a corner and called out, "Mind explaining to me why you suddenly cut communication and…"

His words died out when he saw something out of place. Rukia wasn't in her noose! Ichigo sped toward the area she had been previously and frantically looked around. She was nowhere in sight. How could this have happened? Wasn't Shirayuki supposed to be guarding her?

Suddenly, Ichigo recalled the psychotic maid defeated attitude lately and realized that his teasing may have inadvertently weakened the castration mistress! Was this his fault? Had one of Rukia's enemies gotten to her? If so, then it he was to blame for her inability to protect herself!

"Dammit!" Ichigo swore as he resumed his search. No trace of a struggle but then again, in her condition it wouldn't be much of one. Running around in a panic, he reared his head back and desperately shouted, "RUKIA! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"Keep quiet! I'm concentrating!"

Ichigo gasped as he heard her voice. He whirled around to see Rukia, lying on the floor near the rabbit cages. He felt such relief at seeing her that his legs gave out and he crumpled to the floor. Taking a moment to rest, he finally looked up to see what she was doing.

Chappy Rukia – Defender of Justice – was very slowly doing push-ups while struggling to keep her pain under control. With all her might, she pushed up and lowered herself. Again she repeated it and continued to do so. All the while, Ichigo could only stare at her in amazement, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks as she smiled at her own accomplishment of ten push-ups.

"Nice job!" Ichigo congratulated.

He instantly regretted it when Rukia's concentration was broken and her hand slipped. Her body crashed into the hard floor and she grunted in exhaustion and pain. Very slowly, she turned her head to him and sent him the most terrifying glare he'd ever seen in his life. Before he could apologize, Rukia pointed at him.

"As soon as I can walk, I'm going wear you as a snow shoe!"

"I deserve that. Now can I please change." Ichigo insisted.

Raising an eyebrow, Rukia asked, "What happened to the wig?"

"We're not talking about the wig."

…Because if we did, we'd have to revisit the man-kini…and we are _not revisiting_…_the man-kini_!...

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**It's been so long and I missed you all terribly! So my play is finally over and now I have time again so I pulled a late nighter and did a simultaneous update of by my stories for you all! Check them the other story and enjoy it. **

**Yeah, I've been busy and didn't update for a while but I figured this gift would be nice for you all to enjoy! So Rukia's finally out of her noose and has begun to really recover! Plus Kon got the crap beat out of him. You know what this means? The Day = Saved**

**Also, thank you to everyone who review, fave/followed me. I can't say enough how much a review or a fave/follow really brighten my day. Thank you all for such amazing support and keep on smiling my beautiful readers!**

**And please review to let me know how you like the story!**


	21. My Little Chappy - Friendship Explicit

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

My Little Chappy – Friendship is Kind of Explicit Now

You know, there comes a time when friends need to have a chat with each other. Sometimes, it is only through talking with others that we realize that true friendship is not in the eye of the beholder but in the bosom or groin of the person you are with. For we all know the secret to living a happy life is to shut up and get undressed. Or possibly see a psychiatrist but that cost money.

This applies to all people, animals, aliens, the French, and anything in-between. The only real issue to work out is who will bring the beer and who's paying for the protection. And that, my friends is why far too many of us are single, alone, or God-forbid – Married!

Either that or we don't have enough money to pay a cute young prostitute to pretend to be Chappy for our office party…which is totally cool if it's handled by the right person!

I'm looking at you Derek! Your "Chappy" clocked in at over 300 pounds. Not cool bro! Not Cool!

* * *

-Karakura University-

"Was this really necessary? You could have taken a few more days off," Ichigo groaned.

"I'm fine with it." Rukia replied with a confident smile.

"Of course you are! You're not the one pushing the cart!"

Their fellow students stared as Ichigo used a dolly to cart around a large flat piece of wood with Rukia leaning against it to keep a straight back. As they noisily moved through the hall, she put on her best actress smile and waved to her classmates and admirers. It had been like this all day.

Shirayuki, wanting Rukia to continue her education, designed the dolly and wood combination to allow her mistress to get to and from class each day. Today was the first day they had tried it. Aside from the glares and whispers, it worked wonders. Rukia was propped up next to Ichigo in class and she even took her own notes. The entire time, Ichigo just scowled and tried to pretend his reputation still existed.

Now, as he wheeled her out toward the waiting limo, all he could think about was getting back to Rukia's manor and hiding in her Hole for a while. All the while, the students gossiped as to why the orange haired delinquent was the one pushing her.

"Do you think they're an item?" one student pondered.

"Or do you think he's the one who caused Ms. Kuchiki's car accident?!" another excited student surmised.

A nerdy student with glasses scoffed and confidently said, "Guys, guys…it's clear to us all that they're _aliens_ who have come to rape and impregnate our women, and probably enslave the men, in a mad quest for universal dominance!"

…

…

…How did you get into this story?! Seriously, who locked up last night because that fucker shouldn't be here! Security!...

Ichigo grit his teeth as he heard all the ridiculous claims. Well, apart from the item part which was what he was ultimately working toward. Come to think of it, Rukia hadn't really reacted to his confession of love when he told her about admiring her. Then again, what with the whole Perverted Lion thing, he wasn't really focused on it either. But that didn't stop him from wondering.

What did Rukia really think about him?

"Ichigo, stop!"

Responding to Rukia's words, he jerked to a halt. Luckily, Rukia was strapped to the wood and didn't go flying off. Ichigo jumped in front of her, prepared for whatever they had stopped for. Strangely, nothing seemed to be there. He turned and glared at her.

"What's with the urgent stop?! Are you trying to hurt yourself?" he sneered, as she frowned.

"Firstly, it would technically be _you_ who hurt _me_, _again_, so be more careful. Second, I told you to stop because—".

"RUKIA!" a bubbly voice shouted, making Ichigo whirl around in horror. Orihime rushed toward them, dragging Uryu by his arm. "I heard you go hurt! What happened?!" the busty girl said as she got closer.

Rukia giggled and replied, "A bit of trouble thanks to Mr. Dandelion. But I'll be fine with more physical therapy." Ichigo grumbled and looked away but she just smirked at him. Just because she couldn't move her spine didn't mean she didn't have power.

"I'm so glad! I thought this might be permanent!" Orihime shouted as she finally unhinged herself from Uryu and moved to give Rukia one of her signature bone crushing hugs. Rukia's eyes widened and she gasped, preparing for the pain.

However, Ichigo quickly grabbed the dolly and moved it aside at the last second and Orihime caught nothing but air. She stumbled and fell forward but luckily she had a pair of huge airbags to, somewhat, break her fall. Ichigo winced and guilt welled up before a hand smacked him from behind.

"Why did you do that to my friend?!" Rukia growled as she swiped at him again, barely missing her target.

"Hey, it was your spine or her balance! I chose the one that was more durable to hit the floor!" Ichigo retorted, matching the glare she was giving him.

Suddenly, an icy presence appeared behind Ichigo and a chill ran down his spine. "Be that as it may, I still can't overlook you letting my fiancé fall like that," a menacing voice replied. Ichigo slowly turned around to see Uryu, pushing up his glasses with this middle finger, a deadly look in his eyes.

"Oh honey, its fine. I kinda went overboard and Ichigo was just trying to keep Rukia safe." Orihime picked herself up with no problems and even smiled and winked at Rukia. Uryu turned and smiled at her before taking her into his arms. All the while, Ichigo and Rukia were frozen in shock.

"That's another thing I love about you. Not only are you forgiving but understanding as well."

"Will you leave him be then? Rukia might be upset if my fiancé roughs up her beau."

"Anything you want, sweetie." Uryu turned his head and glared at Ichigo, "We may be friends but if she hadn't have been so understand, I would have done something unspeakable to you, Ichigo."

Orihime wrapper her arms around her fiancé and giggled, "You're so protective. It makes me love you even more."

"Then I'll protect you from even the tiniest of germs if it means receiving your love." Uryu replied with a sweet smile. They leaned in and kissed passionately, the room heating up with their fiery display of affection.

…Okay, does anyone else want to gouge their eyes out with a spoon at this 'display' of affection? Seriously, we've stayed quiet for long enough! We need some fother-mucking angst!...

During the "lovely" exchange, Ichigo and Rukia stared in complete shock. Their two best friends made out for nearly an entire minute before breaking apart for air, a new record! As the happy couple turned back to their shocked friends, Ichigo struggled to form words.

"Who did you…how did you…why are you…when did you—", a smack on the back of his head from Rukia's hand rang out, "When did this happen?!"

Orihime blushed and Uryu smiled at her before replying, "Well, on the day that we met—".

"Which was three days ago mind you," Ichigo reminded them.

"—We decided to go out for a pleasant evening at Charlie's – The Mexican Restaurant What Has Italian." Uryu continued, his fingers lacing between Orihime's. "After a fantastic sushi dish, we went back to my place for a few drinks. And well, one thing led to another…"

"We're engaged!" Orihime shouted as she proudly lifted her left hand to show a diamond ring on a specific finger. "But don't worry, we're taking it slow."

…No, no you're not! There are speed-dating places that work slower than you! The Flash is a fucking tortoise compared to the speed of your relationship! God himself would go, "Damn bitch, you fast" and that's from freaking God! This is not the angst we were looking for!...

Rukia's jaw practically dropped but her friend looked at her expectedly, she had no choice. "I-I'm s-so happy for y-you, really."

Her voice was shaky and nervous but only Ichigo seemed to notice. As the orange haired man turned to give her a questioning look, Rukia gave him a stern shake of the head, clearly meaning 'don't fucking ask about it!'. With no other options, and being indebted to the petite superheroine, Ichigo had no choice but to smile awkwardly at Uryu and his fiancé.

"Well, uh, nice work, Uryu! Never figured you'd get married before me!" his enthusiasm was so false that any normal person would see through it but the lovely couple was too busy staring into each other's eyes.

"Speak of relationships," Uryu said, "How are things with you and Rukia going? First or second base? Or have you already progressed to third?"

Oddly enough, his tone was genuine and not condescending in the least, which only added to the embarrassment. Cheeks flushed as Ichigo and Rukia refused to answer, or make eye contact. Simultaneously, Uryu and Orihime's eyes widened as they looked between their two closest friends.

"You can't be serious," Orihime said, utterly stunned, "We figured you'd be way ahead of us by now! You've been dating longer than we have!"

Ichigo and Rukia fidgeted and continued to avoid any kind of contact.

"Yeah, well…"

"Things happen…"

"Not to you people," Uryu chided, "It happens to us though."

"Repeatedly," Orihime corrected.

"How many times is repeatedly?!" Rukia nearly shouted, eyes bulging.

"North of twenty."

Rukia and Ichigo shared a frantic look before shouting in unison, "HOW?!"

...We're going ignore how dumb this question is, in favor of its validity…because while we really want to know the answer, we also really _don't_ want to know the answer…

Orihime blushes and smiles sweetly at Uryu before answering, "Well, you start by getting naked—".

"We don't need to know this part!" Ichigo and Rukia shouted in unison again.

"Yes, you do. Because _this_ is not happening and _that_ is what you're doing wrong." Uryu told them with a frown as he slipped out of his fiancé's reach and approaching his friend. "Ichigo, a word please?"

He grabbed his orange haired friend by the collar and practically dragged him away. At the same time, Rukia was approached by Orihime.

Uryu got Ichigo a good distance away before looking him in the eye. After staring for a few too many seconds, the dark haired man sighed and shook his head. "You haven't even kissed her yet," it wasn't a question but a statement and they both knew it.

Flabbergasted, Ichigo sputtered, "H-H-How did you know?!"

"You just told me," Uryu replied as Ichigo scowled, "I thought things were going well between you."

"Yeah, well…Let's just say our relationship it a wall," Ichigo fidgeted as he spoke, "A brick wall more specifically."

"Why a brick wall?"

"Because she…kinda—".

-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-

"You crashed through a brick wall?!" Orihime practically shouted as Rukia recalled the events. "And Ichigo did this to you?" She gasps suddenly, "Does this have to do with the whole superheroine thing? I kind of lost track about that I went overseas. Chappy just isn't popular in other countries for some reason."

Rukia rolled her eyes and said, "That's because Chappy only exists here in Japan, which should be illegal."

"Chappy should be illegal in Japan?"

"No, that's not what I…Let's just get back on topic I don't want to get into that right now. Yes, the crashing through a wall was because of the superhero thing."

"Yay!" Orihime squealed in joy. Rukia gave her friend a death glare and she finally seemed to get it. "Oh, that's right this is ouchy stuff! But I thought that since you both were super-people then you'd make a great couple."

Rukia suddenly froze. Her friend's words kept ringing in her head. She slowly turned to see Orihime smiling brightly but tilting her head in confusion. Looking around carefully to see if anyone might overhear, the raven haired superheroine whispered, "How do you know about that?! I never told you anything about Ichigo being my nemesis!"

"Well, yeah but," Orihime glanced over to Uryu and blushed before saying, "Uryu and I don't have secrets with each other. So we kind confessed all we know about the two of you."

"You told him I was Chappy!" Rukia nearly screamed, trying to free herself so she could stop her friend. A stinging pain stopped her and she groaned. Her friend instantly coddled her and patted her head.

"No, no. You've got it all wrong, Rukia. I didn't tell him you were Chappy." Orihime insisted, continually patting her friend's head. Rukia allowed a wave of relief to wash over her before, "Uryu told me how Ichigo told him about you being Chappy and stalking you for the last few months."

Too many things came to Rukia's blown mind that all she could spout was, "Uh, um, that, could, follow, me, who, how, WHAT!" She gritted her teeth and narrowed her eyes toward the men. "Uryu was stalking me! I don't even know him!"

"Actually, it was Ichigo who was stalking you," Orihime corrected, earning a confused but understanding look from Rukia. "Is that better?"

"…Kinda?" she confessed, "I knew he was keeping an eye on me but stalking? That's a bit extreme."

Orihime smiled again and patted her friend gently. "Shouldn't you be more proud of yourself? I mean, he _is _your slave now. You pretty much domesticated a stalker! That makes things okay, right?"

"Well…I guess it feeling kinda…nice?"

"Oh, and if it worth anything, the way Uryu described it was very sweet."

"…Really?" Rukia asked earnestly.

"Well, yeah! He told me that Ichigo always kept an eye on you when you walked near some of the dark alleys on campus. He even got into a few fights with people who were trying to capture you because of their crazy infatuations."

As Orihime continued to ramble and defend Ichigo's suspicious behavior, Rukia thought back to all the times that Ichigo had been caught fighting on campus. Ironically, she had been around for most of them, or perhaps it wasn't so ironic anymore. She had just thought he was a delinquent that like to beat up other punks. Had he been secretly keeping watch over her that long?

Come to think of it, there had once been a group of people protesting Chappy on campus that he seemingly attacked at random. She remembered because she was gonna take them on herself but when she got there, Ichigo had beaten them into the pavement. He said that it was because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time and nearly got expelled for it. It didn't make sense at the time but now? He must have known that she could defend herself and her reputation but still he did it.

Was his declaration of love to her a few days ago…actually legit?

"I mean, with all that attention and obvious affection for you, I'd have thought he'd at least declare his undying love for you by now."

Rukia snapped back to their conversation but slowly turned away as a light blush crept over her face. "Well, it's not that he…didn't tell me _something_ along those lines." Orihime perked up and a brilliant smile broke out as she got right in her best friend's face.

"That's means that—!"

-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-

"—you confessed your love for her after bashing her through a brick wall and breaking her spine?" Uryu asked, entirely confused. Ichigo slowly nodded with a broken smile while his friend's head sank. "Do you have any concept of timing?"

Ichigo's face was beat red and he groaned as he turned away. "Look, it just kind of came out. We were in her hole and—". Suddenly he stopped and Uryu lifted his head but his jaw stayed on the floor. "I mean her Chappy Hole!" Ichigo defended.

"You did it with her in the suit? Bold, I must say."

"No! We—".

-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-

"—bonded together after telling stories of our origins," Rukia finished explaining to Orihime. "But now we're in this whole Master and Slave relationship thing—".

"Oh, Uryu and I have that too!"

"Never say that again, and _not like that_!"

Orihime pouts and hung her head, looking up at Rukia with puppy dog eyes. "So, we can't go shopping for gimps suits together?"

"No! Why would you—No! It's not like that! I've never even seen him naked! How would I know what size to—!"

"Oh, that reminds me, I have to ask Uryu about the banana thing," Orihime interrupted, earning another petrified look from the raven haired superheroine. "He mentioned wanting to try new things and—".

-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-

"—long story short, we decided to use maple syrup instead of chocolate ice cream," Uryu explained to his confused and utterly shocked friend. "So, you two are stuck in rut and can't get out of it?" he questioned as Ichigo fervently defended his still virginity, much to both their dismays. The orange haired young man leaned against the wall and snuck a peek at Rukia, his features softening.

"I just don't want to lie to her anymore. Hell, she asked me about why I took the hit on her and I…"

"And you told her the truth, right?"

"Of course I did! I told her everything!"

"Everything?" Uryu said with a sharp glare.

Ichigo jerked back at the comment and rubbed his neck nervously. He glanced back to Rukia before leaning into his friend to whisper. "Okay, so I omitted the part about snuggling with her breast piece but that's all." His friend gave him another sideways glance so he added, "And the little known fact about me following—".

"Stalking…"

"—alright fine, _stalking_ her! But it was purely for—".

-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-

"—selfish reasons?! I don't see how keeping my feelings to myself is selfish," Rukia said folding her arms as she lay propped up.

…So sorry to interrupt but what the fuck is up with the "-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-" bullshit?! Just let the scene flow naturally because it's making this part very hard to follow! We don't know whose fucking who and it's getting annoying! Stop it!…

Orihime gave her friend a sweet smile and said, "He told you he loves you, right? And you didn't tell him anything? But don't you feel the same?"

Rukia glanced over at Ichigo, who was yelling at his friend in frustration, and sighed. "I-I don't know. I mean, I do really care about him but…he sent me flying through a wall! He was so forceful he broke my spine!"

"He certainly rocked your world!" Orihime said with a sly grin.

"Yeah," Rukia replied with a devilish grin before shaking her head. "No! That's not the point!" She took a deep breath to calm herself and get all sorts sexually related images of Ichigo out of her mind. "It's mainly that I'm conflicted about what to do when I'm fully healed…do I kill him or not?"

"Well, definitely don't kill him! He's your only hope for love!" Her words made Rukia narrow her eyes at her friend. "What? Have you met your maid?"

"Let's not go there right now."

"Oh, is it because Ichigo broke her?"

"How do you know that?!"

"I stay in touch," Orihime answered, whipping out her cell for emphasis. "But that's what I mean. Ichigo's the only guy to go up against your maid and walk away still a man. He did that for you. Isn't that worth something?"

Rukia listened carefully with her eyes downcast. It was true that Ichigo had always been different to her. He didn't clamber to be noticed by her, unlike everyone else she'd met. He enjoyed making fun of her and arguing pointless things, just the way she did. Even when he turned out to be her greatest nemesis, it was all just to help her and keep her safe.

Not to mentions that he had stunning good looks and admired her for being the greatest superheroine of all time. All in all, without the whole back-breaking incident, she'd probably have been all over him by now. Was she really not going after him simple because of a stupid little grudge?

…Because having your spine broken by your boyfriend is totally grounds for wanting him even more…Even abstinent people would call her a complicated and conflicted woman who needs a good fuck!..

Orihime smiled as she saw the boy finish their conversation and begin moving toward them. "Listen Rukia, you never been interested in other guys before. Ichigo may have made a mistake but in the end, all that matter is that you like each other. That and how we all know you're both dying for the chance to lose your V-cards."

Rukia's jaw nearly dropped as Orihime leaned in and whispered huskily, "Trust me, it hurts at first but then it'll start to feel _soooo_ good afterward!"

Before Rukia could respond, the guys returned and she threw on a nervous smile as Ichigo walked up to her. Uryu resumed his place at his fiancé's side and they looped arms and laced fingers again. Rukia looked at them with jealously and stole a glance at Ichigo's hand, almost reaching for it. However, when the orange haired young man turned to her, she retracted her hand and abruptly slapped him instead.

"Hurry up, asshole! We need to get home before Shirayuki sends the feds after us. Or worse, comes to find us herself!"

Her sudden outburst masked her embarrassment but Ichigo growled and shouted in her face, "You could just ask you psycho midget! If you weren't laid up, I'd teach you to have a little respect for the guy who wheels you around everywhere!"

She scoffed and replied, "Whatever. Let's just go." She turned to the happy couple and said, "Bye Orihime, good luck with whole, uh, marriage thing."

"You too!"

Rukia giggled but Ichigo grumbled as he tilted the wood and began wheeling her away. A long silence followed their departure, until he heard Rukia shift on the panel and heard her suppressing her voice.

"What do want now? Need to stop at a restroom or something?" Ichigo asked, still reeling from their argument and his friend's discussion. A pause followed his question and he was about to ask it again when he heard Rukia laugh. Not her fake schoolgirl laugh but a genuine one that he only heard a few times before.

"What's so funny?!" he demanded, unsure if it was a good or bad thing she was hysteric right now.

Slowly, her laughter died down and she said, "It's nothing really, just…" she laughed loudly again before finally forcing out.

"I tamed my stalker!"

The laughter continued for a moment before a loud crash followed as Ichigo threw himself out the nearby window.

* * *

Orihime furiously waved as her friends moved farther and farther into the distance. When they heard the ominous crashing of glass, Uryu and Orihime grinned at each other before wrapping themselves in each other's arms.

"So, how long before they actually acknowledge their feelings?" Orihime pondered.

"Probably not until Rukia's all healed and Ichigo stops being a pansy. So really, it's anyone's guess," Uryu replied, snuggling into her.

"True, but then again," she leaned closer into him, "Women tend to be driven by more _carnal_ desires," Orihime said as she traced the edge of her fiancé's chest with her finger. "Love and lust go hand-in-hand. You taught me that."

They smiled as they kissed passionately, the heat from their bodies nearly scorching the halls.

…Oh, come on! Would someone throw a fucking pie for God's sake!...

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Hello again my beautiful readers! Finals are finally done! (You see what I did there?) And now I am officially graduated from college and ready for the big…wide…scary…unrelenting…cruel…world. You know never mind, I want to go back to my happy place! But that's why I have you all, isn't it?**

**Anyway, here's another chapter for you and I'm working hard on more. I've solidified the remaining chapters, which are quite a few so don't get depressed quite yet. But we are officially over half-way done! We may be approaching the climax but even after that I've got a few surprises for you all! **

**Please leave a review because they keep my creative juices flowing and keep on smiling my beautiful readers! **


	22. This is the Filler Chapter

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

* * *

This is the Filler Chapter

What?

If Kubo can get away with putting in the Shusuke Amagai Arc in the middle of the Hueco Mundo Arc, then we can do that too! Just very differently because ours will still kinda connect back to the main story…so kinda like the Bount Arc but absolutely nothing like the Bount Arc.

Confused? We are too.

* * *

-Urahara Apartments-

Ichigo climbed the stairs to the apartment and sighed heavily. After dropping Rukia off at her mansion, he had decided to come straight home. The day's events replayed in his mind, her laughter at the discovery of his stalk—er, following. Pushing forward, Ichigo opened the door to the apartment and was greeted by a strange sight.

Covering every inch of the apartment was a white powder-like substance that was reminiscent of snow and most of the place was burnt and torn apart.

Dropping his bag, Ichigo shouted, "What the hell happened here?! It looks like Christmas in here!"

…What kind of fucked up Christmas' do _you _have?!...

Rushing inside, Ichigo made it to the kitchen and stopped when he saw Zangetsu staring down at the stove. His clothes were torn and battered, parts of his body and hair were singed as well. Oddly enough, the kitchen itself was mostly undamaged but that was probably due to the fireproof paneling that Ichigo installed to protect them from his uncle's cooking.

"Uncle Zangetsu—".

Zangetsu held up a finger to silence his nephew, which Ichigo consented to. A moment later, the strange uncle picked up a bowl in one hand and a box of cereal in the other. Ichigo eyes widened and he tried to stop his uncle but it was too late. The moment the cereal hit the bowl, it burst into flames and covered Zangetsu's body.

Thinking fast, Ichigo ran to the closet of fire extinguishers and discovered only one remaining. He grabbed it and hosed down his uncle for the umpteenth time in his life. The white powder all over the apartment was now clearly the remains of the man missing fire extinguishers. Zangetsu wiped the white fluff from his face and spit out some from his mouth.

"Well done. I could have died."

"Why are we out of fire extinguishers?! We had a whole closet full just a few days ago!"

The strange uncle wrung his long hair out and replied, "This is what happens when you leave me alone to fend for myself for so long."

"I was spending time with Rukia!" Zangetsu perked up at those words but Ichigo quickly glared at him. "No, we haven't had sex yet."

The strange uncle's happiness faded and he said, "So, I've been getting caught on fire and allowing the stove to break for nothing then?"

"I guess? Wait, you broke the stove?!"

"Technically, if you had manned up and done the deed, this—", he pointed to the charred surroundings, "would not have happened. Your ineptitude as a man has murdered our kitchen. This is coming out of your allowance."

"You don't give me an allowance."

"You're still paying for all this."

"How? Now that my contract with the mob is fulfilled, I don't have a job."

"Get one. The economy isn't that bad."

"You know that if I get a job, I'll be leaving you alone more often."

"I'll dig into my saving then."

Ichigo groaned and slumped down onto the powdery couch before abruptly standing up from the wetness. Again he groaned but this time he leaned against the wall. Zangetsu got a towel and cleaned himself off. He tossed another to Ichigo, how used it on his wet backside.

"So what happened this time?" Zangetsu suddenly asked, making his nephew raise an eyebrow. "You're making a scene about the apartment nearly burning down, again. Normally you just shrug it off. Something more distressing must be on your mind."

…I feel like we've been here before. Have we been here before?...

Ichigo grumbled and tossed the towel aside, running his hand through his hair in annoyance. "Well, let's just say that things aren't exactly going so well with Rukia right now," he said, not making an attempt to hide his distress.

"But you've been spending so much non-vigilante time with her. What's going on?" the strange uncle asked, genuinely concerned. Ichigo leaned back against the wall again and sighed.

"Well, she kinda, sorta found out about my obsessive following—".

"Stalking?"

"—stalking of her, yes!"

Zangetsu nodded in understanding, smiled and said, "Look at it this way, you managed to get back home with both testis and the sandworm so it can't be all that bad—".

"I threw myself out the third floor window of the university."

"Okay, never mind. That makes more sense," the uncle admitted, "But what happened after that? I thought you had to wheel her around just to get her to class."

Ichigo cringed and said, "Yeah, I kinda had to climb back up three flights of stairs and wheel her out. And the whole damn time all she did was laugh at me! Like I'm some sideshow freak!" He pounded his fist into the wall, grunting.

"Hmm," his uncle wondered, "What else does she have you doing?"

Ichigo froze and didn't even have the strength to retract his fist. For nearly a minute, he stood there in that pose, looking even more foolish than his window crashing earlier. Zangetsu watched him closely and walked over to him, patting him on the shoulder.

The contact made Ichigo snap out of his daze and he slumped against the wall before replying, "Well, uh, she's been having me…take on her, uh, duties as a superhero…so to speak."

Zangetsu stroked his chin and replied, "But that's a good thing, isn't it? It means that she trusts you, so things can't be as bad as you—Oh God, she made you dress in drag and do the hoola?"

"Worse!"

"She made you dress like Chappy and shout 'Justice!' in the wee hours of the morning?"

"Yes."

"Oh, I see."

Clenching his fists tightly, Ichigo slowly nodded and his uncle patted him on the shoulder. He turned to see his uncle smiling gently before saying, "Tell me one thing Ichigo. Is she smiling for you?"

Thinking back on it, all Ichigo could envision was Rukia's cheeky grin, warm smile and devilish smirk. He got to see a part of her that no one else would ever get to see, at least not in public. Even with all the pain he caused her, she still managed to smile and laugh for and with him. He never realized how precious that was until now.

A bright smile overtook his lips and Ichigo replied, "Yeah, she is."

"Then isn't that worth all the humiliation, death threats, possible castration, window jumping, and fire extinguishing?" Zangetsu posed to him.

…No, it not! Or at least it shouldn't be! But since no one in this story has proper sense then I'm guessing...

"Yeah, I suppose it is," Ichigo replied, wrapping his arm around his uncle.

…If anyone needs me, I'll be in the next room. Choking on my rage...

Zangetsu returned the embrace and pulled back from his nephew. He opened the drawer and pulled out a phone book. Flipping to the restaurant page, the strange uncle handed the book to his nephew and said, "You choose dinner tonight."

With a slight smile, Ichigo looked in the book and found one he recognized. "Uryu told me about this place – Charlie's The Mexican Restaurant What Has—".

"Anything but that one," Zangetsu pleaded, "I hate their Chinese Poo Poo Platter. I comes with real poo poo!"

* * *

-The Chappy Hole-

Rukia lay on the grass in a corner of the Chappy Hole, her furry rabbit friends frolicking around her. She would often come here just to get away and remember her roots. The furry little creatures hopped around her and rubbed their noses against her, making her smile and forget her worries. The artificial sunlight lamp above them made the time here relaxing and enjoyable, without the need to ever go outside and face the harshness of being outdoors.

…Because fuck nature?...

The superheroine smirked suddenly before pushing her arms underneath her chest and pushing herself up. Her legs stretched out, she began doing numerous push-ups in an attempt to rebuild her strength. It began with normal push-ups but evolved into the one handed version, then the push-up into clapping hands before catching herself.

She and Ichigo had parted ways over the weekend and now that Sunday evening was upon her, Rukia reflected on how much she'd trained over that time. Push-ups for thirty minutes after waking up, followed by sit-ups and curl-ups for two hours, handstand push-ups just after lunch, climbing the rope that once was her noose, and finishing out the day with relaxation/push-up time with her rabbit brethren.

Then came the walking, the horrible, horrible walking!

That had been the most difficult part of rehabilitation. The first time she attempted to get up and walk, she had been lucky that Shirayuki had been there to catch her. If not, she would be re-recovering from her injuries. After that, she used a rail to hold herself up while she walked. Each step sent a jolt of pain through her entire body and under her breath she kept muttering the same thing with each painful step.

"I'm gonna _kill _Ichigo! Break _his_ fucking legs and throw him in a _river_!"

Like a mantra, she repeated those words and they gave her strength. After three whole days of forcing herself to walk around the Chappy Hole,

All the while, Shirayuki looked with proud eyes. A normal woman would have taken months to heal but Rukia was almost back up to full health in only a few weeks. Particularly over this weekend she had been able to walk upright all on her own, something Unohana had predicted would take another two weeks. Not only that, the mantra that Rukia chanted gave the faithful maid hope for future castration.

Now, while Rukia was continually improving her push-up techniques, Shirayuki switched on the vacuum and began to clean the Chappy Hole. The noise made all the nearby rabbits panic and flee into their rabbit homes. Rukia sighed and picked herself up, using a Chappy towel to dry her head off as she approached her maid.

"Shirayuki!" she shouted, a few feet from the maid. Shirayuki looked up and stared at her mistress. "What are you doing?! You're scaring the rabbits!" Rukia called out over the sound of the vacuum.

Shirayuki blinked rapidly, obviously not hearing her. "What?! I can't hear you!" the faithful maid shouted, still extending the vacuum out and cleaning the dirt off the floor of the cave.

"I said! You're scaring the rabbits and keeping me from my goal!"

"The rabbits did what to the goat?!"

"No! No! I said! You're distracting me from my goal!"

Shirayuki narrowed her eyes and called back, "You leave the goat alone Lady Rukia! We need its milk for the rabbits!" Rukia face-palmed and took a deep breath.

Just as she began to scream, Shirayuki switched off the vacuum and was blasted with, "I said! You're scaring the goats and keeping me from the rabbits! No, wait! I mean…"

…Well, that's not creepy at all, now is it? Freudian Slip or anger induced mistake? Coincidence? You decide!…

She trailed off as she realized there was no need to yell and that the noise had ceased. Shirayuki narrowed her eyes harder and glared at her charge. Taking a step forward and towering over Rukia, the maid calmly said, "Lady Rukia, there is no need to use such a volume with me. The goat will be fine and the rabbits will return shortly."

As if on cue, the rabbits poked their heads out from their little homes and began frolicking again. Shirayuki pointed them out and glared at her mistress. Rukia sighed and wiped the sweat from her head.

"Never mind then," she turned to get back to training when she thought of something, "Shirayuki, what are you doing?"

The faithful maid began putting the vacuum away and produced a large bucket with several cleaning supplies from her kimono sleeve.

"The Chappy Hole has been sullied with the essence of the man who knows love."

"You mean Ichigo?"

"Please refrain from using that creatures name in my presence, Lady Rukia." She pulled out various spray bottles, "Now, if you will excuse me, I must cleanse your Hole of all impurities."

And with that, she began cleaning the walls and floor vigorously. Rukia shrugged and turned to get back to her training when Shirayuki coughed on purpose, making her turn back to the maid. The faithful servant pointed to a second bucket with cleaning supplies and gave her mistress a frightful glare. In response, Rukia sent her coldest stare back at her maid.

"Shirayuki, it's a cave. It's supposed to be dark, grimy and completely disgusting. There is no need for either of us to—".

"Lady Rukia, do you remember when we first had this cave installed underground?" Rukia immediately shut her mouth as her eyes widened. Shirayuki continued, "I told you that if we got you a cave, you would take care of it. Clean it, furnish it, maintain it, keep the mini-bar stocked—".

"We have a mini-bar?"

"—sharpen the various castration tools—".

"That was your job! Besides, I've been busy! Being a superheroine takes away all my free time and—".

Shirayuki sighed and cut her off, "I know that, Lady Rukia. That is why I have been so kind as to maintain it in your stead. But now that you are finally free to assist me this once, I feel that you should also bear the responsibility."

Rukia wanted to argue but knew that it was no good. However, she did have a flawless backup plan. She softened her gaze and replied, "Shirayuki, if I were in perfect health I would certainly help. But getting down on my knees to help service you would only make me ache."

"Do not fear, Lady Rukia. I will make it pleasurable for both us."

…Someone get a fucking camera!...

Rukia gave an unpleasant sigh and pleaded, "Please, Shirayuki. I promise to be more mindful of this in the future."

In all honesty, she wasn't really lying. Her back already ached from her rigorous workout and the thought of cleaning her Hole sent shivers down her spine. Much to her surprise, Shirayuki did not attempt to sway her. Instead, the faithful maid only let a devilish smile overtake her features while she stood up and put away her cleaning tools.

"I can see you're serious, so let's make a trade then."

From her sleeve, Shirayuki produced a large pair of sheers with oddly placed rust spots on it. She slowly approached her charge and held out the ominous clippers to her. Instinctively, Rukia took a step back, glaring at the weapon with disgust.

Shirayuki held the handle out for her and said, "In exchange for allowing you to rest and relax with the rabbits, I demand that you bring me the head of Ichigo Kurosaki!"

"I thought you didn't want his name to be spoken?"

"Oh God, I broke my own taboo! Wait, don't try to dodge the point!" the maid insisted trying to hand the sheers to her, "This is the only way for you to get out of cleaning."

Rukia's gaze turned fierce and she knocked the clippers away, making them clatter to the floor. Shirayuki stood wide-eyed as her mistress marched past her and picked up the second bucket of cleaning supplies. Taking a sponge and cleaning bottle from the bucket, Rukia walked over to one of the many tables in the Hole and began spraying it with cleaner.

Whipping her head around, the superheroine replied, "I will stay standing to avoid reinjuring myself but I will assist with the cleaning."

Inside Shirayuki's mind, a nuclear explosion was going off. Rukia had never so much as picked up a dust rag but now she was willingly allowing herself to clean. And all for this Kurosaki boy! How was it that the boy continued to torture and molest the faithful maid's way of life even when he wasn't on the premises?!

Picking up the sheers, Shirayuki slowly walked up to Rukia with a nervous smile. "Y-You know. You wouldn't have to do this at all if—".

"I refuse. I'm not cutting off his head."

"Just his penis then?"

"Still no."

"I'll settle for an arm! No, a finger! Just one finger!"

"Tempting but, no."

"You will never have to clean ever again! I promise."

…If Hell had nine circles of desperation, Shirayuki would be like at the 45th circle, wouldn't she? Actually, if not for the whole castration thing, we might have felt sorry for her. A little…

To the maid horror, she found Rukia actually smiling as she continued to clean. It wasn't a grin of mischievous nature but a real smile, like she was enjoying the cleaning! And then the humming began. Her mistress was actually humming a delightful tune while cleaning and it sounded…joyous!

As Rukia continued to clean, she said, "You know, I never realized how fun cleaning was." Shirayuki's eyes widened in horror as her mistress continued, "I don't know why I never tried this before; it's easy, fun and relaxing. I get why so many women want to become housewives now. In fact, I could really get used to this—".

"NO!"

The faithful maid snatched the cleaning supplies from Rukia's hand and forced her away from the table she had been cleaning. Although startled, the superheroine let her maid push her back toward the grassy area with the rabbits.

"Shirayuki? What's wrong?"

"Never again! I will not have my fate be your own!" She shoved Rukia onto the grass and turns back to the cleaning supplies. Pulling a gun from her sleeve, she repeatedly fires upon all the cleaning utensils. Rukia silently watched and saw that Shirayuki's face was flushed and she was fighting back tears.

After the firing ceased the maid turned back and shouted, "You will never do anything for yourself again! You will remain pure and beautiful and strong and independent! I won't let you become a housewife!" She wiped away the moisture from her eyes.

Rukia sighed and said, "You worry too much. I won't become a housewife just because—".

"Silence!" Shirayuki commanded, pointing at the gun at her, "You are going to sit here and train you ass off until you can fight crime and mercilessly destroy your enemies."

"But—".

"No excuses! Now get back to training or I will fucking shoot you!"The faithful maid stood there, pointing the gun aggressively and watched her charge, unmoving.

Slowly, Rukia smiled at her and nodded, getting down to do her push-up routine again. As she resumed her training, Shirayuki at least breathed a great sigh of relief, replaced her gun in her sleeve and gathered her cleaning supplies. She glanced back at her mistress' training before nodding firmly and exiting the Chappy Hole.

Unbeknownst to her, Rukia was grinning from ear to ear. One fluffy white rabbit hopped up to her. She stopped to get it and said, "That went better than I expected. No wonder Ichigo was able to break her."

...Wow! Rukia, you clever bitch! But now I must ask, where did that scene take us?! Nowhere! Is this like the nothing chapter or something?…

* * *

-Charlie's – The Mexican Restaurant What Has Italian-

The door slowly opened and a man with lampshade style, black hair entered the restaurant. His bright green eyes pierced through the server waiting to seat him and froze the man in place.

"Excuse me, I believe Mr. Grimmjow is waiting for me," the man with green eyes said.

"Oh yes, Mr. Ulquiorra! Right this way."

The server led him to a table with Grimmjow already waiting, a large Poo Poo Platter laid out for both of them. Wordlessly, Ulquiorra sat on the opposite side of the table and allowed the waiter to pour him a glass of red wine. He signaled when the glass was half-full and glanced to his associate.

"Let's eat then," Grimmjow said, already fixing his plate.

Ulquiorra calmly filled his own plate and quietly ate while his associate stuffed his face as well. They sipped wine and ate plentifully, filling themselves completely. The check came and Grimmjow took it, looked it over and said, "Can you pay half?"

"Don't you own this establishment?" Ulquiorra inquired, finishing his wine.

"Yeah but I still have to pay for food I eat. Import costs are going up."

"I see." Ulquiorra tossed a few bills on the table and the waiter took them eagerly. "This was nice. We should do this again sometime."

"I know," Grimmjow agreed, "Where you headed to now?"

"America. I have business there," Ulquiorra replied, getting up and putting his coat on.

"Have a safe flight!"

And with that, Ulquiorra departed the restaurant. His stomach full and his bags packed for his flight on his personal jet.

… Okay, what the fuck was that?! Something entirely pointless just happened and now the next chapter will probably be back to normal like it never happened! What kind of crazy bastard would do this just fill time and—Oh _that's_ what were making fun of! Wow, we dedicated an entire chapter to that. That's kinda sad...but it's kinda empowering. Like we have control over the whole story—Oh God _that's_ why people make filler. Yeah, I don't blame them…

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Yeah, it's completely a filler chapter to tide you over until I can release the next chapter. However, the scenes with Ichigo/Zangetsu and Rukia/Shirayuki were ones I wanted to include but couldn't find a way. Then a friend suggested making a filler chapter and I thought, "I'm gonna piss off so many people…" But I did it anyway. **

**This was just a fun thing for me to do and I hope you at least enjoyed the comedy. Next chapter will be up next week to coincide with the release of steel man movie. Please leave a review and have a great day my beautiful readers!**


	23. The Man-Kini of Steel

The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

**EDIT: A special thanks to KazumaKaname for pointing out a rather important vocabulary mistake. Thanks again and enjoy the story!**

* * *

The Man-kini of Steel

Time passes by so quickly. With time, all things are healed. Hearts. Minds. Relationships. Spines. Time also brings war-torn hearts together, as well as helping to get through a rough patch in writers block. However, for time to heal certain things, a bit of monetary assistance is needed. After all, if your precious HD television is damaged, do you expect that just sitting there and waiting will make it miraculously be restored to perfect—Jesus Christ, what is up with that title?!

Seriously, I just glanced up at it to be sure I was narrating the right chapter and…damn! Hello subject of my nightmares for the next decade!

* * *

-Underground Passageway-

"Yeah, I won't be coming into work today either. I'm following a huge Chappy lead…Yes, I'm still doing that! What else would I ever give you? What the hell would I take pictures of a charity fundraiser? Wait, will there be nudity? Then no. Alright, I'll have something by tomorrow."

Kon snapped his phone shut and sighed, "Lost down here all weekend and I still don't know where the Chappy Cave is! These tunnels go on forever but they have to connect somewhere!"

…Never thought I'd say this…but it's 'Hole'. Chappy Hole…He can't hear me…

Getting up and putting on his Karakura King lion head piece, Kon continued his search through the dimly lit tunnels. He was still dressed in his torn up Karakura King suit, not having been able to change since his fight with Chappy Ichigo. The man-kini underneath proudly showed but since no one was around, he didn't let it get to him.

Traversing this place had been harder than he anticipated. He'd gone up every latter he'd encountered and see places of town he didn't know existed. The library was a fascinating discovery for him, as was the Live Nude Club he came to just a few moments later, oddly enough right across the street.

However, after seeing Chappy's perfectly formed body in her Chappy Suit, no stripper or playboy bunny girl would ever be enough to match her greatness. The thought of taking endless pictures of her secret place made him giddy as a schoolboy and that kept his enthusiasm going as he continued down the tunnels.

He was so pumped that he barely noticed as he body collided with very large metal door. Shaking off the sudden shock of impact, he slowly panned his vision upward to see that the door had an odd symbol on it. A crudely drawn picture of a bunny's face with a smile on it.

"Chappy's sign!" he pointed and shouted, "Then this must be—!"

Unable to contain his joy, Kon shouted at the top his lungs and did a dance that only a mentally handicapped monkey would find to be even slightly amusing. As he pumped his arms and spun around, the grand finale of his dance, he spotted a terminal out of the corner of his lion's eye holes. Finishing the dance of perverse joy, he strode up to it and saw that a keypad with only letters.

"Ah, so I need a password. Easy enough," he said, typing in the most logical key word – BOOBIES

From above him, a short alarm went off and a robotic voice called out, "ACCESS DENIED"

"That's weird. That code's usually universal for every system I've ever used or abused," Kon pondered. However, with the object of his affection so close, he merely shrugged this failed attempt and typed in another passcode.

"Alright, then – TITIES"

"ACCESS DENIED"

"Okay – LOVE HANDLE"

"ACCESS DENIED"

"Really? Then what about – LESBIANS"

"ACCESS DENIED"

Kon reared back in utter surprise. "Okay this is way over my head!" he groaned and banged his head against the wall before snapping his fingers and grinning. "Oh, right! I forgot this is Chappy we're dealing with! Alrighty – JUSTICE!"

"ACCESS DENIED"

"How about – DEFENDEROFKARAKU—Dammit not enough spaces!" Kon cursed and kicked the door abruptly, stubbing his toe. He yelped in pain before sitting down and nursing his foot. Glaring up at the wall, he said, "You will not stop me from photographing Chappy's most sacred place. I will defeat you, giant metal door!"

"ACCESS DENIED…BITCH"

From a side panel, a metal latch opened and a long metallic barrel thrust outward. Kon gasped as he saw it and only had a moment before flames shot out of the nozzle, burning toward him. Luckily, Kon's Perverse Sense kicked in at just that moment and he was able to dodge to jump and dodge to the side. As the flames consumed the spot he had just evaded from, he thrust his arm out and shot stuffing line into the nozzle. Using both hands, he pulled and ripped the flamethrower nozzle out of the door, flinging it behind him.

As he breathed heavily, he glared at the door as the latch that once held the nozzle retracted and closed. A moment later, the door's robotic voice rang out:

"ACCESS STILL DENIED"

"Oh, it is on now, door!" Kon shouted, leaping forward and furiously typing code after perverse code.

However with each one, the bitch of a computer refused him access and proceeded to call him more obscene names, along with a new weapon appearing. Overtime, Kon unsuccessfully guess various passcodes while fighting off an electric net launcher, a kitten catapult, a tube that spewed a foul smelling green liquid he only prayed was liquefied jello, and a pea shooter that only shot real, edible, peas.

…Yeah, because a turret with real bullets is just obscene…On another note: I like this door! I'd like to take this door out to get some drinks...

Finally after several minutes of guessing, and the door insulting Kon's mother on how fat she was, the lion masked man finally broke down and screamed, "This is impossible! How is it that nothing I come up with works! DINGLEBERRY was fool proof but—".

"ACCESS DENIED…LIKE A BOSS"

The last weapon panel opened and a giant red boxing glove on a spring shot out, decking the Pedo Lion in the headpiece. As he flew back, Kon flipped and landed on the wall behind him before springing forward and angrily tearing the last weapon from its spot.

"—that's all I keep getting from this stupid freaking door!" Kon kicked the door again and fell onto his back, panting heavily. "There is nothing else to try. Not one that Chappy would ever use. No matter how much she rules at—".

Kon suddenly stopped talking and bolted up. "That's it!" he shouted, leaping toward the terminal again. He glared up at the door through his eye holes and the door could almost see the grin underneath the perverted lion head. With a single finger, he pressed the keys and hit enter.

The terminal flashed – CHAPPYRULZ

Kon waited for it and smiled like a madman when the door reluctantly called back to him:

"ACCESS GRANTED…WHORE"

Jumping up and down while dancing his super-happy-funtime dance, Kon failed to notice the door swinging toward him. The heavy metal crashed into his lion face and sent him flying back into the wall. His body slowly slid off said wall and crumpled into the ground. However, he was unfazed as he shot up from the ground and turned to the open door that would undoubtedly lead him to—

"ENTER SECONDARY PASSCODE"

Kon's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets when he saw another impressively huge metal door standing between him and his goal. Sinking to his knees, he reared his head back and let out the most desperate and embarrassing wail anyone has ever heard.

"Nooooooooooooo!"

A few moments later, the second doors panels opened to reveal a full arsenal of gun turrets and missile launchers. As Kon gasped in horror, the security door proudly relayed to him:

"…YES"

* * *

-Kuchiki Manor-

Shirayuki smiled down at her charge and knew that Rukia had been training all day. The faithful maid had come to check up on her and found her mistress passed out on her bed, a training weight in each hand.

Carefully taking them away, she proceeded to cover her mistress in her satin sheets before slowly exiting the room. The maid smiled to herself as she went to one of her closets and clicked on the lights. Inside were numerous buckets with cleaning supplies inside, lining the walls of the closet. Taking the nearest one, Shirayuki closed the door and proceeded toward the Chappy Hole downstairs.

"As long as I be sure to clean Lady Rukia's Hole while she sleeps, then her long training sessions won't interfere with my cleaning schedule," she said aloud.

…Sometimes I love this woman, but then I remember that she wants to cut off the Little Narrator and I can't have that…

Pulling out a paper and unfolding it, Shirayuki looked at the words:

CLEANING SCHEDULE:

EVERYTHING TAINTED BY THE MAN THAT KNOWS LOVE!

"Everything that man touched must be burned," Shirayuki said, nodding firmly to herself as she confirmed the cleaning duties for the evening. "I will begin by incinerating anything that reminds me of orange, so as to purge him from my memory!"

As she slowly walked down the stairs, grabbing a bowl of oranges along the way, a large banging suddenly was heard from deep below the building. Her eyes widened, the faithful maid dropped her cleaning utensils and dashed for the entrance to the Chappy Hole. As the secret passage swung open, she leaped down and landed gracefully near the bottom of the stairs. Immediately, she noticed the three large security doors she had installed had been bypassed, a huge cloud of smoke a recent explosion obscuring whomever had broken in.

"Who dare invades the Chappy Hole!" Shirayuki shouted in fury, "If this is 'the man who knows love', rest assured that I will burn everything—Who the hell are you?"

As the smoke cleared, she saw the image of man with cartoonish lion head approaching. The smoke obscured most of him but his unusual head piece was clear as day. She could have sworn she'd seen that somewhere before but she left the idea alone for the moment. The dust began to settle and at last she got a full view of her culprit. Unfortunately, the very first thing that her eye shot to was his torn suit and what lied underneath.

"W-W-What the hell is that?!" Shirayuki shouted, averting her gaze. "It burns my eyes!"

Standing before her was none other than Kon, in all his man-kini glory. As the faithful maid tried her best to look at him without panicking, the Pedo Lion was too busy gazing around at the area. Underneath the head piece, Kon was in absolute tears of joy.

"I…I did it…I'm actually here!" Kon shouted, falling to his knees while raising his arms in victory, "I surpassed the entrance and thrust forth into the realm of Chappy! And now that I am here, this is only one this to do—!"

Shirayuki heard his declaration and managed to peek through her fingers to see the intruder thrust his hand down inside the folds of the thin cloth near his nether region. She gasped as he moaned began to run his hand along someone long and hard object just under his cod piece. The faithful maid screamed in terror as he suddenly grabbed a hold of it and pulled the long phallic object out of his man-kini.

However, her scream instantly died down when she saw that it was very long camera lens that he had retrieved from his lower region. She watched in horror as he reached behind his back and into the back of his man-kini, fishing around for a moment. A pleasurable moan was accompanied by his arm thrust back out of his backside with camera in his hand. Attaching them together, Kon struck a pose and lifted his camera dramatically.

"At last, my arm is complete!"

…If anyone gets that reference, I will be impressed! And secondly, why the hell do you keep a camera up your ass and lens in your—never mind, I'm not even going there...

Suddenly, the camera was knocked form his hand by an unknown force. Kon turned as at last saw that he was not alone. The faithful maid in the white kimono glared fiercely at him, a small kunai in her hand.

"Uh…Hi?" Kon offered, trying not to piss off the beautiful woman with the knife. "And who might you be?"

"I am the Guardian of Chappy's Hole," the faithful maid declared.

…All three of them…

"And how dare you speak to me you lowly beast," Shirayuki said, rearing back and throwing her other kunai at him, aiming for the cod piece.

With a brief shriek, Kon's perverse sense kicked in again and he barely managed to dodge the blade at it flew past him and embedded itself into the metal wall behind him. Kon's eyes nearly bulged when he saw that before whirling back around see her slowly walking toward him.

"I don't know who you are but I will not tolerate—".

In the middle of her speech, Kon shouted, "Just hold on a second, I can explain! I am Karakura King!" he struck a pose and thrust his camera out for her to see, "And I am here to photograph Chappy's most sacred of places!"

…You _really_ should not have said that…or put on some fucking pant, either would have helped…neither would have saved you but still it might have helped…

In that moment, Shirayuki recalled where she had seen him before and her eyes narrowed dangerously. "I remember you. The Pedophile Lion Man who wishes to defile My Lady!"

"The Pedo-what now?!"

"It will not happen! As long as I draw breath, I shall make sure she is kept safe and pure, from all perverts!"

"I'm not a pervert!" Kon pleaded but she pointed at his outfit and he sighed, "Okay, you have a point, at that I lose. _But_ I'm actually a superhero. Just like Chappy."

Shirayuki scoffed and replied, "My Lady is the only superhero this city requires. I will make sure of it." She took an offensive stance and continued, "I have judged you and see that you truly are the prime subject of the man creature. Dressing like a whore in order to seduce woman and photograph your encounters! That is unforgiveable!"

"Hey, I'm not a whore"

"Then why do you dress as such?"

"Why does Chappy dress like a night club dancer?"

"It's a special suit of armor that protect her from danger."

"So does mine!"

Shirayuki took a moment to look over his very revealing man-kini one last time and said, "I'm inclined not to believe you."

"Look, I'm just really misunderstood and want to take pictures of things no one else is allowed to see!" Kon tried to defend before comprehending what he was saying, "I really need to learn to phrase things better."

"Silence, man creature!" Shirayuki interrupted, "I may not be the misandrist I once was, thanks to the man that knows love, but I am still capable of unmanning a perverted lion man!"

"Unman! And what the hell is a misandrist?"

"A woman who derives pleasure from unmanning and humiliating all forms of the man creature. Google it."

Kon snapped his fingers in realization, "Oh, so you're feminist?"

"What's a feminist?" Shirayuki asked in confusion.

"That would be what you are without the whole unmanning thing."

"Oh," Shirayuki pondered that for a moment, "That sounds boring."

…Ironically, I have to agree with her…it's what makes her special, in a demented and psychotic way...

"You're just trying to distract me!" Shirayuki proclaimed, narrowing her eyes, "Before I viciously unman you, I have to ask how you defeated my state-of-the-art security door."

"CHAPPYRULZ – HAKUREN – LET ME IN" Kon recited, almost begrudgingly.

Shirayuki's eyes widened and she stopped her advance for a moment, looking at him curiously. "I'm surprised you managed to guess all three passwords and surpass all three doors. Tell me, how did you get the last one?" she pondered.

"I was really desperate by that point."

"Ah, I see. I'll put more thought into it next time."

"No, it was actually pretty well done. Took me the better part of an hour."

"Well thank you, but I still have to unman you."

"Figured…"

An awkward silence occurred for a moment before Shirayuki thrust her arms out and shouted, "Now, while you're distracted!"

Kon was taken aback when she suddenly leapt into the air and thrust her arms out. The background behind her became multi-color and magical looking. All at once, Shirayuki's kimono began to evaporate and left her apparently naked, with Kon staring wide eyed. Well, except for the fact that her whole body was now glowing with magical color, obscuring all the good parts of her body.

"Misandrist Transformation – GO!"

Suddenly, a new kimono began to appear on her body. It flashed multiple colors as it surrounded the misandrist and prepared her for battle. Her hands slipped into the sleeves and it wound itself around her body tightly. A delicate obi slid in between the folds and wrapped around her waist, securing the cloth to her body. The bottom of the kimono fluttered as she slowly descended from the air and landed back in the exact same spot she had jumped from, her head downcast.

Shirayuki thrust her head up and took a graceful step forward, showing off her new kimono. After a moment, the multi-colored background reset back to normal and with it, her kimono revealed it true color:

Pure White – exactly the same color as her previous kimono. In fact, it was identical to the kimono she had been wearing all this time in every way. Absolutely nothing different about it.

Kon continued to stare at her in utter confusion, unable to form words. After a good five minutes had passed, he finally shouted, "Okay, what was the point of that?! It didn't serve any purpose!"

"Distraction," Shirayuki replied as she pulled at her obi and opened her robe…to reveal the inside of her kimono was layered with hundreds of bladed weapons including: kunai, curved knives, switchblades, and butcher knives.

Kon's jaw dropped and he pointed to the weaponry, "How the hell does a magical transformation do that?!"

"You were distracted," the faithful maid bluntly pointed out, grinning mischievously.

…Can't argue with flawless logic. Shirayuki may be a freaky castration monger but honestly, that was freaking awesome…and kind hot…except for the fact that I didn't see shit…

Before Kon had time to react, Shirayuki pulled out an ominous pair of clipping sheers twice the size of hedge clippers. The fear began to build in him as he saw red makes on the blades along with a bit of rust toward that base.

Imprinted on the blades, one word on each, spelled out: Old Faithful

"These sheers have saved My Lady from your kind before and they shall not fail me now! Prepare to lose your head, along with the shaft!" Shirayuki proclaimed as she leapt toward him and swiped, only barely missing as he screamed and dodged.

Kon perverse sense was going haywire. He screamed as Shirayuki began to chase after him. He leapt over a metal table just as she swiped at him, cleaving it in half. He sped away and tried to use his stuffing to swing away but found an issue. As he thrust his hands out, nothing shot forth. As he ran, he discovered that he was out of stuffing and would need to replace the cartridges.

"Dammit! This is worse than the time when I had to tell my father about my true calling in life!"

* * *

_18 Years Ago…_

_A 5 year old Kon stood in his father's study a tight pair of spandex covering most of his body. As he pulled the material tightly to his body, the door opened and Kon's father stepped into the room, stopping abruptly at seeing his son. _

…Whoa, whoa, hold the fucking phone! Did we just flashback to an origin story in the middle of a chase scene? Who the fuck does that?!...

_The father and son stared at each other for a moment before Kon jumped up and struck a heroic pose._

"_Look Daddy! I'm a superhero!" _

_Kon's father rubbed his eyes, sighed exhaustedly and replied, "That's great son. It's nice to know you're out of touch with reality." _

"_But that's not all!" Kon shouted with glee, "I also found out that I like to wear—" he ripped the spandex off to reveal himself wearing kitty panties, "—women's underwear!" _

_Very slowly, Kon's father reached down and grabbed his belt, unhooking it from his pants. At first Kon shrunk away, fearing a beating for being an idiot, as per usual. However, he was surprised when his father lifted the belt and formed it into a noose. He turned and began exiting the room._

"_Well son, Daddy's gonna go kill himself now."_

"_Daddy! No!"_

"_Daddy, yes."_

* * *

-Chappy Hole-

"So your father actually killed himself?" Shirayuki asked, sipping her tea and sitting across from Kon.

"Oh no! I managed to stop him by promising never to get any stupid thoughts like that again."

They sat at the table Shirayuki had slashed in half, having duct taped it back to its former glory. A tea pot and cups lined sat in the center and Kon was meticulously working on putting in new cartridges for his stuffing shooters. The faithful maid had her sheer propped next to her chair while listening to his story carefully.

…And what the hell happened to the chase scene?! Did it get cancer and die while we were away?! You know, fuck it! I don't even care anymore...

"I'm guessing that your father had no idea about your secret identity?" Shirayuki asked finishing her tea and setting it down delicately.

"Oh hell no! He thinks I'm an accountant or some dumb thing. If he ever found out, he'd try to kill himself all over again," Kon replied still tinkering with his shooters. Just as he managed to click them in place and shut the panels to the cartridges, he suddenly stopped and thought for a moment.

"I know this is gonna sound weird but, weren't we doing something?" he asked, unable to contemplate what it was.

Taken aback, Shirayuki placed her hand to her chin and thought for a moment. "Oh! I remember what it was!" she informed him, making him look at her hopefully. Suddenly, she kicked the table, shattering it again along with the various tea cups and pot. Grabbing her sheers, she grinned manically.

"The unmanning!"

On instinct, Kon jumped back and screamed like a little girl as she charged him. He was too late however, as the faithful maid managed to get low and slip her sheers between his cod piece. Kon gasped as she closed the blades toward his Little King. As the sheers connected with the cod pieces, the faithful maid grinned.

"Farewell Karakura Ki—", she began to say before the sound of metal snapping reached her ears.

Looking down, they both saw the sheers twist and snap off the handles, leaving his cod piece completely unfazed. Shirayuki's jaw dropped and she slowly let the remains of her favorite weapon fall to the ground with a defeated clank. In disbelief, she glared up at him and said, "What is that man-kini made of?!"

"Steel"

…Oh look, they connected back to the title. Ha…it's not funny anymore…

At that moment, Kon recognized his chance. With this shooters replaced, the Karakura King lowered his arms to her face, which was at crotch level, and fired a huge blast of white stuffing at the charging woman. Shirayuki's eyes widened as the blast from below spewed out over her and covered her entire face.

She fell back and began to scream in frustration and agony. "Ahhh! It's sticking in my hair!" she shouted as she tried to untangle the stick white stuffing.

Kon immediately took the chance and sped off toward the exit. He turned and took one last look into the Chappy Hole and underneath his mask, tears flowed out of his eyes. After fighting the door and the Hole's Guardian, Karakura King knew that this place would forever be beyond his reach.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered reaching his hand out longingly, "I will never be able to explore your vast depths. Good-bye…Chappy's Sacred Hole!"

With a dramatic turn, he ran out of the exit and passed through the three doors he defeated to enter the Hole. When he was successfully outside the whole, he aimed his stuffing shooters at the entrance and shot huge stick stuffing all around the area. He formed a barrier of stuffing, blocking off the passage and sealing himself off from the only place he envisioned heaven to look like.

Finding the nearest exit up to the street, Kon pushed open the manhole and fled in disgrace.

* * *

Meanwhile…

Shirayuki continued to fight the sticky stuffing but after ten minutes of trying to untangle herself, she slowly began to stop. Slowly, she began to sob as she sat on the floor.

"I can't even fight off one lowly pervert…I am a failure as a woman and as a misandrist…"

Picking herself up, the faithful maid sobbed silently as she made her way up the stairs and into the main manor.

Her mind was frazzled and she couldn't stop from shaking as her failure tore into her. She was so angry at herself for not being stronger, for letting herself become distracted and defeated by the one thing she'd always been good at castrating. It was like a knife that being turned slowly in her stomach.

"Shirayuki!"

From above her on the upstairs balcony, Rukia shouted down to her. The maid's eyes widened and she wanted to run in shame at her mistress seeing her like this. However, he legs did not move and she waited as Rukia made her way down carefully, minding her injuries.

"What happened? Who did this to you?!" the superheroine inquired, looking over her sullied maid.

"I…I…I…" Shirayuki stuttered as tears fell from her eyes, "I was defiled by the Pedophile Lion Man!" She began sobbing as she continued, "He broke through the expensive door system and I tried to fight him off but…but…I…"

Her head sunk a those words and she was about to break down when something unexpected happened. Suddenly, a flurry of cold blasted out around her. The faithful maid listed her head to see the entire area around her frozen, with Rukia gritting her teeth and clenching her fists.

"He will pay for this," Rukia whispered menacingly, "I will see to it that this bastard pays for all of his crimes against the both of us! I will hunt him down and unman him if that's what it takes to stop this bastard from coming after us again!"

Those words rang in Shirayuki's ears and a spark of hope was rekindled in her heart, the flame of the inner misandrist that she had seen in her mistress so many years ago was finally being stoked into a raging inferno of unmanning-ism.

Rukia grabbed the stuffing on Shirayuki's head, freezing it solid before shattering it completely, freeing her maid. The faithful servant looked at the icy fury that her charge had in her eyes. All at once, she began crying again, but this time tears of joy at seeing such righteous fury. And all of it for her sake.

Slowly, she reached out and cupped her mistress cheek and said, "I am so fortunate to serve such a kind-hearted and ruthlessly cruel superheroine as yourself, Lady Rukia. For you have truly embodied the will and determination…of the misandrist."

…It's more like she's embodied the will of the Anti-rapist, but since this is probably the only time Shirayuki will ever be deeply emotional, I'll let her have this one…

Although a little surprised, Rukia leaned into her maid's gentle hand and felt the warmth from it. For a moment they stayed like this, before Rukia grunted in pain from her injuries and Shirayuki immediately grabbed her before she fell.

"My Lady, you should not push yourself. As you can see, I am fine." Shirayuki looked over her appearance, dirtied from being on the floor of the Chappy Hole, and shrugged. "A bit sullied but nothing that I cannot fix. You on the other hand, need to get back to bed."

"But what if the Pedo Lion returns?" Rukia asked, trying to protest.

Shirayuki puffed out her chest and smiled confidently. "He was lucky before, but now I know what I need to do to defeat him."

Reaching into her kimono, she pulled out a long object from her robe. Grabbing the handle of a cord, she pulled on it and the engine of a massive chainsaw roared to life. Rukia's eyes bulged as she saw that and she pointed at it skeptically.

"How did you fit that in your robe?" she asked first.

Shirayuki slowly let the engine of the chainsaw die before shuffling her feet and replying, "I may have…a misandrist transformation."

Although taken aback, all Rukia could say was, "Again?" Her maid nodded and it only confused the superheroine more. "And it still wasn't enough to stop the Pedo Lion Man?!"

Holding up the broken handles of her destroyed sheers, Shirayuki replied, "He broke 'Old Faithful'."

The look of pure sadness in her eyes burned into Rukia and she gently took the handles away and hugged her maid tenderly. Shirayuki returned the hug and they stayed there for a time, just letting each other be comforted. After a few minutes, Rukia pulled back and smiled at her maid.

"I know what will cheer you up," she disengaged from Shirayuki and led her to the kitchen. Opening the large freezer, she grabbed two tubs of rocky-road and strawberry-banana ice cream. Extending them out to her faithful servant she said, "Pick your poison."

At last, a genuine smile appeared on Shirayuki's face as she took the rocky-road and produced two spoons from her kimono, handing one to her mistress. The rest of the night was long and fraught with brain freeze.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**I know it took a long time but I've been really busy the last few days! I wanted to get this out last week but I was on a trip and couldn't get it finished! However, I hope you all love it and trust me the plot will be thickening soon!**

**Please leave a review to tell me how you feel about the story and have a great day my beautiful readers!**


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